


Something Real

by BlueRaith



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: And that's going to require a lot of emotional work with these characters, Angst, F/F, Getting Back Together, I don't typically write slow burns, I'm fixing the shit the CW pulled with Sanvers, Kid Fic, Slow Burn, So I imagine it will take some time, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 84,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueRaith/pseuds/BlueRaith
Summary: Alex and Maggie are forced to reexamine their life goals and failed relationship after a surprise is found in the depths of the DEO.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still healing from the collapse of Sanvers, and this is my attempt to work through some of that bullshit. I haven't had the emotional fortitude to update Going Soft, unfortunately I can't handle writing Sanvers as married right now. I've still got an open wound with that marriage baiting the CW did. So, hopefully I can work through that by getting Sanvers back together.
> 
> At any rate, I don't want to see the Alex/Maggie tag die yet, and half of the front page is a ton of Supercorp right now. It's... depressing to say the least. This is me trying to do my part to take our Sanvers tag back.

Vasquez stormed into the lab with a vengeance. It took Alex with enough surprise to look up from her lab samples.

“Hey, what—”

“Ma’am,” Vasquez panted out. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but… we have a situation.”

Alex stood up immediately, already forgetting about her lab experiments and making a mental rundown of all the gear she was going to need for whatever disaster her sister has fallen into now.

“What’s Supergirl’s status?” She asked, tearing off her lab coat.

“It’s not Supergirl,” Vasquez told her, and for the first time actually looked nervous.

Alex stopped and stared. If it wasn’t a Supergirl emergency, then perhaps an alien invasion? Though the DEO hadn’t picked up any signs of an impending attack, and she couldn’t believe that they would have ever missed something this big. Not after the Daxamite invasion. Then again, perhaps it was Cadmus. They’d gone to ground, and things had been a little  _ too  _ quiet on their end.

“You… you should probably come with me, ma’am,” Vasquez said with a grimace.

Alex would have preferred answers  _ now,  _ but if it wasn’t the usual suspects, and Kara wasn’t hurt, then perhaps it required a little more information that needed to be kept confidential.

She followed Vasquez down into the deeper parts of the DEO, where they kept evidence, technology, or contraband weapons from whatever missions or crime scenes the DEO took over and still needed investigating, logging, and reverse engineering if the tech was something their organization could use. Cadmus technology inevitably ended up down here.

In fact, Vasquez brought Alex down to an isolated room that Alex wasn’t particularly excited to be in at the moment. It brought back too many memories. Of her and Maggie getting away for a little while. Of… ahem…  _ other  _ things. Things that had Kara blushing and J’onn studiously ignoring them for a few good hours until certain thoughts and memories died down.

So… Alex had no idea just  _ what  _ was so urgent that had Vasquez bringing her down here. If it had anything to do with the fact that she and Maggie had broken DEO HR policy by engaging in… ‘fraternizing’ activity while at work, then Alex was probably going to kill her for being so dramatic about it. And then again because Pam would then end up making Alex sign even  _ more  _ paperwork.

They came to a halt, right in the middle of this room, and stood before the large tank that dominated it. Alex and Maggie hadn’t been a fan of it. The room was otherwise perfect, being far off the normal route of any DEO agent or scientist and  _ not  _ a supply closet. Maggie had once told Alex that she’d be damned before they ended up getting caught having sex in a closet. She hadn’t wanted to endure any jokes.

However, the tank took up a  _ huge  _ amount of space in the room, and they had typically ended up against it and using it for support. Alex had strained her back more than once against its exterior.

But there was something  _ very  _ different about the tank now.

“What the hell is that?” Alex demanded.

Not that she needed to. It was obvious what was inside the tank.

Specifically a child.

There was a  _ kid  _ in there.

It looked to be about toddler aged, and Alex was  _ certain  _ she would have remembered something like  _ that  _ being inside the tank. No matter what Maggie had been wearing at the time, Alex was certain she wouldn’t have been  _ that  _ distracted to miss this. It had been about two months since she and Maggie had been here, but surely there would have been a sign of a  _ child  _ inside the tank before now?

Vasquez cleared her throat uneasily. “The tank itself seems to be modified reproductive Kryptonian technology. Cadmus designed it to take human DNA, and to accelerate the growing process. We estimate the child is only about two months old from the time of conception.”

“So it’s half-Kryptonian?” Alex asked, heart sinking at the implications of Cadmus having that sort of technology. What were the odds that this wasn’t the only tank they had? Were they growing half-Kryptonian child soldiers? Kara was going to be sick when she found out about this.

“No. That’s… the situation,” Vasquez said as she nervously held her tablet. “It seems the tank can acquire DNA from donors automatically through contact. We ran the child’s DNA against all possible databases we could get our hands on, and hit matches with the DEO’s employee medical records, as well as… the NCPD’s.”

Oh.

Alex shut her eyes tightly, hoping that when she opened them, this whole situation would disappear and she’d be back in her lab.

She opened them.

No such luck.

The timeline fit, Vasquez apparently already confirmed what Alex was already accepting for herself. She and Maggie had sex right on top of modified alien technology. At the time, they hadn’t cared, Alex hadn’t even known what this damn tank was. She’d assumed it was medical tech they’d reappropriated from Cadmus. But she should have known better.

This was bad.

This was  _ bad. _

She and Maggie, two  _ gay women,  _ apparently had sex and accidentally had a kid together.

Alex had thought that particular brand of horror was behind her after figuring out she was gay.

Beyond that, and even worse, she had a  _ kid.  _ And yes, it was what Alex had wanted, but now? Here? In the DEO, without Alex’s consent, or Maggie’s—

And, oh, God,  _ Maggie. _

They’d broken up because Maggie hadn’t wanted this. She hadn’t wanted to be a parent. And as much as that had hurt, Alex understood that parenthood wasn’t for everyone. It had broken her heart, but Maggie deserved a life where she got everything she wanted. Or didn’t want as the case ended up being. They both did. They deserved lives and partners who supported them in everything they wanted and needed.

What was Maggie going to do when she found out? Because Alex was going to tell her. If their circumstances were switched, Alex would want to know about a biological kid she’d inadvertently conceived, and as much as Maggie didn’t want kids, Alex knew her ex-fiancee would feel the same way. Maggie had been  _ abandoned  _ by her family, and there was no way she’d ever want to be forced to do the same thing as they did, whether she wanted to be a parent or not.

And, wow, Alex was going to have to be  _ parent.  _ Now. To this kid. The one she and  _ Maggie Sawyer,  _ her ex-fiancee and woman Alex still thought of every damn day, apparently had together. This kid was probably going to grow up looking like Maggie in some way. Alex was already imagining dimples and a shit-eating grin. Oh, this kid was going to  _ kill her. _

Worse than that, Alex wasn’t ready for this. This was completely out of left field. She was still an active field agent, going out into danger. She still lived in her small apartment. She had absolutely nothing a toddler was going to need. No supplies, no toys, no furniture or clothes. She had her family, but—

What was she going to tell Kara?

_ Hey, Kar, Maggie and I banged right on top of modified tech from your home planet. This kid may or may not be related to you in species. Congratulations? _

What was she going to tell  _ her mother? _

“Is there anything wrong with her?” Alex asked after taking several deep breaths. One thing at a time. “Did the tank modify anything about her? Is she full human, part Kryptonian, is she going to age at an accelerated rate outside of the tank?”

The child had to be female, there was no Y chromosome to pass on from her or Maggie.

“No, as far as we can tell, she’s completely human. The tank is designed to accelerate growth, but once taken out, the… subject will age naturally at whatever age it was released from the tank from. According to the notes from the Cadmus scientists we found with the tank, it was meant to create soldiers for them from leftover DNA from Supergirl. However, when the tank accepted both yours and Detective Sawyer’s DNA, it overrode injecting Supergirl’s. If anything, the only modifications are that the child is healthier than your typical human, she has no bellybutton, and she should be incredibly resistant to cancer,” Vasquez listed off. “Thankfully, this is apparently the only prototype they had at the time when we raided this specific facility. We made sure to take any notes and to destroy the database Cadmus had onsite. There shouldn’t be any mini-Supergirl’s running around.”

Alex was grateful that Vasquez had the foresight to know that was going to her number one worry right after her  _ actual, biological daughter. _

Now that she was certain that Kara wasn’t about to have any of her own, genetically related children coming after her, Alex could properly freak out about the fact that she was now a mother.

“How do we get her out?” Alex said tightly.

Because the  _ last  _ thing Alex was going to do was leave the kid,  _ her  _ kid, inside that thing. She already had to be about 3 years old, and Alex wasn’t about to let the tank steal any more time from her  _ daughter. _

‘Daughter’ was a hard word to wrap her mind around, but Alex realized that she didn’t exactly have a lot of time. She was going to keep aging, and they needed to do some proper examination on her to ensure she was healthy. God, what if something was wrong with her? Alex and Maggie had been  _ so  _ irresponsible to have sex on top of  _ unknown, alien technology.  _ What had Alex been thinking? Alex knew the protocols, she knew the regs, there was no excuse for what she’d allowed her and Maggie to do in here, and now they had left their own kid here alone, inside a glorified test tube.

Alex felt like she wanted to throw up.

“Shouldn’t we tell the director before we do anything?” Vasquez asked. “I wanted to inform you first, she is your… daughter. Legally, you would make any medical decisions for her, but she’s also a Cadmus experiment. I checked  _ everything  _ I could think of to ensure the tank didn’t do anything experimental to her, but I can only do so many tests on her while she’s inside the tank.”

“I want her out of that damn tank,” Alex growled. “J’onn can know after we make sure she’s alright. I’m not leaving her here for another moment. Can we get her out or not?”

Vasquez nodded and began to fiddle with her tablet. The fluid in the tank started to drain. To where, Alex didn’t know, nor did she care in that moment. The girl sank with it at first, before gently hitting the bottom, which seemed to jar her awake. She blearily blinked at them, before her eyes seemed to widen in fear. Alex wondered just how much she understood what was going on.

“How is her mental development?” She asked, worrying that the tank might have stunted the girl’s milestones.

“Brain scans showed normal development. It’s hard to say until we interact with her directly,” Vasquez answered. “But according to the notes, the tank is supposed stimulate and provide a basic education for Cadmus’s troops. Probably where the Kryptonian technology came in. We don’t fully understand how it works, the tank started to develop… her before we had a chance to run further testing.”

The glass slowly lowered and the girl—and wow, Alex was going to have  _ name  _ her so she would stop referring to her as ‘the girl’—backed away from them as far as she could. Alex’s heart went out for her. To wake up and not know a single person in front of her? It had to be terrifying.

She knelt down, to try and get at her level. “Hey, my name is… Alex,” she choked out, too overwhelmed to go for  _ Mommy.  _ It was too soon, and she had no idea of the girl would go for that. Alex didn’t know what the Cadmus tank would have taught her. “No one is going to hurt you.”

The little girl whimpered and tried to hide her face behind her hands. She was shivering violently. Now that the blue tinted fluid from the tank was gone, Alex could see that she had Maggie’s hair color down to the very shade. Alex would know it anywhere, she’d loved to run her hands through Maggie’s hair at every opportunity.

Alex pulled off her sweatshirt, leaving her in her tank top, and wrapped the little girl up as best she could. Thankfully, she didn’t flinch away from Alex. She seemed to at least understand what Alex was going for with the sweatshirt.

Carefully, and cautiously, Alex picked her up. The girl was a little stiff, as if she wasn’t sure if she wanted Alex to touch her, but Alex didn’t know what else to do with her. It wasn’t as if she and Vasquez could leave her there. That wasn’t an option. For one thing, it was  _ freezing  _ down here, and for another, they needed to make sure she was healthy.

She and Vasquez ignored the stares of the other agents as they made their way to the medical bay. Alex was in no mood to answer any questions, or deal with any rumors. They could think whatever they wanted.

Hamilton was thankfully in the medical bay when they came storming in. Vasquez and Alex probably startled her as much as Vasquez had originally startled Alex. The first thing Alex did was set her daughter on one of the examination tables as gently as possible before leveling a steely glare at the doctor.

“I need an examination done on her as quickly as possible. The works. If there’s  _ anything  _ wrong with her, I want to know about it,” Alex ordered.

Hamilton’s surprised gaze snapped from Alex, to the little girl she’d come storming in with, and then back again. However, if Alex had been hoping for the doctor to just fold and do as she wanted, she was  _ dead  _ wrong. And she really should have expected it. Alex wasn’t able to intimidate Hamilton even when  _ she  _ was in the medical bay, the doctor could match her stubbornness in equal strides when she really wanted.

“Who is this, Agent Danvers?” Hamilton demanded.

Part of Alex wanted to keep this to herself. Herself and Vasquez, that is. And eventually Maggie. Then Kara. And probably Mom. J’onn would need to know. And Winn.

Okay, so perhaps to to  _ herself.  _ But, Alex was more than a little afraid to get the DEO at large involved. Vasquez had a point. The girl  _ was  _ a Cadmus experiment. Technically, she didn’t exist. There was no birth certificate, no record of Alex or Maggie being pregnant, nothing. There was no human before her born in this manner, and she was already around three years old, biologically. There were probably people out there who’d want to experiment on her. Find out if Cadmus hadn’t programmed any hidden commands into her subconscious that would endanger anyone.

And what about Cadmus? What if they found out about this? Would they target her?

Alex shuddered at the thought. It was bad enough they were constantly threatening Kara, now Alex was going to have to worry about her own child. A child she’d been surprised with, but Alex would be  _ damned  _ before she’d allow anything to happen to her. She at least wasn’t trying to hide her face anymore, taking in the medical bay in apparent wonder. Probably got that from Alex, though Maggie had a healthy sense of curiosity too….

Now probably wasn’t the time to try and pick out every possible feature her daughter may have inherited from Maggie. Doing that would probably kill Alex eventually.

But there was no guarantee that Hamilton would immediately set about on experimenting on Alex’s daughter. Alex could prove the biological connection. She’d fight for this if she needed to. Alex was more than happy about the fact that she had  _ a lot  _ of weight to throw around in the DEO from both her own personal rank and the fact that she knew for a  _ fact  _ that J’onn would never allow something like that to happen to anyone Alex cared about. And Alex cared about this kid already. She didn’t know how, but just looking at her, taking in the fact that this girl was a mixture of not only herself but  _ Maggie?  _ Well, there was no way Alex was going to let that go.

“She’s my daughter,” Alex said forcefully.

Before Hamilton could process completely, Vasquez handed her tablet to her. Alex watched with bated breath while she swiped through the information on the screen, Hamilton’s eyes growing wider the more she took in. Alex didn’t even breath until Hamilton looked up at her and nodded.

“Okay. I’ll make sure she’d healthy, Agent Danvers.”

Alex’s brow furrowed, probably in that signature crinkle she and Kara apparently couldn’t keep from their faces. “Wait. You aren’t going to… try and claim she’s a Cadmus experiment and a danger to the DEO?”

Hamilton blinked at her. “Alex. Not everyone is  _ nearly  _ as paranoid as you are. First of all, I know that she’s simply the result of you and Detective Sawyer having a tryst where you weren’t supposed to. Which is, ironically enough, one of the most  _ normal  _ things I’ve ever dealt with at the DEO. It’s odd because you’re two women, but if you’d been a heterosexual couple, this wouldn’t be more than water cooler gossip.”

For a moment, Alex was at a loss. She hadn’t been expecting Hamilton to support her. Not that she particularly suspected that Hamilton was doing this to hurt her. Alex figured most people in the DEO would raise an eye at the little girl because it would be their duty to do so. She was created by one of their worst enemies in Cadmus, technically, and they would be doing their due diligence in asking questions. Part of Alex really wouldn’t blame them. She’d want to throw them off the roof of the building if they came anywhere near her daughter, but she could understand where any suspicion was coming from. Especially after Jeremiah had betrayed them all.

“But… she could have been pre-programmed by Cadmus,” Alex argued, unsure why she was even doing it. She really just didn’t want to be surprised by anyone trying anything later. Best to make  _ certain  _ her daughter would be safe from any and all threats before they became an issue.

“In what way?” Hamilton asked. “If we’re talking about the automatic education the tank was feeding her, there’s already  _ a lot  _ of information it needed to give her before getting around to brainwashing or combat training. She’s got to learn how to speak, read, act in social situations, use the bathroom, everything she needs to be a human being would have been given to her  _ first,  _ and then the programming. Since you and Agent Vasquez interrupted the process at such a young age, I’d be  _ very  _ surprised if Cadmus managed to program  _ anything  _ remotely terroristic into her brain right now. And, if we absolutely  _ need  _ to find out if that’s the case, we can always have the director read her mind.”

She… hadn’t even  _ thought  _ of that. Alex was so worried about what could happen to this kid, that she wasn’t thinking particularly clearly. There was just so much to do. She still had to tell  _ Maggie.  _ What was she even going to say? How was she going to break the news? What if Maggie thought she did this on purpose to trap her into something she didn’t want? Alex would die before she’d  _ ever  _ think of doing something like that, but Maggie deserved to know about this. She deserved to have a choice, and Alex was determined to give her one.

During her freakout, Hamilton had already started her daughter’s examination. Which, the little girl didn’t seem  _ at all  _ happy about if her squirming and whines were any sign. Alex wished she could have just skipped this part, but it needed to be done.

“Hey there,” Hamilton was saying to her. “My name is Dr. Hamilton. I’m just making sure everything works right, okay?”

For the first time, the kid actually communicated with them, shaking her head a million times an hour. “No!” She shouted out and burst into tears.

The cries cut Alex right to the bone. She hated it. Was this was motherhood actually felt like? Wanting to pull Hamilton away and throw her bodily out of the medical bay? She had to clench her fists to keep herself from doing anything she’d regret later. Hamilton was on Alex’s side, she reminded herself, she was not the enemy.

Things only grew worse from there as Hamilton pulled out her pen light and did ear, eye, and mouth examinations. Alex sat next to her daughter and did her best to get her through this, but the little girl was inconsolable. Back rubs, soft words, reassurances that it was almost over, nothing worked.

Alex had never felt more like a failure than she did in that moment, and that was saying something.

“Alex?”

The call came from the door, and Alex couldn’t help but flinch when she heard it. It was one of the three people she didn’t want to explain this to at the moment. Besides Maggie, Kara was right at the top of her list of people she wanted to avoid right now.

Not because she didn’t  _ want  _ to tell Kara about it, Alex knew she was going to need her sister to make it through this, but she just… didn’t know what to say.

“What’s going on?” Kara demanded as she made her way into the room, staring at the red faced, tear streaked little girl screaming her head off as Hamilton did her best to get some scans done as she squirmed miserably.

Where was Alex supposed to even  _ start?  _ Explaining to her sister that she was now an aunt because Alex had sex with her ex-fiance on top of long lost Kryptonian technology probably wasn’t going to be something Kara wanted to hear. God, what if Kara was disappointed? Alex didn’t know what she would do if Kara didn’t want to help her with this. She was going to  _ need  _ Kara, her sister was probably going to be her rock throughout this,  _ especially  _ without Maggie here.

Almost automatically, Kara was kneeling right in front of her niece and started to pull silly faces. A cross-eyed, tongue out expression got the little girl to  _ finally  _ stop crying as she stared at her aunt in complete confusion. Part of Alex was jealous that her sister could so easily pause her daughter’s tears, but then again, wouldn’t that be the case anyway? Kara was practically a giant child herself, and Alex had no doubts that had things gone differently—and this was all naturally planned—Kara would probably be this kid’s favorite person. Besides, Alex was grateful that Kara could help this go easier for her daughter regardless.

“Who is this?” Kara asked as she pulled her tongue back in to give her niece the biggest, brightest beam she could muster.

And just like practically everyone else on the planet, Alex watched her daughter shyly smile back.

Kara was sunshine incarnate.

Might as well pull the bandage off, right?

“She’s my daughter. Maggie and I accidentally activated some Cadmus modified Kryptonian technology, and Vasquez found her earlier today. Congratulations, you’re an aunt,” Alex listed off numbly.

“Oh, that’s—”

Kara froze.

“Wait,  _ what?!” _

Alex flinched and bit her lip. Wow, this was going to suck to explain. The only good thing to come out of Kara’s complete and utter bewilderment, was that her daughter started laughing at her. So, there was that.

Except, this was the first time Alex was seeing her daughter smile, and wow, she had mini-Maggie Sawyer dimples. It both warmed Alex’s heart to see so much of Maggie in their daughter while shattering her heart all over again in the same moment.

Kara stood up and practically gave everyone in the room whiplash with the speed she flicked her head from Alex to the little girl and back again.

“Oh,  _ wow.  _ She looks like you two. Look at her! Have you looked at her?” Kara rambled out. “She’s got your eyes, Alex. And Maggie’s dimples.  _ Whoa.” _

Did she have Alex’s eyes? Alex supposed she did. She hadn’t really been looking for signs of herself in her daughter yet. Too caught up in Maggie’s ghost to keep herself from finding as many signs of the woman she’d loved with everything she had. Still loved.

God, she was no farther in getting over Maggie Sawyer than she had been the day Maggie had walked out that apartment door.

“I’ve seen her, Kara,” Alex swallowed heavily.

Kara picked up on Alex’s melancholy immediately and her face softened. “Oh, Alex. What are you going to tell Maggie? Are you going to tell her?”

“Of course I’m going to tell her! I… I  _ can’t  _ keep this from her, Kara. She’d want to know,” Alex said sadly.

“But… what if she doesn’t… you know, want  _ this?”  _ Kara asked glancing at her niece.

Alex shrugged. “Then she doesn’t want it. I’m not going to force her into anything. She doesn’t deserve that.”

Of course, getting rejected a second time was going to stab Alex through the heart, but it wouldn’t be fair to expect Maggie to change her entire world view over children. Plenty of lesbians had sex and never had accidental children. The fact that this happened was a tantamount example of how messed up and ridiculous Alex’s life was.

“What about what… she deserves?” Kara asked still looking at her niece. Alex could relate. She could hardly believe this kid was in front of them either.

“Child support is a thing,” Alex gulped out. “Kara, if Maggie doesn’t want her… I can’t do that to either of them. It would be horrible. No matter what, she’s going to have  _ us.  _ We’ve got this crazy family, we can give her everything she needs. I’m… I’m not going to be alone.”

Kara’s gaze snapped back to Alex, eyes soft and Alex could spot a few tears at the corner of her eyes. “Of  _ course  _ you won’t be alone, silly. I’m going to be the best aunt ever. Wow, I can’t believe…. What’s  _ Eliza  _ going to say?”

Why was Kara reminding Alex of all the people she was going to have to drop this bomb on?

Alex groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm incredibly frustrated with how Sanvers broke up. I'm sorry, but these two talk WAY too much with each other to have missed one of the five things you ALWAYS talk to your partner about before you even consider getting married. If you don't know, that tends to be Kids, Finances, Religion (or lack thereof), Politics, and Sex. If these don't come up, and you get engaged, you're a fool. And Alex and Maggie aren't fools.
> 
> I've read so many people making excuses for this, "I've known people who broke up over kids." Okay, yes, you break up over kids. You don't nearly get married, find out one of you don't want kids, and then finally break up. That should have come up sooner than it did. And if you do know folks who have gotten married or nearly married and then broke up over kids, then you know fools. (I'm sorry to be so harsh over this, but whew, am I frustrated.)
> 
> So, if the CW wants to make this the thing that broke them up, I'm going to use it to be the thing that gets them back together. Now, I'm not at all trying to invalidate child-free folks. Honestly, I myself don't know if I want kids. It's an incredibly personal decision, and one that everyone deserves to make for themselves. I'm not trying to make Alex and Maggie get back together by invalidating Maggie's concerns or wave them away. Her angst over this situation will be as fairly addressed as I can possibly make it. "You'll change your mind one day," is something I'm sure a ton of child-free folks have heard over and over again. So, to warn you all, Maggie DOES come around on kids (or this kid in particular at least) in this story. It's not to say that everyone does or will change their mind if they are child-free. I am just trying to use this bullshit and fix it in a way that makes me feel better.
> 
> I hope to do the same for a few of you out there too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie is struggling with moving on when she receives a call from the one person who could still steal her breath away.

When Maggie started her morning, she figured it would go like it usually would these days. She’d wake up to an empty side of the bed she still couldn’t seem to sleep on. Make coffee by herself. Double toast her own bagel. Music wasn’t played in the mornings. It reminded her far too much of silly impromptu dance parties she’d never been able to have with someone before or since Alex.

As much as Maggie tried to ignore it, she really had seemed to base  _ a lot  _ of her life around Alex. Perhaps that was the natural order of things when one nearly gets married, but damn if she wasn’t tired of hearing a song on the radio and sorting it automatically into a playlist for her ex-fiancee.

Or watching a movie, and thinking about how the Danvers sisters would be arguing on the couch next to her about who realistic it was or wasn’t. Maggie didn’t watch a ton of movies these days.

It was probably pathetic. Maggie wouldn’t be surprised if Alex was smart enough to move on while she wallowed like somebody died. Alex had goals, she had a plan, she’d wanted something, and had been strong enough to go after it.

Meanwhile, Maggie was just… doing what she always did. Got up, went to work, came home, watching something mindless on the TV, and went to bed. It was still too soon to try and date anyone. Not when every little thing on the planet reminded her of Alex. When she compared pretty much  _ every  _ woman who remotely showed any interest in Maggie to the most amazing person Maggie has ever met.

So… she wasn’t over Alex Danvers. Sometimes she wondered if she was  _ ever  _ going to get over Alex Danvers.

And what Maggie was most frustrated by was the fact that she literally had  _ nothing  _ to do with her time. Sure, she could go out, make some friends, but how did anyone compare to an alien made up of sunshine, a nerd, and a photographer moonlighting as a vigilante?

Yeah, so Maggie was pretty much hopeless. It was probably a good lesson to learn. Make sure to get her own friends, so in the event of a breakup, she’s not just left adrift like the most depressing person on the planet.

Sure, she had her work partner, her coworkers in general, but it wasn’t the same. Maggie would be lying to herself if she even tried to say so. Alex had an amazing family, and Maggie had felt so lucky that she was getting to be a part of it too. Except… when she had to walk away from it all.

It wasn’t even that she blamed Alex for it either. What else was supposed to happen? It was a natural part of breaking up. Certainly, Maggie had never expected that anything  _ could  _ break them up, but it had happened, and now she had to be a big girl and deal with it. No matter how lonely, sad, and terrible she felt about it. This wasn’t the first break up she’d been through, she would survive this.

Even if it did feel like she left half of her heart behind when she walked out of Alex’s apartment.

With her stellar love life on her mind, Maggie was, predictably, less than prepared when Alex’s number flashed on her phone. It was a boring day at the station, Maggie was doing paperwork, which meant that she had even more time to think about her life than usual. So, she was having a  _ great  _ day.

For a moment, Maggie’s heart stopped. Because, why would Alex be calling her unless something disastrous had happened? It seemed to go without saying that someone else from the Science Division was going to have to handle cases with the DEO for a little while. Maggie hated that it had to be done, but neither she or Alex would be in the proper frame mind to handle cases if all the could think about was each other while on the job. It would be a great way to get people killed. Hopefully that would change, and they could work together again, but for now…. Maggie hadn’t so much as seen or heard from Alex beyond the first week or so when she was forced to pick up anything she forgot at the apartment.

After that… radio silence.

She forced herself to answer. Alex wouldn’t be calling her if it was for no reason.

“Danvers? What… what do you need?” Maggie asked, trying—and probably failing—to keep her voice level. “Is everyone alright? Are  _ you  _ okay?”

From the other end of the call, Maggie could hear Alex take in a deep breath. As if collecting herself. Maybe Maggie wasn’t the only one who felt like her heart was getting ripped out right now.

“Everyone… we’re all good, Maggie. No one’s hurt,” Alex said tightly, though quickly. Maggie was grateful to not be left hanging over the safety of her friends. Former friends. But she couldn’t figure out why Alex would be calling her if everything was okay.

“Oh. I’m… glad,” Maggie said awkwardly. She didn’t know what to say. She  _ was  _ glad that everyone was alright, of course she was. Maggie didn’t know what she would do if Alex had called her to tell her that Kara or Winn or James were hurt. It would have been awful. But… now that she knew everyone was fine, it was hard to know how to act. She and Alex haven’t spoken to each other for nearly two months now, and Maggie had  _ just  _ started to feel like she wasn’t going to fall apart at the thought. She hoped this wouldn’t set her back to square one.

The silence that came from the other end of the call let her know that Alex seemed to be having just as hard a time as Maggie. It was a little surprising. Not that Maggie expected Alex to have up and moved on immediately, but… for some reason she just expected Alex to have had an easier time with this. She hoped for it, in fact. Despite their break-up, and Maggie’s broken heart, she’d only wanted Alex to be happy.

It was awful, hearing that Alex didn’t seem to be happy at all.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Alex finally admitted with a sigh. “I can’t do this over the phone. It’s… you need to hear about this face-to-face.”

A steely undertone took over Alex’s voice at the end. The same sort that came from when she was on missions, and the situation was life or death. Maggie had  _ no  _ idea what had Alex so worked up, and she almost didn’t want to find out. Not if it meant seeing the  _ one  _ person guaranteed to stop her heart upon seeing her.

But… she also knew that Alex wouldn’t have said that unless she meant it. Maggie knew Alex well enough to be  _ sure  _ that Alex wouldn’t just drag her up to the DEO unless it was important. They hadn’t only been avoiding each other because  _ they  _ were hurting. At least, that was the case on Maggie’s side. She also didn’t want  _ Alex  _ to feel any more pain than she already was going to feel. It would spare them both as much heartache as possible if they just… stopped seeing each other. And that hurt in it’s own way. Seeing Alex Danvers at the end of a long day was almost like the first breath after drowning. Which… was uncomfortably close to real life for them.

“Alex… I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Maggie said, swallowing tightly.

She didn’t understand what this call was  _ about.  _ If no one was hurt, and National City wasn’t currently on fire after a literal alien invasion… Maggie just didn’t know why Alex would be calling her. She didn’t work directly with the DEO at the moment, there were no open cases that required such an urgent, personal call.

A part of Maggie  _ needed  _ to find out what Alex wanted. The respect and care she still held, and probably always would hold, for Alex demanded that Maggie hear her out. However, the shards of glass in her chest were only growing sharper with each word Alex said. It was such a  _ hard  _ balance to get. To hear Alex out, while making sure Maggie could still breathe at the end of the day.

“No, no, I’m, yeah… it’s probably not a good idea,” Alex agreed quickly and with a harsh laugh. “I’m not trying to make this into… into something that’s— I’m not trying to change anything between us.” Alex’s voice grew firm after a deep breath. “I don’t want to hurt you like that, Maggie. But this is  _ important.  _ There’s something you need to know, and it can’t come over the phone. Please come to the DEO. I can’t hide this from you, you’d want to know about this.  _ Her.  _ Just… trust me, please?”

It wasn’t about trust. Maggie would probably walk across fire for Alex if she asked her to.  _ Ride or die.  _ She still meant it. Which also meant that going to the DEO wasn’t actually in question. Maggie was going to show up to Alex’s workplace, for the first time in two months, they were going to meet face-to-face, and they were going to talk about whatever it was that had Alex so spooked.

And it was probably going to  _ kill  _ Maggie.

So, she took in a deep breath of her own. Might as well while she still could. It was time to face the music.

“Alright, Danvers. I’ll… I’ll be there. Just let me call my captain and tell him your team requested me.”

“Yeah. Meet me in the medbay. So… see you soon.”

“See you there, Danvers.”

“Sawyer.”

Neither of them hung up.

It was like some awful, nightmare version of two lovestruck teenagers talking on the phone. Maggie wasn’t quite ready to  _ not  _ hear Alex’s voice after going without it for so long. It was a kick to the stomach while also acting as a soothing balm. It almost made no damn sense, if not for the fact that Maggie was more than aware of the fact that she was still in love with Alex Danvers. Their relationship had been too important to Maggie to even try to pretend otherwise.

For several moments, all that could be heard from either of them was breathing. It reminded Maggie of late nights in bed after a long day. Both of them just unwinding in the presence of each other. Except, this wasn’t a soothing de-stress before bed. This was an agonizing knife through the gut. One that Maggie was willingly stabbing into herself, because she could  _ easily  _ hang up. Easily buy herself some much needed time to collect herself before this extremely difficult meeting she was about to have with her ex-fiancee.

But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

God, this wasn’t how she thought her morning was going to go. And yet, a part of Maggie wouldn’t have it any other way. The masochistic desire to be around Alex in anyway she possibly could was probably pathetic, but she didn’t care. Alex had done more for Maggie than anyone has in her life. More than Maggie’s own family. Hell, Alex  _ had been  _ her family.

It hit Maggie, then, just how much she  _ missed  _ Alex.

It felt empty without her.

“Kara!”

Alex’s shout had Maggie’s heart racing, and she could hear a mild scuffling in the background.

“Hey, Maggie,” Kara’s voice was both soft and slightly breathless. “How are you doing?”

It took several moments for Maggie to find her voice. “Um. Good. All things considered.”

Lies. She was lying through her damn teeth.

“Alright, well, we’ll see you soon,” Kara told her, and Maggie would forever be grateful to Kara when she heard no sign of pity in her voice. Plenty of empathy, but thankfully no pity. “I’m going to hang up now, okay? I’m sorry for butting in like this, but it’s kind of urgent, so….”

Maggie would bet her entire freezer of vegan ice cream that Kara had been listening into this phone call the entire time, and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Alex and Maggie had been perfectly willing to pretend time wasn’t passing around them.

“Yeah… no problem, Kara. Be… be there in ten minutes.”

The call disconnected, and Maggie felt emptier than when she woke up.

No, it went beyond that. Maggie felt numb.

To the point that she couldn’t even remember going into her captain’s office and giving him a heads up. She couldn’t remember leaving the station and getting on her motorcycle. She couldn’t remember the drive to the DEO. It was as if she teleported from the bullpen and into the DEO foyer.

It probably said a lot about how much time Maggie actually spent at the DEO before the breakup from the reactions of the DEO agents she passed on the way to the medbay. She saw several double takes and outright stares. Most seemed shocked, though Maggie did note a few friendly and polite grins. She hadn’t thought she was particularly liked or disliked here.

But that wasn’t what she was here for. No, Maggie was here for the woman she soon spotted through the transparent glass of the DEO infirmary. Alex, interestingly, wasn’t wearing her typical DEO issued, black sweatshirt. She was instead standing in a black tank top, which was extremely unusual for someone as detail oriented as Alex. Unless she had told Maggie a white lie during their call and she  _ was  _ actually injured in some way. Would explain why she was supposed to be meeting Maggie in the medbay instead of just about anywhere else in the DEO.

Kara was nowhere to be found, which Maggie felt was odd. The sisters were usually inseparable, though perhaps she was just trying to give Alex some space while they spoke. Maggie was growing increasingly anxious about the reason Alex called her here. She wanted to get this over with. Find out what had apparently happened, deal with it, and then go their separate ways. As  _ amazing  _ as it was to see Alex in the flesh, it was probably the hardest thing Maggie has done since picking up her straggling belongings from Alex’s apartment.

She pulled the door open silently, noting that Alex wasn’t alone in the medbay. The mystery of Alex’s missing sweatshirt was solved when she noticed a small girl practically getting swallowed by it. Was this the reason Maggie was here? The DEO stumbled on a kid during a mission? Maggie had  _ no  _ idea why Alex would have called her here to deal with it. She was NCPD, but it wasn’t as though Maggie was renowned for her dealings with kids. Of course, it was the reality of the job Maggie held. Kids were often left behind during the most tragic of crimes, and Maggie did her best not to traumatize them further.

Did Alex not trust this kid with anyone else? Maggie would make sure she was taken care of, but unless the girl was secretly an alien, Maggie had no idea what she had to do with the Science Division.

“Alex?” She asked, still looking at the kid in confusion.

Alex spun around quickly. She’d been staring at the kid, Maggie now noted. Though, she didn’t really know why. Alex, of course, wanted kids of her own. Maggie wasn’t about to forget that, so perhaps she was just worrying. Alex did enjoy worrying at times.

“Maggie!” Alex yelped out, as if she hadn’t just invited Maggie to meet with her here. It was… a confusing reaction to say the least. “You’re here.”

“Here as requested,” Maggie said as she crossed her arms in front of her.

An awkward silence descended on them. It was heavy and stifling. Maggie half-wondered why she was even here. This was turning out as hard as she feared it would. Alex clearly wasn’t any more prepared for this conversation if the lip caught between her teeth was any sign. She was fidgeting with her hands, and Maggie  _ almost  _ wanted to exclaim her frustration about what was going on. If she did that, Alex was likely to panic, and Maggie could already tell she was barely holding herself together as it was.

Something was  _ really  _ spooking Alex, and it was slowly alarming Maggie was well.

Eventually, Alex seemed to stir from her desperate stare.

While a part of Maggie was almost relieved that Alex clearly hadn’t moved on any more than she had, the rest of her just felt… sad. The fact that they both still cared for each other ate her up. They had been  _ so close  _ to having it all, but it still wasn’t enough. Because they hadn’t been able to want the same things from life. It hurt, Maggie hated it, but it wasn’t something she even remotely wanted to blame Alex for. It wouldn’t be fair to her. It wasn’t  _ wrong  _ for Alex to want kids. Maggie didn’t really understand the appeal, but Alex deserved to be happy. She deserved to live a full life, in whatever way she decided was for her. If that meant kids… well, it meant that Maggie wasn’t enough.

It hurt, but Maggie would do her best to get over it.

Even if she was utterly failing at that goal.

“How… how have you been?” Alex asked hesitantly, as if she was afraid of the answer.

But this was the last thing Maggie wanted to talk about. What was she supposed to say? Alex would be able to tell she was lying. Maggie could tell that  _ Alex  _ was barely holding it together as it was, and she was probably doing no better. They both knew each other far too well to pretend they were fine. And even  _ further  _ from the last thing Maggie wanted to do, was admit that she was a wreck without Alex. It was already clear, Maggie wallowed in that fact every single day, and it wasn’t as though explicitly telling Alex that fact was going to make things any easier on either of them.

“Please don’t, Alex,” Maggie said as she took in a sharp breath. “I don’t…. Why did you ask me to come here?”

She wanted to just get on with this.

Alex’s eyes widened, and she seemed to bite her lip even harder. Maggie wanted nothing more than to reach out and grasp Alex’s hand, but she wouldn’t be able to do that without feeling like she would combust in agony. So, she forced herself to stand still. Stand there and watch as Alex seemed to tear herself apart over something that was obviously scaring the crap out of her.

Maggie hated it.

With an explosive breath, Alex turned back to the girl. She was watching something on a tablet with that kind of full focused intensity that only a young child could have. Maggie didn’t know what was going on, but it was obvious the little girl had something to do with it.

“I don’t know where to start,” Alex admitted quietly. “I just… I don’t want you to think that I want to force you into anything. I know how you feel, Maggie. I understand. We agreed to end it so we could find what we  _ both  _ wanted. I would  _ never  _ make you do something you didn’t want to do.”

Alex was getting very close to rambling territory. Maggie had no idea what she was talking about, but her worry was ramping up with each word that came out of Alex’s mouth. What was she getting at?

“Alex, stop,” Maggie said, finally placing a hand on Alex’s arm. Just as she expected, the contact practically  _ burned,  _ but Maggie forced herself to ignore it. Alex needed some support, and Maggie wasn’t about to leave her floundering. “Start from the beginning, take your time.”

“The room.  _ Our  _ room. Here, in the DEO,” Alex blurted out.  _ “That  _ one.”

Maggie nodded, trying not to flinch at the mention of it. There were more than a few great memories in that room, and it wasn’t exactly something she  _ wanted  _ to think about while dealing with so much heartbreak.

“The tank, the one we always ignored and… uh, you know,  _ against  _ it? It… it wasn’t just a tank. It was modified Kryptonian technology based off their reproduction matrix. Cadmus was trying to create half-Kryptonian soldiers with Kara’s stolen DNA, and any human donors. The prospective soldiers then go under accelerated growth while the tank provides a human education and, more than likely, Cadmus brainwashing,” Alex parroted off quickly. She seemed to grow a bit more confident as she descended into nerd-speak, probably finding a comfort in it. “We estimate that they could have grown fully matured foot soldiers in as little as a year. Still a long investment, but the payoff would have been more than rewarding.”

“So… she’s Kara’s daughter?” Maggie asked in shock. Wow. That was heavy. Poor Kara was probably freaking out. Then again, she had seemed pretty okay while on the phone. Maggie didn’t really understand why’d she be called here to find out about Kara’s kid.

Alex faced her again and stared right into Maggie’s eyes. It was disconcerting, because the desperation in Alex’s eyes wasn’t at all easy to watch. She was wild eyed, and she almost stormed up to Maggie, as if she wanted to grab hold and shake her, but thought better of it at the last possible moment. “No, Maggie. Kara’s DNA was never used. The tank uses  _ any  _ human DNA it comes into contact with. If it receives  _ two  _ donors, it overrides any order to inject Kara’s. The… the last people who came into physical contact with it was…  _ us.” _

Air exploded from Maggie’s lungs, and she took a step back.

That was….

It was impossible.

There was  _ no way. _

She felt like she couldn’t  _ breathe.  _ How had this happened? For the first several moments, Maggie didn’t want to believe it. She wanted to think that Alex was lying, but that immediately was tossed away. Alex would  _ never  _ lie to her like this. But she did want to hope that Alex was  _ wrong.  _ That she’d made a mistake.

But the truth was written all over the pain in Alex’s face. She looked  _ distinctly  _ unhappy that she had to give Maggie this news. And Maggie also knew that Alex Danvers didn’t make these kinds of mistakes. Undoubtedly, Alex has probably had this kid—the voice in her mind wasn’t allowed to call her  _ their  _ kid yet—tested for practically everything under the sun. DNA tests done, confirmed her parentage, made sure she wasn’t sick or underdeveloped. Alex thought of everything when it came to science.

So, Maggie did the only thing she could do. She, hesitantly, approached the little girl. Maggie  _ needed  _ to see this for herself. She’d want to see a blood test against her own later—if only to convince her brain that this was actually,  _ physically  _ possible—but for now, a visual comparison would have to do.

What was immediately obvious, was that this kid had  _ Maggie’s  _ coloring. Her hair and skin color matched Maggie’s and it was surreal to say the least. While Maggie wasn’t at all prepared to spot bits of  _ herself  _ in this kid, what ended up sealing the deal for her was the smallest,  _ tiniest  _ of crinkles on her forehead as she watched whatever had her enthralled on that tablet.

She had the crinkle.  _ The  _ Danvers crinkle. The same one Alex denied with her every breath that she had, but Maggie had more than once spotted them on  _ both  _ Alex and Kara while they were thinking or worrying about something.

All at once, any denials Maggie  _ possibly  _ could have uttered died. This kid had it all, even Alex’s  _ eye color  _ when she looked up at Maggie curiously. Maggie noted some dried tear tracks on her face, and a part of her numbly wondered what had gone on before she arrived. It was literally written on this kid’s face. She was  _ their  _ kid. Maggie had no idea what the science was behind all of this, but it didn’t matter. Somehow, she, Maggie Sawyer, as a  _ lesbian, having oral sex with another lesbian,  _ ended up concieving a surprise kid.

What was her life? What was this? How had this happened?

Most importantly, what the  _ hell  _ was Maggie supposed to do about this?

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Alex was choking out. “I should have known what it was….”

“Takes two to tango,” Maggie said tonelessly. “We… we shouldn’t talk about this in front of her.”

Because Maggie knew a little something about being unwanted. She had no idea if the girl was listening, and Maggie didn’t want to take the chance that she understood what Maggie and Alex were talking about.

“No, we shouldn’t,” Alex agreed with a swallow. “Do you  _ want  _ to talk? With me?”

Maggie had the impression that Alex half expected her to bolt at this very moment. She didn’t know how she felt about it. She’d certainly been clear that she didn’t want to be a mother, that she didn’t see herself as a parent, and she still didn’t. That hadn’t changed in the two months she’d last seen Alex, and it was hard to think about  _ anything  _ right now. Maggie didn’t know what to do. It was one thing to decide not to have children. To live her life. To act like pretty much any other typical gay woman. It wasn’t as though she was  _ supposed  _ to have the same risk for pregnancy as a straight woman.

Yet, here they were. Motherhood apparently already decided for  _ both  _ Maggie and Alex without either of their consent, and now they had to deal with the fallout. What was Maggie  _ supposed  _ to do? Act like this hadn’t happened? When the evidence was apparently watching Scooby Doo three feet away from them?

“Yeah,” Maggie answered hoarsely. “Let’s talk.”

She felt nauseous. She felt  _ scared.  _ She felt trapped. The last time was like this, Alex had found out about her cheating on Emily. They’d managed to work through it together, Alex had taught Maggie how to face ugly things like pain, and shame, and fear. Doing so had been hard, and frankly horrible in the moment, but it needed to be done. Getting closure with Emily, allowing Alex into one of the worst mistakes she had ever made, it felt freeing. Maggie had  _ no idea  _ if she’d get the same result by facing the music now, but she owed it to Alex to not abandon her in this.

They’d both decided to have sex on a random piece of technology in the basement of one of the most mysterious government agencies in the world. Blaming Alex for everything would be cruel and unfair.

She was terrified, but she wasn’t going to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Maggie was so kindly not offered any character development beyond Alex in the show, she didn't exactly have the opportunity to develop her own friends. At least, not ones close enough to deal with this kind of a break up. I have no idea who the strangers were at their bridal shower, but I'm half convinced Eliza paid them to be there. At any rate, this means that Maggie is comparatively alone in dealing with her heart getting stomped out. I wanted to really dig into all of that baggage with the first half of this chapter. Alex has Kara and the rest of her friends and family to support her. Who does Maggie have?
> 
> Additionally, I'm growing increasingly frustrated by fix-its blaming Maggie OR Alex for what happened. I've read a few that have Alex even apologizing for wanting kids and hurting Maggie. Which, whew. Okay. I mentioned that you absolutely NEED to talk about children before getting married in the last AN. That isn't just a one off, surprise convo like Sanvers had in the bridal shower episode. Alex wasn't prepared for Maggie to be so adamant, just as Maggie wasn't prepared for Alex to be so set on children later. NEITHER of them truly brought it up and had a real, lay it all on the table, conversation about children until it was too late.
> 
> IMO, Alex didn't 'lie' to Maggie about kids. I think she tried to honestly put the desire behind her and do her best to be happy with what she had. She hadn't processed her real feelings about it, and it took her several episodes to come to a real decision. Which mirrors real time passing in real life about a comparatively heavy issue. If you want to blame someone, blame the BOTH of them. They're two full grown women who should know how to properly communicate with each other.
> 
> So, to wrap this mini-essay up, Alex and Maggie respect one another. My desire to properly portray the respect, care, and desire for the other to be happy ended up taking over half this chapter. I know, the conversation between Alex and Maggie is a huge cliffhanger, but damn if I refuse to have Sanvers resent one another about something they are both responsible for.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is a trained DEO special agent. She really shouldn't be panicking as much as she is....

They stared at one another for several long, agonizing, and awkward moments. They had agreed to talk, but now Alex wasn’t even remotely sure of what she should say. Maggie didn’t seem to be in any better shape. Her eyes seemed suspiciously wet, but Alex wasn’t going to mention it. She could certainly understand getting emotional. Perhaps she and Maggie were getting upset for different reasons, but there was no way to know until they spoke to one another privately.

The only problem was that Alex was in no hurry leave their daughter alone. She had just  _ barely  _ been calmed after Hamilton left the room. It seemed the girl had decided that Hamilton was horrible, and she didn’t want the doctor anywhere near her. Which, for someone whose life experience pretty much amounted for a full medical examination and nothing else, Alex could see where she was coming from.

So, they were awkwardly standing with each other, while Scooby Doo’s ridiculous voice played on in the background. It was more than a little surreal.

“I… don’t want to leave her alone,” Alex finally said as Maggie kept glancing at their daughter. “Kara went to get her some stuff. She doesn’t have anything to wear.”

Maggie nodded, but didn’t answer. She was scrutinizing their daughter’s features further, probably spotting as many details of her and Alex as possible. Just like Alex had spent the whole morning doing.

It wasn’t until the girl put the tablet down and starting staring at them in return. What was Alex supposed to do? Did she want something? Was she able to ask for it? She clearly understood the concept of ‘no’ what with the medical exam earlier, but Alex wasn’t certain just what the girl could understand, do, or say. It was nerve wracking because it made Alex unsure of what  _ she  _ could do for her own daughter in return.

Maggie glanced at Alex, and seemed to realize that Alex was internally freaking out. She took in a deep breath and approached their daughter.

“Hey there,” Maggie said, and Alex could clearly hear the tremor in her voice.

The girl looked Maggie up and down, a bit suspiciously. Probably wondering if Maggie was going to stick her with needles and shine lights in her eyes as well. When Maggie didn’t make a move to touch her, their daughter seemed to relax a little bit.

“Hungwy,” she announced plainly.

Maggie gave a tumultuous chuckle. “Y-yeah, I bet you are.”

But Maggie didn’t seem to know what to do. She glanced back at Alex helplessly, and Alex forced herself to unfreeze. She could do this. This was what she  _ wanted.  _ Sure, it didn’t happen like Alex would have wanted, or when, but here she was. Kids didn’t exactly wait to have their needs until it was convenient.

“I’ll be back, I have a snack stash. Usually for tired Kryptonians…,” she was off before Maggie could respond, not even thinking about whether or not Maggie could handle being alone with  _ their daughter  _ until she was out of the room and halfway down the hall.

Oops.

Well, the sooner she got back with the food, the sooner she could relieve Maggie. They’d figure it out. Alex meant what she said when she stated she wasn’t going to force Maggie to do this. Certainly, abandoning her in the room with the girl was actually forcing her to do something, technically,  _ accidentally,  _ but Alex had no plans to repeat this. In her defense, it wasn’t as though they had a ton of options for child care. Literally only five people on the entire planet knew this kid existed, so….

She practically sprinted into her office, which she rarely used. Alex literally was only in here for boring paperwork purposes, and hiding snacks. Kara often went looking for food when stressed, and Alex wasn’t a huge fan of constantly restocking the  _ emergency snack stash  _ outside of actual emergencies. She kept them in a lead lockbox she moved bi-weekly throughout the room. Today, it was hidden in secret drawer in her desk. In seconds, she had a bag of chips and a juicebox in her hands.

Kara’s snacks weren’t exactly age appropriate, but Alex would be damned if her little sister didn’t deserve a juicebox after saving the world multiple times over.

With the goods in hand, Alex made to sprint back to the medbay. She didn’t want to leave Maggie alone for too long. She already felt bad enough as it was. Alex would buy good, healthy-ish—she  _ did  _ need to introduce this kid to proper snack food; undoubtedly their daughter inherited at least  _ some  _ of Maggie’s horrible health food taste buds and that needed to be mitigated as much as possible—food later. What did three year olds eat? Alex felt  _ so  _ behind. This kid literally had three years on her. Not only was her daughter cheated out of the first three years of her life,  _ Alex  _ was cheated out of three years of parenthood. If this kid had been born naturally, Alex would have had three years of practice. She’d  _ know  _ what this kid wanted. Hell, the girl would have a  _ name. _

None of this was going in order.

Her spiraling thoughts were halted as she very nearly ran right into J’onn. Yet another person Alex  _ was not at all  _ prepared to talk to.

“Alex?” He asked, and steadied Alex by the shoulders automatically. “What’s wrong?”

He was so understanding, just like he always was, and was looking at Alex with concern. It was too much. How in the  _ hell  _ was Alex supposed to explain this to him? First of all, he’d care for the details because he was  _ J’onn,  _ and he’d want to know how this happened because it involved  _ Alex.  _ Secondly, he’d want to know everything because he was the director of the DEO, and one of his top agents had  _ messed up  _ on the job. Messed up in a big way.

Alex had no idea what to tell him.

When Alex didn’t respond—and she was  _ almost  _ positive she was gaping at J’onn dumbly, which was horrible, she was a  _ government agent for goodness sake— _ J’onn’s frown grew even deeper.

“I thought I heard Maggie here. Is she working with us again? You don’t need to work the same cases she does, I’m sure we can find a way to balance the NCPD’s needs until you’re ready to deal with it personally,” J’onn told her.

He was always understanding. Always looking out for her. Alex didn’t even know where to  _ begin  _ with this. She didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. Not after this. What was so hard to wrap around was that Alex didn’t even know if she  _ regretted  _ what happened. Which was horrible in its own way. Maggie didn’t get a choice in getting children. Now she had a daughter. And Alex wasn’t upset about it. She was frightened, unprepared, nervous, but not…  _ unhappy.  _ Not really. Examining her feelings gave away the fact that she was starting to feel a little excited about what this could mean for her.

She had a  _ kid. _

That was….

Alex didn’t even know how to put it into words.

Suddenly, all the things she’d told Kara about, what she wanted, it was all in reach. It wasn’t just some hypothetical idea she needed to come to grips with about her future.

Because it was her  _ today. _

“Agent Danvers?” J’onn asked, and jolted Alex from her thoughts. “Is everything alright? You seem… worried.”

Yeah, that was probably an accurate read on her emotions. There was  _ so much  _ more there than worry, but at least Alex knew J’onn was trying not to read her mind. She could imagine that he very much wanted to in order to find out what was bothering her so much, but Alex was glad that he respected her enough not to do so.

“I have to tell you something,” she finally admitted.

When was thing going to end? Alex still had to tell her mother.  _ That  _ was the conversation she  _ least  _ looked forward to. Kara was easy, as it turned out. She should have known that her sister would always be there for her. Not that her mother  _ wouldn’t.  _ It was just… Alex worked so hard not to disappoint Eliza, and old habits were hard to break. She had no idea how her mother was going to take becoming a grandmother literally overnight. Or over the course of two months. Whatever.

J’onn nodded and waited for Alex to spit it out.

She sort of did wish he’d just read her mind so she could get this over with.

No, wait.

Alex  _ did not  _ want that to happen. No. Nope. She hoped to god he wouldn’t do it. Because he was only going to end up seeing  _ exactly  _ what course of events led to her daughter’s ‘birth.’ Oh, that would be bad.  _ Bad. _

“Maggie and I had sex on top of Cadmus modified Kryptonian technology, and now we have a biological daughter,” Alex blurted out.

What was wrong with her? She was a  _ highly trained government agent.  _ She was trained and certified in over 30 weapons. She could kill a man in six different way with her index finger.

She kind of did kill Maggie six different ways with her index finger….

And that was  _ exactly  _ what Alex needed to stop thinking about. Already J’onn was shutting his eyes as he tried to erase the word ‘sex’ from his memory, undoubtedly. He was happy that Alex had been happy with Maggie, Alex was certain about that. However, she also knew that he didn’t  _ need  _ to know just  _ how  _ happy she’d been. He didn’t need the specifics. Only problem, was that Alex was  _ pretty certain  _ he was going to learn the specifics of how this happened, regardless. It wasn’t like Alex could really hide this from him and pretend it hadn’t happened the way that it did.

“I’m sorry,” Alex continued, trying to get a grip on herself. She should be able to handle this. She’s been through alien invasions. Killed Nazis. Brought down aliens capable of killing hundreds of people. She needed to  _ calm the hell down.  _ “We shouldn’t have even done anything like that here. But it’s already happened. The kid is physically three years old, there’s no ignoring her. And she’s hungry, so I need to get back to her.”

Alex held up the snacks as proof.

J’onn was frozen, and Alex bit her lip. She didn’t have a lot of time. There was no telling what was happening in that medbay, and she’d left Maggie  _ alone  _ with their kid. Maggie might not have any idea what to do with kids their brand, spanking new, daughter’s age. Alex had never even asked her if she’d ever so much as watched children before. Whew, they needed to talk, and  _ soon.  _ If only to compare notes, let alone how to figure out how they were going to play this.

So, Alex did the only thing she could do. Waiting for J’onn to come out of his shocked, frozen state might just take forever.

She carefully edged her way around him.

They’d talk later.

After Alex had a chance to hopefully put out her ‘I Just Messed Up’ fire.

Perhaps this was the best way to deliver this news to everyone. Just blurt it out and hope for the best. At the very least, it will stun the rest of her family and friends, giving Alex a prime opportunity to flee while she could if she figured things were about to go south. She’d take her daughter, possibly Maggie, and they’d run.

No idea where they’d go. Kara would probably find them, but that was okay. Kara had taken this all shockingly well, so really she was on the list of Alex’s approved people she could talk to at the moment without feeling like she was going to throw up.

She opened the medbay door without really looking inside. She very nearly ran into Maggie’s back. Maggie was watching, fidgeting with her hands all the while, as Kara convinced their daughter that pants were a good thing.

“See? I’m wearing them,” Kara pointed out. “They’ll make you less cold.”

She’d apparently gotten as far as underwear before the girl balked at all the rest. Alex supposed spending so much of her life, relatively, in a tank of liquid probably made clothing a less than comfortable idea.

Her daughter held up her hands, sleeves of Alex’s sweatshirt hanging over them, as if to point out that she was plenty warm enough.

“But that’s… Alex’s shirt,” Kara said with a small glance to Alex. Probably confused over what Alex was calling herself for her daughter. “She’ll get cold without it.”

That actually got her daughter thinking. She looked over to Alex, and Alex was thankful she had the foresight to shiver as convincingly as she possibly could. Sure, Alex wasn’t the best liar when it came to her loved ones, but hey, she’d do what she had to do in order to get this kid taken care of.

A tiny crinkle appeared over her daughter’s brow, and wow, Alex couldn’t get over how that crinkle looked mixed with Maggie’s features. She was now terrified of any potential pouting that was going to come from this kid. The Danvers were pretty good at pouting, Kara was a master herself and would probably end up teaching her niece all of her secrets.

Alex and Maggie were never going to survive.

Maggie turned to face Alex as Kara pointed her out to their daughter. Her eyes were narrowed, and Alex could spot some lingering terror in her gaze.

Yeah, so she probably shouldn’t have abandoned Maggie here alone with their kid with no warning. Alex tried to look at contrite as she could, hoping that they could still converse with a few looks like they used to.

It seemed they could. Alex didn’t know if that was good or bad. Or if it even had to be either. Everything about their breakup was so…  _ weird  _ now.

“Are those snacks?” Kara asked. “Hand them over, I can probably get her dressed if she’s not hungry. Did you bring me any?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “No. I was thinking more about the  _ actual child  _ than my alien sister who likes to pretend she’s a kid half the time.”

“Rude. Wait. Are these  _ my  _ snacks?” Kara asked indignantly.

“I bought them, so they’re  _ my  _ snacks,” Alex retorted. “Are you saying you  _ aren’t  _ going to share them with your niece?”

Emotional blackmail.

Which, admittedly wasn’t really needed, especially when Kara glared at Alex with even  _ more  _ affront than when she’d started.

“Of course she can share them! I’m just saying that you  _ could  _ have grabbed two juice boxes. You were right there….”

Maggie took a step between them and held up her arms out. Alex had only just opened her mouth to continue the bickering.

“Pause, hold on there,” Maggie said with an exasperated sigh. “I need to talk to Alex before you two get into it with each other. Kara, are you okay watching her for a little while?”

Maggie didn’t even need to finish the sentence before Kara’s eyes lit up.

“I got this,” Kara said as she deftly inserted the straw into the juicebox and handed it to the girl.

“No listening in this time,” Alex said and pointed a threatening finger at her sister as Maggie began to pull her out of the room.

Kara shot Alex an entirely too innocent look.

Before Maggie could pull Alex to the right side of the hallway, Alex redirected her to the left. She  _ really  _ didn’t want to run into J’onn again. He might just still be frozen in the hallway, and Alex wasn’t even remotely certain how to  _ begin  _ dealing with that.

Maggie gave her a confused look, but allowed Alex to pull them into a supply closet all the same.

“Really, Danvers?” Maggie asked as she took in their surroundings. To be fair, it was a  _ nice  _ closet. This one had guns and ammo inside it.

Alex shrugged. “We’re not under attack, so it’s unlikely anyone will find us here.”

“I swear, if we hear  _ one  _ closet joke, I’m not going to let you forget it….”

The teasing reminded Alex of a happier time, and seemed to do the same with Maggie. Both of them fell silent and began to stare at one another again. Alex didn’t know when they’d be able to stop doing that. It was just…. She didn’t know about Maggie, but a part of Alex was afraid that after this was over, once they figured out what they wanted to do, Maggie would disappear again. And, sure, that was probably fair for Maggie to do. If she couldn’t handle being around Alex without being together, Alex couldn’t blame her.

Even though it felt like Alex couldn’t breathe without her.

Alex took in a deep breath. Might as well do so while Maggie was still here. They needed to get this taken care of. If only for the little girl waiting for them down the hallway. Alex had a family, she had Kara, and Alex often felt responsible for Kara in a variety of different ways. But… Kara didn’t  _ need  _ Alex in the same all encompassing manner that this kid was going to need her for  _ at least  _ the next fifteen years, if not more.

Being a parent… Alex was only beginning to understand just how complicated that was.

“So… what do you want to do?” Alex finally forced herself to ask.

Maggie frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… what do you want to  _ do?  _ I meant what I said, Maggie. If you don’t want to be a part of…  _ this,  _ then I’m not going to force you. All I’d want is some financial support, but if that’s all you want to do, then that’s  _ okay.  _ You never asked for this.”

“You didn’t either,” Maggie pointed out. “Neither of us did. You’re stepping up, Danvers, just like you always do. It’s… it’s not fair to make you do the brunt of the work. I don’t know  _ what  _ to do. I’ve  _ never  _ seen myself as a parent. I don’t know the first thing about kids. When you left me alone with her in there, I was afraid the whole room was going to spontaneously combust.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said and bit her lip.

Maggie held out both hands. “No.  _ Stop.  _ Stop apologizing, Alex. None of this is anything you need to apologize over. I was there with you the entire time. I can’t handle being alone with my own…  _ d-daughter,”  _ Maggie choked out. “How pathetic is that?”

“It’s not, Maggie,” Alex argued firmly. “It’s okay to be scared.  _ I’m  _ scared. I don’t know a  _ thing  _ about kids her age. This is…. If this was something that had happened  _ normally,  _ I’d have three years of practice taking care of her. But we don’t. We have to figure this out  _ now.  _ And if you don’t think you can do this, it’s  _ fine.  _ I don’t want you to… to resent this.  _ Her.  _ Neither of you deserve that.”

The shudder that Maggie gave told Alex that she didn’t  _ want  _ to feel that way about their daughter. Which sparked a dangerous feeling in Alex’s chest. One she dare not name, for fear of disappointing herself in believing that Maggie could give her something she wasn’t capable of.

“I can’t just abandon her, Alex. She’s not fourteen and getting dumped off to a relative, but she’s going to want to know where she came from one day. What are you going to tell her? That one half of her mothers just ignores her existence? Not wanting kids… it had nothing to do with my parents. When I pictured my future, there weren’t any kids there. I wanted to be a cop. I wanted to find a girl to settle down and create a life with. I wanted to get married one day. But I never wanted to be a mom. But… that all kind of goes out of the window when a kid gets dropped in your lap regardless of what you wanted…,” Maggie scoffed tearily.

“Do you have  _ any  _ idea what that feels like?  _ Knowing  _ your own family wants nothing to do with you? Just because you weren’t what they wanted? What they were expecting? I can’t…  _ I can’t  _ do that to someone, Alex. I don’t know if I can be a mother, but I also know I can’t just leave you alone to… to raise her. Sending money? My parents didn’t even do that. It was probably one of the  _ easiest  _ things they could have possibly done for me. I’m not going to just do the  _ bare minimum.  _ That… it’s not good enough,” Maggie said as a tear escaped.

If there was one thing Alex regretted about the past several months with Maggie—besides occasionally doubting her decision to break up—it was forcing Maggie to get in contact with her parents again. Alex hadn’t understood. She hadn’t empathized with Maggie in a way she should have, and ended up pushing for something Maggie didn’t deserve to go through. And even if Maggie had ultimately told her she was glad to be able to put everything with her parents, especially her father, behind her, Alex still regretted pushing for it in the first place. All she’d been able to focus on was fixing Maggie’s relationship with her father. Thinking of Jeremiah, and how much Alex  _ desperately  _ wanted things to go back to the way they were between them. Despite knowing that could probably never happen now. She’d never thought of how different Maggie’s relationship with her parents were. Or lack thereof. It never occurred to her that what Maggie had gone through couldn’t just be  _ fixed.  _ There was no wiping away fifteen years of abandonment. Alex had encouraged Maggie to put herself through a kind of emotional pain she’d likely never be able to fully understand, for her own selfish desires.

Alex would never forgive herself for it.

She didn’t want to make the same mistake a second time.

“She can’t just be an obligation to you,” Alex protested. “Kids pick up on stuff like that. If you can’t love her the way she needs you to…. Maggie, that will crush her eventually.”

“I can’t just  _ walk away,”  _ Maggie said. “This isn’t just about my parents, Alex. I’m not going to lie and say that there isn’t a part of me that wants to do better than they did, but I  _ want  _ to help you. In whatever way that I can.”

Alex didn’t know what to do. She was confused. Maggie is  _ still  _ saying she doesn’t want to have children, and Alex didn’t understand what she wanted to  _ do.  _ They had to think about their daughter. They couldn’t just appease Maggie’s feelings without taking their daughter’s into account. Which felt awful, because Alex  _ wanted  _ to help Maggie, but if their daughter picked up on Maggie not wanting her, if Maggie ever showed any resentment…. Alex couldn’t do that to their little girl.

“We owe it to her to do the right thing,” Alex insisted. “You keep saying you don’t want kids. At this point, I don’t really know what you want to do. She didn’t ask to be born like this. None of us asked for this. But now we have to figure out what the best way forward is. And… that might not be what you’re suggesting.”

It killed Alex to say. It really did. Alex wanted nothing more than to co-parent with Maggie. If that was something Maggie could actually  _ do.  _ But Alex suspected that Maggie herself didn’t know what she wanted. Which wasn’t something Alex could even blame her for. This was so overwhelming. Alex didn’t want her to make a rash decisions she’d regret later. How could they just introduce themselves as  _ both  _ of their daughter’s mothers if one of them just up and disappeared from her life one day? Or worse, stuck around and couldn’t handle it?

Maggie rubbed her face. “The  _ only  _ thing I know is that there’s a kid in that medbay who looks  _ exactly like me.  _ I can’t just walk away from this, she’s  _ my  _ kid too. Even if I can’t be a mother figure to her, I can be  _ something.  _ You’ve got one of the craziest families I’ve ever seen in my life, Danvers. We can figure something out that will work. I know we can.”

Alex knew Maggie had a point. It wasn’t as though about half the people in her makeshift, found family were related to her by blood. Hell, Kara and J’onn weren’t even  _ human.  _ It was safe to say that she didn’t actually need her loved ones to be biologically related to her for Alex to consider them family.

She just didn’t want to make any rash decisions. Breaking up might have been something they should have talked more about.  _ Kids  _ were something they should have talked more with each other in the first place. Alex wondered if half the reason they were in this position was because they hadn’t been thinking things through to their actual conclusions. Including having sex at work.

But it was a little too late for what-ifs. Alex and Maggie could barely have a conversation with each other without it destroying them. How were they going to do this? Alex had no idea, but they at least owed it to their daughter to try.

“So, you want to give this a shot?” Alex asked. She wanted to make sure that Maggie wasn’t getting into anything she was going to regret later. “You want to actually co-parent together?”

Maggie winced automatically at the word ‘parent’ which wasn’t at all what Alex had been hoping for. “I think we need to take this one day at a time. I… I can’t promise that I can give you want you want, Alex. I need to think about this, about  _ everything.  _ It’s a lot to wrap my head around, and this is…  _ way  _ more sudden than most people probably have to experience. I need some time. Just… give me that. I’m not going anywhere, I want to help you get setup, I should… probably take some turns watching her. But as far as her staying with me long term? I need to think about it. Figure out if I can even handle that.”

At the very least, Alex could appreciate that Maggie was being honest with her about all of this. She didn’t know what her limits were on actually raising a child. It wasn’t what she wanted, she’d technically never asked for. Unlike Alex herself. Alex was willing to stumble her way through this. She was going to do her damned best to get this kid as normal a life as possible. It was ahead of schedule, with probably the worst person Alex could have done this with, but her daughter was here. There was nothing either Maggie or Alex could do about it now except deal with it. If Maggie needed some time to find out exactly  _ how  _ she wanted to deal with it, then Alex could do her best to give her that.

If only to give their daughter a fair shot at having  _ both  _ of her mothers in her life.

A thought suddenly reoccurred to Alex at that moment.

“Maggie?”

“Hmm?”

“We need to name her.”

“Danvers, I swear to God, I might not be able to handle motherhood right this second, but if you name this kid  _ Gertrude…  _ I’ll kick your ass.”

“One, that is a dog’s name, Sawyer. And  _ two,  _ I figured we’d name her together.”

“A dog’s…. How?!  _ How  _ is that a dog’s name, Danvers? That’s an old lady’s name if I’ve ever heard one. Are you gonna name our kid  _ Millicent  _ or something?”

“Aww… Milly and Maggie.”

“No.  _ No.  _ Absolutely not. That is  _ not  _ going to be a thing. You’re gonna get this kid made fun of.”

“It’s cute!”

_ “Cute?!  _ Where the  _ hell  _ is badass Danvers? Where’d she go?”

Alex didn’t even notice that they were making their way back to the medbay. The bickering with Maggie was too comfortable, too familiar to pay attention to anything else.

For the first time, Alex began to think that maybe things weren’t quite as hopeless between them after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so... I'm not 100% certain of what I want to name this kid. (Certainly not Millicent, though. This poor kid has already been through enough.) Jamie is Maggie's kid in comic canon, but I don't know if I want to go in that direction for a second fic in a row for me. So... shoot me your ideas. If I like it, I might go with it. Or I might get struck with inspiration while writing the next chapter. I'm not sure. I'm open to ideas.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter was a lot more lighthearted. Angst is easy to write for the both of them separately, but I find that when you put Alex and Maggie together... some interesting things happen. They don't like to miserable around each other.
> 
> How odd.... It's almost as if these two characters love each other and could actually work through problems with one another without springing surprises on each other. Wow. Too bad the CW didn't get that memo.
> 
> Next chapter will have some real interaction with Alex and Maggie and their kid. Hopefully. I honestly wasn't anticipating poor J'onn to get info bombed in this chapter, but hey. Sometimes surprises happen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie grapples with her past as she and Alex determine their daughter's name.

They stopped outside of the medbay, mid-bicker, as they watched Kara play with a now much cheerier toddler. She had their daughter on her shoulders, running around the room—a bit too fast for what most people would consider ‘normal’—and Maggie was struck in that moment but just how lucky this kid was. She had Alex and Kara Danvers in her corner. Maggie might have been sent to live with her aunt, but her aunt had never taken to her sudden appearance in her life the way Kara was doing with this little girl.

It was both depressing and heartwarming in the same moment.

And despite all the teasing she was giving Alex over their daughter’s name, Maggie realized they  _ really  _ needed to decide on this. Now, preferably. They couldn’t just keep referring to their kid in the third person. She was a human being, no matter how she was born, and deserved an identity of her own.

“So… what  _ do  _ you want to name her?” Maggie finally asked.

Alex bit her lip, apparently just as much at a loss as Maggie was at the moment. Most parents had nine months to argue with each other over names. Alex and Maggie had  _ minutes.  _ What was worse, Maggie hadn’t ever considered what she’d wanted to name perspective children because she’s never actually wanted any. But, she  _ really  _ couldn’t leave Alex to name her on her own. For a variety of reasons. One, Maggie actually wanted to take some responsibility. It wasn’t fair to Alex to leave all the important decisions to her, and naming a kid for the rest of their lives was pretty damn important. Two, Maggie was  _ fairly  _ certain that if she left Alex to her own devices, this poor kid would only end up getting made fun of down the road.

“It’s pretty much a given she’s going to take your last name,” Maggie continued as Alex mulled over her thoughts.

But that actually gained Alex’s attention. She turned to Maggie, crinkle smack in the middle of her forehead, and geez, Alex and their kid were just going to kill her. Maggie might as well accept that fact now.

“What do you mean?” Alex asked in confusion.

Maggie didn’t know what had Alex confused in the first place. It was obvious. “You’re taking her in now. She’s going to need a last name.”

“Right,” Alex agreed. “Except, she’s  _ our  _ kid. We could hyphenate. She could take either of our names.”

The grimace Maggie gave wasn’t quick enough to escape Alex’s notice. She stared down Maggie, as if trying to see right through her. Which, with as well as they each knew each other, probably wasn’t a hard thing to do whatsoever.

“Okay. What’s the deal?” Alex asked after a few uncomfortable moments.

“I don’t know what you mean. It’s not a big deal, Danvers. We can give her your name. It’s probably easiest that way, she’ll be living with you at first.”

Alex shook her head. “Don’t do that, Maggie. You don’t have to hide from me. What’s the deal? You said you wanted to try this out. And you’re acting like you don’t even want to acknowledge that she’s actually your  _ daughter.  _ She’s not going to understand what a last name even is at this age.”

“Exactly. She’s not going to get it. Might as well just give her the name that actually matters,” Maggie stated, and then sighed as she realized how that came out. She didn’t want to have this talk, but Alex was going to find a way to drag the truth out of her. They were both good at that when it came to each other.

“‘Actually mat—’ Maggie, you  _ matter.” _

“No, that’s not what I mean. Alex, you can give her a  _ family.  _ I can’t do that. My last name wasn’t originally Sawyer. I changed it when I could after I was kicked out. Didn’t see much of a point in keeping it if my family could just throw me out like I meant nothing to them. ‘Sawyer’ was my aunt’s last name, and even then she didn’t have plans to come to our wedding. It’s… just me. You have this huge, wacky,  _ full  _ family. You can give her something that will  _ care  _ about her for the rest of her life. Instead of saddling her with a past that’s never going to be something she can be proud of,” Maggie said, gritting her teeth.

“You’re wrong,” Alex stated firmly. “Maggie, she can be proud of  _ you.  _ The only thing I got from what you just said is how  _ strong  _ you’ve had to be in order to get through everything that’s been thrown at you. I’ve got  _ three  _ people in my family who actually share my last name. One of them is on the run. Everyone else has been practically adopted. It doesn’t matter how many of us there are. Only that there are people who care about her.  _ You  _ care about her. I can already tell, and that’s all that really matters. You don’t have to give her a whole legacy, Maggie. Just yourself.  _ You’re  _ the only Sawyer who matters.”

Maggie had never thought of it that way. All of this was just so much to wrap her head around. Naming a kid, saddling her with a name she couldn’t change until she was an adult. Maggie knew more about the process them most people would. There was an identity in a name. Personally, she had changed hers in order to put some distance between herself and the pain in her past. It hurt to be so utterly rejected by people who were supposed to love her. Maggie hadn’t wanted much to do with them until she tried reaching out that last time to her father. Which had promptly blown up in her face. She’d finally accepted that she didn’t  _ need  _ them, but family was such a prickly subject to Maggie. Trying to figure out how to process the fact that she now had a biological family member who didn’t have the baggage of her past was… something.

Maggie hasn’t had a family to call her own since she was fourteen. Not after it was ripped away from her and replaced by something that had never quite measured up. Alex and her crazy family and friends had been the closest to giving her what she hadn’t realized she had been missing. At least, not consciously. She’d ignored that hole in her life for years, and had gotten quite good at it too. It wasn’t until she’d gotten close, and then had to leave it all behind—all over again—that she’d realized all over again how  _ devastating  _ it was to lose family.

A part of Maggie—the part that  _ wasn’t  _ currently terrified of what all this meant—realized that her daughter was the  _ first  _ person related to her by blood who wasn’t going to outright reject her. That fact made Maggie feel needy and selfish, but it wasn’t like it was untrue. And through the kid, she was going to end up connected to Alex Danvers in some way for the rest of their lives. Maggie wasn’t sure if she liked that fact. It would only end up a constant reminder that they hadn’t been enough for one another, but there it was.

“Fine,” Maggie said after swallowing the lump in her throat. “We’ll hyphenate.”

Alex nodded, still looking right through Maggie. Probably knowing that she was struggling with this. Giving this kid practically  _ nothing.  _ Nothing besides herself. The same lonely, workaholic, sociopathic Maggie Sawyer she’d always been. Maggie hoped that the kid wouldn’t end up wishing for something Maggie could never give her. She wasn’t Alex. She wasn’t the same bright, amazing, and—underneath all the badassery— _ warm  _ person Alex was.

She was just… Maggie.

And she didn’t know what kid would actually  _ want  _ to claim her as family.

All she knew was that abandoning this kid wasn’t an option. Maggie might not ever be able to measure up to people like the Danvers and their friends, but Maggie would at least  _ always  _ be someone her daughter could call on, if need be. Maggie could, no  _ would,  _ always do that much. It was the bear minimum and something Maggie herself had been denied for years.

She wouldn’t wish that kind of loneliness on  _ anyone. _

“So, now that we’ve settled on Sawyer-Danvers,” Alex said, and gave Maggie a look, as if daring Maggie to say anything about her putting Sawyer first, “we need to decide on a first name.”

If only it were so easy.

Well… actually, maybe it wasn’t as hard as Maggie would have feared. Thinking of her past was uncomfortable and not something she was fond of. Case in point, thinking about changing her own name had Maggie also contemplating what one of the last things her father had ever said to her. Oscar Rodas had tried to teach Maggie how to hide herself. How to  _ beg  _ the closed minded, white men in Blue Springs, Nebraska to respect them.

But Maggie didn’t want to conform to something that was never going to fit who or what she was. She wasn’t a white, straight woman living out in the middle of nowhere. Ironically, changing her last name and going by ‘Maggie’ had ended up giving off an impression that Maggie  _ was  _ that white girl she’d never actually aspired to be. She hadn’t wondered before what people thought of her when they saw her name on paper, but she did now. The world has changed. Her father was  _ wrong. _

Maggie wanted to teach this kid that there was  _ nothing  _ wrong with living like  _ herself.  _ Unrepentant of what she was for people she didn’t  _ need  _ the respect of.

“Elena.”

It came out, pronounced in perfect Spanish, almost automatically. And when it did, Maggie was quietly hoping Alex wouldn’t reject it outright, because Maggie was already getting attached to this name more than she’d admit.

She didn’t have much to fear. Alex blinked, but the slow, soft grin that grew on her face immediately gave away that Alex was practically melting over it.

“Elena Sawyer-Danvers,” Alex tried out, letting it all roll off the tongue. Maggie didn’t ever predict that she’d be able to fall in love with a name, but here she was.

Funny how both she and Alex tried to put up badass, tough personas, but were going completely soft over a  _ name. _

Granted, the name was for their actual, biological, seemingly impossible kid.

Still, Maggie would have  _ hoped  _ she’d be able to hold herself together. She was a police detective, had to fight for her position every step of the way because her line of work was dominated by white men. And she was melting on the inside because she and Alex had managed to name their kid in less than ten minutes, and had that name actually  _ mean  _ something to them.

_ And  _ it wasn’t an old lady name.

Maggie was going to mark that under the ‘win’ column.

They watched Kara continue to single handedly entertain Elena. It seemed it was love at first sight with those two. Not surprising, knowing Kara. Maggie was certain that Kara was  _ always  _ going to immediately love any kid Alex would end up bringing home. Perhaps Kara recognized how  _ easy  _ it was to lose everyone and everything she’d ever known and be forced to start all over again. She did lose an entire  _ planet. _

And suddenly Maggie felt like she probably could have tried a little harder to connect with Alex’s sister. She  _ was  _ going to end up becoming Maggie’s sister-in-law. They’d been entirely too hard on each other, and Maggie had the feeling that they could both understand loss far better than most.

Of course, this realization was too little, too late. It wasn’t as though Maggie was in any position to reconnect with any of Alex’s family. It would be shortsighted trying to ignore the fact that she and Alex had broken up. They hadn’t even decided just  _ how  _ they were going to co-parent Elena, and Maggie had no idea how often she and Alex would actually end up speaking or interacting with one another. The last thing Maggie wanted to do was get too close all over again, only to have to rip away those connections all over again.

Kara finally let Elena off of her back, and was showing something to her on the tablet. Elena seemed transfixed on whatever Kara was sharing with her, and Maggie figured now was as good a time as any to interrupt. Maggie couldn’t really hide from her daughter forever.

Even though this whole thing terrified her.

“You ready?” Maggie finally asked. They were pretty much staring at Kara and Elena through the medbay’s glass, and they’d be noticed eventually.

Alex shook her head. “Wait. There’s…  _ one  _ more thing I wanted to talk about.”

She seemed almost hesitant to broach whatever it was Alex wanted to talk about. Maggie thought this whole thing, gaining a  _ daughter  _ was hard in and of itself. They might as well get  _ all  _ of the hard conversations out of the way as quickly and carefully as possible. They didn’t get nine months to prepare for this. Or however long it took to adopt kids, which was probably  _ longer  _ than nine months…. Either way, most parents got  _ way  _ more preparation time than was afforded by seemingly sheer fate and bad luck to Alex and Maggie.

“What’s up, Danvers?” Maggie asked, she couldn’t really hide the fatigue she was feeling.

“What do you want to be called?” Alex asked, and ripped the bandaid right off. “Because I don’t want to hide who I am from her. We’re her  _ mothers,  _ Maggie. If—If you can’t take that title up, I… I get it. You’ve always been upfront about not wanting kids. But….”

“This is something you’ve always wanted,” Maggie finished for her. She swallowed. It was hard. Knowing that it was probably  _ most  _ fair to Elena to be that mother she deserved. But Maggie had no idea how to do that. Or even if she  _ wanted to.  _ Alex was that mother. She always had been, had always  _ prepared  _ herself to be. Perhaps not financially or practically, but emotionally and mentally? Alex Danvers knew what she wanted, and she was prepared to jump right in now that it mattered.

“Alex… if you want to be her mommy, I’m  _ never  _ going to stop you,” Maggie said. “I told you that you were going to make a great mom, and that hasn’t changed. God, you’re going to drop  _ everything  _ for this kid, and… that’s… that’s amazing, Alex. You’ve always been amazing. You don’t need my permission to do any of it.”

They smiled gently at one another, and Maggie was brought back to many moments of the two of them together. Early mornings of light conversations, late night bantering after a case, deep conversations about their pasts. Maggie didn’t know how she was going to survive this. One slip, and here she was acting as though she and Alex hadn’t broken up. Hadn’t tried to walk away from each other because they couldn’t be what the other wanted. Only now brought together because of something completely out of their control.

Maggie forcefully dragged her gaze away from Alex. They’d end up never entering the room if she didn’t. She reached to the door again, Alex not stopping her this time, and tried her best to prepare for something she never thought she’d ever have to deal with.

“And this is James. He’s nice, and he works with me,” Kara was saying, now holding her phone out for Elena to look at curiously.

But it seemed as though Kara’s virtual tour of pretty much everyone she’s ever known—Maggie knew Kara well enough to know that it was extremely unlikely Kara wasn’t sharing literally every picture she’s ever taken—wasn’t enough to keep the kid occupied for long. Elena started looking around the room, and her gaze settled on Maggie and Alex as they walked in.

She apparently recognized them both, and her grin grew once again. Damn, Maggie was beginning to get why everyone seemed to make such a big deal about her dimples. The things were pretty damn potent.

“Oh, hey, guys!” Kara exclaimed. “Did you get everything sorted out?”

“Mostly,” Alex answered, apparently just as enthralled by Elena’s smiling face as Maggie was. “She’ll live with me for now. We’ll need to buy her some stuff. I… wow, I need to get a new apartment….”

Maggie would bet the fact that Alex’s open floor plan probably wasn’t very conductive to raising a kid.

“What your name?”

Elena’s voice, the first time Maggie’s heard it beyond just a single word, startled them all. Judging by Kara and Alex’s reactions, the kid had probably been acting shy this whole time. Elena was looking right at Maggie, and her question was more than a little depressing. If Kara was going over all of her pictures, and  _ hadn’t  _ gotten to Maggie yet, it just went to show how much she wasn’t a part of this family anymore. She hasn’t seen Kara since she and Alex broke up. There was no telling what Kara had been getting up to since Maggie had last seen her.  _ Any  _ of Alex’s friends.

“Maggie,” she answered, trying not to let her voice crack.

The kid nodded to herself, apparently satisfied. But then that dimple appeared on her forehead all over again. Maggie was never going to get over seeing it. She tilted her head to the side.

“What my name?”

Maggie wondered just  _ what  _ Cadmus had been teaching her in that damn tank. It had to be weird, to know that just about everyone around you had names, but not know your own. Not  _ have  _ one at all, until complete strangers just handed one to you. Maggie was happy that Elena was so young. An older kid would probably be pretty messed up trying to find their place in the world.

Alex took this one, coming closer to Elena and kneeling until she was eye level with their kid.

“Maggie and I were talking about it, and what do you think about Elena?”

Another prime example of why Alex was much more suited to motherhood than Maggie could ever hope to be. She hadn’t even  _ considered  _ asking the kid her opinion over her own name. She was already  _ three,  _ and sure that was the age most kids were probably more concerned with Sesame Street—or whatever kids these days watched—than what their own names were, but still. It was only fair to give her a choice here. She was probably old enough to at least have a vague idea of what she thought of it.

What if she hated it? And Maggie was already referring to her as Elena, and their daughter didn’t even  _ like  _ it?

Slowly, Elena—and here Maggie was doing it  _ again— _ ran the syllables of her new,  _ proposed  _ name in her mouth. Much like the way Alex had earlier. To Maggie’s great relief, a slow grin again appeared on her tiny features. Maggie could admit she’d grown more attached to this name than she ever would have guessed.

“Pwetty!”

Alex herself even let out a relieved sigh. One that Elena probably wouldn’t notice, but Maggie could spot Alex’s slightly pained, awkward, worry grin from orbit.

“I’m glad you like it,” Alex said, her own smile turning into something far more natural and genuine. “I’ve got another question for you.”

Elena nodded eagerly. Man, this kid was just adorable.

“How do you feel about coming to live with me?”

“Live here?” Elena asked, and frowned at Alex.

“No, sweetie, we don’t live here,” Alex smiled. “This place is just for work. We have to go to my apartment to live there.”

“Why?”

Alex glanced at Maggie, apparently at a bit of a loss to answer that question.

“There aren’t any beds here, kid. It’s cold, and definitely no toys. Alex’s house will have all of those things,” Maggie answered, ignoring the fact that they really,  _ really  _ needed to go out and buy all of those things she just listed.

“No. Go home wif Kawa,” Elena said, and crossed her arms over her little chest. “She pway wif me.”

Kara blanched at that, shooting Alex the most contrite look she could possibly muster. “I’m not trying to steal her, Alex, I swear!”

Alex rolled her eyes. “It’s okay, Kara. You literally have superpowers. Of course she’s going to want to play with you. Elena, Kara’s not going anywhere. She’s gonna visit lots and lots, and she’ll definitely play with you when she does. But I want you to live with me. I want to take care of you.”

“Why?”

Elena’s head was tilted again. Maggie was pretty sure she got that from her. It was so  _ odd  _ seeing so much of herself in this kid. Not to mention Alex. A combination of the both of them, living and breathing right in front of them. Apparently with their inquisitive streaks too.

Alex grinned at their daughter tearily. “Because I’m your mommy and I love you.”

Maggie loved that Alex was able to give this to their daughter. She really did. But, it also hit her in the gut. The fact that  _ she  _ couldn’t do the same? It really made her feel selfish. That she couldn’t just get over her issues and step up the same way Alex was. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she just be everything this kid needed?

_ “My  _ mommy? I don’t gotta mommy,” Elena said, completely perplexed by the thought.

Maggie really wanted to kill Cadmus. If this kid thought she was completely alone in the world because of  _ them,  _ Maggie was going to destroy them. Alex apparently thinking the same as a flicker of anger flashed across her face for the briefest of moments.

“You have me,” Alex answered firmly. “I’m  _ your  _ mommy, and I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

And as emotionally heavy as this whole scene was—Kara was not so stealthily wiping tears from her face—Elena just nodded and reached for the tablet high above her on the exam table.

“I wanna watch puppy again.”

Maybe kids weren’t as complicated as Maggie would have feared.

“Scooby?” Kara guessed as she set up the tablet for her niece. “I love Scooby! He’s funny.”

Maggie was not a lick surprised that Kara loved a dog who talked and solved mysteries.

Hell, who was she kidding,  _ Maggie  _ loved Scooby Doo.

Alex chuckled as she stood up. “Well, guess the moment’s over.”

“She  _ is  _ three, right? I’m guessing three year olds aren’t known for their appreciation of acts of love,” Maggie said wryly.

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to recover. Losing out my daughter’s attention to a talking dog.”

“Hey, Scooby is badass. Goes out of his way to solve mysteries, despite being terrified of monsters? That’s a realistic response to the kind of stuff he’s seen,” Maggie said, grinning.

“And you say  _ I’m  _ the nerd?” Alex shook her head. “Really, though, how are you feeling about all of this? Do you need any of that time? You don’t have to—”

“Danvers, I’m coming to your apartment, taking stock of all the stuff you’re going to need, and I’m going to help you buy it all. No arguments. I’m… not ready to just live with her yet. But I can do this much. I’m fine. Or as fine as I can be for this. It’s… it’s a shock, but it’s one we’re going to have to deal with.”

She talked a big talk, but Maggie was more than a little overwhelmed. She had no idea how Alex was managing. She was so calm, seemed to know the exact thing to say to their daughter, and appreciated just how young the kid was. And sure, Maggie knew the basics. The  _ very  _ basic of basics, but she was nowhere near certain just what Elena was going to need. The only thing Maggie knew about this kid was that she loved Scooby Doo, juice boxes, and apparently Kara. Wasn’t exactly a big list.

“I’m scared too,” Alex admitted, looking right through Maggie. “Maggie, it’s okay if you don’t know what to do.  _ I  _ don’t know what to do.”

Maggie scoffed. “Come on, Danvers. You’re a natural at this. There’s no way I’d be able to just… talk to her the way you can.”

“Maybe,” Alex said. “Or maybe I’m just making this up as I go along. I’ve never taken care of a kid her age. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m just throwing things at the wall to see if they stick. People say that parenting isn’t about being perfect, right? I’m not saying you have to be the perfect mom, Maggie. You just need to be…  _ you.  _ You’re a caring, strong, and wise person. Elena is lucky to have you in her life, okay?”

Maggie didn’t really agree, but she wasn’t ready to get into that heaviness in front of both Kara and Elena. Even if the two of them were enthralled by the cartoon they were watching. Maggie had no idea what she was going to do. She wanted to love this kid, a part of her figured she already did, but that didn’t mean she could love Elena the same way Alex seemed to pull off so effortlessly. She wished she could just… grow maternal feelings and  _ want kids  _ the way Alex did. It would make all of this so much easier.

Shame filled her at the thought. So many women could do this. Maggie had never felt ashamed for  _ not  _ wanting kids before. Not every woman needed to have them in order to be useful. She was just fine without them. There was no need to go out and fulfill society’s expectations of her. Hell, Maggie was already gay. She was pretty much defying social expectations already.

But things were different now. Elena was right here. She deserved to have a family who cared about here. Maggie was blood related to her. Biologically Maggie  _ was  _ her mother. It didn’t matter that Maggie hadn’t wanted kids, because Elena was right in front of her, regardless of what she’d wanted or planned for.

Why couldn’t she just  _ do this? _

No, if Elena was lucky to have  _ anyone  _ in her life right now, it was clearly Alex and Kara who deserved that honor. They were so in for this. Literally ride or die. And Maggie was just…  _ Maggie. _

God, she was going to mess this kid up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was long in coming. Partly because of the holidays, and partly because of my essays over The Last Jedi, and partly because it was just plain hard to write. Maggie's self-loathing in this chapter is not how I see her. She's a great person with a shitty past. The kind that didn't deserve to just be glossed over or used for the shock value of straight people. Because that was pretty much all the argument between Maggie and her father was. I am biracial myself, Hispanic specifically, and I have zero doubts that the Supergirl writing team is dominated by straight, white people. Because they gloss over all of the pain, trauma, and hardship that actually would have been there when Maggie was so thoroughly rejected by her family.
> 
> Yeah, that argument was just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, in my opinion. Yes, SOME of what Maggie's father said would be something a Hispanic, traditional, homophobic man would say, but whew. Just the way they slapped it together, the whole, "I got them to RESPECT me," bullshit. My Mexican family has never, ever, in a million years, gone out of their way to make white people respect them. Not in the way he was insinuating. I know my experiences aren't universal, but the whole thing is just weird. I don't know if I can properly explain it. I just didn't like the way her dad made it seem like he chose to conform to a bunch of racist people as if his entire self-worth depended on it.
> 
> Oh well, that was the garbage I was handed with canon, and that is what I will have to work with. -_-
> 
> Anyway, Elena's name is both a homage to Floriana Lima and Maggie. I am upset that Flo is gone, wish that didn't happen, so I decided to name her with both the actress and the character in mind. Elena is a popular name in both Italy (Flo is Italian American) and Spain, and breaks the top 100 lists of at least Spain in recent years.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie attempt to take care of Elena's most urgent needs, but are interrupted when Alex's worst fear presents itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while, hasn't it? I haven't forgotten this story, and I'm back to continue helping in not letting the Sanvers tag die :D

Alex smiled softly as she watched Kara with her daughter. They were still watching the tablet together, Elena enthralled and Kara making a running commentary on which direction the Mystery Gang should flee from the monster. Honestly, this was probably the most  _ normal  _ thing about her day. Alex never had any doubts whatsoever about Kara loving any child Alex either had herself or brought home through some other means.

She still couldn’t believe that Elena was going home with her. With  _ Alex.  _ A part of Alex had to be violently stuffed into a box in order to keep herself from outright panicking about that. She hadn’t been lying to Maggie when she admitted that she was frightened as well. Who  _ wouldn’t  _ be afraid of raising their own kid? What if Alex messed her up for life? What did she know about three year old, anyway?

And those questions were exactly the kind that Alex was trying to avoid right now. She knew she needed to take this one step at a time. They’d already named the girl, Alex figured that they were doing remarkably well for people who have just found out they had a daughter. She’d  _ really  _ like to see if anyone else could do better.

Now she needed to figure out just  _ what  _ she was going to need in order to properly take care of a toddler. Alex was constantly marvelling at how far behind she was from a normal parent. She literally had  _ nothing  _ for Elena. Hell, Alex’s apartment didn’t even had  _ bedrooms.  _ Where was she going to stick Elena? It was obvious Alex was going to need a new apartment, and soon. It was going to be a nightmare trying to find something on such short notice.

And then there were all of the toys, clothes, furniture…. What did Elena like? Was there a way to find out what her kid even enjoyed? Alex doubted that Cadmus had taught the girl pop culture in the tank. She didn’t think Lilian would put that much effort into teaching future soldier slaves. And Alex  _ really  _ hated to think those two words anywhere near Elena.

Fortunately, there were  _ plenty  _ of other things for Alex to worry about. Like what she was going to tell her mother. A whole new source of potential panic. Honestly, as much as Alex has screwed up her life over the years, she could at least take comfort in the fact that she had never gotten inadvertently pregnant while in school. Not that those who did find themselves in that situation were bad people, but Alex figured her mother would have taken a dim view of her if she had gotten pregnant in that period of her life.

Sure, Alex was almost thirty. Sure, she’d finished school. Sure, she was an adult living her own life, with a career she could be proud of, and had already nearly gotten married. All of that was great. More than Alex could have ever hoped for in the darkest periods of her life. But… none of that erased the outright panic she felt at the  _ thought  _ of telling Eliza about Elena. Functionally, she might as well have gotten knocked up in a one night stand. God, she was going to have to explain exactly how this happened, because her mother knew that Alex was  _ very  _ gay. She’d know that Alex worked for the DEO. Eliza would know that Elena’s conception was only possible with alien technology.  _ And,  _ most damningly, Eliza would know that any alien technology capable of doing this required DNA only gained from bodily fluids.

Unless Alex could convince her mother that she  _ and  _ Maggie—two very competent, athletic, and dexterous women—cut themselves on the same exact piece of alien tech locked away in the depths of the DEO, Eliza was going to figure out  _ exactly  _ what had happened.

The very idea of that mortified Alex beyond words.

And as if that weren’t bad enough, the only other person Alex hated to disappoint joined them into the room. J’onn apparently recovered from his shock. Alex watched him take in Elena nervously. She’d already acted  _ supremely  _ unprofessional at work with Maggie in creating her. She highly doubted J’onn would think less of Elena for her origins, but he might just judge Alex. Alex would have to deal with that if that was the case, but knowing J’onn, he’d be enamoured with her daughter.

“J’onn,” Alex said, not able to quite hide the nervous tremor in her voice. “I’m… going to need some time off.”

His eyes snapped back to her, but instead of judgement or disappointment, his eyes were almost suspiciously wet. “Of course. Take all the time you need. Ahem… I wouldn’t mind meeting her later on when she’s settled in.”

Alex was dumbfounded. Was she going to be disciplined at all for this? She and Maggie must have broken at least a dozen different regulations.

“Um…. Yeah, of course,” Alex said in confusion. J’onn being in her daughter’s life was never a question. She figured he’d be part of her huge, adopted family just as much as the rest.

“Agent Danvers, you’ve gotten a toddler overnight,” J’onn said with a small smile. “Trust me, that will be punishment enough.”

Maggie seemed just as confused as Alex was at that statement. “Uh… what do you mean?”

“I’m sure your daughter is going to be a sweet, intelligent, and caring young woman,” J’onn said with an entirely straight face. “But… she’s also going to be  _ your  _ daughter. She’s going to give you both a run for your money.”

Alex and Maggie shared a look. Maggie probably thinking of each and every aspect of her own personality that was going to make their kid… challenging to say the least if Elena inherited them.

Maggie’s face grew pale at whatever was running through her head, and Alex really couldn’t blame her. She was being inundated with childhood memories of making babysitters experience absolute hell, sneaking off and worrying her poor parents in the middle of the mall, or any sort of stubborn, bullheaded moment she had.

Perhaps J’onn had a point.

Kara was already snickering behind them.

Alex spun around and glared at her. “You don’t even know what I was like as a kid. For all you know, I was an angel, thank you.”

Her sister only snorted. “Okay,  _ sure.  _ I might not have been around for little Alex, but knowing how you are now…. Yeah.”

“I can’t  _ wait  _ for you to have your own kids,” Alex muttered. Oh, she was going to make Kara’s life a living hell with all the embarrassing stories she knew about how awkward Kara had been as a teenager. She was certain Kara was already going to be telling Elena her own tales as she got older.

“So… how are we going to do this? Getting stuff for Elena,” Maggie clarified, interrupting Alex and Kara before the bickering could continue. “She’s never been outside before, will she be able to handle people, walking around a store, all the noises that come with being in a city? Does she have shots and stuff from the tank?”

“She’s good on shots,” Alex answered. “The tank did actually take care of that, so at least she doesn’t have to worry about needles for another four to five years. Going outside…. Yeah, I don’t know how she’ll do. We can try it, and then take her home if it gets to be too much….”

She wished there was a better way to handle this. Causing Elena unneeded stress wasn’t something that was high on Alex’s priority list. On the one hand, Elena was going to have to be socialized eventually. She just didn’t see the need to introduce too much to the girl too quickly.

“Probably the best we’ll be able to do,” Maggie said with a sigh. Likely not any happier about this than Alex.

“I can help,” Kara offered immediately. “If you want me to help shop, I can do things way faster than you guys can. Or, if you want to pick stuff out for her yourself, I can watch Elena too. Or just keep you guys company while you do it all together. Entertain Elena while the boring, grown up stuff gets done.”

All options were pretty good in Alex’s mind. She kind of did want to actually buy things for her daughter with Maggie. After all, Maggie had said she wanted to help Alex with the financial side of things at the very least, and planned to do more. Hopefully Maggie would be able to handle it. Alex had a not so small desire for Maggie to be able to…. Well, she shouldn’t get her hopes up to high. Not when this was all so new and stressful.

She also didn’t want to be too far from Elena at the moment. Alex couldn’t really explain it, but the thought of losing sight of her daughter right now…. She could already feel the stress coming on just imagining it.

“You can come, if that’s okay?” Alex asked Maggie, just to make certain that Maggie was on the same page. Everything was happening so quickly, and her sister and ex hadn’t always gotten along. Things had gotten  _ better  _ right before the breakup, but Alex didn’t want to pick at any more open wounds than she had to.

Maggie shrugged with a small smile, “Hey, she really likes you, Kara. Might as well use that to our advantage.”

Another decision settled. If this was how things were going to go, Alex figured she could learn this parenting thing in time. Of course, she wasn’t naive to think it’d be  _ easy.  _ Elena very much could decide to have a toddler meltdown down the road, or any number of mini-disaster could pop up. But this? Alex could handle this. She just hoped things continued to go smoothly on this first day. She felt raw enough already.

And, of course, Alex should have known better.

She felt her wrist vibrate, and checked her watch. She felt ill immediately as the contact popped up.

_ Mom _

Well.

She really should just learn to stop thinking her life was going well. The universe habitually just screwed her over the moment that thought ever crossed her mind. How many times was she going to have to learn this lesson?

Kara was glancing at her watch face too, dumb supervision coming into play.

“You know she’s just going to call me, know that something’s different immediately just from my tone of voice, and weasel it out of one us until we cave,” Kara said with a grimace. “Might as well get it over with.”

Maggie snorted. “Yeah, and you still claim you’re a  _ ‘good’  _ liar.”

“I am!” Kara insisted indignantly. “Eliza’s different. She’s… she’s  _ Eliza.” _

Kara was a terrible liar, no matter what she said. To this day, Alex had no idea how Lena couldn’t tell her sister was Supergirl with all the  _ many  _ ways Kara slipped up around her. Still, her sister did have a point about her mother. Eliza had a way of telling when something was wrong with either of them. She could just…  _ read  _ them. Whether through the phone or in person. Keeping a secret from her was impossible, ironically. Alex had no idea how she’d kept the DEO from her for so long, but ever since they’d improved their relationship, Eliza had been able to spot when she was having a  _ bad day.  _ Through text.

Keeping Elena from her wasn’t going to be possible. Not that Alex  _ really  _ wanted to. She really did want to share this with her mother. She just… wanted to skip Eliza’s reaction. Just in case it was bad. Alex hoped it wouldn’t be, but she just had no idea of what her mother was going to think. How could she? How often did something like this just dropped in people’s laps?

But that was a question for another time. Her phone was still ringing, and Mom would just right to Kara because, and Alex couldn’t believe she had forgotten this, though in her defense she  _ had  _ been preoccupied, this was her weekly call to the both of them. The last thing Alex wanted was for Kara to spill the beans.

She answered with a leaden weight in her stomach.

“Hey, Mom,” she said, and winced at how high her voice was right off the bat.

Maggie even winced in sympathy, so Alex was pretty sure she was acting like a disaster.

“Hi, Alex. Are you okay?” Eliza’s voice was already laced with concern.

Great.

Alex left the medbay. She didn’t want to do this with an audience, no matter who it was.

“I… kind of,” Alex admitted. “I don’t know how to explain how my morning’s gone.”

“You’re not hurt?” Eliza asked, concern ramping up. “Kara’s alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex said quickly. “Everyone’s fine. Physically. We’re all great. Uh. How are you?”

“Alex.”

Right. She wasn’t going to be let off the hook now that Mom was certain something was going on. Alex might be able to lie, but apparently that skill evaporated in the mere presence of her mother.

“Maggie and I…. I won’t say we messed up. Because that wouldn’t be fair to her. She’s not a mess up. It’s just… nothing we really planned for. Um. Yeah, so, we did something pretty stupid, and now it’s caught up with us, and we’re trying to deal with it,” Alex said, knowing she wasn’t making a lick of sense, but unable to keep herself from speaking all the same.

“Maggie’s back?” Eliza asked in confusion. “Are you working a case together? I figured that would be hard for you both when it eventually happened.”

If this was as simple as a case…. Well, Alex could probably handle that. It would still be painful seeing Maggie again, but they were both capable of being professional. Both of them had their own version of walls they could put up. Despite the fact that they both probably never expected that they would have to erect them all over again with each other. Not after helping each other demolish them brick by brick.

No, this… this was infinitely more complicated.

“It’s not a case, Mom,” Alex swallowed. “We… uh…. Okay. So, our DNA got captured by Cadmus tech a couple of months ago. It…. I think it was originally supposed to use Kara’s DNA they’d gotten when they kidnapped her to create super soldiers. Except, our DNA overrode Kara’s, so Elena is completely human. Um. We’re pretty sure at least. It could be possible that something latent is in her DNA that will come out when she ages, but we’re not able to tell that right now. She’s healthy, and seems to be hitting the right milestones for her age. That’s what Hamilton told me, at least. So, that’s the important thing. I still need to get J’onn to mind read her and check for any Cadmus programming, but as far as we can tell, she’s a normal kid, and—”

“Alex.  _ Alex,  _ please slow down,” Eliza interrupted her panicked speech and Alex could hear the barest tremor in her mother’s voice. Probably a testament to someone who had raised an  _ alien with superpowers.  _ How many times had Alex called her mother with news that Kara had broken yet another object, or they’d gone off and did something stupid with her powers.

“Are you…. Are you trying to tell me that you and Maggie accidentally created a… a clone?”

“Not a clone,” Alex answered after taking in a deep breath. “She’s… she’s got both of our DNA. Exactly like a… child would compared to their parents. Mom, Elena’s our biological daughter.”

There.

She did it.

It wasn’t pretty, Alex was pretty certain she’d been word vomiting towards the end there, but, hey, this part was over. Now she just needed to handle the fallout.

Eliza was completely silent.

And the silence went on for so long that Alex found it unbearable.

“Look, I know you’re probably disappointed. I mean, it doesn’t take an alien biomedical engineer to realize how this most likely happened. But, Elena is here, she’s not going anywhere, and Maggie and I are determined to do the right thing. As well as we can, at least. I wanted you to know because she’s your family too. It didn’t really happen like I would have wanted, or when, but she’s our  _ daughter.  _ Mom, I’ve got a daughter. I don’t… I don’t really know what I’m doing. But I’m going to do my best to figure it out,” Alex said forcefully.

Her mother took in a deep breath. “I’m not…  _ disappointed.  _ Not exactly. I’m shocked, of course, but…. I can understand what it’s like to have a child dropped into your lap, Alex. I can’t be disappointed in you standing by your own actions. How old is she?”

“She’s three, as best as we can tell. And, what do you mean by ‘not exactly?’”

“I’m sorry if this is going to come off bluntly, but I don’t want to leave this unasked either. Are you and Maggie getting back together just for this child?” Eliza asked, ripping right into the issue.

Alex felt like she was punched right in the gut. Largely because a part of her  _ did  _ want to just get back together with Maggie and erase all the heartache she was feeling.

“You’re still heartbroken over her, sweetheart,” Eliza continued more gently. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself even more just because it may  _ seem  _ like the right thing to do. I honestly can’t say if it is or not. At least in the long term. You broke up over children, and now you have a child together. I understand how complicated that is going to make your relationship. However, I don’t think it’s a good idea to rush back into your relationship right  _ now.  _ Please take things slowly. For all of your sakes.”

She let out a heavy sigh. Alex knew her mother had a point, and she was glad that Eliza was also thinking about Maggie too. But she  _ really  _ wasn’t able to get into her feelings about…  _ them,  _ her and Maggie, right now.

“We’re not going too fast, Mom. Trust me. We can barely be in the same room together without falling apart. I don’t know how this is going to work. Maggie still says she doesn’t want to do the whole motherhood thing.”

Eliza hummed on the other end. “Well, she might not have much of a choice. As you said, Elena is here and isn’t going anywhere.”

“I’m not forcing her into anything,” Alex snapped out.

“That’s not what I meant. For that matter, it’s not really up to you to force her into anything. I’m assuming that Maggie isn’t going to want to abandon Elena based on her own experiences with family. I’m only trying to point out that Maggie’s own feelings aren’t going to allow her to keep as much distance as she probably thinks she can,” Eliza explained calmly.

“Is it horrible for me to hope you’re right? God, Mom, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. Just pretend that we’re fine, all while trying to raise this kid I just found out about  _ three hours ago.  _ I don’t… I don’t know anything about her. I’ve never even so much as  _ babysat  _ kids her age. I know I said I wanted kids, but I thought I had time to prepare for this….”

“Alex, you aren’t going to be alone. I know this is shocking. I’m still trying to process the fact that I’ve got a granddaughter and I’m certain that it’s not really going to hit me until I’m in the middle of a plane full of strangers.”

Alex blinked. “Wait, you’re coming over? I thought you had that big project at your lab.”

“A project that will still be there when I get back. Unless you don’t want me to come over while things are so… new, I can take a week or two of vacation. This is probably the most positive family emergency we’ve ever had. I’m excited to meet her, Alex, and I fully expect to get some pictures of her in the next couple of hours,” Eliza said, an excited tremor to her voice.

This was probably the most unlikely scenario Alex had imagined. That her mother would be so quick to accept Elena’s existence, want to drop everything to meet her and help Alex, all while not scolding Alex on her tumultuous relationship with Maggie. Everything was so much more supportive than she had expected it to be. Which, may have been unfair to her mother in the first place. Eliza had been putting in a lot of effort in fixing their strained relationship.

Perhaps all that work was finally paying off.

“Mom, you’re probably the most experienced person with kids I know. If you weren’t able to come, I’d probably would have gone to Midvale. And I’m happy you want to meet her. Elena didn’t even think she  _ had  _ a family until I told her. There’s no telling what sort of crap Cadmus had been feeding her, but I really hope it wasn’t anything horrible.”

“I can’t imagine that they would slip anything concerning into her at this age. But we’ll all help you deal with anything that may or may not come up. I love you, sweetie, and we’re going to get that taken care of like we always have, together. Now, unless there’s anything else you want to speak with me about, I would really like to get to packing so I can meet this little girl as soon as possible,” Eliza said.

“Thank you,” Alex said, voice getting a tad bit heavy. “For everything. It means a lot to me that you… didn’t react to this the same way you did when I told you about the DEO.”

Eliza took in a deep breath. “Well, that wasn’t the best way I could have taken that conversation in the first place. I’m sorry for how I reacted back then. Especially throwing your father in your face. That wasn’t fair. I was just so afraid of losing you like I lost your father that I just… said the worst thing I possibly could have. It’s not an excuse, I still shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Alex said, for once meaning it. She never would have imagined she and her mother could have this talk a few years ago. But this was where they were now, and Alex was more than ecstatic about it. “You didn’t know the DEO changed. For all you knew, they’d tricked me into going into Dad’s footsteps and were going to tell you I’d died in a plane crash. I mean, without Kara, that would have actually happened….”

“Oh, don’t remind me. That’s not a particularly great thought I enjoy entertaining.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ll let you go now, Mom. I don’t want to leave Maggie alone with Elena for too long. I mean, I’m sure they’re fine, but Maggie’s been sort of freaking out at all the sudden parenthood we’ve been going through,” Alex said with a nervous laugh.

“I can only imagine how stressful this is for you both. I’ll be there soon. You’re both warm, loving people. No matter the toughness you hide it all behind. I’m sure you’ll both do fine,” Eliza said warmly.

Alex hoped she could have her mother’s confidence in herself. Eliza was definitely right about Maggie. Maggie could be so open and caring when she was pulled out from behind her walls. Probably one of the kindest people Alex knew. But, Alex was practically a walking disaster of nerves. If she  _ didn’t  _ end up making a mistake, it would be a miracle.

“Love you, Mom. See you soon.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Alex feeling much better than she had before this call now that telling Eliza was out of the way and that it had gone off without a hitch. This was way more than she ever expected or hoped for.

She could only hope that the rest of this: taking care of Elena’s most pressing needs, dealing with Maggie,  _ raising their daughter together for the next twenty years or so,  _ went off without a hitch.

Yep, she was going to pray that the universe did not just hear that last thought and decide to muck up her perfectly valid and fair hopes for her own future.

Because she was getting awfully tired of the hands it was dealing her. They were going to have to have a serious talk one of these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk time: I don't hate Eliza. I really like her, in fact. She's a good example of a parent who has made mistakes, has apologized for them, hasn't made excuses for her behavior, and has spent virtually all of her screen time since Thanksgiving I not only supporting both of her daughters but actively choosing to make the opposite of the bad choices she's made before. I have literally written two essays on this topic, going scene by scene and analyzing Eliza's words, expressions, and body language, because it drives me up the wall just how much hate she gets from this fandom.
> 
> I get she's put a lot of pressure on Alex. I get that you can't erase that harm, and that much of it has scarred over on Alex's end. But it can be mitigated, soothed, and addressed. Which the show has not only done (though perhaps not as explicitly as it should have), but continues to do. Lord, the woman even perfectly reacts to Maggie's tragic past. This fic isn't going to negatively depict Eliza. I'm really going to continue in the direction of Alex and Eliza healing the rift they've already largely overcome on their own in canon.
> 
> Next chapter I hope to get some kid/moms interaction in.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Alex take Elena shopping. They receive a scare, and Maggie deals with her conflicted feelings.

Maggie followed Kara and Elena at a more sedate pace with Alex. She was watching her…  _ daughter  _ excitedly explore the very first grocery store she’d ever been to with her arms crossed and biting down on her lip.

This was… this was surreal. Maggie couldn’t believe she was in the middle of helping her ex-fiance buy groceries because, knowing Alex, she had not a single piece of food in her apartment that was suitable for a toddler. Except that really wasn’t as surreal as realizing that she  _ cared  _ whether or not Elena had something appropriate to eat. There was already so many ways she cared for this kid, and it was all bothering Maggie. And the fact that it was bothering her was bothering her even more.

Why was this so hard for her? Here she was, apparently the only person in their little group, freaking out internally. Beside her, Alex seemed to be entirely enthralled by Elena, watching her and Kara interact with some of the largest heart eyes Maggie has ever seen from her.

Yeah, Alex Danvers was a softie when it came to the people she cared about.

And that was the thing. Alex  _ loved  _ Elena already. Right off the bat. Without question. Hell, she’d approached the kid and announced herself as her  _ mother.  _ Maggie wasn’t even  _ close  _ to doing something like that. She was still at the stage of marvelling at the fact that she had a real life, biological, daughter  _ she hadn’t given birth to.  _ Or Alex for that matter. This was just so  _ impossible. _

But that was apparently what Maggie’s life was right now. Impossibilities set upon her by the universe. Maggie was starting to understand what Alex meant when she said that the universe was out to get her. Only, it felt  _ horrible  _ to say that Elena was some punishment the universe had set on them for breaking up. Why couldn’t Maggie get a grip over her emotions?

“You doing okay?” Alex asked from beside her. She was glancing at Maggie in concern, her brow furrowed just like it always did when Alex got worried.

Maggie took in a deep breath and tried to figure out if she wanted to answer honestly or not. On the one hand, it didn’t feel good to be so filled with doubts and reluctance even now. It was  _ so easy  _ to be against kids when kids weren’t even a real thing in Maggie’s world. There  _ was  _ no child for Maggie to come to terms with. Just the idea of motherhood and just how unappealing it was to her. But now that had changed, in a very radical way, and she just didn’t know what to  _ do. _

On the other hand, she and Alex were going to be in this together. Indefinitely. As differently as Alex was reacting to Elena, she was still the only other person who was in the same exact position Maggie was in when it came to sudden motherhood. She was the only person who could possibly understand what she was feeling, even if she actually  _ wanted  _ kids. Maggie was almost positive that Alex wouldn’t have wanted a kid like this.

“No,” Maggie answered lowly. She didn’t want Elena to overhear her. “I… this is the  _ last  _ thing I would have wanted, Alex. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a mother. At least, I  _ didn’t.  _ I… I don’t even know if I feel the same way as I did. If I still  _ want  _ to feel this way. But I do, and I don’t know how or if I want to stop it. I want Elena to have a family. I’m just… still not sure if  _ I  _ need to be a part of that family. Or if I should.”

“Maggie, you’re one of the best people I know,” Alex started.

“I know,” Maggie cut her off. “I know what you think of me. Just… I don’t know if I agree. Alex, I’ve been a wreck since we’ve broken up. Working at least every waking moment I have so I don’t have to think about what I almost had. And I’m not telling you this to make you feel badly, believe me. I’m just trying to explain just how…  _ little  _ I have to give to this kid. I work too much, I don’t communicate like I should, clearly, and I gave up one of the best things to ever happen to me because I couldn’t handle changing a few diapers. I don’t think I can do this.”

Alex was shaking her head. “I’m not asking you to do anything, Maggie. I want you to do whatever  _ you’re  _ comfortable with. As far as what you’ve been feeling… I’ve been completely broken up over us too. Kara could probably tell you a book’s worth of times I’ve told her how much I missed you. I’ve been working too much too. It’s okay to not be okay. At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling me. We  _ both  _ didn’t talk about kids until it was too late. Don’t blame yourself for that like it’s all your fault. We just… we messed up together. Which, we’re probably going to be doing with Elena too. I don’t want you to push yourself so much that you end up running off. If you can’t be a mom, then you can’t be a mom. You can be Maggie. It’s okay.”

They were staring at each other. Maggie would give anything to know what Alex was thinking at this moment. She could read the sorrow and loss right on her face, but that didn’t mean Alex wanted to get back with Maggie the same way Maggie wanted her. Which, Maggie wasn’t even sure if they  _ should  _ get back together. Just because a kid was now in the picture didn’t mean that they could handle rekindling their relationship. For all Maggie knew, Alex would eventually become fed up and frustrated with her lack of commitment to Elena and leave her once again for greener pastures. Not that Maggie would blame her. But it  _ would  _ completely shatter Maggie if Alex Danvers left her a second time.

“Hey, guys?” Kara snapped them from their stare, glancing from Alex to Maggie and back again. She was holding Elena, and wearing a sheepish grin. “Okay, so I know I wanted to help you guys, and I  _ really  _ am going to go as fast as possible so I can get back here, but there’s an emergency—”

Alex immediately took Elena from Kara’s arms. “Yeah, yeah, go do your thing, what are you waiting for?”

With that, Kara pretty much blinked from their presence. Elena gaped at the sight. Apparently they were going to need to talk to the kid about keeping her aunt’s not-so-secret-secret.

For her part, Alex groaned in exasperation. “Really? Kara, I’m going to kill you one of these days….”

“Mommy, where she go?” Elena asked in wonder.

“Your sister is  _ really  _ bad at this secret identity thing,” Maggie muttered.

“Oh, believe me, I’m going to be having a talk with her,” Alex said grumpily. “Might even invite Mom into this too. God, how are we going to explain this to a  _ three year old?” _

Maggie shrugged. “Why don’t we just skip it for now? Make Kara explain it to her? It’s her secret identity that she’s apparently just throwing out there for all to see. Might as well make her face the consequences of it.”

Alex sighed. “We’ll do it together. Make Kara squirm while she  _ tries  _ to have a serious conversation about secret keeping, while we actually teach Elena how to keep a secret.”

She placed Elena on the ground, quickly distracting the kid with choices of fruit snacks Elena could pick out.

“Both?” Elena asked, pointing at a Scooby box and one with… was that Star Wars? Of course, only Alex Danvers’s kid would want Star Wars fruit snacks. She hasn’t even seen the movies…. For her part, Alex was beaming.

Maggie was going to be surrounded by nerds. She could already tell.

Not that she didn’t find it adorable.

Alex looked back at Maggie, apparently wavering under the tiny pout Elena was throwing at her. God, they were going to be completely helpless over this kid.

“I’m buying one more fruit or vegetable for whatever junk food you throw in that cart. Make your choices wisely,” Maggie said with a shrug.

This was how the shopping trip was spent for the majority of the time. Elena would get distracted by colorful boxes, clearly marketed for kids. It wasn’t as if the girl had any prior experience with junk food. The tank probably didn’t even give her a frame of reference for what food  _ was.  _ Speaking of which, Maggie was wondering  when Elena was going to get hungry. When was the last time she ate? Back at the DEO, with that tiny snack Kara had fed her?

It wasn’t until they’d gotten to the cereal aisle that things went wrong.

Alex was reaching for the Frosted Flakes, while Maggie was going for Cheerios.

“Come on, Mags. She’s never had Frosted Flakes. Every kid’s gotta try them in their life.”

Maggie was already shaking her head. “You’ve said that about Pop-Tarts, Lunchables, and that  _ tiny  _ bag of candy I let you pick out. Kid’s got enough ‘first time experiences’ in this cart. It’s not like the box of Cheerios is going to last forever.”

Alex was making a disgusted face. “Yeah, but  _ Cheerios?” _

“Who doesn’t like Cheerios, Danvers?” Maggie asked, completely aghast. “They’re a quintessential cereal!”

“For old people and one year olds,” Alex shot back.

Maggie squared up to Alex, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. “‘Old people?’” She asked dangerously. “You wanna run that by me again, Danvers?”

“You heard what I said, Sawyer,” Alex said, leaning into Maggie’s space.

For a moment, all Maggie could think of was heated kisses against doorways, cabinets, or a certain tank deep within the DEO. This was how those always started. Too much flirting, too much heat, and too much emotion. They were playing, Maggie knew that, but at the same time, she could see a certain glint to Alex’s gaze that suggested Alex was just as affected by Maggie’s close proximity as Maggie herself was.

They were doomed.

Maggie did the only thing she could do. Kissing Alex was out of the question. That  _ could not  _ happen. Not now. So, she took a step back, and took in a deep breath, trying to regain her bearings.

“Yeah, well, you’re still wrong, Danvers. Cheerios are great, and we’re not giving our kid an early case of diabetes,” she tossed the box into the basket for good measure.

Alex began to pout, but unfortunately for her, Maggie had become uninoculated to Alex’s pouts for today. Largely because Elena’s were that much more potent. Not that Alex couldn’t pull off a good one when she actually wanted to. Alex probably knew that Maggie had Elena’s best interest at heart while throwing in all the ‘icky stuff.’

Speaking of Elena, she’d been awfully quiet for the past several minutes….

Seemingly coming to the exact same conclusion, Alex’s pout faded as they both took in their surroundings again. Back in the cereal aisle, with their basket of groceries, as if they actually were married and shopping for their little family the same way thousands of families did every week in National City. As if Maggie was so lucky to be able to have all of that. Instead of this mess she was living right now. Doing everything she did out of necessity, and not because she actually  _ wanted  _ to be here.

There was just  _ one  _ thing missing.

Elena.

Maggie’s gaze snapped back to Alex’s in a panic, only to find that Alex wasn’t any more composed than she was.

“Where’d she go?” Maggie asked in alarm, fruitlessly looking up and down the aisle as if the kid was going to pop out behind a box of cereal and yell ‘surprise!’

“I… she was just here a minute ago!” Alex said in a panic. “Elena!”

This was bad.  _ Terrible.  _ The very first time Alex and Maggie take their daughter out into public and they  _ lose her.  _ This was just a part of what Maggie was referring to when she said she wasn’t ready for this. She had  _ no idea what she was doing.  _ And now she was partly responsible for losing a three year old in the middle of a grocery store. What was she thinking?

“Okay, okay, we just need to think. Statistically, the chances of a random stranger just kidnapping her are slim. Most kidnappers are people the child knows,” Maggie muttered to herself. “She probably wandered off.”

Alex wasn’t at all reassured. “Oh, yeah, because a kid who’s never so much as seen a  _ car  _ before today is totally safe wandering off! God, Maggie, what if she gets into the parking lot?!”

That was a thought Maggie hadn’t considered and  _ really  _ didn’t want to consider.

It was also what got them both near sprinting towards the entrance of the store. All Maggie could think about was that  _ her kid  _ was about to be splattered outside in a parking lot because she pull herself together and stop acting like a disaster.

They both nearly ran into a little old lady standing not too far from the entrance to the aisle.

“Oh! Excuse me,” the lady said in surprise, but she smiled at them both. “Judging by how fast you’re both going, I’m guessing this little girl belongs to you.”

Lo and behold, Elena was sucking juice out of a juice box and standing right behind the old lady. Maggie immediately felt relief rushing through her veins at the sight. God, what had they been thinking?

“New parents, right? Nice that they let you folks adopt now. Too many cuties like this one here left in those depressing orphanages. Tip for you new parents: Don’t let the girl out of your sights. Not even for a moment. These little ones have faster legs on them than you can imagine.”

With that, the woman pushed Elena towards them and plodded off.

“Um, thank you!” Alex called after her, probably just as bemused about this whole situation as Maggie felt.

That was  _ too close.  _ Way too close. Elena was probably beyond lucky that blunt, old lady found her. Maggie wasn’t even sure what to do with this. She clearly had absolutely no idea she’d done anything wrong.

Alex was kneeling down in front of Elena and gently pulled the straw away from her mouth. “Hey, baby, let’s talk for a minute. Why did you leave us back there?”

“Thirsy” Elena said plainly, as if that explained everything, and tongued the straw back into her mouth.

Maggie wasn’t even sure if she could blame Elena for any of this. She’d never had any rules before, was probably thirsty  _ and  _ hungry since the small snack she’d had in the DEO. Alex and Maggie were the ones supposed to be watching her. They probably should have just strapped her into the basket and avoided this entirely.

She rubbed her face tiredly.

“Where’d you get this, anyway?” Alex asked.

Elena pointed to an end cap on a nearby aisle advertising a sale on plastic wrapped juice boxes. Sure enough, there was clumsily torn plastic wrap and juice boxes strown about on the floor. Maggie shook her head. Looks like J’onn was right. This kid was going to be a handful.

“I got it,” Maggie sighed as she went to gather up Elena’s mess. Looks like the kid got away with one last junk food.

When she got back to the basket, Alex was indeed strapping a now pouting Elena into the basket.

“Sorry, babygirl, but you can’t wander off on us like that,” Alex was saying. “You  _ really  _ scared us when we couldn’t find you. We thought you were going to get hurt, and that would have made us really sad.”

Elena’s eyes grew wide and a little wet as that sank in. “No sad,” she protested, juice apparently forgotten.

“Well, we won’t be sad if you stay right  _ here,”  _ Alex said and poked at Elena’s stomach playfully for good measure.

Elena giggled, and Maggie was struck just then by just how much Alex needed this. Maggie hadn’t understood it at the time, still hadn’t until now, but now she could see what Alex had meant when she said she  _ needed  _ to be a mother. The smile Alex was wearing was one of the most bright and open Maggie had ever seen. Used to be that only herself and Kara could bring that out of her. Yet, here Elena was, prompting these kinds of reactions from her ex-fiance within a few hours of meeting her.

Maggie couldn’t quite grasp  _ that  _ part, but it was obvious that Alex adored this kid already. She had been foolish to think that Alex could have just moved past this. Which meant, as heartbreaking as it was for Maggie to realize and acknowledge, they’d made the right decision to break up.

And until Maggie could sort out her feelings over being a sudden and immediate parent, they should probably stay that way.

She felt like there was a white hot poker stabbing her through the heart. It was hard to  _ breathe  _ knowing that Alex Danvers was right there,  _ missing Maggie,  _ but their relationship was practically inches out of reach.

There was nothing to do but wait. Alex couldn’t just wish away her feelings for their daughter, and Maggie didn’t want her to. God, this kid  _ needed  _ someone to love her, and Alex was doing amazingly by stepping up. It was Maggie who was being left behind. The ball was in her court. Elena was here to stay in their lives, Alex had already told her that she wanted to be Elena’s mother.  _ Maggie  _ was the only person unsure of what she wanted.

Too bad that the only thing she wanted was Alex. Parenthood being attached to what Maggie desperately wanted, and she just  _ couldn’t  _ say with any certainty that she could actually handle it. The only thing Maggie felt she could do was at least  _ try.  _ Try to at least be in Elena’s life and go from there. It had been the plan all along, but watching Alex and Elena play with each other while they checked out groceries, Alex making some of the silliest faces Maggie had ever had the pleasure of witnessing, there was a part of her who really wanted  _ this.  _ The easy parts of being a family.

Because Maggie wasn’t so naive to think that this was the end all and be all of child rearing. Parenting was  _ hard.  _ And it was that exact challenge that Maggie had  _ never asked for.  _ That wish was quickly growing irrelevant.

She didn’t know what to do.

It was that problem Maggie pondered over and over again as they made their way to Alex’s apartment. They hadn’t gotten everything, but Elena was growing tired and grumpy, rubbing at her eyes. While neither Alex or Maggie were well versed in children her age, they were both smart enough to realize that was probably the impending signs of an overtired child capable to throwing tantrum in the next store they would have attempted.

What was she going to do? Besides bumble her way through something she had virtually no experience in and had never  _ tried  _ to learn? Did Elena deserve to be her personal guinea pig just because Maggie loved Alex and desperately wanted to rekindle their relationship? No, Maggie could say with certainty that she didn’t. To be honest, trying to fake it until she made it made Maggie feel sick at the very thought. She couldn’t just  _ pretend  _ to be a devoted parent in order to get back with Alex.  _ She needed to actually be that parent. _

Nothing else was acceptable.

The way Maggie saw it, she’d either need to completely withdraw. Do the fair thing for Elena and just leave before the kid got attached and give up any hope of getting back what she and Alex had once had. That had all changed, as much as it hurt, there really  _ was  _ no going back to what they had. All of it had changed the moment Alex had said she wanted kids, and Maggie asserted that she didn’t. Elena had very little to do what their changed circumstances, she was just a living, breathing symbol of the chasm that had erupted between them.

Her other choice was to… do her best to forget about Alex. Focus on Elena, be the parent, or at the very least family member, the girl needed to have in her life. Support the kid, learn how raising these mini people worked, and just… throw herself into it. Maggie wasn’t about to do things in half measures. That was a recipe for disaster and one that was sure to harm them all.

She glanced at Elena, now completely knocked out in the booster seat they’d bought for her earlier that day. She had a red stain from the juice box all along her mouth, and her little crinkle was back. Maggie could even spot a tiny dimple on one of her cheeks as she dreamed. Her coloring was dark like Maggie’s own, but Maggie could still spot each and every feature she’d inherited from  _ both  _ herself and Alex. It was surreal, and nothing Maggie ever could have imagined. To be honest, there was something amazing about it.

Here was a living, breathing, tiny version of herself and Alex Danvers mixed together. Maggie wasn’t so vain to believe that was literally the best thing to have ever happened to the world, but she could admit that was pretty awesome in and of itself. Hell, just the fact that there was a mini-Alex in her backseat was enough for Maggie to marvel.

For all she knew, this kid would grow up to be a little badass nerd. Or, she’d grow up to be a tough and scrappy smart ass. Maybe she’d be a mix of both their personality traits. Or maybe Elena would become her entirely own person. Just the uncertainty of what the future held for them all was enough to both excite Maggie and scare her all at the same time. It was an uncomfortable feelings. Maggie was used to being so  _ sure  _ in what she was doing. The last time she’d taken a chance, it was over a baby gay she’d helped come out of the closet.

Ironically, it had become one of the best, and yet most painful, risks Maggie had ever taken. There was no telling if the same would happen with Elena. If Maggie could manage to be a part of a family she’d never asked for. She had been moping over losing Alex and by extension the adopted family Alex had helped gather throughout her life. Maggie had been plenty gung-ho to join that crazy, makeshift family. Yet, here she was, faced with the prospect of a  _ blood family  _ and she was balking.

As much as she claimed nothing about not wanting kids had anything to do with her own terrible parents, Maggie wasn’t so certain now. Perhaps she was right in that many of her reservation wasn’t linked to her past, but Maggie wondered now if there were at least  _ a few  _ that she’d overlooked. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time Maggie had ignored her feelings. As much as she encouraged Alex to voice her emotions, Maggie really didn’t take her own advice. Which was probably a defensive mechanism on her part, just as it was on Alex’s.

Maybe that had been a reason they’d been able to connect so easily and so quickly. They had very similar demons.

And maybe that had been their downfall. They had demons so similar that neither of them had been able to communicate properly in order to avoid all this pain they had ended up putting themselves through.

If that was the case, Maggie realized that they were going to need to start all over again. No going back to where they had once been. There wasn’t going to be a wedding in her immediate future. No rings. Just two people trying to figure out the best way to mesh their lives back together around someone else entirely. Someone who was going to be a  _ very  _ important part of their lives until they day they died.

What Maggie wanted was  _ real.  _ It had to be. So many other people got to have it in their lives. Love, family, people who truly  _ cared. _

No more moping. Maggie was tired of moping. Alex missed her. She missed Alex. They both said as much to each other. It wasn’t as if Maggie didn’t know Alex still didn’t love her. She’d have to be blind and stupid to think that. It wasn’t  _ Alex  _ who was the hurdle in her life. It wasn’t even Elena. The kids thing popped up long before her.

No, if Maggie wanted to get what she wanted, she needed to get through  _ Maggie. _

She needed to find out if she was cut out for this parent stuff.

Everything else would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so hopefully this will be the end of moping Maggie. At least as far as Alex is concerned. She still has mommy issues she's got to deal with. This chapter really started out as a silly grocery store trip, and ended up being an angst ridden character study of Maggie. It served its purpose, though because now I'm a bit closer in wrangling Maggie into the position I've been hankering towards since I started this story.
> 
> I think I might have misspoke when I said in an earlier chapter that I don't see Maggie in this way. What I mean is that I don't see Maggie as this sociopathic, uncaring, selfish person. Meaning, I don't see Maggie the way Maggie sees Maggie. Most people write Maggie as a very well put together, strong person, who can't be shaken. I don't think that's quite true. At least not for my version of Maggie. Don't get me wrong, Maggie is a VERY strong person. She normally is unshakable. But, what happens when you push someone to the brink? Take what she really cares about away from her. (Alex and the family Maggie straight up claims with her father. She really claims Alex's family as her own as she rejects him. I mean, really, that's some heavy stuff, imagine losing that family you were so sure of weeks later.)
> 
> After that, throw her into a situation she's never wanted to be in and knows nothing about. That's gotta be rough, and that's got to be world shaking. In all honestly, this was one of the main motivations I had when starting this story. We see so much of vulnerable Alex. And it's great. But a large part of why Flo left in the first place was because Maggie didn't get her own plot points with her character as a focal point. She was 'the girlfriend.'
> 
> So, I want to portray a very vulnerable Maggie. One that she still doesn't really advertise, but the emotions and thoughts are still under the surface, tormenting her in a way they haven't since she's been a teenager. Let's be real, Maggie's been in a very dark place before. She got through it, but that doesn't mean she's immune to vulnerability or suffering after that. Maggie's going to be receiving a lot of attention in this story. But first, we have to get through the sad bits.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is figuring out that parenting is a messy affair, and the Danvers family is reunited for new meetings. All the while, Maggie can barely figure out her place in this family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three updates in three days. This is crazy for me, so I can certainly promise this isn't going to happen often lol.

Watching a child eat was… interesting to say the least. Equal shades of adorable and, well, gross. Alex had  _ tried  _ to teach Elena to use utensils—apparently something Cadmus hadn’t seen fit to teach her in the tank—but Elena hadn’t seemed too impressed and immediately opted to eat her spaghetti with her bare hands. The food was everywhere, including on Alex herself, and it wasn’t looking like Elena was going to get any better at this eating thing.

Mostly because it seemed her daughter was having way more fun squishing the pasta in her hands than eating it.

Maggie was watching them with her own mildly disgusted but amused smile. She even had her phone out. Oh, Alex was going to get her back for this.

“Something funny to you, Sawyer?” Alex asked, eyes narrowed.

“You’re kidding, right?” Maggie snorted. “This is the best thing I’ve ever seen. You’re a neat freak, Danvers. I have no idea how you’re managing to do this.”

“Watch it, or I might just make you take over. This isn’t as easy as it looks. Elena,  _ please  _ stop playing with your food,” Alex said, trying to keep the exasperation from her voice.

Elena just looked up at her, pout already mid way on her face. “No.”

Did… did she just say no?

Maggie barely held in a chortle from beside her. “Oh. J’onn was right. She’s gonna be stubborn.”

“Yeah, who do you think she gets that from?” Alex asked as she rolled her eyes.

Maggie scoffed. “I know you’re not insinuating that  _ I’m  _ the stubborn one.”

“Yeah, Miss Never-Wants-To-Ride-Bitch,” Alex said as she tried, once again, to convince Elena the wonders of forks.

“I’m  _ never  _ riding bitch, Danvers. You might as well accept that now. Do you know how silly I would look?”

“Is that a reference to your teeny stature, Sawyer? Wow, never thought I’d see the day.”

“Stuff it, Danvers. I am not  _ teeny.” _

“Mhm.  _ Sure thing,”  _ Alex said with a smirk.

Maggie went to roll her eyes, but they ended up widening instead as she spotted something behind Alex. “Danvers—”

Alex turned towards Elena, only to get a face full of noodles. Elena clapped happily.

“Share!”

_ Why was Cadmus teaching Elena to share, but not how to use table utensils? _

Alex was beyond bemused and perplexed.

But before she could let Elena know that mashing food in people’s faces wasn’t a good idea, there was a knock on the door. She turned to Maggie, probably looking more than a little pitiable in her messy clothes and face.

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Maggie snickered. She peeked through the peephole on the door, hand resting on the drawer that held their guns. Old habits died hard.

And Alex  _ really  _ needed to put locks on anything holding weapons in her apartment. She had at least three different places she kept a pistol in here, and the thought of Elena getting into any of them was giving her a heart attack.

“Hello, Maggie,” Eliza’s warm voice drug Alex from her thoughts. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too, Dr—”

“Maggie, if you finish that sentence I will withhold my lasagna. It’s Eliza for you and always will be.”

Alex could see Maggie trying to swallow the lump in her throat, and it hit her then that perhaps this had been  _ way  _ harder for Maggie than she had ever imagined it would be. Alex knew the breakup was hard on her, it was certainly hard on Alex, but she imagined in that moment what it must be like to lose people who cared about her. Just wake up tomorrow and not be able to call them because she couldn’t be in their lives anymore. And not because of a decision she would have made herself, but because  _ someone else  _ decided that she wasn’t what they actually wanted in the end.

Why had Alex done this?

She knew. She did. Neither of them wanted the same things in the end, and it had probably been for the best. The last thing Alex wanted to do was for either of them to resent the other over something that couldn’t just be changed. It was what everyone said, right? That kids were a nonnegotiable part of a relationship. You couldn’t just rent them for a little while and then send them away when one half of the parents couldn’t handle them anymore.

But she felt so  _ horrible  _ about it.

“Couldn’t have that, Eliza,” Maggie chuckled, the sound coming out a bit tumultuously.

Kara was making her way in behind their mother and came to a complete halt when she spotted Alex. Oh, geez. Alex was never going to hear the end of this.

“Not a word,” Alex ground out, snatching up a napkin to begin cleaning her face.

“Maggie,” Kara choked out.  _ “Maggie.  _ Please tell me you got a picture of this.”

Eliza turned to see what had Kara so worked up, and Alex was going to  _ kill  _ Kara one of these days. “Oh my,” Eliza said and started laughing.

Alex sighed. Nope, never going to live this down.

“Got one better for you,” Maggie said smugly. “I got  _ video  _ of the whole thing.”

“Kawa!” Elena shouted out, spaghetti now tossed onto her plate, splattering them both with sauce.

Spaghetti was going to be a banned substance in this apartment for the foreseeable future.

“Hey, little one!” Kara greeted beamingly. She beelined right for Elena, picked her up out of her booster seat, stole the napkin Alex was using and began to clean Elena’s face with it.

Oho, yeah. Alex was definitely telling Mom about The Incident at the grocery store now.

Eliza was still standing by the door, taking in the sight of her granddaughter for the first time. Elena was laughing as Kara tickled her between wiping her face, and her dimples were out in full force. Alex could see the wonder and just plain happiness on her mother’s face. It was… so nice to see. Never would Alex have expected that her mother would be so happy about this.

“Oh, Alex, Maggie, she’s beautiful,” Eliza breathed out.

Despite the pasta covering Elena’s hair and clothing, Alex could definitely agree. Elena was a cute kid, and Alex wasn’t sure how she was going to survive it.

Hell, the pasta covering made her even more adorable. Alex just wished  _ she  _ hadn’t been caught in the crossfire.

“Yeah, she is,” Alex agreed, getting a new napkin and cleaning herself up. “I’m  _ really  _ glad you’re here, though. Things are… going….”

“We nearly lost her at the grocery store,” Maggie stated plainly.

Eliza smiled. “Well, Alex used to take off on me in the mall. Always seeing something she found interesting. Eventually I had to put her in one of those child leashes. Honestly, if they keep children from charging into traffic, they really shouldn’t be looked down on. Some kids are runners.”

Maggie froze, and then an evil grin began to grow on her face. “Eliza,” she asked innocently. “Do you happen to have pictures of Alex in the leash? That way we know what to look for and how to put it on.”

“Uh-huh,” Eliza chuckled. “I’m certain that’s why you want one. I’m not sure, I’ll have to look at the albums.”

“Wait, you’re actually going to show her?  _ Mom!” _

Her mother waved her off. “Alex, you were adorable, and frankly it  _ was  _ funny. What’s the point of taking pictures and video of your kids if you can’t share it? Maggie’s already gotten the right idea. And I do very much want to see that video, Maggie.”

Maggie nodded, but Alex could tell from her frown and furrowed brow that what Eliza had said had caught her off guard. Alex wondered just how well Maggie was handling this right now. She said she didn’t want to be a mother, and Alex was perfectly willing to take her at her word, but… she wasn’t  _ acting  _ like someone who wanted to keep a distance from her child. Sure, Alex was still doing a lot of the harder stuff, like feeding for instance, but it wasn’t like Maggie was sitting around and doing nothing, either.

It was all just so confusing.

“Uh, yeah, sure thing Eliza….”

“But first, I want to meet her,” Eliza said excitedly and moved closer to Kara and Elena. Alex followed.

“Alright, Kar, don’t make her pee,” Alex drawled.

Once Elena caught her breath, she finally noticed Eliza and looked at her curiously. Even tilting her head in a very Maggie-like expression. Whew, this kid….

“Hi,” Elena chirped. “Who you?”

“Elena, this is my mommy,” Alex told her, trying to figure out a way to explain family to a kid who basically had no concept of what that was. “She’s your grandma.”

There was no telling if Elena actually grasped what that meant, she just looked Eliza up and down once, scrutinizing her with a little crinkle in her forehead, before apparently deciding that Eliza was just fine.

“Hi, Gamma!”

Her mother didn’t bother hiding her laugh this time. “Alex, she’s just like you.”

“Really? She looks more like Maggie to me,” Alex said.

“She’s oblivious, Eliza,” Kara said as she rolled her eyes. “Elena’s like… a copy of them both smashed together. It’s adorable.”

Alex could suppose that was true.

“Can I hold you, sweetheart?” Eliza asked and held out her arms.

If there was one thing Alex knew for certain about her brand new daughter, it was that she seemed to be attached to Kara’s hip. So, it came as a massive surprise when Elena squirmed out of Kara’s arms and into Eliza’s. Alex smiled at the sight. It seemed her mother had no care at all that she was getting pasta sauce on her blouse, she just seemed over the moon that she was holding her first grandchild.

Maybe things  _ were  _ going to be okay. Alex could learn how this kid thing worked. Her mother had been right, she and Maggie  _ weren’t  _ alone.

She glanced back at Maggie. She was still at the door, watching the Danvers women introduce Eliza to their newest member, and Alex could tell Maggie felt out of place. It drove Alex crazy, because—to her—Maggie was  _ never  _ out of place. Except… wasn’t that exactly the message she’d sent Maggie when they’d broken up? That Maggie no longer had a place in her life, that they were moving on to other things because they couldn’t live a life together?

God, Alex just  _ hated  _ this. Because now everything seemed so  _ similar  _ yet so  _ different.  _ There was no way she could just pretend that she and Maggie could go back to being fiances. Not when they’d both been heartbroken like this. The pain was still there and pretending that it wasn’t, well… Alex didn’t even want to think of how horrible that would be. Despite all of that, the banter, the playfulness, the  _ friendship…  _ it was all still there. Maggie Sawyer was Alex’s best friend. Girlfriend, fiance, wife, before all of those things, she’d been the greatest friend Alex had ever had. And it was  _ so easy  _ to fall back into that dynamic.

So easy that it was even easier to imagine getting  _ more  _ from their relationship. What they once had together. With Elena this time, and living like the family Alex desperately felt the could be.

If only things were so simple.

“You doing okay?” Alex asked quietly as she made her way to Maggie. There was no way she was leaving Maggie alone in this moment.

“Yeah… yeah. Uh, if you guys want some family time—”

“It won’t be family time without you here too,” Alex said stubbornly.

Maggie took in a deep breath. “Alex, that’s… I’m not  _ family.  _ Not anymore.”

Alex was shaking her head. “Stop. You are. We might not be together anymore, but you’re still part of this family. Especially now. Look, we might as well just say it. I can’t believe that you haven’t thought it either. With Elena here… we’re in each other’s lives for good, Maggie. I’m willing to let you determine just how much you want to be involved, but I don’t want to hear you saying that you’re  _ not  _ something. Like it’s a fact. Because whatever you want out of this? It’s all up to you. I’m not going to give you any ultimatums. We don’t have to be together for you to be a part of this ridiculous family.”

“Yeah, and my whole presence isn’t going to make this awkward,” Maggie hissed out. “Come on, Alex. Be reasonable. Who wants to hang out with the ex? Your mom and sister can say what they want, but it’s still going to be weird having me here.”

As much as Alex wanted to go at Maggie’s pace, there was just this…  _ wall  _ between them. One that was just getting frustrating at this point. She could get taking things slow with Elena. She could get that this was hurting them both. What she couldn’t get was all this… flighty behavior Maggie was exhibiting. It was as if Valentine’s day and Emily had never happened. As if all the progress she and Maggie had made together was blown up and the remains were getting swept away by the winds. It was  _ frustrating. _

Alex took in a large breath. “I don’t know what to tell you, Mags. I really don’t. If you don’t want to believe me when I say that  _ I want you here and so does everyone else,  _ then I don’t know what else I can do. At some point, you’re going to have to trust me. At least a little bit. We  _ can’t do this  _ if you don’t. Elena’s going to need us to be on the same page at the very  _ least,  _ and you’re trying your hardest to run away. And, you know, that’s all well and good. If you don’t want to be here, then don’t be here. I mean it. You never wanted kids. It’s not like we’re a straight couple having sex without a condom.  _ No one  _ could have predicted this would happen. But you can’t say in the same breath that you do want to try without actually  _ trying. _ Yeah, it’s going to be awkward, and yeah, we’re going to be reminded of things we don’t really want to think about. How do you think divorced parents do this?”

“Through lawyers?” Maggie snarked back weakly, but sighed. “Really letting out the tough love here, aren’t you?”

“I can’t take you running off on me, Maggie,” Alex said seriously. “Not with this. Our problem was that we didn’t talk at the end. We used to before. We were so good at it. We could talk our way out of fights and issues that would have broken up other couples. What happened to that?”

“I don’t know,” Maggie admitted. “It’s like one day… we stopped.”

“We shouldn’t have. I don’t want to make the same mistake again. What’s  _ really  _ wrong, Maggie? You were fine before Kara and Mom got here. Trust me, they don’t hold any sour feelings towards you. Mom’s been practically ordering me to keep your feelings in mind when dealing with all of…  _ this.  _ And Kara… well, I really don’t know how you guys left things at the end. I just know that’s she’s been much better at talking about you compared to when we were first dating.”

Maggie took in the scene going on behind Alex. There was a sheen of sadness to her eyes that had Alex desperately wanting to just take her in her arms and hold her. Not that it was an option, but, wow, was that feeling powerful.

“I haven’t done anything like this in years. Elena’s  _ my kid _ , and all I can think about are the family gatherings and parties we used to have in Nebraska. Baptisms, welcoming new cousins, grandkids. The Rodas’s went all out. Every aunt, uncle and cousin would show up. You don’t have as large a family… but the feelings are still here. And all I can think about is how absolutely  _ none  _ of those people stepped up when I was outed. My aunt pretty much took me in through obligation. And that’s what I feel like right now. Like I’m obligated to be here because I’m the other DNA donor. We aren’t together, Alex, I barely know what I’m doing with Elena or if I  _ can  _ even do this. It’s like I’m going through the motions and hoping for the best,” Maggie admitted, obviously trying not to break down in front of everyone.

Alex was quiet for a moment. Still wanted to hold Maggie, but she wasn’t sure what kind of signal that would give her. Their breakup was still agonizing for Maggie, just as it was for Alex, and the last thing Alex wanted to do was give Maggie any sign that the  _ could  _ get back together while everything was still so…  _ raw. _

“I’m sorry,” Alex finally said. “I don’t know how any of that feels. And I don’t know if there’s a way to make it better. We can… we can just make our own family out of this. We don’t have to think about what they did or didn’t do you, Maggie. If you want to start over with your own family, we can do that.”

Maggie was shaking her head. “You don’t get it. I  _ was  _ moving on. The last thing I told my father was that I didn’t need him. That I was good. That I  _ had  _ a family. And then the next thing I know, that family I was so sure of? It’s gone. And it’s not your fault. I’m not trying to blame you for it. I just… I don’t know if I can take a risk like that again and find out that I never really had a family at all.”

This was… Alex had no idea. She had no idea that  _ this  _ was what Maggie has been feeling post breakup. That she’d be left so…  _ alone.  _ It should have occurred to her. That Maggie was effectively going to be abandoned when they called the wedding off. Maggie didn’t even have family come to the  _ wedding shower,  _ and she was supposed to have somebody help her pick up the pieces after their breakup? Alex felt like an idiot. No, worse than that, she felt like a selfish monster. Maggie might not blame her for this, but Alex sure as hell did. There were so many people in her corner. Kara, J’onn, her mother, hell even Winn.

Where was Maggie’s support?

“Maggie Sawyer, if there is  _ one  _ thing I can promise you, it’s that I will never shut you out of this. Out of Elena’s life. I… if we can’t be anything else, just know that you’re my  _ best  _ friend. Kara’s my sister, but you? I’ve tried ignoring you’ve ripped a giant hole in my chest just by not being here. And it’s not working. You once told me that you couldn’t imagine not having me in your life. Well… I can’t do it either. It really sucks not knowing you. I just… we  _ don’t  _ have to be together to be a family. I’ll tell you that everyday if I have to,” Alex said, completely ignoring that voice in the back of her head screaming at her to keep her distance and taking Maggie’s hand. She squeezed it as tightly as she could.

Maggie gave her a watery smile. “Everyday? That’s a pretty big commitment, I can be high maintenance.”

_ “Forever,”  _ Alex vowed.

Maggie squeezed her hand back.

“Mommy! Wan juice!”

_ And…  _ moment over.

Maggie immediately snapped to attention and  _ glared  _ at Alex before looking at Elena. “Let’s get you some  _ good  _ juice. Instead of whatever sugary abomination is in those boxes….”

Honestly, Alex  _ was  _ a doctor. She really wasn’t going to kill their kid with sugar, but Maggie didn’t seem to have much faith in that….

Maggie led Elena to the fridge and prepared a child cup of organic, fresh squeezed, hippy juice, and Kara joined them. Apparently regaling Elena of toddler friendly stories of Supergirl. Alex didn’t even notice her mother joining her.

“So… what was that?” Eliza asked curiously.

Alex sighed. “I don’t know what you heard, but we aren’t back together. Maggie’s just… not in a great place right now.”

“I wasn’t listening in, and I made sure Kara wasn’t either,” her mother said. “It’s just hard to not to see how much you both still care about each other.”

“I thought you said we  _ shouldn’t  _ get back together,” Alex pointed out, not at all sure where her mother was going with this.

Eliza shook her head. “I said that  _ I think  _ you shouldn’t get together  _ right now.  _ It’s just my opinion, Alex, you don’t have to take it and I could be entirely wrong. I honestly didn’t think I’d see… whatever that discussion was between you two just now. I expected some awkward tension, a lot of sadness, maybe a sense of obligation to get back into your relationship for Elena. But… that’s not what I just saw. You still love her.”

Alex shut her eyes, barely able to handle this conversation. Maggie was  _ so close.  _ But just out of reach. Why couldn’t she have  _ everything?  _ It made Alex feel selfish, but that was what she desperately yearned for. Maggie  _ and  _ Elena. As a real, married, cohabiting family. It was like her perfect dream.

“Yes. Not like I can do anything about it. Mom,  _ nothing’s  _ been fixed. We can’t just jump back into what we had. It… that’s over. So long as Maggie doesn’t want to have kids…. We can’t be together.”

And that realization still hit Alex like a Mack truck two months after the first time she’d thought it.

Eliza’s gaze snapped to Maggie who was encouraging Elena to try her ‘icky’ juice by challenging her to a drinking race. Elena was getting juice all over her shirt. Alex was dreading the bath that would come later.

“Hmm,” Eliza hummed doubtfully.

“No, Mom. Not everyone just… changes their minds about kids. Don’t make this a, ‘it’ll be different with your own kid,’ thing. Maggie’s freaking out about all of this. She doesn’t think she can handle it, and I’m not about to just push her into it,” Alex said forcefully.

Her mother was silent for a moment, as if mulling over her words. Alex was beginning to dread whatever it was that was on Eliza’s mind. She was sure she wasn’t going to like it.

“Alex, I’m going to be blunt with you.”

“Oh, please don’t.”

“Your mistake with Maggie last time was that you were too afraid to confront her over children. And it blew up in both your faces.”

“What, so are you saying it’s all my fault?” Alex asked indignantly.

“No. Communication is a two way street. If you ever want to marry someone, that’s going to have to be a lesson you take to heart this time. You can’t  _ not  _ talk about children or finances or religion, Alex. And maybe that’s something I should have taught you. Your father disappeared right when you would have started dating, so it wasn’t as though you had a relationship to take as a role model. I was alone, buried myself in my work, and didn’t open myself up to you like I should have. You both made your mistakes. Maggie could have easily brought up these topics too.

“But what I’m trying to tell you is to not be afraid to talk about the hard stuff in order to spare Maggie’s feelings. It only causes more heartache in the long run when something inevitably comes up.  _ Talk  _ to her. About Elena, about motherhood, about your relationship. All of those things are closely related, and ignoring any of them isn’t going to work. Not if you want what you really long for,” Eliza told her.

Alex rubbed her face tiredly. “Look, Mom, I hear what you’re saying and I’ve been going over what went wrong again and again in my head. You’re right, we messed up because we weren’t talking like we should’ve been. But none of that changes the fact that  _ Maggie doesn’t want kids.  _ Not everyone changes their mind.”

“No,” Eliza said baldly. Still watching Maggie as she gently wiped Elena’s face of excess juice, congratulating her on her ‘win.’ “Some people really don’t want children. And that’s certainly a fair decision for them to make. Kids aren’t the end all, be all of life. Just… don’t let your fears blind you to what’s right in front of you, sweetie. Maggie loves that girl. Goodness, just…,” she gestured at Maggie and Elena. “The evidence is happening before your eyes.”

Alex watched Maggie with their daughter, willing her mother to be right. She was beginning to understand what Maggie was feeling. Could she take the risk that she could have  _ everything  _ she wanted? If Eliza was wrong, if  _ Alex’s  _ hopes were wrong… it would break her far worse than it did to leave Maggie in the first place. Could she go through this all over again?

Call her masochistic, but she wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I was mistaken about the last of mopey Maggie. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Well, I'd say the moping was worth it, considering what these two dummies are saying to each other in this chapter. Silly Sanvers and their not realizing they are equally responsible for Elena's stubborn streak.
> 
> I know the vulnerability seems unbalanced between Sanvers right now, but trust me, I have Plans for Alex.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Alex try their hand at cleaning their filthy kid. It goes about as well as expected. Maggie and Eliza have a heart to heart over what parenting truly means.

Maggie held Elena out in front of her, arms fully extended. She wasn’t sure what she was doing in here, but Alex had given Maggie a single glare and announced she was going to help her bathe Elena, or so help everyone in this apartment. Normally, Maggie was not at all intimidated by Alex. Frankly, she really wasn’t intimidated by her right now. But still…. Maggie could spot the signs of Alex being at the end of her rope. She’d said she’d help with Elena.

So… here she was.

Alex was filling the bathtub and muttering about all the things a kid apparently needed for a bath.

A knock sounded on the door.

“Alex? Eliza sent me for some baby shampoo. Said getting the regular kind in Elena’s eyes wouldn’t be fun,” Kara’s voice said through the door.

Alex turned to Maggie, and motioned towards the door. Maggie huffed and gently wiggled Elena in her arms. Opening doors and holding kids weren’t exactly in her skillset just yet. For her part, Elena was pouting. Upset that she didn’t get to play with Kara anymore and had to be in here with them. Alex rolled her eyes and opened the door.

“Thanks, Kara,” Alex said as she quickly took the shampoo from Kara and turned back to the small pile of things she’d gathered. “Shampoo, soap, towel, clothes….”

“Danvers. It’s a bath. This doesn’t have to be a DEO mission,” Maggie snorted.

“I’m trying to be prepar— Why are you holding her that way?” Alex asked as she finally focused on Maggie and Elena with all of her attention.

“This is a good shirt,” Maggie shrugged. “Don’t really want to get pasta sauce on it.”

“Mag! I want down!” Elena wriggled in her arms and pointed to the ground.

Alex took Elena from her. “Nope. Gotta have a bath first.”

Elena shook her head. “Don’t wanna!”

Maggie snorted at their stubborn kid. “Does she even know what a bath is?”

Alex shrugged. “Maybe in concept, but I don’t know if Cadmus would have taught her what they were in the tank. She’s definitely never experienced one for herself. Elena. You’re really dirty, and you’re taking a bath so you can be nice and clean and get into pajamas. Okay?”

Elena just gave Alex her own tiny, miniaturized glare. Maggie wasn’t sure out of the two of them she’d got it from. Probably the both of them, this kid had to be doomed when it came to that department.

“No! Wanna pway!”

Maggie picked up one of the silly, plastic toys they’d actually thought to pick up at one of the stores they’d gone to. “Hey, that’s what these are… Danvers. Is this a waterproof Supergirl action figure?”

Alex was in the middle of trying to get a stubborn toddler out of her filthy clothes. And getting more pasta sauce on them both in the process.

“What? Yeah, I guess. Kara picked it out.”

“Of course she did,” Maggie muttered with a snort. “Elena, you get to have all these toys in the bathtub with you,” she continued. “I mean, if you don’t want to play with them, Mommy and I can play without you….”

_ That  _ finally got the wriggling and struggling kid to stay still and look at Maggie wide eyed.

“No! I wanna pway!”

Maggie raised a single eyebrow. “Then I guess you better be good and let us give you a bath.”

With a dramatic sigh that probably rivaled a teenager’s, Elena sat still long enough for Alex to get her ready for her bath. Maggie had the strangest feeling that they were getting a good glimpse at the kind of handful their kid was going to be when she got older.

Soon enough, Elena was placed in the water, happily playing whatever game was in her head with her toys, and Alex was scrubbing shampoo into her hair. Maggie watched them and wondered just what her place in all of this was. Alex’s lecture was still going strong in her mind, but there was a difference in Alex  _ wanting  _ Maggie here, and  _ needing  _ her here. What was going to happen when Alex realized how… hopeless Maggie was with kids? Would she still want her around?

Maggie didn’t know. She hoped she could learn how to do all this… parenting stuff that Elena needed.

“Mag, pway wif me!” Elena held out a dripping toy over the bathtub lip and consequently got Alex’s pants covered in water. Maggie could see the silent, but world weary sigh Alex gave just from looking at the way her shoulders drooped. Poor Alex.

“Sure, kid. But if I’m gonna play, I want to play with Clifford.”

No  _ way  _ was Maggie going to play with a mini Supergirl. Elena furrowed her little brow and took a look around at all the toys floating in the water with her.

“The red puppy,” Maggie clarified. Yeah… Elena hasn’t even seen a good majority of the cartoons a lot of the toys were from.

“Yeah!” Elena crowed, reached for Clifford and ripped him out of the water in her excitement. Water went everywhere, and soaked Alex in the process.

“Oh boy,” Maggie said, part of her unable to believe just how much of a  _ mess  _ kids apparently made doing just about anything. She quickly unbuttoned her blouse and set it on the counter; happy that she’d thought to wear a tank top underneath.

Alex was glaring at her. “Are you kidding right now?”

Maggie smiled at her innocently. “Hey, part of this motherhood stuff is a learning process, right? So far, I’ve learned not to wear good clothes around the kid while eating or bathing.”

“Yeah, by watching _me_ take the brunt of the destruction!”

“Danvers, I’m pretty sure I’m going to experience something embarrassing soon enough. And then the shoe will be on the other foot. Until then, I’m enjoying every moment of this,” Maggie snickered.

“Get over here, Sawyer,” Alex said huffily.

Maggie gave her a mock salute before kneeling down on the wet floor and taking Clifford from Elena’s outstretched hand. Maggie wasn’t at all sure what the kid was playing. Elena was really just doing a ton of splashing around, muttering to herself, and making her toys swim through the water. She seemed happy enough when Maggie splashed Clifford around. Eventually though… they got  _ a little  _ carried away. Elena slapped both hands onto the water, apparently completely enthralled with how water worked, and sent an absolute  _ cascade  _ of water over both Alex and Maggie.

Removing her shirt was turning out to be a genius move.

“Maggie!” Alex sputtered out as she wiped her face.

“What? I didn’t do anything!” Maggie protested as she pulled some wet strands of hair away from her own face.

“You’re encouraging her!”

She narrowed her eyes, if Alex was going to falsely accuse Maggie of ‘encouraging’ their daughter, then she might as well….

Alex was wringing her shirt out. The great Agent Danvers completely focused on trying to dry off, and not at all paying attention to Maggie. As much as Alex teased her about being small, Maggie was  _ far  _ from helpless. Quickly, and before Alex had any idea what was going on, she scooped Alex up, and….

Plopped her in the tub with Elena.

For a moment, everything was perfectly still. Elena gaped at the both of them, and Alex seemed to be in the middle of processing the fact that Maggie had just  _ dumped her into a full bathtub. _

And then Elena broke the spell by laughing uproariously.

Maggie joined in too. Hell, Alex looked  _ ridiculous  _ in there fully clothed and surrounded by bubbles and bath toys.

“Sawyer,” Alex said calmly. “I know you just didn’t do what just happened.”

“You were filthy, Danvers,” Maggie said innocently as she pointed to one of the  _ many  _ pasta stains on Alex’s shirt. “Figured you’d want to clean up a little.”

Maggie continued chortling with Elena, completely delighted that she’d managed to get one over on Alex, who was normally so observant and hard to sneak up on.

She didn’t see the evil gleam in Alex’s eye until it was far too late.

_ “Danvers!”  _ Maggie called out as Alex fisted her tank top and pulled Maggie right on top of her.

Water went  _ everywhere.  _ Maggie tried to scramble out of the tub,  _ hating  _ the way water was soaking into her jeans, but Alex had a good grip on her.

“Elena, quick!” Alex called out. “Pour some water on her back with your cup!”

“No! Don’t listen to—”

But of  _ course,  _ Elena was going to listen to Alex. She was  _ their kid. _

Which meant she was going to grow up to be a little shit.

Maggie shuddered as she felt water soak into her hair and trickle down her shoulders and back. Elena was giggling, and Alex made sure to hold Maggie in place enough time for Elena to get her  _ three times. _

Alex didn’t release her until they all heard a muffled laugh at the door. Maggie quickly scrambled away from her evil tormentors and out of the bathtub. Eventually she was able to turn enough to spot Kara watching them all at the door.

With her phone.

Filming them.

Alex and Maggie traded only one look before Alex clapped a glare onto her sister. Both of them felt  _ exactly  _ the same way about this video.

“Kara,” Alex said dangerously. “I  _ know  _ you’re not filming this to send to all of our friends and family.”

Unfortunately, Kara wasn’t at all fazed by her sister’s murderous glare. Maggie had to admit that the effect was greatly diminished because of how soaked, still pasta stained, and bubble covered Alex was at the moment. Elena was back to playing with her bath toys, apparently having the time of her life.

“Whoops,” Kara said gleefully as her phone made an audible pinging sound.

“I’m gonna kill you!” Alex shouted and vaulted out of the bathtub. She never even got a foot on the ground before Kara had disappeared in a whiff of air.

Maggie placed a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll get her, Danvers. When she least expects it. Just need to bide our time.”

“I’m telling Mom,” Alex muttered under her breath as she finally returned to rinse Elena’s hair and get her out of the tub.

“I’m about  _ ninety  _ percent sure Eliza is going to love that video,” Maggie pointed out as she handed a towel to Alex.

Alex shook her head grumpily as she dried Elena off. “No, I’m telling her about the  _ store.  _ I’d decided to when she stole my napkin earlier, but now I’m  _ definitely  _ going to do it while we’re all here and Kara will have to  _ squirm  _ under Mom’s glaring. For once.”

“You were going to tattle on your sister over a stolen napkin?” Maggie asked. The Danvers sisters were really something else. No one could pull out Alex’s petty side better than Kara. Maggie thought it was one of the funniest things she’s ever had the pleasure to witness.

The deadly serious look Alex shot Maggie let her know that napkin stealing was apparently a crime of the utmost severity. “Maggie. If I let her get away with that, she’ll forget that  _ I’m  _ the badass Danvers.”

“We can’t have that,” Maggie said with a smile.

Alex finished dressing Elena in her pajamas. “Here, take her out to the couch or something. I’m going to take a shower and get out of these clothes. You can change in my closet. There’s… uh… still some t-shirts and pajama pants that will fit you in the bottom drawer on my dresser.”

She turned away so quickly from Maggie that Maggie knew Alex didn’t want to talk about the fact that she’d apparently kept clothes just for Maggie. Even after they’d broken up. There would have been no way Alex could have fit into anything Maggie could wear, so there was literally no reason to keep them.

Maggie bit her lip and took Elena by the hand to lead her out of the bathroom. She missed Alex so much. And a part of her—the part that couldn’t be assed to think about their future and whether or not they could be enough for each other—wanted to ignore everything that was different about what they wanted in their lives. She wanted to get back together with Alex. Nevermind anything else. Just… be happy with her fiance…  _ ex- _ fiance, and marry her.

But that just wasn’t in the cards. The most obvious sign of everything that was now different between them was grasping Maggie’s hand and rubbing one of her eyes with her other fist. God… could Maggie  _ really  _ live with Elena and Alex, day in and day out? Feed the kid something guaranteed to get them all filthy? Mess around in the bathtub? Read stories or whatever parents did with their kids before bed?

There was no telling. Maggie was here for now. Doing her best to help Alex with their daughter. Trying to ignore how obvious it was that they still loved each other.

When she and Elena stepped out of the bathroom, Kara was nowhere to be found. Instead Eliza was there, taking in Maggie’s soaked state with wide, but extremely amused eyes.

“Well… I honestly didn’t expect bathtime would turn out to be so…,” Eliza started.

“Disastrous?” Maggie finished for her with a snort. “You should’ve seen Alex. Kara probably sent you the video.”

“Is that why she flew off?” Eliza chuckled.

“Alex threatened to kill her. I think she wanted to talk to you about something when she’s out of the shower and Kara’s back from hiding,” Maggie said with as much innocence as she could muster. Part of her kinda wanted to unleash Eliza on Kara as well. Maggie was still a little miffed about eventually having to explain how Aunt Kara was a superpowered alien to her daughter who was probably  _ way  _ too young to adequately keep this secret.

Eliza sighed. “Oh dear.”

Those two words probably said all they needed to about the Danvers sisters and their shenanigans.

“Will you take her?” Maggie asked. “I want to get out of these clothes.”

“Of course,” Eliza picked Elena up, and Maggie was glad the kid seemed comfortable enough to snuggle into her grandmother immediately.

This was the kind of family Maggie had been hoping for her since the beginning. It wasn’t something Maggie could give her. She had no family who would be willing to become a part of her life and share this kind of love with her or anyone Maggie loved. But Alex had these people in spades. Maggie wasn’t certain of her place in this part of Alex’s life anymore, but she was happy Elena got to experience it at least.

When she was finished dressing into a t-shirt and yoga pants—and Maggie was going to kill Alex if she made so much as  _ one  _ closet joke later—Eliza was reading to a very sleepy looking Elena. It wasn’t very late, but Maggie knew kids needed more sleep than most people. That, and this has probably been a very exciting day for a kid whose only existence before now was inside a tank. Meeting new people, experiencing new things. Granted, this was probably something kids got to do all the time before they got as world weary as Maggie, but it was kinda neat to watch Elena go through all these brand new things all the same.

Maggie joined them on the couch. She really wasn’t sure what she was supposed to be doing right now. She and Alex didn’t live together anymore, and Maggie knew she’d have to return to her own, far emptier, apartment soon enough. The only thing Maggie was certain of was that she didn’t want to leave without Alex being there at least. Beyond that, Maggie had no idea what the right move was. Did she say goodbye to the kid? Help Alex with whatever bedtime they could scrounge up?

It was just another thing Maggie hadn’t counted on doing in her life. Reading bedtime stories, checking for monsters under the bed, and kisses goodnight had always just seemed so… saccharinely fake for someone who hasn’t spoken to her own parents in years, save for one horrible event. But with an actual kid in front of her? Maggie could see why people did all of those things. Hell, she hadn’t ever counted on giving a kid a  _ bath,  _ let alone playing with one during it.

It was as though Maggie’s life was determined to throw her curveball after curveball. And the most confusing part of it all was that Maggie wasn’t sure if she  _ minded  _ or not.

“How have you been, Maggie?” Eliza’s voice cut through her thoughts. Maggie hadn’t even realized they’d been sitting together in relative silence for the past few minutes. The only sounds were Alex’s shower and Elena’s tiny—and frankly adorable—snores.

“Oh… uh. Good. I’ve been good,” Maggie lied. Not even half convincingly.

Maybe Alex and Kara were right. It was apparently  _ very  _ hard to lie to Eliza.

“This has probably been a shock for you,” Eliza said, gracious enough not to call out Maggie on her lie.

Maggie couldn’t keep back the scoff. “I think this has been a shock for all of us. I mean, getting a call from Alex about becoming a grandmother overnight probably wasn’t something you were expecting.”

“No,” Eliza smiled. “Definitely not. Your call must have been equally unexpected.”

“But probably less awkward and something you could actually be excited for,” Maggie sighed. “Wait. That’s not…. I don’t really know how to look at this. I never wanted kids. It’s the  _ only  _ reason Alex and I called off the engagement. And….”

“Now you have a child.”

“And now I have a kid. I’m not going to lie and say that much of this day  _ wasn’t  _ fun or enjoyable. But that’s just it, isn’t it? It’s not all going to be fun or easy.”

“No,” Eliza confirmed. “It will be hard, thankless, and frankly Elena will probably want to make you rip your hair out in her worst moments. But only  _ sometimes.  _ Alex and Kara will tell me now how much I mean to them. And it’s something I hold dear everyday. I’m not going to tell you that you’ll get fulfillment in parenting the same way other people do, or even if you ever will at all. Everyone is different, and raising children isn’t a goal everyone has.”

“Yeah, but that’s all moot, isn’t it? What I wanted as far as kids are concerned doesn't really matter anymore,” Maggie said tiredly.

“Doesn’t it?” Eliza asked. “Alex told me that she’s letting you decide how much you want to be involved.”

“I can’t ignore that she’s my daughter,” Maggie said. “I don’t  _ want  _ to just pretend I’m not her parent. I don’t think I’m… ready for it all right now. But I want to try. I’m just hoping I don’t mess up and hurt her.”

“Mistakes are inevitable. What’s important is that you always come from a place of love for her. Do what’s best for Elena, and keep her needs as a priority. If you can do all of that, then any mistakes you make can be forgiven. I know I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes with Alex and Kara,” Eliza said with a sigh.

“You did a hell of a lot better than my parents,” Maggie muttered only a  _ little  _ bitterly. “I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be selfish and mistreat her just because she was unexpected in my life.”

“I don’t think you will, Maggie. You’re a kind person, and you obviously care about her already.”

Maggie blinked. Not at all certain what Eliza was talking about. She was just… acting like herself. Alex had been taking the lead on a  _ lot  _ of the childrearing since they’d found Elena. It made Maggie feel guilty, but she didn’t know what to do in a lot of these situations. She kept expecting this… motherhood instinct to kick in, and so far that hasn’t happened. She’s just been… reacting to the kid as best she can as  _ Maggie. _

“I’m just stumbling my way through this,” Maggie argued weakly. “I’m not just… a mom or anything. I don’t know what I’m doing that isn’t just me trying not to make a toddler have a meltdown.”

“Do you think Alex has any idea what she’s doing?” Eliza asked with an amused smile. “Maggie, I love my daughter. She’s brilliant, adaptive, and capable of opening her heart to anyone if she chooses to. But that doesn’t mean Alex has a clue on how to take care of a toddler. Or do you think it’s normal to get absolutely covered in the food you’re trying to feed your daughter? Goodness, she’s stumbling her way through the dark just as much as you are. But what  _ matters,  _ what truly is important, is that she’s trying her best and keeping Elena cared for, healthy, and happy—within reason. And I’d make a very strong argument that  _ you  _ are doing the same. You don’t have to be some stereotypical mother from a TV Land sitcom. I’d argue that nuclear form of parenting is harmful, in fact. Whatever parenting means  _ to you,  _ Maggie, do that. Be yourself, be honest and open with Elena, and continue caring for her. That is how you raise children. Everything else you learn along the way.”

“Like how to raise a teenage alien with superpowers? That can’t have been easy to deal with,” Maggie noted. “And here I am whining about what seems to be an ordinary toddler.”

“Raising Kara was challenging for a variety of reasons, but my experiences aren’t your experiences. You don’t have to compare yourself to me. I’d probably say now that I didn’t do as well as I could have, in regards of balancing Kara’s needs with Alex’s. Finding this hard is entirely fair and you’re allowed to feel that way,” Eliza told her.

Maggie shrugged. “I guess. I’ve never thought about what I’d look like as a parent. So I feel a little lost here.”

“Most people do. We don’t wake up one day and are just ‘Mom.’ I didn’t feel as though I had all the answers when I had Alex. Sure, I had over nine months to prepare and think about what it meant, but when she actually came along, it was more harrowing and intimidating than anything I’ve done before or since. Perhaps only rivaling Kara’s arrival. The fact that Elena was a complete surprise and seemingly biologically impossible just lends itself to your confusion and doubt. Don’t try to be perfect, Maggie. That’s never going to happen. Just be  _ yourself.  _ Love this girl like you love Alex and the rest of us, and I’m positive you will be more successful than you would have ever imagined.”

Maggie hoped so. She hoped that Eliza was right about all of it. Admittedly, Maggie had never thought about just…  _ not  _ trying to be this mother figure that only vaguely existed in her own head. Was that the answer? Stop trying to become something she had absolutely no frame of reference for and do her own thing?

She supposed it would be  _ way  _ easier at least.

“Mag?” Elena’s voice was sleepy and muffled against Eliza’s side. “Wan juice.”

Maggie wasn’t the least bit surprised.

“It’s going to be ‘icky’ juice,” Maggie warned her. Elena had  _ plenty  _ of juice boxes today.

Elena sighed, somehow perfectly voicing her frustration and her sleepiness at the same time.

“Kay.”

Eliza raised one eyebrow at Maggie expectantly.

“It’s  _ juice,”  _ Maggie argued. “It’s not that hard to get.”

“It’s not just juice, Maggie. You’re already setting rules and boundaries for her. And she’s  _ accepting them.  _ Granted, that won’t always be the case, she’s three and will test those boundaries you and Alex set. But you’re already someone she looks up to and respects. The little things matter right now, don’t discount your part in her life.”

“Yeah…,” Maggie said and stood up to get Elena’s juice.

Was the absolute  _ little  _ things Maggie did for Elena actually mattering? Maggie didn’t know. She hoped she could just keep doing what she was and hopefully she’d start feeling a little more natural at this parenting roll. Even if Elena didn’t know she was her other mother. Maggie didn’t want to keep this from the kid for long. She knew she would have to make a decision soon.

It was only the first day, but everything that had happened since this morning felt like an eon. Maggie hoped she could keep up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, another chapter of Sanvers fix it featuring a kid. We get a bit more of Elena's personality shining through here. Stubborn little thing, right?
> 
> We're also wrapping up the first day. God. How many words has this been and this is just the *first* day? Whew. Okay, we might speed things up a bit from here, get to the meat of this story. Indeed! This story actually does have an overarching plot beyond angst over sudden parenthood and longing, aching love! Oh... wow is dealing with emotions time consuming.
> 
> Don't worry, there will be plenty of Sanvers pining, Elena loving, and Kara being a little shit of an aunt. It's just... Alex has her own issues we haven't even dug into.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's first morning with Elena starts out well.... Maggie lays down the law. And the Danvers clan handle Kara's secret identity issues as a family.

Alex awoke to a weight on her chest. One she wasn’t used to. It was much different than what she remembered, and still dreamed, of Maggie resting on her during their sleep. No, this was much lighter, and for a moment Alex was very confused.

And then the little weight snored softly.

Her eyes snapped open; the memories of yesterday coming back to Alex in full force.

Elena.

It wasn’t that Alex  _ forgot.  _ There was no forgetting the fact that she’d become a  _ parent  _ in a matter of hours yesterday. It was still so… new. And this was the very first morning she and Elena were having together.

It had been easy to put her to bed last night. Eliza reading to her while Alex had been in the shower, and the juice Maggie gave her were apparently just what Elena needed. All Alex had needed to do was stick her in bed while she said her goodbyes to her mother and Maggie.

Both would probably be coming around at any moment. Alex didn’t see either of them capable of being patient. Not that Alex minded. Her mother was frankly a lifesaver of advice right now, and Maggie.  _ Maggie.  _ It had nearly killed Alex to say goodbye to her last night. Nevermind that Maggie would literally be back first thing in the morning. It was just… there was a huge part of Alex who simply wanted Maggie to stay. To be a part of this little, ramshackle family they were capable of being.

Too bad that wish was more a half-forgotten dream than anything resembling reality.

Alex’s deep sigh at the thought made Elena snuffle and shift slightly in her sleep. Alex had  _ no idea  _ how Elena had managed to clamber on top of her in the night without waking Alex up, but she had, and currently had one of her little hands fisted in Alex’s sleepshirt. She reminded Alex  _ a lot  _ of Maggie in her sleep. A tiny dimple was  _ just  _ barely peeking out of her cheek while she dreamed, and she seemed just as eager to cuddle Alex in her sleep as Maggie was.

A glance at the clock revealed that it was 5 AM.  _ Probably  _ a little to early for Alex to get out of bed and risk waking Elena. She could still feel a few twinges in her back from all the shenanigans that had happened yesterday. Not that Alex regretted it, at all, but  _ whew,  _ apparently taking care of kids was  _ exhausting. _

So, she spent the morning dozing instead of going on her normal morning run—after snapping a quick picture of Elena sleeping. Probably the easiest morning Alex has had in a long while. Mornings with Maggie were the last she’d been so relaxed.

She didn’t quite know what it was. Maggie always brought a giddiness to Alex. Knowing that this beautiful, amazing, badass, strong woman loved  _ Alex.  _ It was beyond an honor to have. It had been  _ everything. _

One day with Elena, as challenging as it had been, and Alex was already looking forward to many more.

_ Hopefully with Maggie here one day, too. _

Alex took in a deep breath. Hoping for something Maggie couldn’t handle right now wasn’t going to help her.

Elena snuffled softly and slowly blinked her eyes open. When she lifted her head up, her dark hair was mussed and tangled on her head. She peered at Alex sleepily.

“Hey, baby,” Alex greeted softly.

Elena yawned widely and then plopped back down on Alex’s chest.

Apparently Elena wasn’t a morning person.

Alex ran her hand through Elena’s hair, and all she could do was compare this morning to her relaxed mornings with Maggie. How many times has she done this exact thing with Maggie before their breakup? Just laying together in the morning light and relaxing. Taking the time to just be…  _ together  _ before their hectic, dangerous, and frankly weird, lives caught up with them again.

Aside from her—constant—thoughts of Maggie, Alex was grateful that Elena was already comfortable enough with her to want to actually cuddle with her in the mornings. It was… nice. More than that, it was a part of that far off dream she’d had about kids in the first place.

“Mommy, I hungwy,” Elena said through a yawn.

She smiled, part of her still unable to believe that this was  _ her  _ kid. And that it would be  _ forever. _

“You have to let me up first,” Alex told her.

Elena whined softly and snuggled closer to Alex.

Her own stomach rumbled. Food was going to have to come sooner rather than later. But a clingy Elena was going to make feeding them both hard.

A  _ swoosh  _ of air came from the window.

“Oh. My. Gosh,” Kara very nearly squealed softly. “You guys are so  _ cute.” _

She had a box of what was presumably donuts in her hands. Alex didn’t think Kara’s offering made up for her shenanigans yesterday, but it was a start. Elena grunted at her aunt, apparently not at all ready for Kara’s signature sunniness this early in the morning. Alex could definitely understand where her kid was coming from.

“Too early, Kara,” Alex said for them both.

“Oh, I heard you guys wake up, and I thought you’d be hungry. Eliza says she’s coming over soon, I don’t think she’d have been able to stay away for long,” Kara said with her customary sunny grin.

“Alright, alright, we’re getting up,” Alex said as she hauled herself and Elena out of bed. Elena clung tightly to Alex’s neck and buried her face in Alex’s shoulder.

The morning was then spent by Kara chattering happily about anything and everything. Work, Supergirl moments, Lena. Alex noted that Lena was a popular topic with her sister. She was too sleepy to devote enough brainpower to that tidbit, but she noted it. Instead her brain was more focused on tearing off bite sized pieces of donuts and feeding them to a barely conscious Elena.

“Juice?” Elena asked, a little more awake now that she’d gotten some food into her system.

Alex was starting to wonder if her daughter was gaining a juice addiction.

Against every instinct Alex had that has led her to consume an unbelievable amount of junk food over the course of her life, Alex figured it would  _ probably  _ be for the best if she took a page of out of Maggie’s book.

She stood up and headed for the fridge, preparing a sippy cup of the healthy juice Maggie swore up and down by.

But when she tried to hand it to Elena, her daughter gave her the most scandalized look that could have possibly appeared on a toddler’s face.

“No, Mommy. No icky juice!” She turned her head away from Alex’s offering angrily.

“Whew,” Kara said with a grin. “Someone’s grumpy.”

“I want box juice!” Elena insisted.

Alex sighed. She figured something like this was due. Elena was three, and according to all of the Googling she’d done before bed, children Elena’s age tended to be… difficult.

“Well, it’s this or water,” Alex insisted, putting on her tough face. It was hard to actually deny Elena anything. Alex actually  _ loved  _ making her happy. But… she couldn’t just let her do whatever she wanted either.

She handed Elena the cup, hoping she would just drink it and they could move on with their morning.

Of course, that would be too easy.

Elena’s face went red, and she threw the cup to the ground. “NO! Box juice! This yucky!”

The cup clattered to the ground and Elena crossed her arms in front of her chest in an almighty pout. Kara winced at the noise it made when it  _ clacked  _ on the floor. For a moment, Alex was completely at a loss of what to do. Elena wasn’t backing down, and Alex had no idea how to address this.

Before she could even begin to open her mouth, there was a knock on Alex’s door. Kara brought down her glasses.

“It’s Eliza, I’ll be right back,” Kara said and traitorously left Alex to try and manage a burgeoning temper tantrum.

“I want juice!” Elena repeated, getting louder.

“Goodness,” Eliza said as she walked in. “What has you so upset?”

Alex grimaced. “She wants a juice box, but I don’t want her having so much sugar this early. I’m trying to give her the organic juice Maggie got her.”

“Wan juice! WANT JUICE!” Elena screamed out, in full tantrum mode and started squirming in Alex’s arms.

“I don’t—” Alex stammered out at her mother.

“Put her down, tell her you will talk to her when she isn’t so upset, and walk away,” Eliza told her as she went to sit on the couch.

Alex blinked, unsure how this was going to work. But, this was part of the reason she’d asked Eliza to come and help. She had  _ way  _ more experience with temper tantrums than Alex would have.

“Uh… I’ll… talk to you when you’ve calmed down,” Alex said uncertainly and followed Eliza and Kara, who also didn’t seem to want to just leave Elena to cry on the ground.

“So… that’s it?” Alex asked as she peeked over the couch at her distraught daughter.

Eliza hummed, she didn’t look particularly happy that Elena was so upset either, but she was much more confident than Alex and Kara were feeling. “She’s having a tantrum. Feeding it by getting angry will only make it worse, and trying to soothe and placate her in the middle of it will teach her that she gets what she wants when she throws fits. This also helps her self-soothe. Definitely  _ don’t  _ ignore her when she’s actually crying, but tantrums you just… leave her to get it out of her system.”

It was painstaking to listen to Elena sob angrily behind them, but Alex did her best to ignore it. She kept peeking at her kid to make sure Elena was okay during all of this. Eliza rubbed her arm soothingly. Eventually, Elena seemed to run out of steam and was left hiccuping on the floor.

Alex popped up off the couch and tried her best to seem like she  _ wasn’t  _ rushing to her daughter.

“You ready to talk to me?” She asked calmly.

Elena looked up at her and sniffled. “Kay.”

She knelt down next to her daughter and put on a much less terrifying version of her Agent Danvers face. No need to scar her daughter for life….

“Why did you get so upset?” Alex asked. She already knew, but it  _ might  _ be a good thing to get Elena to actually verbalize her feelings.

“I want box juice,” Elena mumbled.

“Okay. But I don’t want you to have box juice for breakfast. It’s not good for you. If you hadn’t thrown a tantrum, you could have had some at lunch. But now you’ll have to wait for dinner,” Alex told her.

She had no idea of Elena grasped consequences, but it seemed she got the gist of it. Elena’s lip wobbled a little—and Alex was half afraid she’d start crying again—but she nodded sadly in the end. Part of Alex thought this was so funny that  _ this  _ was what Elena probably considered to be the worst thing to ever happen to her.

Which, to be fair, it wasn’t as though Elena has had many life experiences yet, being out of the tank for a single day.

Alex let out a heavy breath, relieved that she’d managed to make it through this fit unscathed. She had no idea if Elena would ever be worse than how she’d behaved here, but if this was the worst of it… or even how she’d  _ usually  _ act when pushed to her limit, then….

Maybe Alex could survive this.

There was a disturbance outside the door, and Kara again whipped out her x-ray vision to see what was going on.

Not that she really needed to.

“Schott, put your back into it,” Maggie’s voice gruffed out irritably.

_ “Why  _ are we moving this dolly up ourselves?” Winn whined breathlessly. “We know someone how could lift all this effortlessly.”

“Because I don’t want to use my friends for something I can do myself out of laziness,” Maggie grunted back.

Kara rolled her eyes, and opened the door. Alex could hear her muttering under her breath about stubborn cops and knowing when to ask for help as she presumably went out to help Maggie and Winn with whatever they were grappling with.

When they all piled inside Alex’s apartment, Kara was in mid-scolding. Winn looked abashed while Maggie was apparently unfazed.

“I mean,  _ really,  _ Maggie? You transported  _ three  _ gun safes up to Alex’s floor? A quick text, and I would have been happy to help you deliver them. Winn, next time, just shoot me a text yourself. I’ll make sure Maggie doesn’t lock you up somewhere for telling on her.”

Maggie’s glare at Winn didn’t at all support that statement, and his eyes widened almost comically.

“We were fine, Kara. You can’t help with  _ every  _ slightly heavy lifting job that has to get done in this city,” Maggie said stubbornly.

_ “Slightly?”  _ Winn said, but clamped his mouth shut when Maggie looked at him.

“What’s… what’s all this for?” Alex asked, taking in the safes—which  _ had  _ to have been heavy just from the look of them. They weren’t very big, but by their nature of being gun safes….

Maggie grimaced, as if she was half expecting Alex not to be happy. “Look, Danvers,  I know how you feel about being able to react quickly to any potential threats that might come after you what with the DEO and being related to Supergirl, but…. I’ve been a beat cop. I’ve had to respond to scenes with unsecured weapons finding their way into kids’ hands and….”

Her grimace disappeared and Maggie was almost staring Alex down. “Winn modified these to open quickly on your biosignature and voice passcode. You’ll be able to get into them quickly if you have to. I’m  _ not  _ budging on this. If Elena is living with you, guns go in safes.  _ Period.” _

Alex held her hands up. “Whoa, stand down, detective. It’s fine. I totally agree with you. I thought about it last night.”

Maggie immediately deflated. “Oh. Good. Glad… we got that sorted out.”

Elena popped up next to Maggie’s leg. “Mag. Box juice?”

This kid.

Alex rolled her eyes, getting the sense that they were going to have to be careful of any ‘divide and conquer’ tactics Elena would probably pull in the future.

“She’s not allowed a juice box until dinner,” Alex informed her. “She threw a fit this morning when I told her no.”

“Sorry, kid,” Maggie said with a shake of her head. “Gotta wait until dinner.”

She waited for a blow up, hoping that Elena was all angered out. Fortunately, she only huffed dramatically and threw herself face down on the couch.

“I have no idea where she gets that from,” Alex commented in mild amusement. Elena didn’t seem like she was crying. Just… resigning herself to the unfairness of life.

Her mother laughed. “I do. She gets it from  _ you.  _ Sorry, sweetheart, but you were a  _ dramatic  _ child growing up. It even got a resurgence in your teenage years.”

“What?” Alex scoffed. “I was  _ not  _ that bad.”

Even Kara seemed to be snickering at her. “Alex… your punk rock stage.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and you’re ‘we learned Calculus at age five on Krypton’ whining wasn’t dramatic.”

“Human school is the worst,” Kara said with a shrug. “Not my fault Earth still hasn’t grasped that personalized one-on-one learning has the best results.”

“They’re gonna be bickering for a bit,” Maggie commented to Winn. “Just go to the spots I marked. That’s where Alex keeps her guns. Thank you for all this, by the way. You aren’t so bad, Schott.”

She handed a piece of paper to Winn, who was grinning at her mischievously.

“You said it!” He crowed. “No take backs.”

Maggie rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. “Just get to work.”

Winn gave her a lazy salute, but Alex was only half paying attention to them. She was staring down Kara, remembering that she still had some revenge to enact on her sister.

“So, Mom,” Alex began airily. “Kara’s been a huge help since Elena’s discovery.”

Kara narrowed her eyes at Alex, apparently realizing that Alex was up to something.

“I’m not surprised,” Eliza commented. “She’s your sister, you’re both always there for each other.”

Alex noted the more balanced praise she gave, rather than just giving Kara all the credit in their relationship. It was definitely a step up from where they used to be. But… all of that appreciation could wait. Alex had a grudge to settle.

“Yep, she even went shopping with us. Kept Elena busy. Until she had a Supergirl emergency…,” Alex trailed off, and shot Kara a hard glare.

For her part, Kara’s eyes widened and she gave Alex a nearly imperceptible shake of her head. She even glanced at Eliza desperately.

But Alex just gave her a smirk.

“Oh! I think I hear a… uh… a fire! Yeah, a—”

“Kara Danvers, you better not move a muscle!” Alex snapped out, and raised a threatening finger. “I swear, it’ll be  _ that  _ much worse if you do.”

Eliza had long since gotten used to their antics, but she was far from complacent when it came to actual issues her daughters caused. She’d easily pieced together what was potentially going on—her mother wasn’t stupid, after all—and leveled her gaze to Kara’s now fidgeting form.

“Do you have something to tell us, Kara?” Eliza asked, almost placidly, but Alex knew that was the calm before the storm.

Kara was practically sweating bullets, and Alex almost felt sorry for her.  _ Almost.  _ After all, she  _ had  _ revealed herself to Elena, a three year old little girl who probably had no idea what a secret  _ was,  _ let alone how to keep one.

So… as far as Alex was concerned, this was her sister getting her just desserts.

“Uh… no?” Kara asked, not making eye contact.

Unbelievable. Alex didn’t know what was more impressive. How cowardly the Girl of Steel was being, or how much terror her much smaller,  _ much  _ more human mother could inspire into a being who was practically invulnerable.

Of course, Alex knew for a fact Kara was actually much more afraid of the disappointment she was about to cause in their mother. Hell,  _ Alex  _ actually hated disappointing Eliza. She supposed that came with the territory of having a parent you actually respected.

“She heard an emergency, and supersped off to deal with it. In front of Elena,” Alex deadpanned, putting Kara out of her misery.

Best to get it over with.

It was interesting, the way Eliza’s lips and jaw tightened as she tried not to knee-react to what she just heard. Kara looked like she wanted to bolt through the nearest window. Aside from the drilling Winn was doing in the background, everyone completely still. Waiting to see what Eliza was going to do.

The fact that she  _ hadn’t  _ just pounced all over Kara was surprising to Alex. What with the way her mother took her coming out with her employment at the DEO. Though, perhaps that was coming with the territory of turning a new leaf.

“Kara. Do you have any idea what position you’ve just put Elena in?” Eliza finally asked. It  _ was  _ delivered calmly, but only just. Alex could still see how much her mother was clenching her jaw.

“I just… I didn’t think,” Kara admitted sheepishly. “I’m so used to running off to deal with emergencies around Alex and Maggie that I just…  _ reacted.” _

“How is she supposed to keep your secret?” Eliza asked, rubbing her forehead. “She’s a little girl, Kara. She probably  _ barely  _ understands that you aren’t human. All it will take is making an innocent comment. We can only hope that most people will assume that Elena just has an overactive imagination.”

“She hasn’t brought it up again,” Alex said, “but Maggie and I are going to talk about it with her soon.”

Eliza shook her head. “I wouldn’t. Not unless she actually says something plausible. Like I said, most people will assume she’s just pretending. Children say all sorts of outlandish things when they’re playing or just wanting attention. Insisting that Kara’s powers are a  _ secret  _ will only make it all the more tempting to talk about. Because she knows she’s not  _ supposed  _ to. Simply to push boundaries and to learn what social cues are. Wait a couple of years, and then she will be more capable of understanding keeping Kara’s secret versus secrets that might actually harm her. Honestly, secret keeping is not something you would typically  _ want  _ to teach young children. They don’t have the life experience or education to understand nuance or threats against them. But… sometimes you don’t really have a choice. Advertising that her aunt is Supergirl is eventually going to get her dangerous attention.”

Alex grew paler at every point her mother made. It honestly hadn’t crossed her mind at what even so much as  _ teaching  _ Elena to keep secrets—even if that secret would ultimately keep her safe from some of the most dangerous threats in the  _ galaxy— _ would actually affect her in the long run. All of Alex’s experience in keeping Kara’s secret came from when she was a teenager. A fourteen year old girl was  _ much  _ better equipped to deal with this than a toddler.

Kara apparently wasn’t dealing with the severity of the situation much better than Alex was. “Oh  _ geez.  _ I… I’m  _ so sorry,  _ Alex. You too, Maggie. I just… I never thought…. And I know that’s not an excuse, I should have  _ thought  _ for a moment, but I  _ didn’t,  _ and—”

Her sister was completely freaking out, and Alex decided to end her suffering. It was one thing to make Kara walk a mile in Alex’s shoes, but she didn’t want Kara suffering an existential crisis either.

“Kara, it’s okay. It’s going to be alright,” she said. “She’s very young. We don’t know that she won’t just… forget that it happened. Just don’t use your powers around her anymore.”

Maggie nodded. “Yeah. Chances are, you don’t do it again, Elena gets older, and she forgets it happened just like we forget a lot of things that happened in our childhood. This is manageable. You just…  _ gotta  _ be more careful, okay? I know you’re  _ really  _ bad at the whole lying thing… but whew, Little Danvers. This is a three year old we’re talking about. She already idolizes you. I think she’ll be just fine with just about any silly, unrealistic, or outright terrible excuse you give her.”

“Why does everyone keep saying I’m a horrible liar? I’ve kept my powers a secret since I landed on Earth!” Kara threw her hands up.

Everyone in the room gave her a dubious look. Alex even noted that Winn stopped drilling holes for whichever safe he was bolting to the ground and peeked his head out just to give his friend his own disbelieving look.

“Sweetie,” Eliza started, barely hiding her own slightly pained grin, “I love you, but I’m sorry, you can’t tell a believable lie to save your life. Honestly, what kept your secret safe those first few years was telling anyone who grew suspicious you were so traumatized losing your family that anything out of the ordinary you did was done out of grief.”

“Yeah…. I had to make up  _ so many  _ plausible explanations for half the things you did in school,” Alex confirmed.

“You aren’t even subtle as Supergirl,” Maggie confirmed. “I mean, yeah, I saw right through the glasses and ponytail, but what ended up ruining half the image you were going for was the outright  _ frigid  _ shoulder you gave me after I turned down Alex at the bar. There’s only so many directions I could go with as to why a person literally made out of sunshine hated my guts for seemingly no good reason.”

Her sister was looking outright grumpy. “I can’t believe everyone is ganging up on me,” she muttered sourly.

Alex shook her head. “We aren’t ganging up on you. We’re just trying to point out that you could  _ really  _ be way more careful with your secret. Come on, Kara, I know this might be a blow to your ego a little bit—and I get it—but we’re going to need some help with this.  _ Think  _ about what you’re doing, and we can get through this with at least minor hiccups.”

Kara sighed heavily, the wind clearly having been knocked out of her sails. Alex felt a little bad. Her sister more resembled a kicked puppy than a superhero right now. It was not for a lack of care towards her family, Alex knew that Kara was entirely devoted to everyone in this room, including Maggie. But… Alex was trying to explain to her that the devotion she had… it wouldn’t mean much if she couldn’t be cautious and mindful enough to  _ think  _ about her actions before committing to them.

“Yeah… I get where you guys are coming from,” she mumbled out. “I’m sorry I’ve been… shirking my part in keeping Supergirl underwraps. I guess I’ve been so excited to be open with this other part of me that… I just got too careless. I don’t want any of you to get hurt because of Supergirl. And keeping Kara Danvers separate from that life would probably help a whole lot.”

“Come here, Kara,” Alex held her arms out, and Kara didn’t hesitate. She dove right in for a hug, and Alex hoped that everything would be okay after this. That Kara would get that she couldn’t just outright trust that her secret would be kept from the world by someone she cared about after slipping up in front of them.

Mostly because Elena was going to be utterly incapable to handing that responsibility. There was a  _ massive  _ difference in spilling your secret in front of… say a alien friendly CEO—who Alex  _ really  _ hoped still didn’t know; if only to get proper time to vet every single phone line, email account, and word the woman said before trusting her with Alex’s family—than a three year old kid with no filter.

She was at least  _ ninety  _ percent certain her family could handle this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've reevaluated the plot pace in terms of timeline. I think I might take this a bit slower than I usually do. Not in terms of plot *points* but just general time scale. I would like all of these characters to be around for several things I have planned, so instead of time skips I'm just gonna... make this fic's timeline a little more action packed than I normally would.
> 
> As for the contents of this chapter, and why I thought they were important.... I think a lot of people have problems writing kids. And I get it, kids are hard. I'm not even saying that I write kids perfectly. I'm probably going to mess up somewhere in this fic if I haven't already. Elena's behavior is largely based on that of my baby sister's who was born when I was almost eight years old. I remember quite a bit of what she was like as a toddler. Temper tantrums are totally a thing, kids aren't always fluff machines that come out during fics, and I totally want to get into that with both Alex and Maggie. Especially Maggie, who will realistically see the harder side of having a kid before being able to jump in with both feet.
> 
> Another point I wanted to get to is that one of my pet peeves in Supergirl fanfiction (not one that I rant about—or truly complain about—I can set aside my suspension of disbelief for a little bit) is that no one properly addresses how DANGEROUS it would be for a 3-5 year old kid to keep the secret that their aunt or mom is a superhero. Sure, it could be passed off as pretend or imagination, but what happens when folks already suspect Kara Danvers? Especially when she's so generally bad at keeping her Supergirl persona under wraps in the first place? This trend of, "Sweetie, you have to keep Aunt Kara's secret, so people don't get hurt," talk I see in a lot of kid fic is... unrealistic at best.
> 
> I think a lot of harm came to both Kara and Alex keeping the 'we're hiding an alien in plain sight' thing as *teenagers.* Unavoidable pain, because I think hiding your sister/yourself from the government under pain of horrible experimentation or death is going to do a number on the psyche regardless of Eliza's input though she certainly didn't help the situation. So... why on earth would you want a young child to go through that?
> 
> Well, that wraps up my chapterly rant. I was planning on continuing the AU compilation, but work got to me this past week or so and working on Something Real was far more therapeutic than the angst fest I have planned for the AU collection....


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night in her own apartment is painfully silent and empty. Maggie finds it impossible to find rest, but her racing thoughts might just be worth the sleepless night.

Maggie stared at her ceiling, but its plain, white expanse was doing nothing to lull her to sleep. Everything was too quiet. Walking into her dark and empty apartment was killer after today. She had no idea coming home would  _ hurt  _ this much after spending the day with Alex, Elena, Kara, and…  _ damn.  _ Everyone. Everyone she’d once been so close to calling family and then….

Well, now she was here. And she couldn’t sleep. The day kept replaying itself over and over again in her mind. To think she’d started it all marvelling at how much she couldn’t seem to let go of Alex Danvers, and lo and behold, Alex calls her up to show her the  _ most  _ outlandish thing she ever could have expected. Hell, there was  _ no  _ expecting this. She’d like to meet the person capable of predicting two lesbians could conceive a biological child together, and run her bullshit meter by them.

A kid. She had a kid. She’d spent the day trying to wrap her mind around that, and it was still pretty damn impossible to actually sift through it all. Elena looked so much like herself. Yeah, Maggie could spot a million and one different ways she was similar to Alex, but there was no denying Elena took after her in the most obvious ways. And Maggie didn’t know what to do with that.

_ Her daughter. _

And there was absolutely no way Maggie could deny it with a straight face. Dammit, she didn’t even  _ want  _ to deny it. Maggie didn’t want to just… reject Elena like her parents did with her so long ago and then all over again at the shower for a wedding that never followed through.

So much of today was filled with everyone around her telling Maggie to be the parent she  _ chose  _ to be. Not the one she held up to impossible standards. But, that was it, wasn’t it? Maggie  _ lost  _ her parents. There was no getting around that. Her aunt hadn’t even come close to replacing them, and now she was about fifteen years out of practice over what parenting even  _ meant. _

Maggie was alone. In more ways than one. Over the years, she had grown a persona that was  _ proud  _ of that fact. Proud of how strong she was to move past the pain and rejection in her life. The loneliness and loss. She was Maggie Sawyer,  _ dammit, _ and she could make it by on her own.

She’d clawed her way out of Blue Springs, Nebraska. When everyone around her had called her  _ shameful  _ and  _ disgusting  _ and  _ sinful.  _ Maggie had taken their words and used it to fuel her desire to  _ get out and never return.  _ And she hadn’t. Maggie was determined to be bigger and better than every single small minded, hateful person in that damn, one stoplight town.

Went to college, got her degree, joined the police academy in Gotham and rose through the ranks faster than anyone else had in over a decade. Even when she’d been considered nothing more than a brown, queer, small town hick nobody. Youngest to ever reach detective on the force.

Maggie had achieved every goal she’d ever set for herself and then some.

Except one.

Granted, it wasn’t a  _ goal,  _ she’d actually, consciously chosen to set for herself. But it was a desire. No matter how much she pretended it wasn’t there or that it didn’t exist. She didn’t  _ need  _ her family, and she didn’t want them. They’d long since proven they didn’t deserve her.

And that was fine. Ever since the shower, Maggie had been more than fine with finally letting go of  _ them. _

It was just… she’d thought at the time that she’d finally gotten something  _ better. _

Only to find it sliding out of her fingers like water only a few weeks later.

Talk about a kick to the gut.

Getting that call from Alex today… it was bringing up a lot of ghosts. Ghosts that Maggie wasn’t at all prepared to deal with today, or even preferably ever.

She sighed heavily.

Right. So, running from them probably wasn’t going to help. Alex has practically begged her not to run from this. Not to shut her out, or shut down. Like she’d had with Valentine’s Day and Emily. Because, apparently, that was what Maggie did best when she was threatened by something. She shut down and lifted the drawbridges. Nobody was getting through to hurt her ever again.

Which sounded so  _ pathetic  _ and sad even in her own thoughts. Maggie didn’t want to make the same mistakes she’s always made.

_ Hard-headed, insensitive, obsessed with work, borderline sociopathic…. _

Maggie punched the pillow under her head. It was just as lumpy as it was before.

What was one ex-girlfriend’s thoughts of her? At least, that was what she  _ tried  _ to tell herself. The problem was that Maggie knew with the utmost certainty that she’d deserved every bit of that dressing down if not more. Before Alex… Maggie was going through the motions. She wasn’t even so much as attempting to open herself up to other people.

If Alex was the only one who could manage to get Maggie out from behind her walls, how was she supposed to be open with Elena? Or was she doomed to be just like her aunt? Supposedly willing to take her in, but so emotionally distant, it was a wonder Maggie had even recovered from her parents betrayal at all.

Elena didn’t deserve that kind of neglect in her life. She was a kid,  _ Maggie’s  _ kid, and Maggie was more than aware of how terrible it was to be around someone who didn’t actually want you there. Who  _ resented  _ who and what you were. That was the absolute last thing she wanted for the kid.

She  _ wanted  _ to do more for Elena. As much as Maggie cursed the lack of maternal instinct she’d apparently utterly failed to develop, Maggie did want to actually try and  _ do  _ something for her own daughter. The problem was that Maggie had  _ no idea  _ what she could do. Alex… sure, Eliza pointed out that Alex was bumbling her way through all this motherhood stuff, but damn, at least Alex was bumbling in the right direction.

Maggie felt like she was stuck in mud. She could see the light at the other end of the tunnel, the problem was that she couldn’t lift her feet to  _ move. _

What that light held, Maggie wasn’t sure. Probably something better than  _ this.  _ This loneliness that had dogged at her heels for fifteen years. Maggie had been forever determined to ignore it. Hoped that she could one day find something that would fill that void. Grasped onto that hope with Alex, had it snatched away by circumstance and heartbreak, and now it seemed she was right back where she’d started with Alex.

An offer for a family, one that Alex insisted didn’t come with the caveat of a relationship, and one with  _ their daughter. _

Their daughter that needed just about everything one could think of when it came to raising a kid. Or at least, the stuff that  _ Maggie  _ was aware of. And that list wasn’t all that long. Toys. Food. Shelter. She was certain that Alex was planning to get out of that apartment now more than ever. It had always been on their lists of ‘Firsts.’ After getting married and adopting a dog and naming it something ridiculous. Find a place they could make  _ theirs.  _ Get an actual bedroom door so Kara would stop barging into their apartment and finding her sister and her sister’s fiance in compromising positions.

Not that any of that mattered to  _ Maggie  _ anymore. Wherever Alex was going to move to, her thoughts were likely going to keep Elena’s needs in mind first and foremost. Not that Maggie didn’t  _ want  _ her to do that… it was just an obvious contrast to who had been first in Alex’s mind  _ before  _ all of this. Before the breakup, before finding out they’d forgotten to talk about  _ kids  _ of all things.

It wasn’t jealousy that Maggie felt. Not really. Elena was three, probably addicted to juice boxes, and didn’t know how to use a fork. Maggie wasn’t capable of seeing her in any light other than  _ her kid. _

Which was mind boggling what with the difficulty she had believing she  _ had  _ a daughter in the first place.

No… Maggie felt  _ severed  _ from it all. She felt like she  _ should  _ be a part of apartment hunting and bedtime and all that fuzzy, family friendly bullshit she’d heard married officers in the force talk about day to day. At least… it didn’t seem all that bullshit-ish  _ now.  _ Not when Maggie actually had a child to do all of those things with. To  _ care  _ to do those things.

Knowing Alex, she’d probably think first and foremost how defensible any apartment was. Maggie half figured that was why she went with the open plan in her current apartment as it was. Alex could see any potential threat as soon as she walked through her door. And then after finding something that would come remotely close to Alex’s high expectations, she’d want the DEO to modify it for weapons—

Maggie sat up.

_ Weapons. _

Alex had guns in her apartment.

Alex had  _ Elena  _ in her apartment.

“Fuck.”

Maggie had been a beat cop in one of the most violent cities in the country. Gotham had  _ plenty  _ of gun violence.  _ Malicious  _ gun violence. However, those crime scenes hadn’t been the ones Maggie pushed down and hid away, never to willingly think about again. No, the scenes Maggie  _ hated  _ getting called out to were the ones that involved guns and  _ kids.  _ Never,  _ never  _ a happy outcome. Always tragic. Sure, Maggie had virtually no idea—and previously no desire—to have kids, but hell, working a crime scene that involved a young child shooting his brother with their father’s gun wasn’t  _ ever  _ Maggie’s idea of an easy time.

And she knew. Was positive of every place Alex kept guns in her apartment. Largely because Alex was paranoid enough to tell her outright in the case of Alex getting attacked in the dead of night by Cadmus, or one of Kara’s enemies, or some sicko like Rick Malverne. Which, it wasn’t as though Alex’s paranoia wasn’t understandable or warranted. But Elena also wasn’t some infant who couldn’t get into unsecured drawers, cabinets, or ‘lockboxes’ that had sorry excuses for a lock.

Every day that kid spent in Alex’s apartment was a tragedy waiting to happen.  _ Every  _ single parent at those horrible scenes had said the same thing as all the others, in one way or another.

_ I never thought it could happen. _

“Goddammit, Danvers. We’re idiots.”

Maggie quickly dressed herself. Nope. No way she was sleeping now. Not that sleep had been coming to her in the first place.

There had to be a way to both make sure Alex could defend herself and Elena as well as keep the kid safe from any weapons Alex kept in whatever damn apartment she chose to live in. Maggie’s brain was working too much in overdrive to really think of how that could be achieved.

But she knew someone who could probably come up with something almost instantly.

It was late as all hell. And though National City never truly slept, just like any major city, Maggie’s motorcycle made excellent time. It wasn’t even twenty minutes since she’d rolled out of bed in a near panic. It was times like this that Maggie was glad she was a cop and had favors she could pull at the department. It wasn’t as though Maggie made it a point to learn where Kara’s friends lived.

She pounded right on the door.

“Schott!” She called out urgently. Hopefully not loud enough to disturb anyone else on his floor, but she couldn’t bring herself to care  _ too  _ much. Maggie was in a hurry, dammit.

“Wake up, Schott!”

This wasn’t the first time Maggie’s come knocking on somebody’s door. She knew how to make a nuisance of herself, and she was more than prepared to do so now. Regardless of the fact that she actually liked Winn.

Fortunately, it didn’t have to come to that point.

The door pulled open quickly, revealing Winn groggily looking at Maggie in surprise. Not that Maggie wasn’t doing the same.

“Schott. Are you wearing Superman pajama pants?”

“What? Maggie? What are you doing here? It’s… three-fourteen in the morning…,” he said as he rubbed a hand through his mussed hair.

She skipped over the pants. It was prime teasing material, but Winn wasn’t anywhere near awake enough to be properly tormented by it.

“Have you heard what was found at the DEO this morning?” She asked him. Maggie actually had no idea if he even knew about Elena. It was  _ likely  _ that he did. Kara  _ was  _ his best friend, and knowing Kara, she probably spilled the beans to him almost immediately.

He blinked sleepily, trying to wake up into some kind of semblance of functional. “Yeah…. You and Alex. A kid from a tank. Wait.  _ Your  _ kid from a tank!” Winn was finally coming out of his stupor, and he was giving Maggie this disturbingly ecstatic beam.

Maggie was beginning to understand why Alex went out of her way to terrify him on the regular. Probably spared her… whatever  _ this  _ thing was that his face was currently doing.

“Yeah, Schott. Get it together. I have something important I want to talk to you about,” Maggie pressed on insistently.

Winn fortunately was finally present enough to lead her into his apartment. It was… a bit different than Maggie expected. Tastefully decorated, though there were still the predictable nerd posters and memorabilia scattered around. He gestured at a chair in the living room area.

“You want anything?” He asked.

That was thoughtful of him, considering how rudely Maggie woke him up at this time of night. Maggie noted that she was going to definitely owe him a favor after this.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you. I wanted to talk to you about Elena,” she told him as Winn sat across from her in a recliner.

“Really? I’m not… all that great with kids,” Winn chuckled nervously. “At least, not kids Elena’s age. I’m  _ a lot  _ better with them when they’re old enough to think Star Wars is cool.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you and Kara pretty much have the ‘might as well be a kid yourself’ thing down to pat. No, I need to pick your brain for something else. Elena’s living with Alex for now. Alex keeps a variety of weapons in her apartment to ward off anything that might come gunning for her. I’ve been a cop long enough to know those things don’t add up to anything good. Ever.”

Winn’s face took on a much more serious demeanor. “Oh. Yeah…, I definitely see where you’re coming from. Have you talked to Alex about this? I mean, I’m sure she doesn’t want Elena to get hurt any more than you do.”

“No. It… didn’t come up. We had a million other things to talk about today, and I just… finally realized about half an hour ago. I don’t really  _ want  _ to make unilateral decisions, especially if it’s over a kid…. But, I think this is way too urgent to sit on and debate over. Hopefully Alex  _ does  _ agree with me over this, but I want to get it taken care of  _ now.” _

“Okay. I get what you’re saying. But… what do I have to do with any of this?” Winn’s eyes widened. “Not that I don’t want to help. I do! I’m always up to help you and Alex!”

Maggie grimaced. ‘You and Alex.’ Yeah… only problem being there was no Maggie  _ and  _ Alex.

Just Maggie.

And she had absolutely no doubt that Winn would do just about anything for Alex. Despite all the bodily threats and glares, Maggie knew Alex loved him like family, and she knew Winn felt the same. She didn’t want to blame Winn for trying, but it would probably be kinder to not pretend this wasn’t what it was. He was Alex’s family.

Maggie just… didn’t fit anymore.

“Yeah… thank you,” she finally said. “Well, actually you’re probably the only person who  _ can  _ help me right now. I just want to get Alex some gun safes. But, I know she keeps them unsecured in the first place for quick access.”

Winn’s whole face practically lit up. “Yes! I can totally modify some gun safes for you. Shouldn’t be too hard. Probably stick a biosignature reader in there… or maybe have it install some smart software with facial recognition….”

“Okay, hold on there, Schott. Let’s not get  _ too  _ carried away,” Maggie snorted. “I… know this is probably asking for a lot, but I would really like for this to get done  _ tonight.  _ I can’t sleep knowing Elena could just open the wrong drawer, get curious….”

She shuddered.

Even Winn paled a little bit. “Yeah… yeah. Okay, let’s get this done right now. We… just need to get some safes, and I can do the rest.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got some money saved up,” Maggie told him. This… was going to be expensive. However, Elena’s safety didn’t have a price tag on it. Maggie was willing to do just about anything to get this taken care of.

They were very fortunate that there was a 24 hour sporting goods store open. Maggie knew they both looked  _ very  _ bizarre buying no less than three gun safes this time of night—and Winn’s mussed hair probably didn’t help any—and about an half an hour later, they were back at Winn’s apartment. Maggie marvelling when he started pulling out tools, wires, and various odds and ends from seemingly the woodwork.

“Where do you keep all this?” Maggie asked as he got started on soldering.  _ “Why  _ do you keep all this?”

“I build James’s Guardian suit without the DEO noticing,” he told her absently. “It’s not like I had anywhere else to go. Also, you’d be surprised where all this can go.”

She watched him work in silence for several minutes. Maggie wasn’t actually all that certain of how to talk to Winn one-on-one. It wasn’t as though they ever hung out without Kara or Alex around. It spoke even more to the fact that Winn wasn’t actually Maggie’s friend. Just… an acquaintance at best now. Sure, she respected what he did, and he was a pretty damn good guy, but… that was as far as Maggie went when it came to Winn Schott.

“Guess those maternal instincts kick in pretty instantaneously, huh?” Winn asked, interrupting Maggie’s thoughts.

“What? Um… no, I just figured this would be something anyone would do,” Maggie told him, somewhat uncomfortably.

Winn looked up and pinned Maggie down with a much more serious look than she’d typically see from him. “Maggie,  _ Alex  _ didn’t think of this. And she thinks of everything. And then you woke me up in the middle of the night to take care of this immediately. Not everyone would do this.”

Maggie’s thoughts shifted to what Eliza had told her today. Was  _ this  _ maternal instinct? She had no idea, all Maggie was certain of was the fact that she  _ absolutely  _ could not relax until she was certain Alex’s apartment was safe for her kid.

Okay… so maybe that  _ was  _ a protective instinct.

Now Maggie had to think about whether or not she was disturbed that she cared so much, so quickly, about someone she’d met only  _ today.  _ Or yesterday. It was late. Or early. Maggie wasn’t really all that sure right now, and she was regretting not taking Winn up on some coffee.

“I guess,” Maggie conceded awkwardly. “This is all new to me. I’m not really sure  _ what  _ I can do that’s not going to mess up this kid for life. I… uh… didn’t really have the greatest parental role models.”

Winn snorted. “Yeah, we should probably start a support group at this point. Look, Maggie, you can do  _ a lot  _ better than what you grew up with. You’re a good egg, remember?”

She sighed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as just  _ wanting  _ to not make the same mistakes my family did.”

“Why not?”

He had his complete attention focused on her now, and was far more serious than Maggie ever took him for. She wasn’t even sure how she should respond. Unloading her issues on him wasn’t exactly high on Maggie’s list. Just admitting she hadn’t had the greatest time growing up was hard enough. Maggie wasn’t one to just advertise her problems. But Winn was looking at Maggie as though he could see right through her. A complete role reversal from the time Maggie had him in her interrogation room.

When she didn’t say anything, Winn set his soldering rod down, and took in a deep breath.

“My dad is murdered six people, and my mom ran out on me when I was eleven years old. Have I ever acted like I could make their mistakes? You know, besides the art theft I was framed of…. Maggie, I get what it feels like to be afraid of becoming a monster. All because you’re related to one. Growing up, people would tell me I was just like him. Looked like him, acted like him. I  _ wanted  _ to be just like my dad before he… did what he did. It’s crushing. But, we get a chance to make our own choices. To be the people  _ we  _ want to be. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to make creepy toys. And I don’t want to blow people up,” Winn told her, and for a moment he almost seemed as though he was remembering something far off that he’d rather bury away all over again.

Maggie could relate to an uncomfortable degree.

Hell, she could relate with just about  _ everything  _ Winn had just told her. Maggie wasn’t a big fan of playing the Tragedy Olympics, but she could definitely see that Winn had a far heavier past than she ever would have expected. Maggie had thrown up walls to protect herself, but it seemed Winn preferred to hide behind his goofiness. Deflect anything that could get too close to his pain with jokes, silliness, and awkward behavior.

In a way, hearing it from Winn made Maggie’s fears smaller than they’d been when Alex had tried to tell her the same thing. Losing her dad, and dealing with her mother’s high expectations, Alex did have her own personal demons. But… Alex had never had to look herself in the mirror in the days after getting outed and thrown from her home and wonder if her parents were right. If she really  _ was  _ shameful or wrong for being what she was.

And then, when Maggie had tried to move past it all, live her own life, stumble over and over again when it came to getting close to other people, she wondered if she really  _ was  _ messed up over what they did to her. If she  _ was  _ that sociopath, the insensitive monster, the backstabbing cheater all of her mistakes had added up to.

She was still terrified of raising this kid that was dumped into her lap in the past 24 hours. And the paranoia of her past wasn’t completely gone. No matter what anyone said, or what Maggie herself could try and ignore, it had happened. The rejection she’d gone through had shaped her life in innumerable ways, and outrunning it wasn’t making it go away. Maggie wondered if it ever  _ would. _ It seemed as though Winn had taken his pain and channeled into being the exact  _ opposite  _ of what his father had been.

Maybe it was time to stop  _ running.  _ It was impossible to forget what her father had said, or what his face had looked like when he drove away. Maggie had been trying that for years, and it wasn’t getting any less clear than the day it happened.

What if she could…  _ keep  _ remembering? And use all the shit she’d gone through to be better than they’d been? It probably won’t be any less painful, but it would be a hell of a lot better than pretending it had never happened and then taking it all out on Elena when the bottle Maggie stuffed everything in shattered one day.

“Guess you better focus on what you’re doing so  _ we  _ don’t blow up,” Maggie gruffly gestured at the mess of… whatever was in front of him.

Winn nodded and picked up his soldering rod again. It grew silent between them again. Maggie had never been great at the feelings talks. Not with anyone besides Alex, at least. She was good at the listening, not so much at talking about her own emotions. But… Winn had helped her in more ways than one tonight.

“You’re not a bad egg either, Schott.”

The goofy grin that took over his whole face was a small price to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... another Sanvers-less chapter. At this point, this fic is looking to be *very* long considering my mental plotline. There's going to be tons of Sanvers in the majority of this thing. But... I don't like ignoring the personal problems that Alex and Maggie each have. Away from their relationship. Oftentimes, I think fiction forgets that ships aren't this singular, glued together unit. Alex and Maggie are individuals in their own right, and I've set out to give Maggie her own storyline in this fic from the very beginning, what with how canon relegated her to 'The Girlfriend.'
> 
> That is not to say that Alex and Maggie can't help each other with this stuff. But, support networks are not just your SO. Family, friends, and maybe even an unlikely 'acquaintance' can offer insight that your SO might not have. Winn's family failed him in a horribly painful way that Maggie can relate to. Alex went through the once thought of death of her father, and dealt with Eliza's overbearing expectations, but her parents didn't betray her like Winn or Maggie's did. At least, not until she was in adulthood, and even then Jeremiah's brainwashing makes his betrayal of Alex much more nuanced than what Winn, Maggie, or even Kara have gone through.
> 
> Anyway, Chapters 9 and 10 are meant to be parallels of each other. Alex is surrounded by people, action, and instantaneous advice that she can ask for without a second thought. Maggie... has none of that, and the advice she ended up getting came from a source she never would have expected. Because she believes herself to be alone.
> 
> Also, I have a tumblr that I keep forgetting to tell you guys about in this long fic. It's blueraith(dot)tumblr(dot)com. Very easy. I am not good at naming things, by the way. You can find a ton of fandom stuff and shitposts I reblog, rants I go on like an elderly person, the occasional previews of chapters, and my thoughts I'm having over the stuff I'm writing about. I believe my last text post was more stuff about how I think ships can and should be separated occasionally for a less codependent portrayal.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie are as great a team at parenting as they are in crime fighting. Too bad Elena is just as stubborn and resourceful as her mothers are.

Alex huffed at her laptop for what felt like the tenth time in under five minutes. She forgot how tedious and irritating apartment finding was. Listings that weren’t accurate or were already filled. Apartment complexes that actually  _ did  _ have openings but forgot to post them online. Ridiculous rent prices….

This was actually the most unenjoyable thing she’s done since becoming a mother. Alex would rather field a dozen of Elena’s tantrums than go through this process all over again. Nevermind the fact that Alex really needed to find something  _ quickly,  _ if only to give Elena a space of her own. Already her open plan, studio apartment looked like a hurricane hit it with toys, random groceries, clothing store bags, and supplies of various use just placed wherever they would fit.

No, this was unsustainable.

Also, the mess  _ might  _ be driving Alex a little insane.

Just a little.

Elena was on the couch, eating what looked like Goldfish crackers and getting crumbs all over said couch. Alex was really trying not to immediately clean every surface her daughter touched. Because, well, her daughter was three and cleanliness was probably a dream Alex needed to give up on for at least the next five years.

But it was  _ hard. _

Grimacing at the tiny, bright orange crumbs currently getting in between the couch cushions, Alex tried to get back into reading this apartment listing. The photos of the damned place were obviously taken with the least amount of clarity and perspective possible. Alex was already hating every moment of just searching for  _ potential  _ apartments to visit in person. Actually  _ talking  _ to the landlords directly was not something she was looking forward to.

“What’s got you crinkled, Danvers?” Maggie asked as she took the bar chair next to her.

Alex checked her email again. Five more landlords confirming that their listings were inaccurate and they had no vacancies.

She groaned and rested her head directly on the bar counter.

“Ah. Don’t envy you there, apartment hunting is the worst,” Maggie grimaced in sympathy.

“It’s like nothing within the entire city limits is clean, up for a decent price, or safe,” Alex grumbled. She sighed. “I expected this to be hard, but I didn’t think it’d be  _ this  _ hard. We can’t really stay in this tiny, studio apartment forever.”

Alex had to forcibly beat down the part of her that insisted Maggie was a part of that ‘we.’

For her part, Maggie seemed a bit lost in thought, and for once, Alex couldn’t get a good read on what she was thinking about. She definitely seemed sympathetic to Alex’s plight, and had her ‘detecting’ face on, but other than that, Alex wasn’t sure how Maggie could really help with this.

Short of going with Alex to tour potential apartments, but she feared that would send her ex the wrong message, and Alex was trying very hard to keep things as easy on them all as possible.

Even if she hated every minute of it.

“My apartment has two bedrooms. I mean, it was just kind of dropped into my lap when I moved out, and the rent is decent, so why not?” Maggie said with an awkward shrug.

Alex froze. Was she? No, she couldn’t be. Could she?  _ Why  _ would she? They’d talked about this, hadn’t they? They both agreed that it wasn’t a good idea, and—

Maggie’s eyes widened, as though she could spot the way Alex was internally panicking. Which, yes, she probably could.

“No, I mean, why don’t we  _ switch  _ apartments?” Maggie asked quickly.

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Yes, that was a much better idea. Alex probably wouldn’t have been able to survive an offer to actually  _ move in  _ with Maggie right now. Sure, it was dream, and yes, she longed for it in a manner that was probably embarrassing at this point. But that still didn’t make it a  _ good  _ idea.

“Right,” Alex said with a too big smile. “Yeah, that’s what you meant. I totally saw where you were coming from there.”

God, why was she like this?

Maggie nodded with a slightly pained grin, but mercifully didn’t comment on Alex’s blatant lie. “It would be the easiest thing,” she continued. “No need to talk to a bunch of potentially shady landlords or driving all over the city to look at overpriced units. We can still pay the rent for our own apartments, if you’d like, but I’m down for whatever is easiest here. Moving shouldn’t be  _ that  _ bad. We have our own personal Kryptonian moving service, so I’d imagine that makes the whole process less painful.”

Alex grimaced. “You’d think. Until said moving service gets distracted by a police siren while you’re both trying to maneuver a heavy as hell couch through the front door and dumps its entire weight on you.”

“You talking from first hand experience, Danvers?” Maggie asked with a dimpled grin as she tilted her head in that  _ exact  _ manner that always got Alex weak in the knees.

Thank god she was already sitting down.

“Whatever, I’m over it. I mean, it’s not like I  _ told  _ her to give me a minute to put the damn thing down before she flew off or anything,” Alex said bitterly.

“You totally tattled on her to Eliza, didn’t you?”

“What?  _ Pfft.  _ No.”

Alex could feel her eyes darting away to the ceiling as her face heated up. She wasn’t sure why she was feeling so embarrassed. It wasn’t as though Maggie didn’t know how ridiculous the Danvers sisters could get. She was personally there to witness many of their shenanigans.

But… there was some part of her that seemed to think this was just like how they used to act before they started dating. All awkward conversation, playful banter, and Maggie looking right through Alex as though her very thoughts were printed right on her forehead.

It was not helping Alex’s resolve to keep herself from doing something  _ stupid. _

Before Alex could properly recover from what just happened, they were interrupted by Elena’s sudden appearance next to Maggie’s leg. She was pulling at Maggie’s jeans.

Maggie looked down, and if Alex didn’t know any better, she’d think that Maggie was currently struggling not to completely melt at their kid’s very serious, but cracker covered, face as she started up at her.

“What’s up, kid?”

Elena snuck a glance at Alex and tugged at Maggie again. With a snort, Maggie got up from the stool and knelt down at face level with Elena. Elena had absolutely no subtlety, and she pretty much crowded Maggie’s right ear.

“I thirsy,” she whispered.  _ Loudly.  _ “Box juice?”

Alex groaned and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. Maggie laughed heartily, though, and Alex was torn between exasperation with Elena’s attempts to get past her punishment, and her enjoyment of Elena’s apparent ability to make Maggie laugh in that way that came from the bottom her her belly and brought her oft-unseen  _ third  _ dimple to her cheeks. Alex hasn’t seen it for… quite some time. Especially with all the angst they’d both been dealing with since meeting each other again.

“Aren’t you supposed to wait for dinner?” Maggie asked, trying to get her chuckling back under control. The serious stare Elena was doling out at her was apparently sabotaging all of Maggie’s efforts.

“No,” again Elena tried to shoot Alex a glance, as though she was trying to be  _ sneaky,  _ and leaned back into Maggie. “She say I can haf somes.”

The absolute  _ gall  _ on this kid to try and lie to Maggie with Alex  _ right next to her.  _ Alex didn’t know if Elena was doing it on purpose, or if she was just clueless. She really wouldn’t be surprised by either outcome.

“Did she?” Maggie asked with a smirk. “Well, if she did, why don’t you just ask her to get you some?”

Elena’s eyes widened, and she again looked to Alex. She narrowed her eyes at her daughter, and tried to keep her own laughter from bubbling up at the way her kid seemed to almost hide behind Maggie.

“No. Not thirsy no more.”

“Uh-huh,” Maggie said and stood up. “How about some water? Before you dig yourself any deeper, kid.”

Elena huffed, but didn’t argue. Alex wondered if she realized she was skating on thin ice here. When Maggie returned with a sippy cup filled with cold water, Elena gave the cup a glare but took it all the same. Alex was beginning to understand why Maggie was more than a little alarmed by her and Kara’s junk food habits. Elena’s attachment to juice boxes was a thing of behold.

Reminded Alex of Kara’s obsession with potstickers. Of all the food and drink items her family members had to fixate on….

Alex was steadfastly ignoring the fact that she had technically introduced Elena to the damn things and that her daughter had undoubtedly gotten her junk food obsession from Alex. Acknowledging it would only admit a victory to Maggie and that was something Alex wasn’t going to allow.

At least, not when it came to junk food, or bets, or pool….

Okay, so she was competitive.

“Mommy, I no watch no more,” Elena announced when she was finished sucking down her water.

“You want to do something else?” Alex asked.

Elena nodded. She seemed restless, and Alex got the distinct feeling that if they didn’t do anything about it, she and Maggie would soon have a hyperactive toddler on their hands. With Kara out and about as Supergirl and Eliza getting groceries—because apparently Alex didn’t know how to ‘keep food in her house like an adult’—they were completely on their own for the next couple of hours at the very least.

“You up for getting out of this apartment?” Alex asked Maggie. “Because I’m about to go insane sitting in this mess for much longer.”

Maggie glanced around her filthy apartment, as if seeing it for the first time, though Alex suspected that she knew exactly what this place looked like from the moment she’d stepped in. Maggie was hardly oblivious.

“Yeah, Danvers,” she smirked. “I was wondering when… this,” she gestured around them, “was finally going to drive you crazy.”

“It already is,” Alex muttered.

“The park is in walking distance. There’s probably a playground there, or something,” Maggie said.

“Or something?” Alex repeated with a snort. “Come on, ‘Detective,’ that’s not very observant.”

Maggie raised both eyebrows at her. “Danvers, are we really going to get into a debate over who is the most oblivious out of the two of us? Because I’m pretty certain I’d win.”

She didn’t even have to give examples. With the way Maggie was smirking at her Alex gloatingly, she knew  _ exactly  _ which memories Maggie was thinking of. Specifically of when Alex had no idea she was gay and was fumbling under her massive crush over Maggie herself.

Yeah… Alex didn’t think she’d ever live that down.

“Whatever,” Alex grumbled. “Help me get some of Elena’s snacks together. I’m sure she’s going to get hungry while we’re out there. Oh, and maybe a second shirt. You know what? Better pack a whole outfit. Never know. And maybe some toys if she gets tired before we leave. Do we have any first aid kit supplies? I mean, besides the stuff that helps with gunshot wounds? Damn, I knew we should have gotten her those bandaid with the Muppets on them. Or something. What if she gets hurt while we’re out there? Kids get hurt, right? They’re kind of clumsy—”

“Danvers,” Maggie said and grabbed onto both of Alex’s shoulders. “Take a breath. Elena’s  _ fine  _ right now. See her? She’s trying to figure out how to open the fridge while she thinks we’re distracted. Our kid all the way. We can pick up some adorable, cartoon themed bandaids on our way if that makes you feel better.”

Alex nodded as she bit her lip. She knew she was freaking out over nothing, but… just the  _ thought  _ of Elena so much as scraping a knee was making her nervous. She didn’t  _ want  _ to be like those helicopter parents. Ultimately, Alex wanted nothing more than for her kid to feel safe, loved, and independent. She just… wanted to be prepared  _ if  _ something happened. And right now? Alex felt as far away from prepared as she possibly could be.

It wasn’t just the bandages. That was such a tiny thing for them to have overlooked while buying supplied for Elena, that Alex really couldn’t fault either of them for it. She and Maggie were bound to have forgotten more than a few things during the impromptu shopping trip. But it was also the apartment, and the lack of experience, and the fact that she and Maggie were stumbling their way through co-parenting while dealing with their obviously lingering feelings.

Nothing felt right or properly planned or even so much as  _ vaguely  _ thought out.

And that  _ scared  _ Alex more than anything.

Because without plans, or even the general outline of one? Well, in her experience, missions like that tended to go to shit  _ very  _ quickly. And if there was one mission that Alex absolutely could not fail under any circumstances was… well,  _ parenting. _

Alex knew she went out of her way to care for other people, to the detriment of herself at times. It had been something Maggie had been encouraging her to change before they had broken up. But old habits were hard to break, and Alex found the most solace in the aftermath of her breakup by focusing almost exclusively on Kara. And now she had a whole new person to devote herself to. Someone who was going to need Alex in more ways than Kara was going to, and a person who would be pretty much defenseless without her. Failing Elena potentially had even more dire consequences than letting down her sister. There was never any question of choosing between the two, or anything of the sort. But comparing Kara’s needs to Elena’s needs was something that came a bit easy to Alex. Mostly because they were both family members that Alex felt she needed to protect. Even if Kara didn’t often want her to. It was her job as the older sister and it was one Alex took seriously to this very day.

It was just easy to realize that all the things she did for Kara, she’d need to do for Elena. And then some.

So, yeah. Alex was going to freak out over forgetting bandaids. She honestly had no idea where she’d started all this thinking. Her mind was working a mile a minute right now, but what she  _ did  _ know was that there was no way they were going to the park without being properly prepared. She was Agent Alex Danvers, second in command of the DEO, dammit. Alex could figure out what in the hell she’d need for this mission. Outing. Whatever.

“Let’s get started,” Alex said, barely even noting that she was using her ‘agent’ voice. “We’ve got to spend at least fifteen minutes in the store comparing first aid kits to each other if we’re going to be taking her outside.”

“Of course we do,” Maggie muttered with what  _ sounded  _ like exasperation, but Alex could also hear a note of fondness in her tone. No matter how serious Alex was taking this matter, Maggie probably thought she was being  _ endearing.  _ It was probably one of the most frustrating thing Maggie did at the start of their begrudging partnership and later friendship. Alex couldn’t intimidate Maggie. Maggie found her intimidation tactics  _ cute. _

It was mortifying in the beginning.

Now it was something that Alex loved. Not that she could say that outloud anymore.

There was a loud  _ thud  _ that sounded out from behind them. Both Alex and Maggie spun around—and Alex wondered if Maggie was feeling the very same paranoid alarm that she was at the thought of Elena potentially hurting herself while they were distracted—only to see that Elena had somehow managed to pull the door open on the fridge. The  _ thud  _ being the juice box package hitting the floor after Elena presumably clumsily pulled it off the shelf it was sitting on. She was covered in red fruit punch, a few of the boxes having burst as they hit the floor, but Elena didn’t appear to care. She was happily sucking down her juice, apparently having figured out how to stick her own straw in.

For a long moment, she and Maggie just stared at her, the both of them obviously unsure of what their next step should be. Elena had completely disregarded her juice box ban, but… it was also just so damn  _ funny.  _ Alex honestly wasn’t at all surprised that  _ their  _ kid was both smart and resourceful enough to just get what she wanted, whether she was allowed to have it or not. Reminded Alex of herself  _ and  _ Maggie in a variety of ways.

“Mommy, I did it! I big girl,” Elena announced after sucking her juice box dry. And then reached for another.

“Whoa!” Alex said sharply. “Keep your little hands where I can see them, and drop the juice box.”

Maggie snorted next to her. Alex  _ thought  _ she heard the faintest whispering of  _ ‘nerd’  _ under Maggie’s breath, but there was too much plausible deniability for Alex to call her out on it. She settled for side eyeing an entirely too innocent looking Maggie Sawyer.

Elena looked up at them confusedly—head tilt, crinkle, and all—and Alex sighed. She had no idea she was doing something wrong. Again, Alex found herself cursing Cadmus and their weird, out of order tank teachings. Alex would have to walk her through this.

“Elena, didn’t I tell you that you couldn’t have any juice boxes until dinner?” She asked, with a raised eyebrow.

Her daughter furrowed her brow, as if thinking back to the morning, before finally nodding somewhat reluctantly.

“Then why did you decide to get juice without permission?”

“I thirsy,” was all Alex got in explanation.

She had to resist the urge to rub at her temples. Maggie was chortling next to her, but trying to hide that fact.  _ Badly. _

Alex elbowed her in the stomach and gave her a  _ look.  _ Maggie sighed and bit her lip. Alex glared and glanced her eyes at Elena, who was still looking at them in confusion. Maggie grimaced and shrugged her shoulders. Alex crossed her arms, eyes narrowing even further. Finally, Maggie let out a long breath that blew her cheeks out as her shoulders sagged.

“I got you some water, kid, so that’s not a good reason,” Maggie finally said, struggling with the thought of disciplining their kid. Awkward or not, Alex wasn’t going to be the ‘boring parent.’ Maggie was going to pick up some of the slack in this department too, whether she wanted to be Elena’s actual mother or not.

“Water icky. Juice better,” Elena said, as if that made this whole thing better.

“Maybe, but we told you no, and that you had to wait,” Alex responded, putting on her best serious face. “So that means you have to  _ wait.  _ Not get juice on your own. Look, you made a big mess, and you could have hurt yourself climbing the fridge like that.”

“Why?” Elena asked, crinkle reappearing.

Alex and Maggie traded looks. This wasn’t working, and they had no idea how to explain to Elena the concept of authority figures and why she needed to listen to them.

“Because Alex is your mommy, and kids have to listen to their mommies,” Maggie tried.

“Why?”

“Oh god,” Alex muttered. “Because I love you and don’t want you to get hurt, and when I tell you to do things it’s because I care about you and don’t want you to get hurt.”

Elena wrinkled her nose. “Juice not gon hurt me.”

“No, but slipping off the fridge or getting hit in the head with the juice box package probably would have hurt,” Maggie said. “Look, kid, you gotta listen to your mom. She’s looking out for you, and doing whatever you want isn’t going to work out for you.”

“Nope,” Alex agreed. “Now you have to sit in time out.”

“Time out?” Elena repeated slowly, as if wondering if she was going to like what that meant.

“Yep,” Alex answered. “Means you have to sit here, on this stool, and not move for a whole  _ three minutes.” _

Maggie shot her a look. “Three minutes?” She mouthed.

Alex shrugged. It was what the parenting sites had suggested. Apparently kids weren’t great at telling time and three minutes at Elena’s age would feel like an eternity. And given how hyper their kid was, that was probably going to be a torture sentence.

Elena made an appalled squawk when Alex took the juice box she was trying to fit a new straw threw, picked her up, and then plopped her down on the bar stool. She set a timer on Maggie’s phone, thankfully still had the same password, and then started to gather her purse and keys.

“Danvers?” Maggie asked nervously.

“I still need to pick up that first aid kit. After this time out, give her another bath and get her ready. No way am I letting her stay in this tiny apartment with the energy she has, fridge raiding or not. We’ll all go crazy,” Alex answered.

“Wait!” Maggie very nearly shouted out. “You’re leaving me alone with her?”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Sawyer, your a decorated detective at the NCPD and smart enough to keep a kid out of trouble or bodily harm. Or are you really going to let a three your old best you here?”

Maggie’s mouth opened, closed, and then repeated for a moment as she floundered for a reason why she shouldn’t be left alone with their daughter. Finally, she managed to sputter out a vague impression of ‘hold on.’

“Why can’t I get the damn first aid kit?”

“Because. You let me take point on the first bath  _ and  _ the Spaghetti Dinner Debacle. Turnabout's fair play, Sawyer. Also, I’m not confident you’re going to do your due diligence on comparing and contrasting the first aid supplies. So, I’m going, and you and Elena will be perfectly fine,” Alex said as she approached a now pouting Elena.

“See you, baby. I’ll be back. Be  _ good  _ for Maggie, okay?” Alex asked as she placed a kiss on her forehead, trying not to let her insides melt at how  _ domestic  _ this all was.

Everything she would have hoped for after marrying Maggie and living a few years enjoying their life as a married couple before deciding to start a family.

Before learning that Maggie didn’t want any of that with Alex.

But she  _ did not  _ need to be thinking about that right now. No, right now, Alex needed to get a grip, handle the life she and Maggie were given instead— _ literally— _ and ignore the baleful looks both Maggie and Elena were giving her at the moment. It really wasn’t fair. With how similarly they looked to each other, Alex was very nearly ready to call the whole trip off and spend the whole day inside with her rag-tag, barely qualifying family.

It only took one more glance around Alex’s nigh destroyed apartment to make Maggie and Elena’s pouting completely useless. No, they would not be living like this for much longer, and Alex needed break from this disaster zone to keep her sanity.

“Mommy. Miss you,” Elena said, lip wobbling.

Damn.

Alex tried not to melt at the sight of it. This kid.

“Miss you too, baby. But you still got to sit in time out. Maggie, start her timer when I leave, please.”

Elena huffed dramatically. Maggie was practically begging her not to leave them alone with her eyes. Honestly, if Alex didn’t know how nervous kids made Maggie, she would have thought she was being a big baby.

Alex snorted and decisively left with a wave behind her. They’d be fine. Her mother was right, Maggie was way more competent at this parenting thing than she gave herself credit for, and Alex was determined to prove that to her. And if that meant practically throwing her ex into the fire for  _ at the most  _ twenty minutes?

Well, Detective Sawyer was just going to have to suck it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... hello there. I'm back. After a long absence. Again. Straight up, this is probably not going to be the last time this ever happens. I am not great at writing when I'm feeling down in the dumps, which is what happened this time around. But, I feel better, and now I'm here. I'd like to thank anyone and everyone who left kind reviews on this work while I was gone. That was as much a part of my return as my own abilities at compartmentalizing my feelings.
> 
> Also, I really missed these dorks.
> 
> I had planned on getting to the plot in this chapter. Again, there is one that I've been faffing about on implementing. But I think we all needed the fluff in this story to get a feel for where it stood. Don't think the next chapter will get all that down to the plot either. At least not directly. BUT! It will feature a Detective Maggie Sawyer tackling one of her greatest fears.
> 
> Solo child rearing.
> 
> Which, is a pretty big deal for someone who says she doesn't want kids.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie's flying solo. Rao help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing bug hit me. Apparently November Writing Month just kicks me in the face no matter what is happening around me. ~12k+ words in like six days. Even found a new (though defunct; the prog rock scene is tragically filled with amazing bands fighting to stay alive) band to jam to while writing. I've been shockingly productive.

Maggie stared at the door, half expecting Alex to come back in and explain that this was a joke. The seconds passed, and Maggie began to feel a rising panic. Alex… Alex couldn’t be serious, right? What did _Maggie_ know about kids? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She was a grown woman, decorated detective, she’d been through more than most people could ever imagine. But watching a toddler for an indefinite amount of time?

Maggie was screwed. She’d barely been able to handle watching Elena the last time this had happened and Alex had only been gone for about three minutes.

“Okay, Sawyer,” she muttered to herself. “You’ve survived an alien invasion. You can do this. She’s… a little kid.”

“Mag?”

She turned around, and was greeted with Elena’s head tilt— _Maggie’s_ head tilt; Alex has told her of it more than a few times. In great, bashfully delivered detail.

“What’s up, kid?” She asked, trying to sound far more in control than she felt.

“I want down,” Elena told her firmly.

Oh boy.

“Sorry, you gotta put your time in. I’ve tried exactly _one_ jail break in my life, and I’m not in too much hurry to repeat that.”

“I’m gonna pay,” Elena turned to lie on her belly in the seat as one of her short legs started to fish for the bar stool’s nearest step. She wasn’t very successful. Maggie _was never_ going to say this out loud, but the kid inherited her short stature, and it would probably be a good long while before she could get up and down a bar stool on her own.

Maggie easily picked her up and set her straight on the seat. “I don’t think so. You heard your mama. You broke the rules when you got that juice pouch, remember?”

She winced as she touched a sticky patch on Elena’s skin. The kid was absolutely covered in juice, and this was probably one of the things Maggie wasn’t all that excited about when it came to… parenthood? She wasn’t sure what this sort of distanced care towards her biological child would be called.

Then again, Maggie _has_ been spending every moment she had since Alex told her about Elena with them both. So… this wasn’t exactly hands off.

Thinking about all this was giving Maggie a headache.

“I wanted juice,” Elena said, as though that explained everything.

“I know you wanted juice. But you weren’t allowed to have any, so now you’ve gotta sit in time out,” Maggie explained, trying her best to be patient with this smash up of her and Alex’s stubborn personalities.

Oh boy, this was going to be an ongoing thing.

Elena whined and squirmed in her seat. Well, it seemed they’d found out that Elena _hated_ sitting still. She was certain they’d be using this to their advantage as time went on.

This is, if Elena got it through to a hard head that she _had_ to sit through this. Fortunately for the kid, she only had a couple minutes of this ‘torture’ to go.

Her phone started going off.

Maggie bit her lip. That was her work ringer. She’d informed her captain that she needed to take half days for… pretty much the indefinite future. When he’d asked her about it, Maggie had woodenly set a heavily redacted file down on his desk. It didn’t go into the details, but it gave him the gist of it. He’d congratulated her on her new foray into parenthood with a straight face, through Maggie was positive he’d enjoyed the glare she’d leveled at him.

She knew crime didn’t really stop for anyone, but she also didn’t want to take even an iota of attention off of Elena. The kid was wily, and Maggie was afraid of _something_ happening if she so much as looked away from her.

But… this call could be about _anything._ And was probably extremely important. Maggie was working a major murder case. The science division was on the trail of an organized crime boss who’d set up shop on Earth after he’d presumably been exiled from his home planet.

Figured there’d be plenty of planets out there who would rather dump their problems on everyone else instead of dealing with them. Or pretty much just Earth, rather. Apparently it was a prime spot for criminal exiles. First Fort Rozz and now this….

Maggie answered the call.

“Sawyer.”

“Hey, so… uh… the judge wouldn’t sign off on the search warrant.”

“ _What?_ What do you mean he wouldn’t sign off?” Maggie demanded. “We pretty much handed him a slam dunk.”

“I know, but…,” Diaz’s voice lowered to a whisper. “He _should_ have signed the warrant. But, listen, I think he’s either got his back scratched or he’s anti-alien. Those are the only two reasons I can think of for him to deny it.”

Great.

Maggie started pacing, something she’d apparently picked up from Alex and hadn’t been able to stop since. The science division was still something that was _very_ experimental, as far as the city was concerned. Frankly, it had been a joke division at its creation. Something to drum up some positive PR so the alien citizens of National City would feel as though the NCPD was taking them seriously. Illegal at the time or not, it was getting harder to ignore that aliens were truly living amongst humanity. It had taken Maggie and a few other detectives’ endless persistence and flat out stubborn determination for them to finally get taken seriously.

But there was still a long ways to go with several high influences in National City. This judge was either among that number, or he was getting paid off. Both were going to be a pain in the ass to deal with.

“Guess we’ll have to do this off the book,” Maggie said through gritted teeth. She _hated_ doing this, but sometimes the partnership the science division had with the DEO paid off. Maggie would much rather solve her cases with good, old fashioned police work if she could. Even if she loved, or had loved, working with Alex, working _too_ closely with the DEO meant leaving the door open for them to whisk her suspects off into the void. Shadow-military operations didn’t really like to explain themselves to anyone besides the highest members of the federal government. Detective Maggie Sawyer of the NCPD Science Division was decidedly not among that group, even if she was close to top members of the DEO on a personal level.

“So… the rumors are true then?” Diaz asked. “You’re working with the devil again?”

“They aren’t _quite_ the devil. I can think of a few organizations that would fit in that category. Think… Major Crimes, but about twice as bad.”

“So the devil.”

“Whatever, Diaz. You know I’d rather do this in house if that were an option. But our hands are tied, and we need someone with a knife. The DEO can work around getting a warrant. They can do pretty whatever they want,” Maggie said a _little_ bitterly. She _really_ preferred honest police work. “We’ve got to stop this guy, he’s ordered five deaths already.”

“Yeah, yeah…. Just don’t leave me in the dark, okay? I know you’re chummy with them, but I’d rather watch your back than trust those guys to,” Diaz grumbled.

“You don’t have to worry about me. Trust me, I’m probably safer with them than anywhere else in this city.”

“I don’t trust _them,”_ Diaz insisted. “Look, I know you know what you’re doing, and you’ve worked with them before. But… they can’t hide in the shadows forever. There are already more than a few whispers about an angry alien population getting riled up over a bunch of guys in black-ops gear dragging off their loved ones and never hearing from them again. _We_ know what the DEO does with them, but they don’t. And that’s only going to get worse. What we _don’t_ know is how the DEO is going to react with their secrecy really starts to bite them in the ass. Are they gonna go legit, or are they going to double down?”

Maggie knew what the DEO was going to do. J’onn and Alex would allow nothing else besides a peaceful transition to a transparent law enforcement division. She’d honestly be shocked if the either of them _hadn’t_ already written several different scenarios of the DEO getting outed and the protocols they’d use to weather that particular storm. Despite the secrecy, the indefinite suspect lock-ups, and general disregard for people’s rights—all of which Maggie _did_ have a gear to grind with—it wasn’t an organization out to harm aliens. Not like Cadmus. And Alex and J’onn had been getting a _little_ better about eventually releasing their captives into NCPD custody for fair trials. There’d been a few individuals the DEO still refused to budge on, but Maggie had been confident that she could wear them down eventually.

But that had been before the break-up.

Diaz also didn’t have the relationship with the DEO that Maggie did. No one in the NCPD did, really. So, there wasn’t exactly any good faith between either of their departments. Just an obligation to work together because anything else would just cause more problems than it was worth.

“I’ve heard those whispers,” Maggie said. “But, we can’t do anything about that until shit actually hits the fan. Until then, we’ve just got to do the best we can to work together. Listen, I have to go. I’ll fill you in on anything I find out.”

“You better,” Diaz muttered.

Maggie shook her head as she hung up. This case was going _great._ She couldn’t wait to get called into her captain’s office to explain what she was thinking involving the DEO in one of their cases. _Again._

That would have to wait for tomorrow. For now, she had to focus on—

Elena was not on the bar stool.

“Goddammit, _again?”_ Maggie exclaimed. Alex was never going to let her live this down. Sure, they’d lost Elena, but that was _together._ This time, Alex had left Maggie to watch their daughter, and not even ten minutes into this babysitting stint, Maggie’s already lost her.

Granted, they were in a small, open plan apartment, but from just her cursory look around, Maggie couldn’t spot Elena. The kid had up and vanished into thin air.

“Elena?” Maggie asked into the open air. She _knew_ she shouldn’t have answered that call. This was exactly what she’d been trying to prevent.

There was no answer.

Maggie tried to ignore her slowly ramping alarm.

“Come on, kid, this isn’t funny,” Maggie said as she started to open the floor level kitchen cabinets. They really needed to baby-proof these things, Maggie had forgotten that Alex put her cleaning supplies underneath the sink.

She brought all the chemicals out and put them on the kitchen counter for now. Just in case. Elena was proving wily, and this was just one more thing Maggie didn’t want to stay up all night worrying about.

“Elena?” Maggie called out again.

How does a toddler get lost in an apartment with _no walls?_ God, Maggie was such an idiot, _she’d_ never let herself live this down either. Alex’s open floor plan had bit them in the ass more than once throughout their relationship. Mostly in the form of Kara’s untimely visits through Alex’s windows when she was having a bad day, and Alex and Maggie were decidedly… not.

But here and now? This should have been an advantage. Keeping up with a kid should have been _easy._

Just as Maggie was starting to imagine Alex’s face when she got back and learned that Maggie had no damn clue on the whereabouts of their child, Maggie heard a quiet giggle come from Alex’s pantry.

She let out an explosive breath. Okay. Great. The kid was okay. Maggie wasn’t, she was almost positive she’d lost at least five years of her life, but Elena was fine and she supposed that was all that mattered.

Maggie opened the pantry, only to find Elena sitting on the floor and covered in the white, sugary residue of the powdered donuts she’d managed to rip into. Maggie hung her head in defeat.

This was just going _so well._

The only consolation Maggie had was the fact that at least Kara would be feeling worse than Maggie was when she discovered that her donut stash had been so thoroughly defiled.

“Kid, what are you doing?” Maggie asked in exasperation.

Elena was in the middle of swallowing an entire mini donut, but once she got it down, she grinned at Maggie winningly. Dimples and all.

“I’s hidin,’” she explained.

“Yep, got that part. But _why_ are you hiding? And breaking into the snacks?”

“I want pay, and then sees cakes.”

“Right, right, perfectly logical,” Maggie nodded. “But what happened to time out? Remember that part?”

“No time out. I wants to pay.”

Maggie rubbed a hand down her face. Yeah, this kid was going to be a handful. Hell, there wasn’t a _‘going to be’_ she already was a handful.

“Well, time to put up the cakes. You’re covered in sugar and juice. Time for a bath.”

This… this was going to be a debacle. It had already been messy to bathe Elena the first time _with_ Alex. And now Maggie was flying solo.

Elena’s eyes lit up as Maggie reminded her that she’d been drenched in juice and dusted in sugar. She licked the side of her arm.

“Come here, goof,” Maggie rolled her eyes and picked Elena up. She did her best to ignore the powdered sugar getting all over her shirt.

“Pay in water?” Elena asked excitedly, literally bouncing in Maggie’s arms.

“Yeah, yeah, you get to play in the water.”

Maggie marveled at the amount of energy Elena carried in her tiny body. She’d think this kid inherited some of Kara’s genes if she didn’t know better.

Elena cheered delightedly and squirmed on the toilet while Maggie ran the water. Maggie couldn’t help but enjoy the kid’s exuberance. It wasn’t often she saw such pure delight in something as simple as taking a bath. Kara’s sunniness came the closest, but there was an edge of innocence in Elena’s reactions that couldn’t be matched. It was… nice. And not something Maggie ever thought she’d enjoy.

Actually _getting_ Elena into the tub was a thing of to behold. She was so hyped up about playing the water that she could barely contain herself.

“Come on, kid, work with me here,” Maggie snorted. “Can’t play in the water if you don’t let me put you _in_ the water.”

And that was when Elena finally decided to go limp and just _plopped_ right down in the tub, showering Maggie in a cascade of water.

She… should have seen that coming.

It took many splashes, and Maggie found herself getting covered with soap suds, but she managed to get the kid decently cleaned. She… felt a little proud of herself. Sure, she’d lost Elena for a moment, and yeah time out was a tad bit botched, but she’d at least managed to get _some_ of this parenting stuff right.

And all by herself.

Finally, _finally,_ Elena showed signs that she was actually human in the form of yawning as Maggie dried her off.

“Sleepy?” Maggie asked.

“No. I pay,” Elena insisted as she rubbed her eye.

“Uh-huh. Tell me, kid, you ever heard of Disney?” Maggie asked, the beginnings of a genius idea forming in her mind.

“Nisey?”

“Yep. Come on, you’re gonna love it,” Maggie got Elena dressed in record time—part of her was a _little_ grateful that she was sleepy enough not to squirm—and hustled them both over to Alex’s couch.

Considering she was in Alex’s apartment, there was an assortment of Disney movies to choose from. Kara’s, undoubtedly, but Maggie was almost positive that Alex had a secret fondness for them as well. She spread out the Blu-Rays—because of course Kara would have collected the special editions—in front of Elena.

“Alright, kid, what tickles your fancy?”

Elena frowned as she looked at them, probably not familiar with what movies even _were._ Maggie really wanted to strangle Lillian Luthor with her bare hands. This kid should have grown up with Alex and Kara and… and Maggie from the very beginning. It was practically a Danvers requirement to be into movies to a ridiculous degree. Hell, even Eliza loved herself a good rom-com marathon.

But even if she didn’t really know what she was looking at, one box seemed to draw Elena’s attention.

“Kitty?”

“Close enough,” Maggie declared as she popped the Lion King case open.

When the colors and music started to erupt from the TV, Elena’s eyes widened almost comically. The kid was absolutely _enthralled_ by all the animation. Maggie _had_ planned on using her preoccupation to her advantage and try to straighten up Alex’s apartment a little bit. She glanced at her watch. Alex has been gone for a good while now…. Maggie pulled out her phone.

_You ok, Danvers? Didn’t start interrogating pharmacy staff?_

Maggie could easily picture Alex intimidating a poor college aged pharmacy tech as she grilled them over each and every item their first aid kits held. Sometimes Agent Danvers just slipped out in the silliest circumstances. The last one Maggie witnessed was at the DMV when they’d both renewed their motorcycle licenses. The poor clerk that tried to stone wall them after Maggie had forgotten a from was sweating buckets. It’d be one thing if Alex _realized_ the effect she had on people, but her ex was _amazingly_ oblivious sometimes.

_We should have one for every room. I found one I liked, but they only had one in stock._

She looked around the open floor apartment. If they counted the bathroom _technically_ there were two rooms. But… Alex’s apartment was so tiny that it would only take seconds to get to any single space within it from another.

_Every room, huh? So, I’m assuming you’re going to scouring the city for a second one?_

Okay, that hadn’t been part of the plan, but part of Maggie had expected this. Alex was thorough in just about everything she did, and there was absolutely no way she’d accept anything less than the best when it came to Elena’s well being.

_What? No, we need at least five. Three for whatever apartment we eventually move into, and one for each of our bikes. Or cars. Man, I’m going to have to get a car...._

For a moment, Maggie thought that Alex was referring to all of them. Moving into an apartment. Together. But then reality hit her again and she silently chastised herself for it. There was no point in hoping for something that wasn’t going to happen.

_Okay, I know that we both actually do have first aid kits on our bikes, Danvers._

_Both of them are missing some stuff that they should have. They’re basic kits._

Maggie snorted and shook her head.

_Why am I not surprised that you know the contents of whatever first aid kit the department gave me?_

_Exactly, you just took whatever the NCPD gave you. Easy Bake ovens, remember?_

Maggie had the _perfect_ comeback to that, but she forgot every word she was going to type out next as she felt a tiny body snuggle into her side on the couch. She looked down, only to find that Elena was still enthralled by Simba proclaiming his impatience at being king, but she was also completely relaxed as she plopped right down against Maggie’s side.

The only people she really allowed this close to her physically were girlfriends, but she hadn’t _truly_ ever been comfortable with anyone until Alex came around. Alex was a cuddler… _big time._ Maggie had never before been able to spend hours with someone on the couch doing nothing but watching TV or a movie. Or just spend all day in bed without any sex. Alex had said that she wasn’t used to intimacy, but Maggie hadn’t been all too familiar with the concept either. If only to protect herself.

It only made sense that Elena inherited cuddling tendencies from Alex too. Lord only knew she got so much from the both of them as it was. That fact would probably continuously blow Maggie’s mind for the foreseeable future. There was a little, bite sized person—and she was never going to say that in front of Alex lest she bring out the short jokes—who had bits and pieces from both Alex _and_ Maggie and created a whole knew person.

Hell, so much of Elena was made up from _Maggie._

That same familiarity with Alex seemed to also apply to Elena. And that shocked Maggie. She was far from a kid person, she never would have imagined she’d enjoy watching a Disney movie on the couch with a clingy, small person. Elena’s eyes were slowly drooping, and the sleepier she became, the more her little body weight settled into Maggie. The kid felt comfortable enough with her to use her as an impromptu bed. That… that a lot for Maggie to wrap her head around. Someone completely helpless found safety in _Maggie_ of all people.

Elena had no way of knowing that Maggie was just winging this as best she could. No idea that she didn’t know the first thing about kids. She didn’t know Maggie hadn’t ever _wanted_ kids. She just seemed to have this… innate trust in Maggie.

The question Maggie now pondered was whether or not that was because Elena’s trust was more rooted in innocence. The kid has only seen a _fraction_ of the world, and that was even by toddler standards. Her little mind was blown watching all the colors and ‘kitties’ move across a TV screen. Or… could it be that Maggie as actually pulling this off? Learning just _who_ Elena was, what she needed, and how Maggie could take care of those needs?

She dropped her head back into the couch. Maggie had no answers at this point. A part of her wished that she could just skip ahead a few months and figure out if she’d managed to get a grip on this and be a part of this weird little family she and Alex had accidentally created.

Tiny snores started to sound off against Maggie’s ribs. Elena wasn’t going to be moving any time soon. Maggie suspected that the kid needed the nap, probably crashed from all the sugar, but… she liked this. She was _enjoying_ this unexpected cuddle-fest with this small child she never expected she’d ever find a fondness for. If… if not something more.

At no point did Maggie consciously make the decision to hold Elena against her, yet her arm was wrapped around the kid all the same. What was happening to her? It… none of it was a _bad_ thing, but this was not the sort of activity Maggie ever pictured herself doing. Or even _enjoying._

She didn’t question the impulse too much. Maggie unlocked her phone and took a selfie. Her shirt was stained and still slightly damp, and her hair was a mess. Elena wasn’t much better off. She was _technically_ clean and in fresh clothes, but her mouth was wide open and drool was leaking from the side and soaking into Maggie’s shirt. Her body was lying on Maggie and the couch in that weird, contorted yet completely relaxed pose that only small children could attain.

Maggie didn’t care if anyone made fun of her for it later. This day, no this _week,_ was the weirdest she’d ever experienced, and Maggie solved alien murders for a living. But _damn_ if this small person currently dripping practically a lake of spit onto her ribcage, her little body radiating heat like a mini space heater, while a movie about talking animals played in front of them wasn’t worming her way into Maggie’s heart in the same way her mother had.

All of these things, Maggie always thought she’d hate. Wasn’t suited for. Never wanted.

Maggie changed her lock screen picture all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Maggie's figuring out that she kind of *likes* doing this fluffy shit. Wonder how long it's going to take her to realize exactly what she's feeling for this kid.... Bit of a hint of a world beyond the Sanvers Raising Their Oops Baby thing. That was always the plan, though admittedly in the past six months the plot line has grown slightly fuzzy. Not the end of the world, I've always been a 'seat-of-the-pants' writer so generally my plot line is less of a line and more of islands of major events connected to each other only by the general topic that is the premise of this fic and I have the task of piecing the whole thing together like I'm building Ikea furniture. I do remember all of the major events I want to get to. The road to them is simply going to change more than likely.
> 
> But yeah, a chapter almost entirely made of fluff here. I hope you guys invested in floss.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex just can't handle her Gay(TM) next to one Maggie Sawyer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is coherently and grammatically correctly (IDEK if that's correct sentence structure root isn't beta-ing my crazy ANs) brought to you by my brand new beta, rootspiral. Honestly, root's a blessing. A million hats off to you. :D

Alex returned to her apartment with a much clearer head and all five first aid kits she wanted. It took… about a good two hours longer to track them down than the original 20 minutes she’d cited to Maggie. So… Alex did hope she hadn’t actually thrown Maggie to the wolves. She’d only intended this to be a  _ quick  _ trip….

But, Maggie hadn’t texted her back after her Easy Bake oven dig, and Alex didn’t know if that was a red flag that something had happened. Her nerves when she unlocked her apartment door were raging again. Tackling anything with the single-minded determination to get what she wanted always tended to relax Alex. Perhaps she had needed a little break? Was that a bad thing? Alex didn’t know if that was a bad thing. It wasn’t so much  _ entirely  _ Elena that had Alex fraying a little. It was… all of it. Elena, Maggie, surprise parenting, digging up all the emotions from the break up.

Taking some time alone, separate from the both of them—which was the first opportunity for this to happen since finding Elena—had allowed Alex to clear her head and emotions a little.

When she walked inside, Kara was already waiting for her. Her apartment was  _ much  _ cleaner than when she’d left it, and Alex found even more of the tension in her shoulders slide away. Kara was grinning at Alex, but she also seemed to be almost vibrating with excitement over  _ something. _

“Kara? Wha—“

“ _ Shhh!”  _ Kara said, putting a finger to her lips.

Alex raised her eyebrows.

Without another word, Kara led Alex around her couch and revealed probably the most adorable thing Alex has ever seen.

Maggie and Elena were both sprawled on the cushions and passed out. Elena seemed to have clambered onto Maggie’s chest, just as she’d done with Alex this morning, and was currently drooling all over Maggie’s shirt. A shirt that seemed to have seen some better days. In fact, Maggie seemed far more disheveled than Alex remembered her being when she left.

Though, that wasn’t what  _ really  _ caught Alex’s gaze. No, it was the way Maggie had one arm wrapped around Elena, holding her to herself as they napped on the couch together. Alex… almost didn’t believe it. At least, she didn’t believe something this would happen so soon. It was what she’d been hoping for since Elena was discovered. What she hadn’t dared to think too much about, unable to deal with that hope being dashed.

“Eliza and I found them like this,” Kara whispered quietly. “I’ve taken  _ so many  _ pictures.”

“Send them to me,” Alex couldn’t help but blurt out, though just as quietly as Kara.

“What kind of aunt do you take me for? Check your phone.”

There were  _ several  _ texts made up of nothing by various pictures of the exact same pose Maggie and Elena were currently in. Kara apparently had gone picture crazy. Not that Alex could really blame her. This  _ was  _ adorable.

And maybe it was weird. Maybe she shouldn’t, as she and Maggie were still broken up. But neither of those things were what Alex was thinking of when she set one of the—many—photos Kara had taken as her phone background. It was… Elena was very cute. That was all. Alex liked the picture because her daughter was happy.

Yes.

Maggie had  _ nothing  _ to do with it.

“Maggie looked really tired so we just kind of left them. I cleaned up a little bit. I know everything was probably driving you nuts,” Kara continued.

It was. Alex had probably the best sister in the universe. But, the cleaning job Kara had done looked  _ far  _ from a ‘little bit.’ The whole thing looked pretty much deep cleaned from top to bottom.

Having a superpowered sibling rocked beyond the whole ‘superhero’ thing.

“You totally owe me like, five bags of powdered donuts though,” Kara continued, and Alex heard just the slightest edge of indignation in her tone.

“What? There’s a bag in the pantry. I’ll get you a couple more, but  _ five?” _

“ _ Someone  _ got into that bag. Half of them are smushed,” Kara complained.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Sure, Kar. I’ll get you some bags later.” She frowned. “When did Elena get into the pantry?”

“I swear she teleported,” Maggie’s muffled voice came from the couch. It was deepened and rough from sleep, reminding Alex of all the mornings they’d spend together. Sometimes on that very couch.

“What were you doing?” Alex asked, forcing herself to focus on the present.

Maggie didn’t answer for several moments.

“Maggie,” Alex started slowly. “What happened?”

The sigh Maggie made caused Elena to whine in her sleep and snuggle closer. Alex was half torn between how  _ amazing  _ the sight was, and her desire to know what kind of mess Maggie and Elena got themselves into.

A tiny, quiet part of her wondered if this was an omen for the sort of things she could look forward to. If she could leave Maggie and Elena alone for one on one time, and come back to tales of ridiculous antics for years to come.

Alex refused to dwell on this. It was too much.

“Okay, look. I didn’t mean to. I only took my eyes off her for a moment,” Maggie started, a little defensively, though any effect of ferocity she was going for was ruined with the mere presence of Elena sleeping on top of her.

“What do you mean you took your eyes off her?” Alex asked slowly. “You were supposed to make sure she sat through time out.”

“I know, but I got an important call about a case, I  _ really  _ was watching her while I was talking at first. And then… I just got distracted. It was for just a  _ moment.  _ Seriously, Danvers, it’s like the kid teleported. One second she was arguing with me about staying in time out, the next I’m talking to my partner about this case we’re getting stonewalled on, and the next the kid’s just disappeared into thin air!”

Maggie huffed, looking remarkably like Elena when something didn’t go her way.  _ Now  _ Alex knew where their daughter got that expression from. She would be lording that over Maggie for a long time. After they got through whatever trouble Maggie had inadvertently let Elena get into.

“She disappeared?” Alex repeated. “In this apartment. With no walls.” She wasn’t even asking questions at this point. It was all just completely silly to her, that she could hardly believe that  _ Maggie  _ lost a toddler in a studio apartment with only a bathroom for privacy.

“She didn’t even look tall enough to  _ get off  _ the bar stool, Danvers! I had no idea I had to keep an eye out for this.  _ Anyway,  _ yeah, I lost the kid here. Believe me, the no walls thing occurred to me too.”

Maggie sounded so put out by this, Alex almost felt sorry for her.  _ Almost.  _ This was probably a bit of a blow to her ego, but Alex couldn’t feel too badly for her considering the fact that she’d lost their child in an open planned living space. Alright, so maybe Alex was already guilty of this as well, considering the grocery store incident, but at least the grocery store had places Elena could have conceivably  _ hidden in. _

“I told you both that Alex was a runner at this age,” Eliza said absently as she read something on her tablet. “I couldn’t take my eyes off of her for a single moment.”

“Because  _ apparently,  _ you and Elena have the uncanny ability to vanish into the void,” Maggie said a little sourly. “And it scared the crap out of me. Eventually, I heard her giggling in the pantry like there’s not a care in the world, stuffing her face with Kara’s powdered donuts. Completely dusted in the stuff too.”

Alex could feel it bubbling up from her chest. There was just  _ no way  _ she could stop it from exploding out of her.

She laughed.

Because now everything made sense. Maggie had to have bathed Elena on her own, and gotten herself absolutely ruffled in the process. The stark difference between this and when Maggie had refused to allow herself to get dirty while bathing Elena was… it was something. Alex was unsure what it meant. Obviously, Maggie was more than willing to do what she needed to do. There were even Disney movies strewn across the floor in front of Alex’s TV.

That damnable sense of hope was blooming again. But… did Alex really want to beat it down? Her mother’s suspicions that Maggie would get more invested than she thought were far closer to the surface of Alex’s thoughts than she expected them to be.

With those thoughts, Alex’s laughter faded. She could… she could have everything she wanted. It was now, more than ever before, that Alex realized that perhaps her greatest wish wasn’t so far off.

Maggie seemed to realize exactly what sort of position she was in. Especially with Elena even  _ further _ cuddled into Maggie’s chest and one of her hands tightly grasped Maggie’s wrinkled shirt. At first, Maggie’s face grew the reddest Alex had ever seen it. An impressive blush to be sure, probably one that rivaled Alex’s own during her ‘gay disaster’ stage, as Kara had so aptly titled it. But… then that blush seemed to get snuffed out as Maggie’s trademark swagger made its appearance.

Alex never could figure out if it was envy she felt towards Maggie for that damned swagger, or if it was just her attraction to it that made her feel like tackling her every time it appeared. Then Maggie smirked as she took in the fact that everyone in the room had seen her and Elena sleeping.

No.

It was attraction.

Definitely attraction.

Perhaps that gay disaster stage thing wasn’t actually over yet.

“So, yeah, kid got dirty, I got her clean, and then put the Lion King to get her to take a nap. Easy.”

“Easy,” Eliza repeated with a chuckle, still reading her tablet.

“Didn’t look easy while I cleaned everything,” Kara snorted.

Alex didn’t respond. Maggie’s dimples had popped on her cheeks along with her signature smirk. She looked so good. Alex didn’t think Maggie Sawyer would ever  _ not  _ look amazing to her, but even ruffled and obviously dirty from whatever had happened today, Alex thought she looked  _ beautiful. _

Absently, she noted that the room had gotten quiet, but Alex didn’t give it much thought. Maggie’s attitude was reminding her of so many other instances in which she just struck Alex dumb. It was the dimples, and the hair, and the… well  _ everything.  _ Sometimes, it just wasn’t fair. Like when Maggie was trying to get something she wanted. Others, Alex just couldn’t get  _ enough.  _ She’d make a fool over herself forever if it meant seeing Maggie every day.

It wasn’t just her physical features. Obviously, Maggie had been exhausted from staying up all night, and then attempting to babysit their rambunctious, trouble making child. Her dedication was something that pretty much had Alex enthralled from the very beginning. Someone willing to stand toe-to-toe with a shadow military organization with nothing but her wits and her badge was… well it had been irritating. And then it had been impressive. No, it had been  _ amazing. _

The fact that she was using that same dedication to help take care of their surprise daughter? A child that Maggie had never asked for or expected?

It just made Alex ache for her even more.

Her thoughts were shattered as Kara jabbed her side with a sharp elbow.

“Hey!  _ What?” _ Alex asked indignantly, but only now realizing that everyone was staring at her.

She could feel her face heating up. How long was she stuck in her head?

Kara coughed into her hand, and Alex  _ thought  _ she heard something awfully similar to ‘gay disaster,’ but she decided not to dignify that with a response. Even her mother was shaking her head in amusement.

Traitors. The both of them.

She scrambled for a normal thing someone well-adjusted would say. What had they been talking about?

“Right..., uh, easy.” There’d been something about easy, right? Alex swore she was a well  trained DEO agent. She really was.

“ _ Pfft,”  _ Alex snorted, but the way Maggie’s eyes were shining as she spoke told Alex that her nonchalance wasn’t exactly working. It was the same way she’d look at Alex any time she was apparently being a ‘cute nerd.’

How were they going to survive this?

Alex cleared her throat. “Do you want me to take her while you clean up a little bit, Supermom?”

She froze.

Maggie froze.

Kara sucked in a breath, and Alex suspected that if she looked at her sister right now, she’d be staring at the two of them with a ridiculous amount of hope.

Eliza was again chuckling to herself, but otherwise didn’t react.

Alex did the only thing she could do.

Make things worse.

“You know, because it’s ironic,” she stammered out. “Because you’re not trying to be a mom. Uh, not that you haven’t been  _ good  _ at it. Because I think you’ve been doing great. Well, maybe not this time. Not that it was  _ bad  _ either, just funny. Uh—“

Kara swept in and picked up Elena. “Why don’t you borrow something to change into? I want some cuddle time with my niece. You’re hogging her.”

Apparently Kara was continuing her streak of best sister ever.

Maggie seemed to reboot as Elena was picked up. “Uh… yeah. Right. I should probably take a shower. I’m… gonna go do that.”

She gathered a change of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom in record time. Alex groaned and sank into the couch, wishing it would just swallow her whole.

“I’m such an idiot.”

“You are not,” Kara scolded, but she wasn’t very effective, what with the megawatt smile she was directing at Elena as she settled into her new bed. “You said what we were all thinking, to be fair.”

“Perhaps a bit  _ too  _ much at the end there, but I agree with Kara,” her mother added.

Alex rubbed her face. “Doesn’t matter if what I said was  _ accurate.  _ I’m trying to keep from scaring Maggie  _ away.  _ I’m shocked she did all of… well everything she said she did with Elena today. This isn’t something Maggie ever said she’d enjoy.”

“Well…,” Kara hedged thoughtfully, “would she  _ really  _ hold out too long on bonding with Elena? Come on, Alex, you aren’t going to  _ ‘scare her away.’  _ I know I wasn’t always Team Maggie, but I learned a long time ago that she’s more than devoted to the people she cares about. She’s not capable of straight up ignoring her own daughter’s needs. Even if she doesn’t  _ want  _ to think of Elena that way, I don’t think her ‘arms-length’ approach is working.”

“I freaked her out just now! I shouldn’t have said it. It was a stupid joke that I never should have thrown out there.”

“Or perhaps directly stating what she did today has forced her to reexamine her perspective,” Eliza said.

Alex stood up. “No,  _ no.  _ We’re not arguing about this right now. There’s too much to do. Maggie and I have to figure out how we’re going to do this apartment switch. I’ve got to figure out an actual  _ routine  _ we can go through so that at the end of the day, it doesn’t feel like I’m constantly playing catch up to an out of control train.”

More than that, she didn’t want to further discuss the possibility that Maggie might just be more into this, into  _ Elena and Alex,  _ than she planned. Than either of them had planned. It was just going to make her heart hurt worse than it was already. Both because raising Elena could have been something they’d been doing together from the very beginning had they agreed on children, surprise tank child notwithstanding. As well as the fact that seeing Maggie Sawyer regularly without being in a relationship with her apparently felt like sticking glass in Alex’s chest.

Kara and their mother traded a look. Alex didn’t like that look. She’s seen it more than a few times, particularly during moments when they thought Alex was being  _ unreasonable.  _ She  _ hated  _ when they did this.

“What?” Alex snapped. “Are you both going to act like all of this would be  _ easy  _ if only we could get over a devastating break up? Like forgetting that we don’t actually hate each other and  _ could have had everything  _ if we hadn’t disagreed over something like  _ kids?  _ Something we should have talked about  _ a long time ago  _ like ordinary, well adjusted adults?

“Well, just in case you both  _ forgot,  _ Maggie and I aren’t exactly  _ well adjusted.  _ We’re doing the best we can, after a  _ two month old break-up,”  _ Alex just barely kept herself from shouting. If only because Elena was starting to stir from her increasing volume.

“Alex, we’re not saying this is  _ easy,”  _ Kara said. “We’re just saying that we’re noticing the same things you are.”

“There was a look.”

“What look?”

“A look!  _ The  _ look! The Alex Is Being Difficult look!”

“We don’t have a  _ look  _ for that.”

Alex waved her hand wildly between them.  _ “Oh, no.  _ That is a  _ lie  _ if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Girls, please,” Eliza cut in, so used to diffusing arguments between them by now that she didn’t even seem particularly phased. “We should probably wake Elena up so she’ll go to bed at a decent hour tonight, but shouting is a fine way to guarantee we get a  _ very  _ cranky toddler for the rest of the day.”

“There was still a look,” Alex muttered irritably.

Eliza sighed. “Fine, Alex, yes, you’re being a little difficult. But you’re also right, this entire situation is difficult in and of itself. Of course you’re still going to be tied up in your feelings with Maggie, both good and bad. All Kara and I were agreeing on is that if you both could move past your break-up—however long it takes—you’d have just as strong relationship as you did before you broke up. Honestly, that entire exchange was a… how did you describe their first interactions, Kara?”

“A gay disaster.”

“Yes. That was a gay disaster. On both sides.”

“Oh my god,” Alex pinched the bridge of her nose. On the one hand, she couldn’t believe that the words ‘gay disaster’ came out of her mother’s mouth. On the other, now she knew for sure that Kara consistently gossiped about Alex and her love life to their mother as much as Alex feared she did.

She’s end up like Caesar if all these betrayals kept happening.

“It was!” Kara insisted. “You kept staring at her like she hung the moon. And she was pulling out all that short person swagger trying to impress you. You guys are honestly one of the most mushy couples I have ever met. You’re not even  _ together,  _ and you still act like this.”

“Okay, that’s it. We’re  _ not  _ going to be doing play by plays of my conversations with Maggie,” Alex huffed. “We’re getting some snacks, over-packing a ridiculously cartoonish backpack, and we’re going to the  _ park  _ to pretend we’re all normal people.”

The sounds of water coming from the shower stopped.

Alex glared at her tormentors.

“Not a  _ word  _ about any of this.” She pointed sharply at them for good measure.

Her mother looked entirely too amused for this situation, while Kara seemed put out that Alex wasn’t going to allow them to ‘help’ with her disastrous relationship with Maggie. Or lack thereof, rather. She  _ was not  _ in a relationship with one Maggie Sawyer. They were co-parenting. Kind of. Even if they’d been together on this from nearly the get go. And helping each other through their heart-ache. And clearly still cared about each other. Nope, no relationship here beyond mutual respect with a common connection through a small child.

Oh, god, Alex was doomed.

Maggie stepped out of the bathroom, looking more radiant than ever. Even if she was in an oversized T-shirt that clearly belonged to Alex, as well as some pants that actually fit her. Alex certainly hadn’t been lying when she said she hadn’t gotten around to removing anything Maggie left behind in her apartment. She thanked her lucky stars that none of the women currently crammed in her tiny apartment either noticed, or did and decided not to say anything.

Alex could only take so much teasing.

“What?” Maggie asked, clearly noticing that everyone was staring at her as she stepped out of the bathroom. “Did I miss something? I swear, this kid gets  _ everything  _ around her dirty.”

There was no telling why her mother and Kara were staring at Maggie. Probably enjoying even more of this trainwreck they’d aptly titled a ‘gay disaster’ and looking for both Alex and Maggie to demonstrate that they didn’t know how to act like people.

So, Alex consciously shook herself out of her admiration for her  _ ex-fiance  _ and tried to get a grip over herself.

“Uh, no,” Alex coughed to clear her throat. She wasn’t very successful. “No, um, we were just talking about taking Elena to the park. Run off all that energy she’s bound to have after her nap. You know, like we talked about. Earlier. Before I left.”

Kara shook her head slowly, and it took all of Alex’s willpower to not shoot her a dirty look.

Maggie was looking at her searchingly, head tilted with a smirk hinting at her lips. “I remember, Danvers. We were supposed to go before you freaked out and went all ‘mama bear’ and left me alone with a mini-terror for about two hours.”

“She’s not a mini-terror!” Alex protested.

“She ate my mini-donuts, and smushed the rest of them,” Kara muttered. “Mini-terror is pretty accurate.”

“She also covered you in spaghetti,” Maggie reminded her.

Alex didn’t need the reminder. That was going to be a…  _ ‘Danvers Disaster Event’  _ in their family for a long time, judging by the likes on Kara’s Instagram.

“Alright, fine,” Alex conceded, “she’s a handful.”

“That doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” Maggie said. “I’m sure we both got up to our own brand of trouble at her age. We just gotta stay on top of her.”

Apparently that shower had given Maggie back her composure. If she was going to ignore Alex’s slip of the tongue, Alex saw no reason to bring it up again either. Best to just move on entirely. Even if a part of her wanted so,  _ so  _ badly to analyze and unpack Maggie’s reaction down to the minutiae. For science. Not because of some silly sense of hope that everything could change, and Alex could get the perfect happy ending she was dreaming of.

Yes. Definitely for the science.

She turned to Kara, ignoring the almost gravitational pull Maggie seemed to so effortlessly have on both Alex’s body and attention. “Hand her over, I’ll try to wake her up without setting off any grumpiness.”

Kara had some minor puppy dog eyes as she reluctantly handed Elena off. For her part, Elena seemed content to sleep like the dead and resembled a sack of potatoes more so than the tornado of energy she usually was.

Alex rubbed at her back. “Hey, baby, time to wake up.”

Elena sucked in a breath and tried to burrow herself into Alex’s neck.

It took every part of Alex’s being not to melt.

“No more nap, we’re gonna go to the park,” Alex continued.

Elena gave out a tiny whine before slowly blinking her eyes open and rubbing at her face.

“Mommy? You back?”

“Yep, told you I’d be back soon.”

She expected Elena to act like she had this morning. Completely out of it as she tried to rouse herself out of sleep. But that expectation was completely subverted when Elena leaned back in Alex’s arms and regarded her with the most comically serious glare Alex had seen on her yet.

“Time out  _ gross.  _ No more, otay?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest for good measure.

Kara stifled a snort, and Eliza didn’t bother to hide her chuckles.

Alex blinked at her, and tried to come up with  _ something  _ she could say back to this impossibly stubborn child. Handful indeed….

“Well, that all depends on if you can follow the rules,” Alex finally said. “Like not getting juice boxes out of the fridge when I tell you no.”

Elena’s eyes narrowed, and Alex got the sense that she was staring at a miniaturized version of her own glare. Once she got older, Alex imagined that her daughter was going to be a force to be reckoned with.

“Say yes?” She asked stubbornly.

Alex could see Maggie from the corner of her eye, seemingly having as much fun watching this confrontation as Kara and Eliza were, if her grin was any sign. Traitors. They were all traitors.

“How about  _ no,  _ just like I said this morning,” Alex stated firmly. “Unless you don’t want to go to the park?”

Elena furrowed her brow. “What park?”

Another thing Cadmus had failed to teach her. Alex swore that she’d get Elena caught up in all the experiences she should have had, no matter what. Did Elena even know what a beach was? Alex had so many memories with her family, many of her most dear were with her father. The fact that Elena might not even know what the ocean looked like was more than a little depressing. Well, at least Alex would be able to fix it in time.

“You can play—“

“Pay?!” Elena didn’t even allow her to finish. “We goes now?”

Well, if it got this kid to forget about juice boxes for even a moment….

“Yep, we’ll go as soon as we get ready,” Alex said with a shake of her head.

Elena started to squirm towards the ground. “Hurry! We’s get ready now.”

“You heard her, Danvers. Hurry up,” Maggie snickered.

“Then I’ll put you in charge of snack duty. See if you can get away without packing any ‘you know whats’,” Alex snarked back.

Maggie winced, and Alex  _ almost  _ felt bad for her, but she figured it was about time she got to see Maggie handle something less than gracefully. There was almost zero chance that Elena  _ wouldn’t  _ get nosy and try to watch what Maggie was doing, after all. And part of Alex wanted to see what kind of excuse she’d come up with to explain to their child that,  _ no,  _ they were not bringing any juice boxes.

Maybe this would be far more fun that Alex anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're finally going to be leaving this damn apartment lol. What's gonna happen? Who knows. Not me, anyway. At least, not beyond a hazy outline of what I'd like to do. I know I want to move this fic forward past all this "God, I love this woman but we can't BE TOGETHER" angsting they're both doing. At least as a center-point of this story. I'm afraid that's probably going to be a Mood(TM) for the both of them up until they get their heads out of their asses.
> 
> At any rate, more fluff for now in the form of Forever Baby Gay Disaster Alex Danvers. May her cool factor Rest In Peace, Born: 1990-ish Died: 2018
> 
> For her part, Maggie's just gotta hide all her awkwardness behind her swagger. Really, it just isn't fair. Poor Alex.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie will have to realize that her child is a stubborn little shit eventually. Hopefully even moreso now as she contemplates including herself as a closer, more permanent figure in Elena's life. You know... if she doesn't get the kid killed first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by word sprints. I was stuck on this thing for like a week, and then I remembered that I had a 4thewords account (best time to buy a sub is after you've won a NaNoWriMo because then that price drops to like, 1.60 a month rather than 4 but seriously any kind timer that has a win/lose aspect will achieve the same affect as this site. Write or Die. Fighter's Block is barebones but entirely free.) The point being that I'm competitive to a fault and apparently can't stand the thought of static art drawings of weird creatures 'beating' me at something.

“I wans to do it!”

Maggie sighed. She’d been at this for what felt like five minutes. Everything was packed and ready to go. The adults were all piled into the DEO issued SUV Alex had been given. The only thing that was missing was getting _Elena_ into her car seat.

Mostly because the kid was dead set determined to put on her own buckles.

Elena squirmed and managed to grab one of the straps. “I do it! I big girl,” she said firmly.

Her little tongue was even sticking out of the side of her mouth as she did her best to press the seatbelt tongue into the buckle.

Poor kid didn’t have the hand strength to get it to click in, however.

Maggie _really_ just wanted to get this done, but Elena showed no signs of giving up.

“Come on, kid. Let me do it for you,” Maggie said exasperatedly.

“No! I does it!”

“Elena, the faster you get buckled in, the faster we can get to the park,” Kara pointed out from next to her.

“I does it! I sees Mommy. I does it too,” Elena said with a shake of her head.

“Better get comfortable. She’s not going to let you do it for her until she gets tired,” Eliza said.

Alex didn’t seem to be paying attention. She was still going through the backpack of supplies to ensure they didn’t forget anything, as well as undoubtedly trying to tactically place one of the many first-aid kits she’d bought. Probably for ‘optimum placement in case of an emergency, Maggie.’ God, Alex was such a nerd, and Maggie would never change that about her.

“Alright, fine,” Maggie said as she let go of the strap she was holding. “Have at it, kid. I’ll be here if you need help.”

“No help. I does it.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Maggie held her hands up placatingly.

Elena grunted as she strained trying to buckle herself in. Her face was growing an impressive shade of red from the effort. Maggie half worried she was going to hurt herself. Her grip eventually failed, and she stared at the buckle balefully.

“You ready for me to help you?” Maggie asked.

The pout that Elena sent her was searing. For several moments, Maggie expected her to refuse yet again and give it another go. Eliza was probably right, Maggie was going to have to make herself comfortable because at this rate, they’d have to camp out here in the SUV all night before Elena gave up.

She turned to face Kara. “Kawa help?”

Maggie couldn’t help but feel a little snubbed. She was the one who watched her all damn day, hell, Maggie _wanted_ to help. What happened here? Maggie felt like she missed something.

“What about Maggie?” Kara asked curiously.

“No Mag,” Elena huffed. “She think I baby.”

“What?” Maggie asked, completely perplexed. “What did I do?”

Kara started snickering. “I think you might have wounded her pride a little. Kind of reminds me of a couple of people I know….”

Maggie gave Kara an unimpressed look. “Will you just get her buckled in?”

She tried not to sound put out. Maggie was kind of enjoying this little one-on-one thing she had going with Elena. It was… nice. Nicer than Maggie had thought it was going to be, and she felt kind of silly how bummed she was that the kid didn’t want anything to do with her right now. Elena was pretty young. Maggie was _fairly_ certain that kids her age had their emotions change on the turn of a dime. So, chances were, Elena would forget about this, and she’d go back to asking Maggie about snacks and juice boxes.

Maggie hoped so, at least.

Grumpily, she finally made her way to the front passenger seat. Alex was also getting into the SUV, but her attention was still clearly elsewhere. She was muttering under her breath and Maggie _thought_ she heard her nerdy ex list items such as snacks, water, and the occasional toy like she would a mission checklist.

It wasn’t until Alex started the SUV that she finally seemed to notice Maggie’s mood.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, taking a quick glance in her rear view mirror to check on Elena.

“Nothing,” Maggie tried her best to brush her grumpy mood off.

This was silly. There was no reason to feel this way. Sure, the kid kinda rejected her back there through no fault of Maggie’s own—at least in _Maggie’s_ opinion anyway—but it was all over something dumb that Maggie was pretty sure Elena was going to forget once they got to the park.

It didn’t matter, right?

“You just seem kind of… upset,” Alex hedged.

“I’m not upset, Danvers. Just tired,” Maggie grumbled.

Alex was mulling over her attitude, Maggie could tell. She couldn’t exactly peer at Maggie while driving, but she was clearly biting at her lip in thought.

“Something happened while I was getting the car ready,” Alex concluded.

“Nothing happened. Just frustrated about my case.” That was certainly truthful enough.

Too bad Danvers could still read her so well.

“No… I don’t think that’s it. Something happened while you were putting Elena in the car. What’s the matter? She seems happy enough.”

“Yeah, kid’s fine,” Maggie answered. “Got her in the car easy enough.”

Now, _that_ was a lie, and Alex seemed to pick up on that immediately.

“Come on, Maggie. We both know you’ve got your feelings hurt over _something._ I’m not going to judge.”

That brought Maggie up short.

Were… were her feelings hurt over this?

No. That was stupid. The kid was being a kid. So what if she wanted Kara more than Maggie over something as simple as getting her car seat straps on? It wasn’t a big deal.

Never mind that Maggie had been the one to watch her all day, and helped her do all kinds of things, and it wasn’t until _then_ that it had been a problem…. Maggie was just really enjoying the… bonding? Wasn’t that what they were doing? Maggie might as well fess up to the fact that she and Elena really hit it off today. It was a thing that happened. Hell, they’d _napped_ together. All things that Maggie never expected to happen when she agreed to help Alex.

And she was kind of sad that it was over for now.

Maggie sighed. There was no point in pretending otherwise. Alex would weed out what was causing her grumpy mood eventually. Not because she wanted to pester Maggie, they both knew when they should leave the other alone. It would probably only take her a minute to just guess what was up. Maggie might be the detective, but Alex was pretty perceptive herself.

“Elena didn’t want me to help her in the car. Don’t laugh, either!” Maggie crossed her arms. “I know it’s dumb to feel this way.”

But Alex didn’t laugh. Or at least, she chuckled but she seemingly wasn’t laughing at _Maggie._

“What?” Maggie demanded.

“I don’t know…,” Alex was probably wondering if she should tell Maggie was she was thinking. Maggie hoped that didn’t mean Alex was actually making fun of her in some way. She could only take so much damage to her pride.

Maybe Kara was right.

“It’s just… adorable,” Alex finally admitted. “You two have been adorable all day.”

Yep. Alex _shouldn’t_ have said anything. Maggie started grumbling under her breath. She wasn’t _adorable._ And babysitting a kid, no matter if it was her own or not, didn’t suddenly turn her into a mushy mess. It _didn’t._

“You have!” Alex insisted. “I mean, I _could_ show you some of the many pictures Kara took of you and Elena napping. They were really cute, Sawyer. And now your feelings are hurt because Elena kinda snubbed you, huh?” Alex snorted good naturedly.

“My feelings aren’t _hurt,”_ Maggie argued. “That’s dumb, Danvers. It’s just a car seat.”

“Hmm. I don’t know. Seems like you’re taking this a little hard for someone whose feelings _aren’t_ a little sore. It’s okay, Maggie, she’s probably not actually mad at you. I’m sure she’ll have forgotten all about it once we get to the park. Elena _does_ really like you, you know.”

Maggie bit her lip. Was that actually true? Was the kid attached to _Maggie_ of all people? She watched Elena this morning for Alex because that was what made sense. She was the only adult in the vicinity on such short notice to watch Elena after Alex had her little panic attack. She hadn’t planned on having a bonding session with her. Just making sure the kid wasn’t going to get herself into too much trouble until Alex returned. Easy.

And yet, Maggie had a lot of fun. Way more than she expected to. She was nearly thirty. What sort of fun could she ever get from hanging around a three year old? Before Elena, that is. And if Maggie had fun, then it made sense that Elena did too. Though, for Alex to believe that Elena ‘really’ liked Maggie, did it mean that Elena had started to get attached to Maggie before all of this?

It was becoming apparent Maggie could no longer deny that she had way more of an influence on Elena than she would have liked to believe. The plan to keep her distance, to let Alex ‘mom’ for her, to be a sort of ‘family friend’ instead of a parent… well….

It was an abysmal failure so far.

Did that mean she should reassess? Rethink this plan? Admit that maybe she did want a little more from this whole set up than she’d first claimed? What would she even say to Alex? Undoubtedly, Alex would be ecstatic that Maggie wanted to actually step up, but what would that mean for _them?_ Maggie would end up hanging around far more often. Moreso than what she’d originally planned. How were they going to handle that? Maggie knew that _she_ couldn’t exactly just hang around Alex Danvers and not want to live her entire life with her.

She pushed down the urge to groan. Maggie was almost positive she was making this more complicated than it needed to be. She _maybe_ wanted to be… more than the occasional babysitter/aunt to Elena. So… perhaps she just needed to focus on that for now. Ignore Alex’s part in the entire equation. Everything was certainly complicated enough as it was.

But, before Maggie could say any of these things, the SUV came to a stop. She’d had no idea she’d lost herself for so long in her thoughts. Alex must have realized she needed a moment to herself, and Maggie was grateful for that. If only to give her more time to figure out exactly how she wanted to go about this. There was a not so small part of her that felt nervous about asking for more. Alex had expressed doubts about Maggie’s ability to stick around before. She hadn’t been sure if Maggie wouldn’t eventually end up hurting their daughter, after the pressure of something she’d never really wanted caught up to her.

So… she was probably going to have the colossal challenge of convincing Alex that… maybe this _was_ what she wanted.

At any rate, that conversation wasn’t going to happen in a crowded vehicle with said child inside, well within earshot. She’d have to find a chance to speak with Alex later. In private.

Alex climbed out of the SUV and went around to the back passenger seat. Elena was happily chattering to Kara. About what, there was no telling. It sounded like something about Simba and what he was probably doing if he went to a park. It was a wild trip listening to how active the kid's imagination was. There was no way it wasn't, considering Alex's intelligence. Hell, Maggie was no slouch herself, but Alex was a step above just about everyone Maggie knew.

"You ready to go play?" Alex asked as she unbuckled Elena.

Hmph. Kid didn't seem all that worried about Alex helping her.…

"Yeah!" She exclaimed and threw herself into Alex's arms, not at all bothered by Alex's grunt as the air was knocked from her lungs. "Whats you does at park?"

Coughing a little to regain air, Alex took a moment to respond. Elena was again unfazed, apparently completely unaware that she was about thirty pounds and throwing herself at people like a sack of potatoes maybe wasn't the best decision she could make.

"Well," Alex said as she finally settled, "there's a bunch of stuff to play on. Maybe a sandbox you can get dirty in. And there are gonna be some other kids for you to play with."

There was no telling how much of that Elena took in. Cadmus's tank made it difficult for them to know just what Elena had been taught, and what she was still unaware of. Maggie figured the best thing was to let Elena explore 'new' things and see if she was comfortable. She'd yet to be frightened by something, and Maggie didn't know if that was a side effect of her being Alex and Maggie's daughter—kid was probably doomed to be a thrill seeker, let alone have an endless sense of reckless bravery—or if she just didn't realize she needed to be afraid of anything. That would... probably bring its own host of issues, and suddenly Maggie felt herself gripped in a sense of worry that hit her like a bag of bricks.

Oh god, was this what Alex had to deal with earlier today? This ridiculous and irrational sense of foreboding that _something_ was going to happen unless she prepared for it right now, this very second?

Maggie would never tease her about it again. This was horrible.

And there wasn't anything for Maggie to do. What was she supposed to say to Elena? _'Hey, kid. Make sure you're aware that you're mortal and can get hurt. The tank probably didn't give you a good sense of self-preservation.'_

For one thing, the kid wasn't going to understand a word of what that meant. On the other hand, teaching Elena to have a healthy sense of her limits probably couldn't be done in a conversation. It was an abstract concept, and Maggie unwillingly realized that she and Alex were going to have to allow the kid to hurt herself for her to learn. A scraped knee here and there wasn't going to kill her. But it didn't mean she had to like it. She _really_ hoped she wasn't going to become one of those helicopter moms. How lame.

Maggie explicitly ignored the _'mom'_ part of that saying. She... she wasn't sure if she wanted to be 'mom' quite yet. Just that she was positive she wanted to do more than watch from the sidelines. Maybe _that_ bag of worms could be settled in time.

"Lets go, lets go, lets go," Elena started chanting as she reached for the ground.

"Whoa, whoa," Maggie said, unable to just allow the kid to shoot off without a _couple_ of ground rules. "Make sure you stay where we can see you, no running off too far from us, and make sure you don't talk to strange adults. If someone wants to talk to you, bring them to us so we know who they are."

Ugh. Such a _mom_ set of rules. And Maggie couldn't really make herself hate them, per se; she was just more than a little surprised that this was turning into her life. Sudden parenthood, right.…

"Elena, did you hear Maggie?" Alex asked when Elena only whined and squirmed harder for the ground. Kid was itching to go play. The park was a good idea, because somehow Maggie didn't think they'd be able to handle Elena's active craziness without at the very least Alex going insane.

Elena finally huffed before nodding reluctantly. Maggie wasn't too certain if she was just humoring them so she could shoot off like a mini-rocket.

"And those rules were...?" Maggie prompted.

"Stays where you sees, no runnin aways, stangers bad," Elena listed off impatiently.

Well, close enough, Maggie supposed. She nodded, and Alex finally set Elena's feet on the ground. Which... almost turned into a mistake from the get go. The kid, predictably, shot off and Maggie was almost afraid she'd allowed the rules to go through one ear and out the other. Thankfully, she stopped _just_ within a length of distance that Maggie was comfortable enough with to not immediately panic.

"Hurries! I wanna pay," Elena demanded, hands on her hips.

"She's just as bossy as you are," Kara grumbled good-naturedly at Alex.

"I'm not bossy!"

Maggie winced at that very untrue statement. The only time Alex reliably _wasn't_ bossy was... certain times in bed. And even then, she could still try to boss her way into something if Maggie was feeling particularly indulgent.

Apparently, Maggie hadn't been able to hide her thoughts.

"What, you agree with her?" Alex asked, only slightly wounded.

"Alex. Are you really going to make me answer that question?" Maggie asked. "Come on, babe, you pretty much bossed me out of your _'jurisdiction'_ the first time we met."

At first, Maggie hadn't even realized what she'd said. It had just come out naturally. What had really first tipped her off to her faux pas was Alex's face reddening. Really, this blush was particularly impressive, even by Alex Danvers standards. She flushed from the tips of her ears to the bottom of her neck where her shirt began. Maggie almost wondered just how far down it really went. Kara had slapped one of her hands over her mouth, but that didn't seem to really muffle her excited squeaks. What the _hell_ had Maggie just said?

And when she did review her words, she got a good appreciation for Alex's distaste for full body blushing. It almost always gave away how flustered Alex was, no matter what she said in an attempt to deny any embarrassment. Maggie could just _feel_ her own face heating up, and the sensation seemed to just spread all the way down her entire body. It had slipped out. Maggie _really_ hadn't meant something when she said it. Did she? Oh, man, this was just getting _bad._ How was she supposed to make it through this? First Alex's slip, and now this.... They were going to just kill each other. Probably an exaggeration to most people, but Maggie really did wish for the ground to open up and swallow her whole.

"Uh. I didn't mean— You know how often we told this story! I mean, it just slipped out like that. It doesn't mean that I—" Maggie took in several deep breaths. No. _Nope._ She wasn't going to ramble uncontrollably and make everything that much worse. There was only so much embarrassment that she _and_ Alex could take before it became a fatal dose.

"Alright, kid, I'm gonna show you the wonder of slides," Maggie declared, and tried to make her exit with as much of her tattered dignity as she could manage.

She couldn't help but hear Kara's practically shouted whisper.

"Oh, Rao. Alex, did you hear _what she said?!"_

Maggie felt her face heat up even further. Great. Now she knew for certain that Kara was going to dissect her words from top to bottom for whatever meaning Maggie _really_ intended. Not that she intended anything. Whatever weird conclusion the Danvers sisters were sure to come to wasn't what she actually meant. Nope. Nevermind how much Alex knew her, and was capable of practically reading her thoughts. Maggie _definitely_ didn't mean anything by what she said. Hell, maybe they'd all laugh about this eventually.

She also doggedly ignored Alex's gaping expression. That wasn't something Maggie wanted to think too hard over either. She said it, it was done, and the best thing they could all do was move on. Besides that, Elena didn't seem happy to allow them all to dither any longer. She was practically dragging Maggie towards the nearest play structure. Which was fortunately age appropriate for her. Maggie didn't want to imagine her near thirty year old self climbing up a jungle gym to get their undoubtedly reckless daughter down after she bit off more than she could chew. Not to mention all of the 'short person' jokes she was bound to get. Alex would never let her live it down. In fact, what good was having a superpowered aunt if she didn't get the kid down from ridiculous places? Yes. Kara could go and get her. Problem solved.

Elena was practically dancing on her feet as she gazed up at the slide. It wasn't much taller than Maggie herself, but the kid seemed almost amazed by it.

"What this?"

"A slide. You climb to the top, sit down, and then push yourself over the edge," Maggie answered. _"Carefully."_

Might as well attempt to add that last bit just in case Elena went at this thing with the same kind of stubborn determination she did with just about everything else. The last thing Maggie wanted was to risk her throwing herself right over the edge.

"I goes now!"

Before Maggie could even offer to help her up, Elena was clambering right to the top as fast as her little legs could take her. Thankfully she did exactly as Maggie said, and sat down with about as much care as she was capable of. Which is to say, hardly any really, but at least she didn't just plop down either. She scooted on her bottom to the very edge of the slide and looked down. And for a moment, Maggie wondered if the kid had finally met her match. Elena's eyes seemed to widen, as though she hadn't expected to be so high off the ground. Relatively, at least. She bit her lip and seemed to be thinking long and hard about her options. Her face reminded Maggie starkly of Alex's.

"You okay, kid?" Maggie asked. "Do you need me to help you down?"

Again, she was legitimately asking. There was nothing wrong with the kid being a little nervous about heights. It wasn't as though she'd had the opportunity to play on this type of equipment before. Elena tended to run before she walked, but the kid had to find something she was wholly unprepared for eventually.

Right?

Apparently, though, that time was not today. Again, Elena's little jaw seemed to tighten as she gave Maggie a stubborn glare. "I's can do its!"

Oh boy. Maggie should have kept her mouth shut. She was going to end up inadvertently challenging her three year old daughter to a triathlon at this rate.

"Alright, alright!" Maggie exclaimed. "I didn't mean anything by it, kid. It's okay to be nervous sometimes."

"I's big girl. I not scared."

"Didn't say you were," Maggie tried to reason. "I'm just giving you some options. You can try it if you want. Or we can do something else. I just want you to have fun."

But Maggie was quickly learning that reasoning with a kid Elena's age was... difficult to say the least.

"I goes now!" Elena repeated firmly, and pushed herself forward.

The slide really wasn't all that long. After all, it was only a few inches taller than Maggie.... Which meant that Maggie didn't get a chance to react to Elena reaching the bottom.

At no point had Maggie considered the fact that her young, tank raised, fairly sheltered, hard-headed kid wouldn't know how to actually _land_ after going down a slide. And as such, when Elena instinctively tried to plant her feet on the ground immediately below the mouth of the slide, she'd done so in a way that pretty much tried to halt all forward momentum. Maggie wasn't an expert in physics, but she knew enough to realize that the kid was gonna stop alright. Just in a manner that wasn't at all gentle.

Elena tumbled head over heels, and landed harshly on the padded play mat, breath knocked out of her as she finally came to a stop on her belly.

Maggie's first reaction was to immediately rush to her and try to see if the kid was alright. Damn, one minute alone with Maggie, and she gets hurt. Great job, and she wanted _more_ time with Elena? Maggie couldn't even put her on a preschool aged slide and not nearly kill her.

"Shit! Elena, are you okay?" Maggie asked worriedly as she helped Elena sit up.

Elena didn't answer. She was coughing, trying to get her breath back, as her lip wobbled threateningly. Dammit. They should have started out on something easier. Like swings. Or maybe Maggie would end up just pushing her flat out of the seat and they'd be right back in the same situation she was dealing with right now. She was such an idiot. Fortunately, for Elena's sake, she seemed to catch her breath pretty quickly. Maggie was _this close_ to letting out a sigh of relief until Elena noticed her knee.

"Mag," she whimpered, "it hurts."

She jinxed her own kid. Maggie was just _excelling_ today. A+ parent of the year.  She forced her self-criticism down, it wasn't going to help Elena. She was clutching at her knee, guarding the scrape on it protectively as she finally released her tears.

Shit. Shit. _Shit._

"Hey, hey, it's okay, kid. You're okay," Maggie didn't know who she was trying to convince. Elena or herself. Sure, she realized that a scraped knee was hardly anything life threatening, but that didn't mean she was happy about it.

"It hurts!" Elena insisted, becoming more distraught by the moment. She was taking in big hitches of air, just barely before the threshold of full out sobbing.

"Alright, hey, how about I get you something that will help you feel better?" Maggie offered, near panic. The kid was about to do a full release on the water works, and Maggie had _no idea_ how to manage that. Her first thought was that the damn first-aid kit was going to be far more useful than Maggie actually thought it'd be. But it was with Alex, who appeared to be speaking with Kara still on one of the benches. A good 40 yards away. Still within watching distance of Elena, though.

"Alright? Do you want something to make it better?" Maggie asked insistently.

Between her barely there sobs, Elena nodded miserably. Oh, man, Maggie felt terrible. This was her fault. Poor kid probably didn't even know what it felt like to get hurt at all. Part of her realized that this was something that was going to inevitably happen. Kids got hurt in all kinds of minor ways. But that part of her was second to her rising panic. The kind of panic that was fueled by the knowledge that Elena was injured—no matter how trivial that injury was—she was bleeding, and that it was all Maggie's fault, was making her think irrationally.

All of this she knew in some background processor in her mind.

Wasn't helping in the moment, though.

Quickly, Maggie stood up and darted to Kara and Alex. It took only a few moments to get there. She hadn't left Elena alone for any significant time.

"Danvers! I need the kit," Maggie said breathlessly as soon as she arrived.

Alex practically jumped out of her skin as Maggie's voice registered. Whatever she was talking about with Kara more than likely had to do with Maggie. But that was so far down Maggie's current list of concerns that it didn't really stick in her mind.

"Maggie! What... what is it? Did you hear anything?" Alex squeaked out.

"I need the kit, Danvers, come on," Maggie rushed, not even bothering to answer Alex's question. "Elena hurt herself on the slide."

"What? How did that happen?" Alex asked, embarrassment melting away from her demeanor as a small dose of Agent Danvers flooded into her body language.

Maggie shook her head. "Do you really want an entire debrief? The kid's crying her eyes out, Alex. I'm trying to get _that_ taken care of! I can explain everything in a moment."

Alex sprung into action and started digging into her 'Operation Playground' backpack she'd insisted on bringing with them. Not that Maggie was complaining about it now. Sure, it was probably over packed, but it was sure as hell coming in handy.

"I just don't understand how she hurt herself already," Alex was saying as she pulled out each meticulously packed item until she finally pulled out the first-aid kit.

"What, are you saying this is my fault?" Maggie demanded, her guilt making her that much more defensive.

Alex looked up at her in confusion. "Well, did you personally push her off the slide?"

The question marginally pulled Maggie's mind out of her growing panic. "What? No! Who the hell would do that?"

"I'm trying to point out that this was probably going to happen no matter what. I just didn't think it would happen _this_ quickly," Alex answered as she inspected the kit for any missing items as quickly as she could. When she finally looked up, her brow furrowed as her eyes fell on Maggie.

"Uh. Maggie? Where is Elena?"

"She's still over by the slide," Maggie answered impatiently.

"You left her alone?!"

"I'm perfectly aware of all the ways I've messed up, Alex," Maggie snapped. "Are we gonna get back to the kid, or we going to pick apart all the decisions I've made?"

"Hey, guys?" Kara's voice seemed to snap them out of their brewing argument. "Elena seems fine."

They both spun around to find Elena cautiously climbing the slide again. Tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration. She and Alex didn't have much time to register that she was trying to go down _again_ all on her own. The quickly made their way to Elena, still carrying the first-aid kit, and got to her just as she very _carefully_ slowed herself down on the mouth of the slide by pressing her knees against the sides until she came to a gentle stop.

"I does it!" Elena cheered, just as 'fine' as Kara said she was.

Maggie was confused to say the least. What was probably only around three minutes ago, Elena seemed completely inconsolable. And now she was perfectly fine, back to her cheery and precocious self. As Maggie instinctively ran her eyes over every inch of Elena, she noticed two things that made her whole body tense.

First of all, Elena's scraped knee was already bandaged. Second, she was holding a stuffed toy that she _definitely_ hadn't been carrying before Maggie had left.

"Kid, what did we say about strangers?" Maggie asked, resisting the urge to rub her temples. This day was just sending her blood pressure into the heavens.

Elena frowned. "No stanger. He give me kitty, and fixed it!" She pointed at her knee triumphantly before holding out her stuffed toy in front of her proudly. "I names him Sima."

Maggie discarded the fact that the 'kitty' was a female lion, it was more important to figure out what in the _hell_ had happened in the scant time it had taken her and Alex to retrieve the first-aid kit before running back. She had only left the kid for a _moment._ And yes, she was realizing that had been an entirely _stupid_ mistake now that her brain wasn't fogged by the immediate need to soothe Elena's tears. She was coming down from her panic attack, and something was niggling at the back of Maggie's mind. Something wasn't right, and it was setting her teeth on edge.

"Elena," Maggie said slowly, "who gave you Simba, and fixed your knee?"

"Gampa!"

Maggie froze, and she could see Alex stiffen from beside her. Maggie glanced at her, but Alex wasn't looking back. Instead her eyes were focused on the bandage that was covering Elena's knee. It appeared to be a simple, white bandage, not unlike what the DEO and NCPD would use to patch up their agents and officers respectively. However, on second glance, Maggie spotted a simple drawing. Two series of dots connected by lines. She had no idea what they meant, but they were again scratching in the back of Maggie's mind. She'd seen them before, and wherever it came from, she knew that the memory was related to Alex. All of those memories were warm, yet tinged with heartbreak, and that was the precise emotions she was feeling as she took the little drawings in.

And then it hit her. They were constellations. The small one, anyone who was even remotely familiar with looking up into the stars could guess. The Little Dipper, though Alex insisted it was called Ursa Minor, and she hit Maggie with the pillow they had been lying on during that date as Maggie teased her. The other, larger one could only be Ursa Major. Great Bear and Little Bear, from the lessons Alex had given her. Maggie had never really looked into the stories behind constellations, hell, she hadn't been able to even _spot_ them before Alex.

But, that wasn't what was important about all of this. Alex may have taught Maggie about the stars, but the person Alex had learned all of that from?

Jeremiah had been here. And Maggie was almost positive that he hadn't given Elena a stuffed _lion_ of all things by mere coincidence.

He was watching them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look, it seems I've dropped some plot. Maggie is proving that she's just as much a gay disaster as Alex is, and Elena is a stubborn little thing to the point that she's happy to risk slide injuries to prove Maggie wrong. This family-but-not-a-family-but-really-they-are-and-just-won't-say-it-out-loud-yet is something else.
> 
> Speaking of family, I haven't forgotten that Jeremiah Danvers is still a part of Cadmus, even if the show seems to have forgotten him entirely as far as I'm aware. (I mostly hate watch at this point through Tumblr gifs.) Now, whether his intentions are innocent or malicious, we're all just going to have to find out.... Elena is the product of a Cadmus experiment, and perhaps Cadmus is looking to see if their experiment was a success....
> 
> We won't know until more fic gets written, right? In the meantime, I'm still at my Tumblr, blueraith(dot)tumblr(dot)com. I've also created a dreamwidth and pillowfort account though they're completely empty at this point while I wait for the Tumblr situation to either settle or implode, and allow dreamwidth and pillowfort to stabilize from the ridiculous influx of users they've gotten. Whatever the case, I WILL NOT be moving to Twitter. That is an entire no-go as far as I'm concerned. I hate Twitter, and the damn thing is literally the worst thing ever for a writer to use. The character limit alone is murder, let alone the so-called "Twitter threads" that I despise reading because they're presented in the most obnoxious way possible.
> 
> Sorry, I just really don't like Twitter. The only site I hate worse is Facebook. But, yeah, I'll keep the notes updated on where I'll end up, if I move at all. The Tumblr thing has not yet run its course, and it remains to be seen what the full affect of their decision will mean for the site. I will be using it primarily for now, and let y'all know if that changes.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has wanted nothing more than to reunite her entire family. Her father's reappearance might just give her the chance she's been waiting years for. Now she just needs to figure out how to help him. Perhaps Maggie can help her all over again....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Battens down the hatches.*

Alex felt like pulling her hair out. Why now? After all this time? She hadn't so much as gotten a sign that her father was alive. In fact, she'd last saw him that night in the Cadmus hideout. When she'd very nearly been sent into the stars, never to see Earth, or anyone she knew ever again. For the longest time, Alex had feared her father was dead. That she'd failed him. Again. It wasn't something she enjoyed thinking about, and with a jolt of guilt, Alex realized that she'd gone out of her way to ignore the fact that she couldn't find him, or hadn't heard of him for quite some time. There was just... so much to do, and never enough time, and then she and Maggie had ended it, ended everything. And now Elena was here.

It was at times like these that Alex realized just how much she felt like she was drowning. With Elena, at least she knew that she had help. Kara, Maggie, and even her mother were more than willing to step up. On top of that, Winn had come in like a dream, and Alex would bet her entire sizable bank of unused vacation time that J'onn would be more than happy to do whatever he could to help. At least, once she and Maggie were ready to include more people in their confusing little set-up they were currently wrestling with. Not that J'onn would accept Alex's vacation time unless she herself was actually taking those days, but that was besides the point.

Alex would have never guessed, but her surprise child thrusting her and Maggie together into motherhood was turning out to be the  _ easy  _ surprise family member. Alex wasn't sure who would want to help her figure out just what to do with Jeremiah. She feared J'onn would want to immediately arrest him. Her mother... Alex suspected that Eliza was not surprised by his betrayal. As if she'd half expected it. If anything, she'd seemed completely prepared to accept that he was an entirely different person than the man they'd all loved. That was confusing for Alex. She and Eliza had never talked about it, but she wondered how and why her mother was so prepared to move on, and she didn't know if she should be angry with her about it. There was still that part of Alex who was the girl who lost her father. Who had been left to deal with that devastation on her own while taking care of a sister she'd never asked for or really wanted. Who'd lost both her parents for a good long while until one of them decided to just wake back up one day. But, by that time, it had been too late for that young girl. She'd done too much growing in too little time. Alex was forever grateful that she and Eliza have patched up their relationship for the most part, but as far as her father was concerned, Alex worried there would  _ always  _ be that raw patch between them.

On the other hand, especially after losing Maggie, Alex realized that her mother shouldn’t  _ have  _ to just wait for her father to walk through the door one day as if nothing had happened. It wasn't his fault that he'd been taken, but it wasn't her mother's either. Alex could understand that perhaps Eliza was ready to move on now because that was the only choice she had to keep herself sane. Had Alex been put in the same position with Maggie, she wasn't so sure she'd even survive, and even now Alex wondered what would have happened to her mother had she and Kara not been around.

Both sides of Alex were at an impasse for now. She decided to put her mother on the backburner. Getting angry at her right now was probably going to be counterproductive, and Alex wasn't even sure if that was the correct decision. Undoubtedly, they'd finally have to broach the subject, they couldn't exactly avoid it now that it was becoming clear that Jeremiah was once again in their lives, but Alex did know that Eliza was probably not going to be the person she could turn to at this moment.

Which left Kara and Maggie. Kara... Alex had said some things she shouldn't have the last time Jeremiah had come between them. But Alex was half torn into not putting Kara in that same position again, and half unable to set herself up again for the disappointment that Kara would see their father as an enemy all over again. That he couldn't be trusted. And... yes, Kara was right, she'd been right in the end, and it had broken both of their hearts. But what Alex wanted to shout from the rooftops at everyone with the most powerful megaphone in DEO custody was that Jeremiah had been  _ brainwashed  _ by Cadmus. He was not in a great position to determine if he was making the choices he would have made had he never been kidnapped at all. And that terrified Alex, because she had no idea if the man before Cadmus was even still recoverable.

She had to try, though.

Which meant that Maggie was the only person she could turn to right now. Just as she'd been last time. Maggie had more than stepped up when Alex had had no one to turn to, and she hoped that Maggie could help her with her father again.

But that was still a far ways off. First they had to figure out just what Jeremiah was doing, and  _ where  _ he was. Something that Maggie seemed oddly antsy to get to the bottom to.

"Danvers, we should go back to the DEO," Maggie finally said as Elena toddled off towards the sandbox, taking 'Sima' with her. She was chattering at the stuffed lion animatedly, with her little dimples popped out and all.

Alex turned to face her. Maggie was pale and almost seemed like  _ she'd  _ been the one to see the ghost instead of Alex.

"What? No. We... we should wait. If we go to the DEO now, they'll try to hunt him down," Alex shook her head. No, that wasn't the right thing to do. She wasn't sure she'd be able to help him if the DEO immediately captured Jeremiah.

"Wait for  _ what?"  _ Maggie demanded. "For him to show up again? Approach Elena without either of us there, completely unannounced, and not bothering to stick around to explain himself?"

Alex felt her stomach drop. "What exactly are you getting at, Maggie?" She asked, that all consuming sense of defensiveness over her father starting to rear its head.

What was Maggie trying to say here? What had changed since the last time Jeremiah had appeared?

"I'm getting at the fact that he just appeared out of thin air, without so much as bothering to tell you he was alive, approached  _ our kid,  _ and spoke to her without even giving us the chance to speak with him first. That's not normal, Alex. I won’t allow it."

"Are you trying to say that he'd hurt Elena?" Alex asked angrily. "If that's what you're getting at, then you don't know him at all."

"Why are you trying to make this out to be so simple?" Maggie demanded. "He can't just waltz back into your life like nothing happened. I get it, he's your dad, you want to believe the best of him, but we can't afford to do that now. I don't know if he'd ever hurt Elena. I'd like to think that he never would. But why haven't you thought about the fact that while he might not hurt her, someone else in Cadmus could? Come on, Alex. What are the odds that they're not watching his every move? He could bring them right to her, and I'm not convinced that Cadmus isn't going to want to check up on whether or not their experiment worked."

"He would never risk her safety like that," Alex insisted. He  _ wouldn't.  _ Her father had to know what he was doing. Why would he even risk approaching any of them at all if he believed it was dangerous? The last time they had spoken face to face, Jeremiah had been deluded into thinking that what he was doing was for Alex and Kara’s sake. Protecting his daughters was all that he cared about, even if he'd been going about it the wrong way. And Alex had managed to convince him to rejoin her in the end. Right up until she'd been forced to enter the alien ship to save all of Cadmus's kidnapping victims. That had been the last she'd seen of him, and Jeremiah had been fighting until the very last moment she'd had him in her sight.

Maggie rubbed at her face. "We don't know that anymore. From what you told me about the last time we tracked him down, he was willing to work with you. Except then he disappeared. It's extremely likely that Cadmus took him back, and how likely do you think it is that they'd ramped up whatever brainwashing they'd given him in the first place to punish him for his betrayal? We can't take the chance that he's the man you remember. We  _ have  _ to think about Elena first."

Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was as though Maggie was willing to believe Jeremiah was going to kidnap their daughter himself and take her back to Cadmus. Alex knew he'd never do that, and she also knew that she wasn't just ignoring Elena in all of this. It was as though Maggie had suddenly lost all faith in her sense of judgement, and Alex was left wondering what the hell had just happened? One moment, she'd been talking with Kara about how close she and Maggie were to admitting that  _ maybe  _ getting back together wouldn't be a terrible idea. Especially with how much Maggie seemed to be getting attached to Elena. She was increasingly proving to Alex that she wasn't going to bolt after all. And to Alex, that meant everything. Not because it meant that they could really make their relationship work together, either. But that they'd finally have a fair shot at creating the family she'd always dreamed of, but never known she'd wanted. At least, not in quite this same form. Alex had always pictured this faceless man joining her in this picture, but that had never felt right. Not only did she want to spend forever with Maggie, she also wanted so desperately to raise their child together.

Elena was so obviously Maggie's kid that Alex just wanted to hold them both and never let go. She loved watching them together. Maggie was so flustered, but she was so much better at handling Elena than she gave herself credit for. Today had been just the thing Alex had needed to see. Maggie was proving every bit of the parent that Kara and her mother had insisted she was. Sure, panicking and leaving Elena by herself wasn't the best move she could have made, but Alex couldn't really blame her. It wasn't as though they had a class over what to do when your sudden, biological child injured herself. Neither of them had any practice at this whatsoever.

But now her father was on the scene, and it was as though a switch had flipped in Maggie. Alex didn't know where it came from or why. She could understand Maggie wanting to put Elena first, but she couldn't understand why she suddenly thought that her father was so terrible after helping Alex find him the first time he'd disappeared. All Alex wanted was a bit of time....

"You think I'm just ignoring her? I'm not choosing between them, Maggie!"

"And that's the  _ point,"  _ Maggie snapped. "You're not thinking clearly. Elena can't defend herself here, Danvers. She'd be completely at his mercy if he or someone who was watching him decided to just take her. Didn't you see the way she was acting? She had  _ no idea  _ she shouldn't have even spoken to him. All he had to do was say he was grandpa, give her a toy, kiss her boo-boo and  _ boom,"  _ Maggie snapped her fingers for emphasis. "Instant best buds. You can't tell me that's  _ not  _ a huge problem."

"It would be, if my father was the sociopath you're making him out to be," Alex answered through gritted teeth.

Maggie's jaw tightened. "You know what? I can't argue with you about this right now. We'll talk about it later. For now, I want Winn to look over every stitch in that damn toy. We don't know what he actually gave her."

"A stuffed animal she clearly loves?" Alex asked sarcastically. "I'm sure he had nothing but nefarious purposes in mind when he gave it to her and literally fixed her knee up for her."

"I'm not saying  _ he did,"  _ Maggie argued. "Jesus, Danvers, I don't know why you're being such an ass about this, but I'll get it taken care of if you don't want to bother. I've got Winn's phone number all the same."

Maggie stalked off as she pulled her phone out, and Alex was left wondering what the hell had just happened. It was going all so well just minutes ago. All this time, Alex had been worried about hurting Elena if Maggie couldn't handle the transition into full time parent, and today had done nothing but dispel those fears. That wasn't to say that she expected to be able to change Maggie's mind with just one day of her being an exceptionally good babysitter—albeit with some very funny mistakes—however it did mean that Alex wanted to have a conversation with her. One that revisited all of those things they had thought they'd settled on during the very first day they'd gotten Elena. One that had Alex hoping that everything would change for the better for them all.

But now it seemed Maggie was being entirely unreasonable about this. Alex wasn't sure what to make of it. Her father returning was making a precarious situation going on in Alex's life even more complicated. For years, all she wanted was to get her family back together again, and she didn't understand why trying to get Jeremiah back was such a terrible thing. Undoubtedly, he was going to need a lot of treatment, specifically in the realm of deprogramming any lingering Cadmus ideology and brainwashing he'd gone through. And that was the stickler for Alex. Sure, she'd been naive and stupid when he'd last gotten him 'back,' but now Alex wanted nothing more than to address Jeremiah's problems directly, and it frustrated her that no one else seemed to want to give him a chance. He'd been  _ brainwashed.  _ Alex didn't know about everyone else, but that tended to suggest that Jeremiah wasn't completely responsible for all of his actions.

Alex rubbed at her brow in frustration. Whatever the case, she wasn't going to be able to figure anything out here. She'd have to get Kara and her mother to babysit Elena a little more often and go back to work a little earlier than she anticipated. Not that J'onn would allow Alex to  _ actually  _ go back to work, what with all of her accrued vacation time, but that didn't mean Alex couldn't call in a few favors with Winn and Vasquez to get a few leads on her father. The sooner she found him, the sooner she could get him the help he needed.

Before the DEO found him first.

"Mommy, I wan hungy," Elena's voice came from behind her.

There was no way that wasn't going to rip Alex out of her roiling thoughts. She turned to regard her very serious daughter, Sima the lion also held in front of her, as if to say she wasn't alone in her hunger.

"You want what?" Alex asked, barely keeping her chuckles in. As far as she could tell, Elena was slightly behind in her vocabulary than most children her age, but given that she'd only been talking for less than a week, Alex figured she'd catch up sooner rather than later. Still, part of her wasn't really distraught about Elena's disadvantage. Otherwise, she would have missed out on these speaking bungles entirely.

Elena frowned and looked at Alex suspiciously. "I wan hungy. Sima wan it too."

She shook him in front of her for good measure.

"Really?" Alex was trying her best to keep herself from flat out laughing. She really was. But, combined with Elena's teeny glare and very Maggie-like frown, it was almost a lost cause.

Alex tried not to think about the fact that she still found Maggie's qualities adorable—even if they were currently being presented by their daughter—while they were fighting. That was only going to lead her down a road that led to uncomfortable questions about the possibility of rekindling everything. It wasn't something she wanted to get overly invested in while they were fighting. Were they fighting? Maggie was mad at her, and Alex was mad at Maggie, but she didn't really want to be. She wanted to find her father, get him fixed, and then have everything go back to the way they were before.

"Yes, Mommy! I wan hungy! You says we has snack," Elena insisted irritably.

Whoops, better to get her some snacks before some toddler grumpiness  _ really  _ kicked in.

"Alright, alright," Alex laughed. "You want hungry. Okay, let's go."

Was it mean to laugh at the things her child said? Alex wasn't sure, but the fact that there were viral videos other parents took of their kids and posted on the internet led Alex to believe that she was probably safe. Elena huffed, as if putting up with Alex was a huge chore, and that only had Alex biting her lip even harder.

Alex led them both to a bench, wondering where the rest of her family had gotten to while she and Maggie had been arguing. Maggie was still several yards away, pacing back and forth, as she presumably spoke to Winn. Alex was going to have to move quickly. There was no way Winn was going to be able to keep Jeremiah's return a secret from J'onn for very long, if he managed to hide it at all. Kara was off at one of the nearby food trucks, getting an absolutely obscenely large pile of nachos. Alex rolled her eyes. It was a wonder people didn't guess she was Supergirl just from the she sheer amount of junk food she ate. Eliza was sitting at another bench, reading a book, and apparently none the wiser that Jeremiah had been here at all.

Her father must have infiltrated the park with an impressive amount of skill for Alex, Maggie,  _ and  _ Kara to miss him entirely.

Absently, Alex opened a cheese stick for Elena and poured a small bottle of water into a toddler friendly cup. She noted that Elena wrinkled her nose at the water, but thankfully her daughter decided not to throw a fit over it. Again opting to just huff as though she was dealt a great injustice. She wondered how she was going to explain all of this to Kara and her mother. Lying and complete secrecy hadn't worked out so well last time. Alex wasn't all that keen to risk ending up on the other side of the universe this time around. But she also didn't know if Kara or Eliza would warn J'onn that Alex was trying to go after Jeremiah by herself. It wasn't as though Alex wanted to go after  _ Cadmus  _ by herself. Not this time. She just wasn't sure if her sister and mother would appreciate the difference.

"Mommy, Gampa color this on my ouch. What it is?"

Alex snapped back to Elena. Her daughter was poking at her bandage curiously, but gently. Alex wouldn't be surprised if she'd made the mistake of poking too hard earlier. But that surprise was quickly overshadowed by her growing sense of nostalgia. Jeremiah had taught Alex about the stars at a very young age. At first, it had been Alex's favorite way of avoiding her bed time, much to her mother's dismay. However, soon that had morphed into a fascination with her father's stories. He seemed to know  _ everything  _ about the stars. All of the myths about the constellations. When each planet was discovered by people on Earth and how. And sometimes, he even seemed to make up stories seemingly just for Alex's amusement.

And when he had 'died' all of Alex's interest in stargazing had gone with him for a time. Eventually, it was one of the few things she had rekindled her interest in if only to feel closer to his memory.

There were a lot of things Alex couldn't wait to share with Elena. To watch the joy of learning appear on her daughter's face for the first time as she experienced something Alex enjoyed for herself. Surfing was a big one. Alex wanted nothing more than to hop on the next plane to Midvale to introduce Elena to the beach. But... stargazing was ironically not one of those things. It wasn't so much that Alex didn't want Elena to learn about the stars and space....

But it  _ was  _ something she should have been bonding with her grandfather over. Jeremiah could not be beat in his storytelling. So long as he was alive, Alex almost felt it would be  _ depriving  _ Elena of this experience by trying to imitate him. Why get a pale imitation of the original if she could have the best? And that desire only made it more urgent that Alex save him from whatever trouble he'd gotten himself into.

For now, however, Alex was the best Elena was going to get.

"They're constellations," Alex answered with a bittersweet smile. "They're drawings the stars make in the sky."

Elena's mouth moved, as if trying to work its way around the complicated word 'constellations.’ But, then she seemed to register the rest of Alex's words and looked up in the daytime sky as though she expected to see the stars right now. And watching her face scrunch up in confusion almost had Alex bust out laughing all over again.

"They won't be out  _ now,"  _ Alex clarified with a grin. "The sun is too bright and too close to Earth for us to see the other stars right now. Maybe if you're good and can stay up late enough, we can see the stars when the sun goes down tonight."

Elena's confusion morphed into a look of sheer determination. Alex would never admit this out loud to Kara, but... she could see it. That was all Alex right there.

"I does it. I big girl," she said seriously.

The funny thing was that Alex had no idea where this obsession with being a 'big girl' was coming from. As far as she knew, no one had yet to call or refer to Elena as a baby. Maybe this was a stage? Alex honestly had no idea. All she knew was that it was proving to be both funny and exhausting in equal measure.

"Sure thing, baby," Alex said, not all that certain whether or not Elena would end up conking out before stargazing could actually happen. She just figured arguing about it wasn't going to get anywhere.  _ Someone  _ was going to have to learn from Maggie's mistakes, after all.... "But you have to be  _ good,  _ okay? No more pouting about juice boxes."

Elena seemed almost appalled at the very thought that she could no longer beg for juice, but then her brow crinkled as she weighed the pros and cons of her predicament. Finally, she eyed Alex grumpily.

"Okays. No more juice today."

She seemed so put out by the thought, that Alex wondered if it would be a terrible thing to reward her with some juice if she  _ did  _ manage to keep to her promise at dinner tonight.... She'd have to get Maggie's opinion. As much as they were upset with each other, Elena was still  _ both  _ of their responsibility and it wasn't as though Alex could just do things without getting Maggie's input.

Kara plopped onto the bench next to them, and handled Elena a cheese covered chip as she happily stuffed a few in her own mouth. Before Alex could even try and stop her, Elena had already curiously stuck practically the entire thing in her mouth and her eyes widened almost comically.

"Kara!" Alex groaned. "I  _ just  _ got her to give up on juice for the rest of the day, and you do  _ this." _

"Wha?" Kara asked through a mouthful of chip and cheese. "Ish nashos! Eryone neesh to try nashos!"

Alex put her face in her hand.

"Kawa! I wan more!" Elena said excitedly as she clambered from Alex's lap and right into her aunts. She stuck her whole hand in the nacho bowl and came up with a fistful of chips. Cheese was already dribbling down her shirt.

Oh my God.

_ "You're  _ bathing her," Alex declared. "And getting her into her carseat. In fact, Elena, Aunt Kara's gonna be your best friend for the next couple of hours. You can both get covered in cheese."

"No. Sima's best fren," Elena corrected her seriously as she patted him with a cheese covered hand.

Alex didn't envy the poor bastard.

Kara put on a mock hurt look. "Wha?" She swallowed her nachos. "I thought  _ I  _ was your best friend!"

But Elena only shook her head. "Yous Aun Kawa."

As though that explained literally everything.

"I don't know how I feel about this, Alex," Kara said slowly. "Strange lions coming in on our turf and stealing away  _ our  _ Elena."

"Sima no stanger!" Elena protested hotly. "Yous bein mean to him!"

"I haven't ever met him before. Have you, Alex?"

Alex shook her head. "Nope. He hasn't even introduced himself to us. That's not very nice."

Elena's brow furrowed, and she glared at the both of them. "I goin to Gamma. She be nice to Sima."

With that, Elena climbed down from Kara's lap, getting her pants smeared with nacho cheese in the process, and started to toddle determinedly to Eliza.

"Mommy and Aun Kawa mean, but Gamma nice. I pomise, Sima."

"Hey, wait!" Kara exclaimed and she started to follow Elena. "We were just kidding, Elena."

But Kara's protests were apparently falling of deaf ears. Alex couldn't hear them anymore, but she saw her mother reach into her purse for a few napkins, deftly clean Elena of the cheese all over her face and hands, and listen intently as Elena started to talk to her very seriously.

Great. Now Alex was going to get scolded later for being mean to a stuffed animal.

Still, she couldn't say she regretted the teasing. It was nice to get this small amount of levity in. Now Alex had to figure out what the hell she was going to do about her father.

Because it seemed she was on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. So. I believe I mentioned long, long ago that Maggie's angst was not going to be the only angst we were going to get into. Alex has always been planned to turn into a massive idiot as far as her father was concerned, because Jeremiah was always planned to meddle in this plot, and Alex has always been unable to regard her father in an objective manner. Canon included. In fact, this plot-line was so planned that it features one of three or four scenes that I've always had in mind for this story from the very beginning. The fact of the matter is, Alex's greatest strength is her devotion to her family. And I would also say that it is capable of being her greatest weakness as well. What will remain to be seen is whether or not Alex will be able to get everything she wants, or if she will have to come to realize that she may have to chose between members of her own family and weather the massive amount of turmoil that choice would imply.
> 
> As for Maggie, Alex presents Maggie's 'unreasonable' behavior regarding Jeremiah as a con to their relationship, when it in fact only proves that she's Ride or Die(TM) for Elena.... But for real, don't worry, this fic is a spite fic at its core. The most adorable spite fic ever perhaps, but I am here to FIX THINGS, CW DO YOU HEAR ME? Sanvers is endgame.
> 
> We just have to maneuver through some Danvers Family Drama(TM) first.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie starts musing over Jeremiah's motivations, and realizes that some of her fears might just not be as terrifying as she thought.

Maggie was angry. No. More than that. She was  _ furious.  _ What the hell was going on? What was his angle? Her thoughts were racing through her mind as though she was working a case. Going over and over each little detail of Elena’s unwitnessed meeting with her ‘Gampa.’

What did he want? Was he exactly as Alex believed him to be? A beleaguered grandfather trapped by circumstance and wanting to reconnect with his family? A grandfather who wanted to meet his first grandchild?

Somehow, Maggie doubted that very much. It was weird. She had a feeling she would be much more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt had Elena not been involved. Otherwise, she would have been gung ho for finding him all over again with Alex, and finally get her the closure that she had been searching for years.

But it wasn’t so simple, and it beyond irritated Maggie that Alex refused to even entertain the thought that her brainwashed father maybe,  _ just maybe,  _ couldn’t just be blindly trusted. Not only had he already betrayed Alex once before, now he was interfering with their autonomy over  _ their  _ child. Elena  _ was not  _ his daughter, forcibly meeting with her like this made Maggie feel more like he didn’t respect them or their potential wishes at all.

And it was slotting into a pattern of behavior. One that seemed more selfish than the loving, long lost, laboring for his daughters persona that he was portraying. She understood that she and Alex worked similar jobs, but Alex didn’t get to  _ know  _ her targets in the same way Maggie had to examine her perps. Jeremiah had sunk into a very concerning pattern indeed. Jeremiah  _ claimed  _ he was trying to protect his family, but his actions told an entirely different story. For a man who was trying to keep his daughters safe, he was working for an organization that threatened them directly. His ‘inside man job’ didn’t really make sense if he was actively helping Cadmus. Granted, he’d sabotaged the alien ship launch, or tried to.

But that was the rub. He’d disappeared right after that. And with his history of  _ already  _ being brainwashed, there was just no telling if he’d been brought even further into Cadmus’s hold, or if he’d given them the slip as well.

Why wasn’t he just  _ talking  _ to them if he wasn’t still working with Cadmus? What was stopping him? If it was to ‘protect’ them all, Maggie not only was having a hard time believing that, she was taking a little affront to it too. How many times have his daughters proven that they were more than capable of taking care of themselves?

She sighed, and tried to calm her thoughts. Going in circles over them wasn’t helping. She needed more to work with before she could even begin to profile him properly. The man was annoyingly hard to read.

Maggie bit her lip as she realized the real reason she was upset. Alex was a grown woman. She had been willing to help her with Jeremiah because she was an adult, and Maggie respected her decisions.

But that support apparently  _ did  _ have a hard stop, and not in a form that she ever anticipated. And that form currently had her nose smushed against the glass of a DEO lab. Winn was doing exactly as Maggie had asked and was inspecting Simba the Lion stitch by stitch.

She snorted as she remembered how Winn had eventually convinced Elena into letting him take Simba from her without throwing a tantrum.

“Mag, is Sima done?” Elena asked worriedly.

Somehow, Winn had convinced her that it was totally normal to come to the DEO for a ‘check-up’ like Hamilton had apparently done with Elena after she was found in her tank. Not that his explanation had at first convinced her that Simba was safe. She’d even held him tighter to her as her eyes welled up at the thought of her friend getting ‘stuck’ by needles, as she had put it.

Oh boy. Maggie already figured that she and Alex were going to have to sneak this toy away from her to wash the damn thing.

Assuming that everything was on the up-and-up with it. Maggie certainly hoped so, for Elena’s sake. This kid was already ride or die for her stuffed buddy, and Winn had to assure her emphatically that  _ he  _ would be looking after Simba, and that under  _ no  _ circumstances was Simba going to be ‘stuck’ or had his ‘eyes hurt’ with bright lights.

So, the nerd ended up putting mini-sunglasses over his eyes, and had a random white rag lying around to tie around the damn thing like a mini hospital smock.

And Winn claimed he was  _ bad  _ with kids Elena’s age.

“He’s gonna be alright, kid,” Maggie said. “Trust me, Winn’s got this.”

Elena shifted her weight from foot to foot, and from her reflection in the glass, she had Alex’s worried crinkle. Poor kid, Maggie felt a little bad about insisting on this ‘check-up.’ It was for Elena’s own good, but Maggie didn’t like seeing her so upset over this either.

But, that was what she was  _ supposed  _ to be doing, right? Putting Elena’s safety first? That was what… people who looked after children in a guardian-like role were meant for. So, Alex’s sudden insistence to throw their child into an unknown situation completely stumped her.

She glanced at Alex herself from across the giant operations room. Maggie couldn’t hear what she was saying from here, but Alex was currently attempting to speak with Vasquez. Nothing  _ too  _ unusual, for a normal day, but Maggie could read her facial expressions from here. Alex had a matching crinkle on her forehead. Yeah. Maggie would bet all the vegan ice cream in her freezer that Alex was up to something.

“It was awfully silent on our sudden ride to the DEO,” Eliza noted from behind her.

Maggie did her best not to jump, but from Eliza’s slightly amused expression, she wasn’t fooling anyone.

She sighed. On the one hand, she knew for a fact that Alex wasn’t all that keen to get Eliza’s perspective on this problem. Not only was her father a sore subject between them, but now she was on her ‘secretly track down a potential traitor with no backup, plan, or failsafe’ shtick.

And… well… that kinda pissed Maggie off. So, after mulling it over for just a few nanoseconds, she beckoned Eliza further away from Elena.

“Does this have anything to do with Elena’s brand new friend?” Eliza asked curiously.

Kara and Eliza were bound to have noticed Simba’s appearance. First of all, neither of them were stupid, and second, Elena had the thing glued to her immediately. Maggie really wondered just how Alex planned to keep her rogue investigation a secret. Her boss could read  _ minds. _

“Jeremiah gave it to her,” Maggie just came out with it. Rip it off like a bandaid. She didn’t  _ want  _ to beat around the bush. She understood that the Danvers were all going to be sensitive when it came to anything that had to do with him, but damn, Maggie was trying to solve something here. And the faster that happened, the faster they could potentially be reunited with him properly.

Why didn’t Alex understand  _ that? _

Almost immediately, Eliza’s warm expression closed off, and Maggie felt like she was getting a glimpse of what Alex would have dealt with as a kid. She resisted the urge to sigh. Maybe she shouldn’t be so harsh with Alex. Losing her father was something that still affected her to this day, it wasn’t hard to see. Just like the scars Maggie bore that were left behind by her parents, Alex carried her own.

But as Winn stepped out from the lab, a very intact Simba in hand, and triumphantly handed him back to Elena, Maggie was reminded of why she couldn’t really afford to tip-toe around this issue. Elena squealed delightedly and crushed the poor stuffed animal in a choke hold.

Eliza sucked in a deep breath, as though her lungs had stopped working for a moment. Maggie wouldn’t blame her if they did.

“I see,” she finally said.

Maggie waited her out.  _ This  _ was what she was good at. Getting to people, coaxing them into telling her the things they didn’t even know they wanted to share. Maggie wasn’t even going to entertain the bet that the Danvers women had never spoken to someone about losing Jeremiah. The odds weren’t the least bit fair.

“He seems to have the uncanny ability to appear suddenly, and around things that would be of interest to Cadmus,” Eliza noted, surprisingly bitterly.

“You’re upset with him,” Maggie prodded gently.

Her surprise must have been written all over her face. Really, Maggie hadn’t anticipated this reaction from Eliza. Jeremiah was her husband, and from the way Alex described them, they were pretty much made for each other. Though, Maggie now noted that Alex’s perception of events would have been colored from a teenager’s nostalgic view of a time before everything went wrong.

“Alex doesn’t tell me things nearly as often as I would like. I can understand many things about her job is classified, and I have never pried. But, I can’t say that I wouldn’t appreciate more updates from her about Cadmus and Jeremiah. She believes she’s protecting me, keeping me in the dark, but that only makes it worse. Even Kara won’t give me much information, and I can usually wear her down. J’onn, on the other hand, had told me more than a few things,” Eliza explained.

Maggie’s brows shot up. This conversation was turning out to be far more productive than she expected.

Eliza grimaced. “I kept Kara a secret for nearly fifteen years. I can handle a few snippets of sensitive information. He was my  _ husband,  _ and I think I deserve to know what exactly is happening with him. But, yes, it’s true. I am furious with Jeremiah. He put Alex in a position that wasn’t fair to her, and had the audacity to claim that what he is doing is for her own good.”

“Can’t say that I want to argue with you there,” Maggie muttered.

“And, knowing Alex, she’s not even thought of it that way,” Eliza sighed. “I’m going to guess that you’re the one who’s insisting Winn examine Elena’s toy.”

Maggie’s jaw tightened. She didn’t really  _ want  _ to effectively tattle on Alex, but damn, she needed to know if her suspicions made sense. On a deeper level, Maggie  _ knew  _ she was right about this. But Alex’s insistence over her father’s innocence was doggedly pervasive. Was she overreacting? Maggie didn’t think so, and she was determined to get to the bottom of all this.

“You’d be right,” Maggie finally said. “She wants to track him down. I just….  _ Why  _ wouldn’t he just talk to us first? Clearly, he knows how to give everyone the slip. If he didn’t want to be captured, he wouldn’t be. He had to have had  _ some way  _ to get into contact with us without getting caught.”

“He knows that Alex is the only one who would welcome him without question,” Eliza said with a sigh. “Kara, I’m told, had her doubts about him even before he betrayed us. And I… I told him that getting back together was not a possibility right now. We’d both changed so much….”

She looked like she was lost in thought for a moment, but then seemed to shake herself back into the present. “At any rate, we’ve all been with Alex since the moment she found Elena, aside from when we’ve left her apartment for them to sleep. I don’t know what it means that he didn’t try to approach her during those times, but I do know that I don’t like the way he’s done this any more than you do.”

Maggie wondered at that. People did very stupid things when they believed their spouses were no longer faithful to them. Not that Eliza had any blame in  _ not  _ immediately getting back into an active relationship after a fifteen year break. Maggie could definitely see her point of view.

But… did Jeremiah view her decision in the same light? What would have kept a man in his position going? Clearly, Alex and Kara were very big motivators for him, even if he was outright terrible at keeping their feelings in mind. Eliza was his wife, and that was not a relationship that could so easily be swept away. If he’d kept them  _ all  _ in his thoughts as he tried his best to survive his ordeal, and then returned only to hear that his wife was not interested in continuing their marriage?

Well, Maggie wondered at just what sort of thoughts and motives that man would have after outright betraying his entire family.

All of this was only going to make dealing with Alex harder. It’s not like Maggie wanted to get into Jeremiah’s thought process for his sake. She was still upset at him, and she believed that the man was making a lot of terrible choices and was refusing to see how his actions were hurting his family. Brainwashing or not.

Alex, on the other hand, was still very raw over his loss, and Maggie was starting to realize that she always would be. If any closure was going to be had for her, Jeremiah was going to have to be captured alive, and relatively unharmed. Maggie didn’t trust Alex to be objective about this. She was going to try to find him, and then he was probably going to manipulate her.

Which meant that Maggie was going to have to find him on her own.

She hated that his safety was pretty much becoming the lynch pin to her fa—to Elena and Alex’s safety. Once they found Jeremiah, it was highly likely they’d be able to follow his trail right back to Cadmus, and Maggie would not be able to fully trust Elena’s complete safety until that organization was dead and buried.

And she thought her  _ work  _ case was hard.

Maggie rubbed at her temples. “We have to find him,” she said flatly. “Before Alex does, and before Cadmus hears about Elena, if they haven’t already.”

“Yeah… about that,” Winn’s guilt tinged voice interrupted them.

Maggie leveled her coldest glare at him. “What did you do, Schott.”

He blanched, and almost took an entire step back. “I didn’t just give it to her because she threatened me! I knew she wouldn’t have actually been able to do anything…. It’s just… I figured it would be better if we knew exactly what Alex was looking for, so… I gave her what she asked for. Vasquez did too.”

Goddammit. Maggie rubbed at her temples. “And what is she after?”

“Anything that had to do with Elena’s pod. Which Cadmus base it came from, anything we could find out about who actually designed it. Cadmus’s last known whereabouts,” Winn listed off. “She was more interested in the Cadmus facility we raided. I think she’s gone off to look and see if she could find anything we missed the first time around.”

Which meant that Alex probably wasn’t going to find anything, Maggie noted. Alex was brilliant, one of the most intelligent people Maggie had ever met. But… Maggie was the better detective. She certainly hoped that would have been the case regardless, but there was a reason Maggie beat the DEO—and therefore Alex herself on many occasions—to crime scenes. Alex wasn’t great with people. She liked the science side of crime solving. She and the DEO often underestimated what information they could get by simply asking the right people.

“Who designed the tank?” She demanded.

“Well… that’s the interesting bit of it,” Winn said slowly. “I think the tank itself was acquired from Lex’s days of Superman fighting. But… it was a Kryptonian tank. It shouldn’t have been able to splice  _ human _ DNA together to create a viable embryo. Someone else was working on finding a way to help infertile couples have children. And then Cadmus reappropriated the tech. Trust me, Cadmus coding isn’t the best. No documentation to think of. But… I  _ have  _ watched someone else code in the exact same way the human side of the tech was written. It’s like,” Winn whistled appreciatively. “Notes for ages. Neatest coding I’ve ever seen, even under pressure. I was more than a little jealous. That kind of attention to detail  _ and  _ the speed she had?”

“Winn!” Maggie demanded impatiently. “Give me a  _ name.” _

“Lena Luthor. I’m pretty sure Cadmus stole her code for this,” Winn finally said.

Maggie sighed. “Great. You know,  _ I  _ was the one who arrested her? Wouldn’t be surprised if she wouldn’t want to say a word to me.”

Eliza shook her head. “Oh, no. Lena’s really a sweet girl, if a little standoffish at first. Of course, considering her family, I can’t say that I blame her. She’s not going to hold you doing your job against you. Also… I’m positive that if you even simply mention Elena and where she came from, Lena wouldn’t be able to resist seeing the results of her technology for herself.”

She hoped that was the case. Maggie hadn’t really interacted with Lena directly since her arrest besides a paltry few get-togethers at Kara’s apartment. And they were all there with a group, where there was no way for the two of them to interact one-on-one or even wish to. Maggie was more concerned with what would happen if Lena didn’t want to speak with her alone.

But… maybe Eliza was right about Elena. Even if revealing her existence to Lena wasn’t really something Maggie was jumping at the bit to do. She got it, really, Kara had been right about Lena Luthor in the end. But… just like with Jeremiah, it was difficult to tell who was watching, and Lillian Luthor could very be keeping tabs on her daughter.

“Mag!” Elena came skidding down the hallway, apparently finished with inspecting Simba. She slammed right into Maggie’s legs, and beamed up at her, stuffed lion gripped in one hand. “Winn says Sima okays!”

Maggie had to brace herself against Winn to keep herself from toppling right over. “That’s great, kid,” she snorted, still unable to believe that Winn had managed to find little sunglasses for the thing, sunglasses that Elena still had him wearing.

“I wanna hold you,” Elena said, and reached her arms up.

“Aww,” Winn said sweetly. “That’s adorable. You guys are adorable. Forget favorite couple, you’re like my favorite family.”

“Shut it, Schott, and go hack me into Lena Luthor’s schedule, or something,” Maggie glared while she lifted Elena into her arms.

Elena immediately wrapped her arms around Maggie’s neck and rested her head on her shoulder, completely killing the intimidation factor she’d been going for. Winn was grinning widely, apparently delighted by the very sight of Maggie carrying a small child.

“She’s like a mini version of you, but with Alex’s expressions,” he continued. “Isn’t it adorable?” He asked Eliza cheerily.

Eliza was grinning too, but it was more teasingly than anything else. “Oh, very adorable. She went right for you, Maggie. Didn’t even give us the time of day.”

Maggie  _ tried  _ not to glare at Eliza. She didn’t think it would be very appropriate to glare at her ex-future-mother-in-law. Besides, she did respect Eliza. However… she was also very aware that the woman knew how to stir the pot.

“Just her favorite person, is all,” Maggie shrugged, as if being a small child’s favorite person was something she would have ever aspired to.

Winn looked offended. “What?! I’m the one who got Simba hooked up with those awesome shades!”

Maggie scoffed. “Come off it, Schott. Clearly I’m the obvious choice here. I introduced the kid to the Lion King in the first place. I’m officially the cooler person.”

“No way. What about—“

“Shh!” Elena grumpily cut in. “I’s tryin to seeps!”

She couldn’t help it. That was funny as hell. Maggie burst out laughing, which caused Elena to pull back from her and glare at her indignantly.

“Mag, stops  _ movin,”  _ Elena demanded, completely affronted by her chosen place to nap had the audacity to not stay still enough for sleeping.

“Whoa, whoa, kid,” Maggie chortled. “I’m sorry. You just crack me up, is all. Here, how about we hook you up with a place to really sleep? Your mommy’s office has a couch still, probably.”

But Elena forcefully clamped onto Maggie’s neck again. “I wanna stays with  _ you.  _ Don’t wanna go nowhere.”

Maggie looked at Eliza, unsure of what this was. Yeah, okay, this pretty much proved that Elena liked her more than just a little bit. But this clinginess was something Maggie had never seen from her before. Not that it bothered Maggie, or anything. Really, after the carseat incident, and then the slide disaster, it was nice to know that the kid didn’t hate her.

“She’s just being a little grumpy,” Eliza said. “Nothing to worry about. Alex got clingy too when she was tired. Though, mostly with Jeremiah.”

Did Jeremiah remember these moments? The one Maggie was actually living through right now? Did he ever think about a small Alex clinging to him just because she wanted to take a nap? Did he even realize what that Alex had probably adored him so much, that she could literally just go to sleep on top of his shoulder anywhere, just like Elena was doing with Maggie?

Maggie hoped he did, because she suspected that was the father Alex preferred to remember. It was how Maggie had liked to remember her own father too. The same man who had allowed her to wear his badge when he got home from a long day at work and chased her around the house after what may have been some very hard cases. Working the same job, taking care of Elena... It made Maggie question even more how he had just dumped her without so much of a backward glance.

No, Maggie decided as she looked down at Elena. She couldn’t see anything but a mass of dark hair, her face was totally buried in Maggie’s neck. But… she could feel how Elena’s breaths evened out against her skin, and how she completely relaxed against her as she fell asleep.

She would never be able to make the same choice her father had.

And… didn’t that mean she planned to stick around and  _ parent  _ Elena? She… she supposed it did. And not in any half-measures either. The dreaded ‘mother’ title was… not making her want to shudder right now. If anything… Maggie felt cautiously optimistic about it.

Maggie  _ really  _ needed to talk to Alex. The only problem was that Alex was being a stubborn idiot right now and was refusing to see Maggie’s reluctance towards Jeremiah as  _ reasonable caution,  _ instead of ‘lock him up in the depths of the DEO and never allow him to see the light of day again.’

Nope, her stubborn idiot was currently investigating an abandoned warehouse seemingly on the ‘down-low’ and wasn’t even physically present. Maggie missed exactly when Alex had left the DEO between now and her original conversation with Eliza, but she was definitely gone now.

“Alex will come to her senses soon,” Eliza said, breaking Maggie from her thoughts. “She always has.”

“Yeah,” Maggie said tiredly. “I just wish she’d do it a little faster.”

“I’m just afraid that he either gets himself killed, or that Alex will end up seeing that he may no longer be the man she knew,” Eliza’s voice was sad, and she had every right to be. This entire situation was insane.

And… okay, maybe Maggie could cut Alex  _ some  _ slack here. There weren’t any books out there that taught people what they should do to manage their brainwashed, terrorist parents. Instead, Maggie was going to focus on Alex’s decision to just  _ run off,  _ and not include Maggie in her investigation at all. Weren’t they supposed to be partners? Alex had called  _ Maggie  _ out on her flighty behavior earlier in this wild trip of ‘surprise, tank, oops baby.’

_ What the  _ hell _ , Danvers? _

Oh no. Maggie was going to get to the bottom of this. Elena was probably safer here in the DEO or with Kara than anywhere else she probably could be. After Elena woke up from her nap, Maggie was going to hit the pavement, and see if she could track down a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, they're still mad-ish at each other, and Alex has gone rogue. This chapter is heavy on thoughts, mostly to get Maggie perfectly placed mentally for a later scene... one of those few scenes I referred to that were planned from the outset.... Otherwise, it's working on stuff that's always been part of my pet peeves with the show itself. Helen Slater, who plays Eliza, probs can't make too many episodes, being a guest star. That's cool, I'm fine with that. However... man, sometimes they just forget about her character in the strangest places. Like, when Reign beat the shit out of Kara, she almost *died* ffs. Not even a mention of her name. In reality, Alex would have probably at least consulted with her because Eliza and Jeremiah are/were the leading experts on Krypotonian biology respectively. J'onn probably would have actually flew her over to help with care. I get it, she's a polarizing character, so some people might not care, but... I'm a stickler for this stuff. She's here, an existing character, with a background that gives her far more relevance than the show utilizes. They pick and choose when to use that expertise seemingly arbitrarily, like with the Cadmus virus in S2.
> 
> I'm not saying she needed to physically be there for that Reign episode in particular, but a mention would have been nice. If only to keep my Canon-Stickler-Troll happy. Aside from that, I don't know exactly how much in the loop they keep her, the show doesn't go into it, and that's fine it works, but I can't imagine that Eliza would be happy with being kept in the dark about Jeremiah's case. She might not want to get back together with him at this point, but he's still the biological father of one of her daughters, and the partner who she agreed with taking in the other. Clearly someone extremely important in her life. And this is not just her character, I see this happen in all sorts of things. If the relationship is 'older' than the main ship of any media, said media and its fans... take it for granted, I think. Or worse, portray them as having a less emotionally intimate relationship than the other ships so. Like, "Ew, they're parents. Gross, they don't love each other as much because apparently children + 20 years of marriage = stagnation."
> 
> I'm just saying... switch Alex and Maggie with them. It's an AU. Alex and Maggie are scientists, don't have combat skills, and Maggie disappears one day, presumed dead. They love each other just as much in this AU as they do in canon, Alex just lacks the skills and means in such a fundamental way that she can't even hope to look for her. And then... Maggie shows up alive 15 years later. Jesus, imagine THAT angst fest.
> 
> Okay, so this ended up being an Eliza rant. I've said before that I'm part of her Defense Force. But, this chapter also is here to remind Maggie that she's not bizarrely out to hurt her daughter under the guise of 'protecting her' like Jeremiah is with Alex. Puts some things in perspective when it comes realizing just *what* a parent actually looks like....


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex tries to investigate her father's whereabouts on her own. Too bad she has all these pesky friends and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by my new mechanical keyboard. Switched to Cherry MX Blue switches from my old keyboard which had brown switches. And... oooooh... my... gooooood, it's so fucking heavenly to type on this thing. The clicks. The clacks. It's probably singlehandedly the main reason I managed to get through this chapter so quickly. It's outside of my usual skill set, but I pushed through it because it so great to type each and every character on this damn keyboard lmao.

Alex was watching a seemingly empty warehouse from across the street in a nondescript sedan than she ordinarily would never have been caught dead in.

She would have taken the SUV, but Elena’s car seat was still in there, and she didn’t want to strand Maggie and Elena. And since her motorcycle was still at home, here she was… in the lamest car anyone could have possibly imagined.

Why couldn’t the DEO get Chargers like the NCPD? It was the  _ one  _ thing Alex would admit that the police department did better than them, and Maggie never let her forget it.

She quickly tried to clear her thoughts. Alex didn’t want to think about Maggie right now. She was still upset with her. She had hoped Maggie would be able to see that her father probably hadn’t realized what he was doing, but apparently Alex was still the only person willing to keep his brainwashed  state in mind.

Alex sighed heavily. There had been no movement in the warehouse. Not that she really expected there to be any, but she was on her own, investigating a confirmed Cadmus site. The DEO may have already raided it, but there was never anything certain about Cadmus and Lillian Luthor.

She got out of the sedan and started to walk to the warehouse’s entrance. It had been chained shut, but padlocks were almost a laughably bad attempt at security. One nearby pipe provided the leverage she needed to snap the lock open. Honestly, Alex was already breaking into these kinds of padlocks when she was a teenager sneaking out.

She’d successfully gained access, at least. Alex slowly and cautiously walked inside. Despite what Maggie or their family might think, Alex was doing this as carefully as she could. It wasn’t as though she was sprinted headlong after her father without looking where she was going first…

“Alex, what are you looking to find here?”

The voice very nearly caused Alex to turn around and fire on its owner. Instead, she recognized it immediately, and Alex heaved a giant sigh. Apparently, all of her care was for nothing.

“I’m not looking for your approval, J’onn,” Alex said firmly. “I have to do this.”

J’onn stepped into the warehouse with her. Alex should have known she’d never would have been able to hide this from him.

“Like this? Alone, without anyone to help you?”

Alex grit her teeth. Everyone kept trying to make this so simple. Her father was not himself, and Alex needed to find some way to free him. Because if she didn’t, no one would.

“Yeah, you’d help me find him, only to lock him away,” Alex said angrily. “What do you want, J’onn? I’m surprised you haven’t tried shifting into him again to keep me from going off.”

J’onn shook his head. “No, I’m not going to do that. It was a mistake the first time, and I apologize for manipulating you that way. But, the fact remains, Alex, that you’re on your own, chasing a very dangerous lead, without any of your friends, family, or even coworkers behind you. And the last thing I want is to see you getting hurt. I doubt that’s what your father would want as well.”

“No,” Alex said as she turned away to continue walking inside. “I don’t want to hear about what you  _ think  _ he’d want. I want to ask him myself. This has gone on for too long. I promised that I was going to save him from Cadmus, and that’s what I’m doing.”

“Promised who?” J’onn asked as he followed her.

Alex began to sweep over their surroundings with a flashlight. This looked to be an ordinary, abandoned warehouse. Open storage containers lined the walls, there was dust everywhere, and some old, grimly looking office furniture sat in the middle of the room, along with some dust covered desks.

If Cadmus had ever used this warehouse they probably hid their operations from plain view.

“What are you trying to get at?” Alex asked. She was getting more than a little tired of all this. It was exhausting trying to chase after her father in the first place. She wasn’t really in the mood to examine her motivations at the moment.

J’onn sighed. “I’m getting at the fact that you seem to be unable to view your father objectively.”

“ _ Objectively?”  _ Alex repeated angrily. “What’s there to be objective about? My father was kidnapped after saving your life, spent over a decade in captivity, and was brainwashed into betraying his country, family, and morals. I don’t know how you could get more objective than that.”

He nodded thoughtfully, and Alex got the distinct impression that she was getting evaluated for something.

“I agree with everything you’re saying. What happened to Jeremiah and your family is a tragedy, and one I wish I could have prevented. I am not saying that Jeremiah is consciously choosing to harm any of us. What I am trying to help you see is that perhaps he’s not in his right mind. Even when it comes to you and Kara, and by extension, Elena.”

“He’d never hurt her,” Alex insisted. She was peeking into the storage containers, one by one, trying to find some hidden clue. Alex was hoping for a secret entrance to the real lair Cadmus had been using.

“There is no way we could possibly know that,” J’onn told her. “Cadmus could have programmed all kinds of triggers in his mind, and he could turn on even his loved ones if they decided to activate a latent command.”

“You know what? I don’t want to talk about my father,” Alex growled out. “I want to find out where Cadmus put a damn secret door, and figure out exactly what they had been doing here. Winn told me this was a site they were using to develop potential super soldiers with the tank and Kara’s DNA, but beyond that everything is annoyingly vague. Are you going to help me, or are you going to be a distraction?”

J’onn sighed, but apparently chose the latter. That was just fine with Alex. She had no problem ignoring him if he chose to push the issue. She knew she was probably being a little disrespectful, and perhaps J’onn was even humoring her here instead of immediately ordering Alex back to the DEO.

But, maybe he knew this was something Alex  _ needed  _ to do. This was where all of her attention was directed. All of her single-minded determination was being thrown at this mystery and would not be deterred until she got  _ some  _ answers.

They searched the warehouse in silence, and Alex’s thoughts continued to race. She was more than aware that she might not find anything here. But… Alex hadn’t worked this raid. There was a good shot that something was missed. Not that she thought she couldn’t trust her fellow agents, it was just… no one had the attention to detail like she did.

Container after container they searched. These were the giant, shipping containers that were made out of metal siding. She didn’t know what Cadmus had been shipping in them. There appeared to be no sign left of their contents. Alex was trying not to get frustrated. This was her first stop. It was a long shot that there would be anything here, she was just trying to track Cadmus, and it had been months since they’d used this facility.

It didn’t mean anything, her dad was still out there, and this was all going to get solved in time. So long as she was patient…

Right?

Alex grit her teeth. No. Admittedly, she was feeling  _ very  _ impatient. She wanted to see her father  _ as soon as possible.  _ Not months or years from now. It seemed like every time she was close to getting him back, he disappeared back into the ether. Taken from her again and again by terrible people or circumstances.

And, damn, she was getting tired of it.

Alex was about to admit that they weren’t going to be finding anything here, when she spotted a suspicious lack of dust in the corner of one of the containers. Alex quickly knelt down to take a closer look.

There were faint footprints leading out of the container, and towards the entrance of the warehouse. It seemed that the footprints started from nowhere. They couldn’t be traced back anywhere besides this oddly clean section in the container.

Alex’s eyes narrowed.

She stood up, and began to feel around the walls. There was  _ something  _ here after all. Her finger caught on a small latch. Alex pulled it, and now she was looking at a bonafide secret passageway. Why were they always so dramatic?

“J’onn! I found something,” Alex called out. “What do you think?” She asked as he joined her.

“We didn’t find anything like this in the first sweep,” J’onn admitted.

Alex  _ tried  _ not to feel smug about that. But the glare that J’onn sent her way let her know she hadn’t succeeded. Alex shrugged and started to make her way into the passageway.

“Don’t even think about calling for backup, J’onn,” she said. “First squad missed this in their raid, they already bungled it. Might as well see what we can find.”

J’onn’s grunt told her that he wasn’t  _ happy,  _ but could concede that they would probably do a better job investigating this than inviting a good two dozen people to stomp through.

“Besides, I know you probably have Winn listening in,” Alex said. “I figured he’d rat me out as soon as he left.”

“He’s worried about you,” J’onn refuted. “We all are. We just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Yes, but we don’t know what your father and Cadmus are doing.”

“Nothing good,” Alex said as she stepped into a huge room. The passageway had been on a sharp decline, and circled around farther and farther underground. Probably to hide its destination from Supergirl’s X-ray vision.

Around her, along the walls of the room, were at least six tanks similar to Elena’s. Five of them were broken, the glass strewn along the floor as if to suggest that they’d been broken by something  _ inside  _ the tanks. The sixth… its contents were still inside, and from what Alex could tell, was long dead.

She stepped closer and wiped at the dust covered glass. It was odd. Someone had been in here recently. Other sections of the room were cleared of dust and debris, but this tank and a few pockets practically had inches of dirt and grime on them.

Within the tank was something… alien. Alex had no idea what she was looking at. No species she had ever seen before. What she could guess, was that whatever this was, it was on the cusp of full maturity. The size alone suggested that it had been incubating in the tank for a good while until something interrupted the tank’s power source and likely starved it of nutrients.

“What were they doing in here?” Alex asked aloud. “I had thought they were using tanks like Elena’s for growing Cadmus soldiers. I thought Elena’s tank was the  _ only  _ prototype that they had.”

J’onn stepped up and examined the tank for himself.

“Kryptonians were not the only species to experiment with reproduction technology and cloning. They were simply the best at it. This tank… does not appear Kryptonian. In fact, all of these tanks come from different alien technologies. If I had to guess, I would say that Cadmus has been experimenting on all of this technology to find the best for their purposes. Perhaps this experiment was interrupting during our raid, and caused the death of this subject,” he said.

Alex hated to think of Elena like a Cadmus experiment subject. They were creating  _ living  _ beings for their own, crazed purposes, and that disgusted her. Was there a line Cadmus wouldn’t cross? None of this was ethical by any stretch of the imagination, and while Alex expected Lillian Luthor and her ilk to play fast and loose with ethics, this was so far and beyond the pale that it made her sick.

Cadmus seemed to have no qualms about creating life and then immediately enslaving it from the very first breath it took. Imagining Elena in that same situation very nearly caused Alex to vomit.

“She would never have been here, Alex,” J’onn said reassuringly. “You and Maggie created her after her tank was confiscated. She was safe.”

Alex shook her head. “I know. But… what about the rest of them?” She gestured at the tanks. “They were all Elena once. They had to have time to fully mature. They were robbed of their lives, and thrust into a world where they’ve been brainwashed into thinking they’re nothing but servants or soldiers. That’s… that’s horrible. Even for Cadmus.”

“It is,” he agreed. “But, now I want to know  _ what  _ they were creating.”

He moved about the room, and Alex started to look for any kind of computer. Something had controlled these tanks. They would have needed instructions about internal temperature settings as well as nutrient cycles. She hoped that they hadn’t removed the computers in the aftermath of the raid.

As she searched through one of the many desks in this wide ‘room’—it was really more of a floor—Alex found what she was looking for.

Covered in dust, it seemed that whoever had been here recently was not interested in learning what this computer could tell them. Alex half feared that it wouldn’t turn on at all. Carefully, she dusted it off, and blew through one of the exhaust ports. The dust dramatically exploded right back at her, triggering one of the worst coughing fits Alex had suffered through in some time.

“Oh, sh-shouldn’t… have d-done that,” Alex choked out.

“Alex, I feel I should tell you something,” J’onn’s amused voice came a bit further from her position. “I do have Winn monitoring this ‘mission.’”

Great. He was going to have jokes next time he saw her. Alex rolled her eyes as she got her coughing back under control. She  _ supposed  _ it was only fair to him, considering how she’d threatened him for information in the first place.

“Does this place have any power coming to it?” Alex asked as she looked over the tower. It didn’t seem damaged, just obviously neglected.

“I doubt it. There wouldn’t have been anyone to pay for utilities. Though, in any case, I would prefer Winn looked it over when we return to the DEO. The files on it might be encrypted. Any unauthorized access could trigger a wipe.”

Right. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d accidentally lost Cadmus data in that manner. Alex was just getting more and more impatient. She could have found something critically important to Cadmus operations here, and while it wasn’t directly connected to her father, it could lead her in the right direction.

She just needed to remind herself to be patient. For what felt like the hundredth time.

“Did you find anything?” Alex asked.

“No. Just more shattered glass and broken tanks,” J’onn answered. “I’ll get a retrieval team to remove the tank with the… deceased specimen. It is not a species I remotely recognize. Hopefully you’ll be able to identify its genetic markers in the lab. Are you satisfied, Agent Danvers? Do you think we will be able to find anything more here?”

She could hear an undercurrent of exasperation in his voice. Alex figured he was probably disappointed in her decision to  _ attempt  _ to go rogue, and while that disappointment would normally sting, Alex couldn’t find it in her to care this time. She was  _ so close  _ to finally getting what she’d been wanting for years. And she wasn’t about to give up this chance for regulations. Cadmus didn’t play by the rules, and Alex was starting the realize that she was going to have to break a few of her own to catch up with them.

J’onn’s grimace told her that he didn’t at all agree, and Alex made a note to try and quiet her thoughts. The excitement of this potential discovery was getting to her.

The sound of cracking glass echoed through the room.

Alex immediately ducked behind the desk and pulled out her alien gun. She peeked her head out as carefully as she could, trying to get a line of sight on the intruder.

Granted, they were intruders too…

That line of thought immediately evaporated the moment Alex saw what was standing at the mouth of the passageway.

It was… a  _ thing. _

That much was apparent.

But it seemed to be more similar to the specimen in the tank. An altogether unidentifiable alien creature. Being out of the tank, it was much easier to get a look at its features. It’s skin was a leathery green. It was bipedal, and had hulking arms that ended in sharp, scythe like talons.

Why’d they always have to have claws?

Its eyes were entirely red, and glowing. Reminded Alex more than a little of Martian eye. Though, it’s face ended in an a snout that resembled an alligator’s. Razor sharp teeth included.

All of this was spelling out an experiment to give Cadmus hearty, alien foot soldiers. Not something Alex had expected, but perhaps that’s all Cadmus thought aliens were good for: serving  _ humanity. _

And just before Alex could call out for the alien to stop, it…  _ shapeshifted.  _ The monstrous form melted away, leaving a nondescript human man in its place. Well, the implications of  _ this  _ weren’t good at all.

“Freeze! Put your hands up!” Alex called out. “You’re trespassing on a crime scene!”

Alex  _ really  _ hadn’t expected him to comply. She never really did, and was always prepared for any response. So, when the alien gave out a monstrous roar, and started to sprint out of the room, Alex gave chase.

If they could capture a  _ living  _ specimen of whatever it was that Cadmus was trying to create, then she’d be able to piece together what in the hell they were up to, and how to stop it, that much easier. J’onn’s pounding footsteps echoed from behind her, and they gave chase.

For the giant that hid within, the alien did not seem at all keen to fight them. It ran faster than Alex expected, and she had to push herself to keep up. As it sprinted out of the passageway and through the container that hid this nightmare experiment, it started to throw abandoned office furniture and debris at them. Alex ducked and weaved around his attacks, while J’onn seemed content to shift into his Martian form to bat them away.

The thing was caught between watching where it was going and keeping an eye on Alex and J’onn to continue its assault. It’s attention was so focused on escape, Alex didn’t think it realized what was chasing it until it got right to the door.

It spotted J’onn, and Alex could see its eyes widen as it skidded to a stop. She and J’onn stopped too, unsure of what it was going to do. Alex kept her gun trained on it just in case.

They were all breathing harshly, and that was the only sound in the warehouse for the longest moment. Alex was still glad they hadn’t called in backup. All it would take was a trigger-happy rookie agent to lose his nerve in this moment and make the situation that much worse.

J’onn winced and put a hand to his head.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Alex demanded, preparing to fire if this creature was acting against him.

“I… argh, it’s… trying to  _ communicate  _ with me,” J’onn grunted out.

Communicate? Telepathically? Alex could count the amount of aliens who could do that on one hand.

“What’s it saying?”

J’onn shook his head. “Nothing I can understand. It’s attempting to connect with my mind  _ very  _ crudely. And doesn’t seem to be communicating in a language.”

This was truly becoming more weird by the moment. And Alex was  _ used  _ to weird.

The creature seemed frustrated by their lack of understanding. It hissed harshly and made for the door again. Alex fired, the shot just glanced off the creature’s shoulder. It didn’t stop, the bolt apparently having not fazed it at all.

They resumed chase, but the thing was  _ even faster  _ in the open, without any objects to get in its way. Alex was afraid they were going to lose it.

And then Kara slammed into it.

“About time you two came out,” Kara grumbled as she pinned the alien.

“You brought Kara too?” Alex asked J’onn indignantly.

He shrugged. “It was hardly a matter of me  _ bringing  _ her. Your sister can be remarkably stubborn, and decided to follow me of her own free will.”

Alex rolled her eyes. Right. Figures they’d gang up on her.

DEO vans were already skidding into the warehouse parking lot and, soon enough, dozens of agents were on scene, already securing the alien. And once Kara was free to move, practically teleported to stand before Alex, arms crossed, glaring sternly at her.

“What was  _ this?”  _ Kara demanded. “You get  _ one  _ sign that Jeremiah is alive, and you blow us all off to try and track him down by yourself?  _ Didn’t you learn from the last time?!” _

Alex sighed. Kara was more than upset with her. She seemed to be  _ furious.  _ Alex could already feel her hackles rising.

“What I  _ learned  _ from last time is that we can’t afford to just sit around! Dad was directly involved with the alien kidnappings last time, and I ended up too late to save him. If I’d been allowed to  _ properly  _ investigate the first time around, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

“What situation?” Kara demanded. “The one where you attempt to go alone to butt your nose in what could have been a trap infested abandoned Cadmus base, found a literal monster, and would have been attacked if J’onn or I hadn’t been here?”

“I can take care of myself, Kara. I  _ have  _ trained for this,” Alex growled out.

Kara rubbed at her temples. “Do you know how upset Maggie is with you right now? She’s investigating Jeremiah too, just to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. Elena’s without her mothers because  _ you  _ refuse to work with the rest of us!”

“And what are the rest of you doing?” Alex demanded. “Because it seems like you’re more interested in spying on me than trying to pinpoint Cadmus’s current base.”

“Rao, you’re being impossible,” Kara muttered. “If he wanted to see us, he would have. Don’t you realize that? He says he cares about us, but I haven’t seen him since he betrayed us. He may have taken your side by sabotaging the alien launch, but where is he now? Not here, with his family. You’re  _ both  _ forgetting that we’re stronger together, and it’s going to get one or both of you hurt. Or  _ worse.  _ Don’t make his mistakes, Alex.”

Alex knew,  _ knew  _ that she had made a huge mistake by accusing Kara of not being a real part of their family the last time their father had come between them. And she was close,  _ so close,  _ to lashing out again. She didn’t understand why Kara wasn’t trying to help Jeremiah, instead of condemning him, but she didn’t want to argue about it either.

“I’ll be in the lab,” she said through gritted teeth as she brushed past her sister.

“And what about Elena? Are you going to stay in there all night? You can’t pull days long research binges anymore!” Kara called out after her.

She could have both. Alex wanted both. She  _ wanted _ her whole family back. And she wasn’t going to stop until she had it. Kara was making a mistake. There was no reason they had to choose between getting their father back, and fighting Cadmus. And Alex was going to prove that. The alien was on its way back to the DEO, and she was going to find out what exactly it was made of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is still being a dummy. But... we have gotten very interesting Cadmus developments from Alex's stubborn dummy-ness. Though, despite Alex's less than ideal position on her father, I do feel a bit bad for her. She never did properly deal with his loss, and it shows with her outright maddening decision making when it comes to Jeremiah. J'onn, I think, knows this very well, which is why he humors her so much in this chapter. Alex is not going to stop until she gets some answers, or sees for herself that Jeremiah could be making some very different choices.
> 
> J'onn has never needed defenders like Eliza has, but I'm nonetheless here for him too. He's basically Alex's real dad in this scene. Trying to convince her to stop, but allowing her to make her own decisions and mistakes at the same time. Babying her isn't going to get anyone anywhere, so he just lets her have at it.
> 
> And of course, this entire subject is not complete without some Kara and Alex arguments. They see Jeremiah in fundamentally different ways at this point. That is not to say that I think Kara doesn't love Jeremiah, but she—more than anyone else in this show besides perhaps Winn—has had to learn that her parents are not the perfect people she thought they were. And that was just with her biological parents. Coming off those lessons, she is in a much better position to view Jeremiah on the merits of his present actions, and not on the memories she has of him. In contrast, Alex has never learned those same lessons, she's not had the opportunity to yet. So... I think this would still cause some friction between the two of them if the CW would remember that Jeremiah's storyline has yet to be resolved and brought it back....


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie gets her meeting with Lena Luthor. She might not trust her, but Maggie quickly realizes that she's going to do whatever she can to keep her daughter safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this chapter was actually harder than I thought it would be to write. Had to do a complete rewrite of the first half of this chapter because it just wasn't working. But, it's here now, and thank my beta for making sure this isn't awful lol.

Maggie strolled into L-Corp with a confidence she wasn’t really feeling. Anything could happen in this meeting, and she didn’t know Lena well enough to even begin to guess how this was going to go. But, if there was one thing that Maggie Sawyer was known for, it was her swagger and her ability to play a room. She and Winn had tried to hack into Lena’s personal schedule, but that had proved… difficult. Apparently Luthor had some pretty damn beefy IT security. Winn had been more than a little put out that he’d been stonewalled. Maggie  _ would  _ have teased him over it too if this meeting wasn’t so urgent.

So, while she and Winn brainstormed for a way to get into Lena’s office, Vasquez and J’onn prepared to go after Alex. Maggie had hated the fact that she wasn’t able to chase after her hard-headed ex herself, but she had a mission of her own to get through. Frankly, Maggie had been afraid that she wasn’t going to be able to find a way to get into contract with Lena. But… then Kara had stepped into the ops floor.

It hadn’t taken much to convince Kara to text Lena. Even while she was preoccupied with chasing after Alex herself. Maggie  _ almost  _ felt sorry for Alex. Kara could be very persistent, and now she had a worried Supergirl going after her. But then again, that was precisely what Alex needed right now. For the people that cared about her to hound after her. And who was better at hounding after Alex Danvers than her little sister? Maggie would very much like to meet them.

At any rate, Kara had practically lit up at the thought of texting Luthor, and while that tidbit had tripped something in the back of Maggie’s mind, she was too preoccupied to think about it too much. Little Danvers was weird enough as it was, and adding in Lena Luthor apparently made her act even weirder. Maggie was content to leave her to it. Both Danvers sisters could be huge dorks.

With Lena apparently expecting her, Maggie was now stepping into L-Corp’s foyer. She  _ could  _ just got to the front desk and drop her name. But, Maggie didn’t know who was watching. There was  _ always  _ the concern that Lillian Luthor was tracking every single thing that entered or exited her daughter’s life. Maggie ordinarily wouldn’t be afraid of Lillian Luthor knowing about her, but taking this chance to communicate with Lena meant that she risked Lillian zeroing in on her. And zeroing in on Maggie could mean that she could find out about Elena.

Not something Maggie relished, and that was only assuming that Lillian didn’t know about Elena  _ already.  _ God, she hoped that she didn’t know about Elena.

Maggie forcibly pushed that fear out of her mind. She couldn’t afford to focus on what ifs right now. It wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She needed to keep her head in the here and now. With her mind focused on the task at hand, Maggie concentrated on appearing as nonchalant as she possibly could. Thankfully, no one gave her much mind in the foyer. There were so many people entering and exiting different elevators on the ground floor that it was simple for Maggie to sneak her way into the middle of a pack.

She made sure to dress in business casual. Being a lesbian in law enforcement, Maggie could concede that she  _ might  _ fit a few stereotypes. Her closet was one such thing. But, hey, it came in handy.

It was to her advantage that she’d been the one to arrest Lena in the end. Maggie knew where Lena’s office was located, and all it took was pretending to answer some emails on her phone and studiously ignoring everyone else getting on or off the elevator as it took her to the top floor of L-Corp. Maggie had learned early on in her career that simply  _ pretending  _ she belonged could open a lot of doors that one wouldn’t think would be open to her.

L-Corp’s top executive office was apparently one such door. Maggie marveled at the fact that she was being allowed to just  _ stroll in.  _ With as many attempts on her life as Lena apparently suffered through, Maggie would have expected to run into some kind of security. Surely someone should have noticed that she wasn’t supposed to be here? If Maggie was Lena, she’d sure as hell review her security team.

The elevator opened to a small waiting area. Two heavy doors blocked Maggie’s entrance into Lena’s office. As well as a sizable desk with a small woman sitting at it. Probably a secretary. Maggie could handle secretaries.

As she casually strolled up to the woman, Maggie tried to take in her mannerisms. The secretary hadn’t noticed her yet, or wasn’t going to give any indication that she had. She was typing at her computer, completely focused on her work, and only looked up once Maggie stood right in front of her.

Either the woman was unobservant, or she was completely devoted to her work. Maggie would bet on the second. Lena’s personal secretary probably wouldn’t even survive a single day if she didn’t notice what was happening around her. Professionally, or even just literally given all of Lena’s enemies.

“Can I help you?” The secretary asked politely.

“I’m here to meet with Lena Luthor,” Maggie answered, equally politely.

“Name?”

“Maggie Sawyer.”

She should have thought up a fake name and told Kara to give it to Lena. Was it paranoid? Maybe. Maggie was just so concerned about all of this. She almost felt like she was walking right into the lion’s den. Sure, Lena Luthor has proven her innocence more than once at this point. But… again, she had that damned connection with her mother. One that Lena probably couldn’t help, but just like with Jeremiah, Maggie couldn’t completely trust Lena until she  _ knew  _ that she wasn’t connected to Cadmus. Whether that connection was willing or not.

The secretary clicked several times at her computer, leaving them both into some rather terse silence. Apparently this woman was not overly concerned with making herself particularly warm towards her boss’s visitors.

“I’m not seeing any mention of your name,” the woman finally said, and landed a hard gaze right at Maggie. “Are you sure you have the right day?”

Damn. So, this wasn’t going to be as easy as simply walking through the door. Maybe this was the final line of Lena’s security? A very serious and by the book personal secretary?

Stranger things have happened in Maggie’s line of work.

“This was an unexpected meeting,” Maggie answered. “If you’d just let your boss know I’m here—”

“Ms. Sawyer, that’s not quite how this works,” the woman interrupted quickly. “Ms. Luthor is a very busy woman, and she has all sorts of callers who want to set up ‘unexpected meetings’ with her. Whether that would be to sell her something, or to simply meet her as a fan. If you want to meet with Ms. Luthor, I would suggest calling beforehand.”

With that, the woman went back to typing at her computer, clearly dismissing Maggie. Except, Maggie didn’t come all this way to get blown off. She really wished she had Lena’s number. Maybe she should have gotten it from Kara before coming here. Hell, she’d take just texting Kara. But, Maggie didn’t want to risk distracting Kara just in case Alex  _ had  _ actually found something at the Cadmus warehouse. Knowing Alex, she’d have found some sort of trouble to get herself in. It was one of her many talents. Not one that Maggie was really a fan of, but she couldn’t exactly complain what with her own uncanny ability to find herself in sticky situations.

They really made quite a pair.

Maggie shook herself out of her thoughts. Now wasn’t the time.

“I’m not a fan,” she said, only barely keeping her irritation from her voice. Really? “I’m here on personal business, just as I said. Kara Danvers was my contact with Ms. Luthor,” Maggie said firmly.

The secretary looked up from her screen again, eyes narrowed, and apparently not impressed by the name drop. “Ms. Danvers should have called on your behalf, then,” she answered evenly.

Maggie  _ really  _ wanted to lean over the desk and shake this woman by her jacket lapels. She really did. But, she had to keep her cool. This wasn’t her first rodeo, and it wasn’t as though she’s never encountered difficult people before. It was more of Alex’s style to physically threaten people to get her way. Maggie had more… finesse so to speak.

She smiled at the secretary, making sure to bring out her dimples. “Kara texted her personally. Please, I know you’re probably very busy, but I would very much appreciate it if you’d just ask Ms. Luthor is she was expecting me.”

Honestly, while she didn’t like to talk about them herself, Maggie was more than aware that her dimples could be weaponized. Every single girlfriend she’s ever had has mentioned them to her, and Alex  _ still  _ melted over them. Maggie had never  _ truly  _ understood how potent they could be until she saw them reflected right back at her on Elena’s face, but damn now that she did….

And just like everyone else Maggie has ever met and smiled at, the secretary paused, completely taken off guard. Maggie went in the for the kill.

She tilted her head to the side. “It’s really not for me. It’s a charity case Ms. Luthor is working on. She’s been privately sponsoring a little girl that’s in my care. I haven’t wanted to bring attention to her publicly, she’s really too small for any kind of fanfare that Ms. Luthor unfortunately seems to attract. It’s why I’ve had to stay in personal contact with her. Unfortunately, something urgent has come up.”

_ Technically,  _ that was kind of true. Elena wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Lena’s insemination project. Not that Maggie really liked to think about it that way, but if it got her past this damnable stubborn secretary, she’d take it.

And for a moment, it didn’t seem like the woman was going to relent. She was still eying Maggie suspiciously, but Maggie made sure to keep her pleasant expression on her face. She could win this woman over. Maggie’s done it countless times, it was how she got so much information from people out on the streets, after all.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, the secretary pressed a small button at her desk.

“Ms. Luthor, there’s a woman here who claims to have an off record meeting with you.”

“Ah, yes. Send her in, Jess, thank you.”

Maggie tried not to let her triumph bleed onto her face. Another successful infiltration. And she didn’t even need to beat someone up. One of these days, she was going to teach Alex how to do this without bodily harming someone. Sure, she didn’t expect Alex to ever be  _ friendly  _ towards complete strangers, but there was a degree of pleasantness between polite conversation and interrogating someone while choking them with a barstool.

She stepped into Lena’s office, noting that Lena was already seated at her desk. She was coolly watching Maggie step inside, and gestured calmly towards the chair in front of her rather large desk. Definitely a power play if Maggie ever saw one. Maggie wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of reacting to it.

“Detective Sawyer. I trust you’re not here to arrest me again,” Lena said as she regarded Maggie was guarded curiosity.

“Nope. This is a little more… personal,” Maggie said.

“You don’t strike me as the type to come to someone like me for personal advice,” Lena noted. “I’m very nearly a complete stranger to you. Interestingly, Kara did not explain what this meeting was supposed to be about. She was rather insistent, and wouldn’t explain any further.”

“She’s busy,” Maggie said.

Yep, definitely busy. Keeping her boneheaded sister from getting into too much trouble was bound to have tied up all of Kara’s attention. It’d be easier if she’d just tell Lena who she was at this point. Then there wouldn’t be any need to have clandestine meetings with her, and they could simply invite Lena to the DEO any time they needed to contract her for a case. Which happened too often for Maggie’s comfort, but the reality was that Lena was extremely intelligent and very useful.

It was hard to swallow that Lena  _ didn’t  _ recognize Kara in her Supergirl get up, though. All that intelligence, and she was apparently fooled by a ponytail and glasses. Sure, Maggie hadn’t seen it  _ immediately,  _ but damn. It didn’t take much to ferret out Kara’s mannerisms from Supergirl’s. Maybe Lena just didn’t  _ want  _ to see that her best friend was a superhero who often butted heads with her.

But that was none of Maggie’s business.

“Busy?” Lena asked. “She stopped answering my texts rather suddenly. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

Oh no. Maggie was  _ not  _ about to step in the middle of that. Whatever weird friendship Kara and Lena had between them was their business. Though, the question did get Maggie wondering if Lena was as clueless about her friend as previously thought….

“Nope. Probably some kind of job her boss sent her on,” Maggie shrugged. “Kara’s not why I’m here. This has more to do with Cadmus.”

Lena’s brows shot up in clear interest. It seemed Alex wasn’t the only person with parental baggage in Cadmus.

“Alright, Detective. I’m listening.”

“I need your help. We know that you’ve been working on something that would help couples unable to have their own biological children,” Maggie began.

“And how did you find that out? I’ve kept that project carefully underwraps. It’s a step up from cloning, Detective. Not something people would think I would use for the greater good, considering my family history,” Lena chuckled darkly.

“Pieces of your code were found in connection to a Kryptonian reproductive tank. A little girl was already inside. She was released a few days ago. Physically, she’s toddler aged, and completely normal mentally,” Maggie told her. “We suspect that Cadmus was trying to create super soldiers from your software, Krypton’s technology, and Supergirl’s stolen DNA.”

Lena steepled her fingers together and regarded Maggie silently for a moment. “I see. And this child is connected to you in what way? This seems a little too convoluted for an NCPD detective to approach me on her own. Agent Danvers isn’t with you?”

She ignored the barb. Maggie wasn’t interested in getting into any kind of pissing contests. It was likely that Lena was just trying to test her, but what with how quickly Maggie wanted to get this over with, she wasn’t willing to play any games. Which meant baldly explaining to Lena just what was going on. Not something Maggie relished.

“She’s our daughter,” Maggie said flatly.

Lena’s eyebrows shot almost to her hairline. It would have been impressive if it weren’t so embarrassing to have to explain.

“Your daughter?” She asked. “And… how did this happen?”

Maggie tried to keep her face from reddening. Ugh. This part of the story was going to be embarrassing no matter how she sliced it. Might as well just rip off the bandaid.

“The tank was already confiscated in a raid. Agent Danvers and I had some private time together while touching it, and it apparently took in our DNA instead of Supergirl’s. Probably in line with your original programming,” Maggie said stoically.

“You and Alex Danvers had a… dalliance while at work?” Lena asked, mildly amused.

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Yes. That’s not what’s really important.”

“No, there are several things about this that I find important. For starters, I noticed that you’ve conveniently not mentioned that this was a police investigation. Furthermore, I know of no active NCPD investigation into Cadmus or my mother from my contacts.”

Maggie’s eyes narrowed. Okay, so apparently while Lena was completely oblivious to Kara’s superhero identity, she did know—or suspect—the DEO existed. It was obvious from the way Lena was placidly staring her down.

But it wasn’t Maggie’s place to completely out the DEO. That was something J’onn was going to have to approve. Maggie wasn’t about to step over  _ that  _ line any time soon.

“The raid was conducted by law enforcement,” Maggie said lightly. “I wasn’t a part of it, but I did have access to the confiscated technology as liaison to the case.”

Lena gaze was sharp, but she didn’t press the issue, thankfully. “I see. What exactly do you need my help with, Detective? I have not spoken with my mother in months. I wouldn’t know where to find Cadmus anymore than you would.”

Maggie leaned forward. “Come on, Luthor. You and I both know that you don’t just leave your properties lying around for anyone to take. Cadmus got your project somehow. There’s a trail we can follow, and we need to go after it. For Elena’s sake.”

Lena also leaned forward. “Elena. This is the tank child? How certain are you that my mother hasn’t designed her into a weapon? I wouldn’t put anything past her.”

Maggie wouldn’t either, and the idea that Elena was designed more as a tool than a person was infuriating.

“We’ve tested for everything we could think of and then some,” Maggie said tightly. “There’s nothing to suggest that Elena isn’t anything other than an innocent kid caught up in all this. She didn’t choose to be an experiment. And I figured you of all people would understand that you can’t always judge someone by their circumstances.”

Lena leaned back and regarded Maggie’s words. “I’m not suggesting that anything should be done to the girl, Detective Sawyer. I’m suggesting that my mother shouldn’t be trusted to think of Elena as a child at all. I think it’s highly likely that she and Cadmus will come for her if they find out that a viable child was born from their experiments. I also think I should be allowed to look over her myself.”

Maggie’s eyes narrowed. “And why’s that?”

“Another person, another perspective. I could spot something that the DEO missed. I know my mother better than they do, and I know not to put  _ anything  _ past her. If you want to guarantee your daughter’s wellbeing, I think that this would be the best decision,” Lena explained.

Maggie looked out of one of the giant windows in Lena’s office. It overlooked the entire city, and from up here, it made everything below it seem small and farther away. It made her think that it would be nice if she could just convince Alex to take Elena and they could leave National City. Just until this blew over. Maggie trusted J’onn, Winn, and Kara. They could easily go after Cadmus without her and Alex. It wasn’t like her to want to withdraw from a fight. But, she was quickly realizing that she’d do anything if it meant keeping Elena safe.

Her life was never so simple, though.

“Fine,” Maggie finally agreed. “But let’s not pretend you’re also not interested in seeing the results of your project.”

“It’s interesting that you’ve brought up my past. I assure you, Detective that I know what it feels like to be a vulnerable child who may not understand what is happening around her,” Lena said as she raised her brows. “I originally started to develop this technology to help prospective parents conceive their own children who otherwise wouldn’t have had that option. It’s not as though I’m coldly regarding Elena as a means to an end. She’s instead a symbol of something that could make a lot of people very happy.”

Which sounded great and all, but Maggie would prefer her daughter to not be a symbol for anything. Whether that would be a terrorist regime or a scientific marvel. The kid deserved to grow up with none of this hanging over her.

“And I assure  _ you  _ that the only reason I’m letting you anywhere near her is to get your help,” Maggie growled out. “My kid  _ is not  _ a scientific experiment, Luthor. She’s terrified of ‘doctors’, and the second a single tear comes out is the second you’re gonna step back from her. You got that?”

“Well, then I suppose it is a good thing that I was going to help you regardless. I can think of a dozen different reasons why my mother would have stolen this project, and none of them are good. I’ll start looking into anyone who has worked on this particular project and who would have had access to the code. And then we will go from there.”

Lena stood up, and gestured for Maggie to follow her towards the door. “I’ll need someone to take me to the DEO, it’s not as though they advertise their address. Until then, Detective Sawyer, I trust you can walk yourself out?”

She hadn’t missed the earlier name drop. Lena  _ did  _ know about the DEO. Maggie was going to have to tell J’onn about this, undoubtedly he was going to be more than a little miffed about this. Again, it puzzled Maggie that Lena could apparently ferret out the fact that there was a secret, government organization in the middle of National City, but she couldn’t seem to spot that Kara and Supergirl shared the exact same eyebrow scar.

But that line of thought was for another time.

Maggie nodded and made her way out. That went as well as it could have. She and Lena Luthor were hardly friends, and barely acquaintances. And Maggie was  _ not  _ going to abide any misunderstandings over Lena’s access to Elena. It was a hard boundary that she wasn’t going to compromise on, and offending Lena was hardly on Maggie’s top list of current concerns.

No, aside from Elena, that would be Alex and her terrible decision making. The next time she saw Alex... well, it wasn’t going to be pleasant conversation. She hated that she had to be so hard on Alex at all. But apparently that was what it was going to take to try and get Alex to  _ look at what she was doing.  _ Over the course of Maggie’s history with Alex, she’s been content to allow Alex to come to proper conclusions on her own.

Things like her sexuality, for instance. That wasn’t something that could ever be rushed, and it was a very personal journey. And had Elena not been in the equation, Maggie would probably be working right with Alex this very moment, if only to watch her back. Parental baggage was something she understood intimately.

However there wasn’t any time to let Alex just stumble about in her own emotional turmoil. Maggie hated that Alex was hurting so much over this, she wished she could make it better, but there was someone they needed to put first. Maggie was going to get that through Alex’s hard head if it was the last thing she ever did.

She gave Jess a small wave, but the secretary only stared irritably at her. Maggie was hardly surprised. She imagined that working for Lena Luthor brought all kinds of scheduling hell. Walking right into her office unannounced probably set Lena’s schedule behind by a factor she didn’t even want to think about.

As she drove back to the DEO, Maggie pondered over her main issue. It was clear that she and Alex were not on the same page right now. They needed to be, Maggie  _ wanted  _ to be—with everything that was in her. Not just about the Jeremiah thing, but with Elena and… with each other. They hadn’t been able to talk to each other like they used to. Once upon a time, Alex would have probably vented to Maggie precisely  _ why  _ she was going about this as she was.

And that wasn’t happening. They were afraid to be honest with each other,  _ baldly  _ honest. Maybe that was the only way she was going to get through to Alex. To bring back their candid way of speaking to each other. Sure, they liked to flirt, and they loved teasing each other. Yet, when things had gotten  _ serious,  _ they’d always flatly display their feelings to each other and plainly explain what they were thinking.

Hadn’t they?

They  _ had,  _ before that night on the DEO balcony. Maggie could remember several occasions, and it had made their relationship stronger each time. Until they’d gotten engaged. No…, until Alex had convinced her to invite her father to the wedding. She’d framed it as Maggie getting closure, but Maggie hadn’t  _ needed  _ closure, not really. She’d come to that conclusion when her father had left, for the last time, but it wasn’t as though Maggie would have been incapable of coming to that same exact conclusion she’d reached at that damn bus stop if he’d never shown back up in her life at all. It might have taken longer, but she’d have gotten there.

She realized now that Alex had been projecting. Her father hadn’t thrown her away, as though she’d meant nothing to him. No, Jeremiah had been  _ taken  _ from her, and Maggie knew that Alex would give just about anything to get him back. Her current behavior was proof enough as it was. She failed to take into account that Maggie’s relationship with  _ her  _ parents was entirely untenable, and there was no going back. Alex was able to patch up her rocky relationship with her mother, and her father had a chance of coming back into her life alive and rehabilitated.

_ A chance. _

Absently, Maggie noted that Jeremiah has been getting in between them for quite some time. Personally and symbolically.

_ Why,  _ though? What was Alex’s hang-up, here?

As she parked in the DEO’s garage, Maggie came to the conclusion that she was going to have to ferret that out from  _ Alex  _ herself. Until she did, nothing could be truly repaired between them. Maggie had come around on Elena, that was no longer an issue between them. Not that Alex realized that yet, and Maggie just couldn’t  _ tell  _ her because she refused to stay still long enough to listen to her. It all went back to Alex’s habit of running off and shutting people out when she perceived a danger to her family.

No… when she thought she  _ failed  _ her family.

She’d ‘broken up’ with Maggie that time when Kara had been stuck on the slaver’s moon. Thinking she’d been spending too much time with Maggie and not paying enough attention to Kara. Kara who was a fully grown, adult woman who could handle herself. Granted, she’d needed Alex’s help to get off that moon, and Maggie wasn’t about to begrudge her that, but that still didn’t mean that Alex needed to put her whole life on hold for her sister. She never should have been in that position to begin with, but now that they were adults, there was even less reason for Alex to cut off her nose to spite her face.

In Jeremiah’s case, Alex had caught up to him in the woods. When he’d leveraged his own life against her desire to bring him in. When he put that impossible decision in  _ Alex’s  _ hands. As if he hadn’t been capable of stepping away from Cadmus in that very moment and turning himself in.  _ When he did that,  _ Maggie wondered if Alex perceived that as a personal failure. She’d gone out to capture her father, and he’d turned that mission around on her. Ultimately culminating in  _ yet another _ failed mission to bring him home even after that, which also hadn’t been Alex’s fault. Jeremiah could have made the choice not to help kidnap those aliens in the first place.

It was as though she refused to regard her adult family members as making choices of their own free will. Or that she was unable to separate her desire to  _ help  _ protect them with an all consuming sense of responsibility. That wasn’t something Maggie could help her with overnight. Clearly, it was the root of Alex’s issues, but she did concede that there was no fixing it immediately.

No. She was going to have to put in a stop measure temporarily.

Because there was  _ one  _ family member she had who she  _ was  _ directly responsible for. And if Alex was going to wallow in her perceived responsibilities… well, it was high time that Maggie reminded her there was someone she was in danger of  _ actually failing. _

Maggie slammed the SUV door harder than was probably necessary, but damn if she wasn’t frustrated. Alex was due for some tough love, just like she’d given Maggie only a few days ago. They’d spent too long hiding their  _ real  _ thoughts and opinions from each other. Too afraid of not getting what they truly wanted if they took too big a risk. And both of them not realizing that they were the only people standing in the way of their own happiness.

She was sick of it. Kiss the girls you want to kiss, ride or die, what had happened to those things? When had Maggie allowed herself to become so passive? To just sit and take something instead of standing up for what she  _ wanted? _

Well, she was putting a stop to all of that.

_ Today. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my personal opinion that Alex is the way that she is because she was given so much responsibility at too early an age. Eliza piled at lot of pressure on her shoulders, and that pressure left behind some scars. Because their entire family couldn't exactly get counseling, we see the affects of Jeremiah's loss in even adult Alex. It's not something that would just disappear in time. In fact, it probably got worse. After Eliza stopped and realized what she was doing, it's not as though Alex could suddenly breath again. At that point, she would be putting pressure to take care of Kara, to be the strong and big sister, to keep the world safe, be the best she possibly could be, all of that would be the pressure she is now putting on herself. And it's very hard to shake these personal demons, and learn how to love yourself. For all the discussions that Alex and Kara had in S3 for Kara to love herself, Alex doesn't really know how to take her own advice.
> 
> Which is what Maggie's realizing. She's also on the warpath though. It might be that the chapter I've been looking forward to the most to write is coming very, VERY soon. I'm not sure if this is 'next chapter' soon, it's going to depend on some other factors going on in the plot. But... Soon(TM).


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several people try to force Alex to come to her senses. But it might just be too late for Alex to realize the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unofficially, this chapter is called, "The One that Will Give Everyone Emotional Whiplash."
> 
> Now, please excuse me while I flee the country.

Alex stared at her slides with great interest. These blood draws of the… alien were a thing to behold. She’d never seen anything like it. And that was just it, the alien wasn’t really an  _ alien.  _ And he wasn’t human, either. He was some kind of hybrid of the two. Or three. Alex could see more than two genetic markers in his samples that suggested this wasn’t a simple combination of two different DNA sequences.

Not that combining the DNA of two different species of sentient organisms was even  _ remotely  _ simple, but Cadmus was apparently outdoing even themselves. Alex was actually glad that her mother was here today. Despite the disapproving looks she was getting from across the lab, having Eliza here was proving to be a massive boon. If there was one person on this Earth that Alex trusted more than herself with alien biochemistry, it was her mother.

But that expertise came at a price.

“What exactly were you looking to prove by running off by yourself?” Her mother asked.

If Alex deigned to look up from her microscope, she’d probably catch her mother’s glowering frown. It was a sight Alex was  _ more than  _ used to seeing. Granted, she hadn’t been on the receiving end of her mother’s disapproval in awhile. Something that Alex was willing to give Eliza some credit for. However, that didn’t mean she forgot what it was like all the same. She’d been her mother’s target for a long time.

“Nothing,” Alex said as she switched slides. “How’s the sequencer doing? I want to know which species this alien hybrid was made out of.”

“You worried everyone here,” Eliza continued. “How could you be so careless?”

Careless?

Alex looked up, and matched her mother’s glare with her own. “I know what I’m doing. Whether you like it or not, I’ve been an active field agent for a  _ long time.  _ We all can’t be Supergirl, but I can hold my own.”

Eliza shook her head. “This isn’t about your  _ sister.  _ This is about  _ you.  _ I know I’ve been terrible at telling you this over the years, but your safety is just as important as Kara’s. And don’t pretend that your operations with the DEO have been solo efforts. You’ve always had a team behind you, just like Kara has. You’ve both kept each other safe by working  _ together.” _

“And she was spying on me along with J’onn the whole time. So, I don’t know what you’re so upset about,” Alex said dismissively as she tried to get back to the task at hand. The sooner she could get an idea of how Cadmus was doing this, the sooner she could get Winn working on tracking down any known technology that would be capable of repeating this project.

“I think you do know,” Eliza countered flatly. “You’re just trying to avoid the fact that you’ve made a mistake.”

Alex was quickly growing fed up with this line of conversation. Maybe it  _ was  _ a mistake to include her mother in this project. If Eliza was going to sit there and lecture her all damn day, Alex would have prefered if she just left her to it.

“Alright,” Alex said angrily as she met her mother’s eye. “Why don’t you just let it all out. List every way I disappointed you today so we can get this over with.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Alexandra, this isn’t about me being  _ disappointed  _ in you!” Eliza exclaimed. “This is about me being  _ terrified  _ about you!”

That only got Alex’s hackles to rise even further. Just what was her mother getting at? “Right, you’ve made it clear that you don’t think I can get anything done without Kara.”

Eliza opened her mouth, face reddened in anger, but the words caught in her throat as she rubbed at her forehead. Alex didn’t know what her problem was, but maybe her mother hasn’t quite moved on from her criticisms and high standards like Alex hoped she had.

“Alex, you have  _ always  _ been great at everything you’ve ever set your mind to,” Eliza started again, this time with a forced calm. “Kara is not behind your successes at your job, I’ve said before that you’ve both looked after each other in equal measures. But you know who else was fantastic at their job and knew what they were doing? Your father.”

Alex clenched her jaw. She  _ did not  _ want to get into a conversation about her father. Especially with Eliza. That was just too much for her right now.

“I don’t want to talk about him right now, Mom,” she said tightly.

“We’re having this conversation, Alex. If only because I know you’ll avoid it for as long as possible if we don’t,” Eliza snapped back. “You don’t seem to understand that I don’t want to lose you to Cadmus any more than I lost your father. They took him from us, and now they might just take you too because you’re absolutely  _ determined  _ to make terrible decisions! That organization has been obsessed with our family from the very beginning, and you’re all but  _ trying  _ to hand yourself over to them!”

“I get it! You and everyone else have already decided that I don’t know what I’m doing, and that Dad is a lost cause! You’ve all made that clear! But I’m not going to give up on him,” Alex said fiercely.

“And you can’t seem to understand that your father is just that. He’s your  _ father.  _ He is supposed to be the one who protects  _ you,  _ not other way around! He’s actively placed you in positions that have put you in danger. I don’t care if you’re grown now, that  _ is not  _ acceptable to me. If nothing else, that is the reason why I have been extremely upset with your father. He is not acting like the man I married, and he’s certainly not the man who I decided to have children with. You have Elena now, Alex. Answer me this, is there  _ any  _ situation where you would put her in danger? Any at all? No matter how old she gets?”

“That is  _ not  _ the same!” Alex said hotly.

“Why not?”

“This is my  _ job.  _ I signed up for this! I know the risks!”

“You signed up to chase after your father after he knowingly betrayed you and risked your life?” Eliza asked dubiously. “No one could possibly have predicted this.”

“Exactly! It’s like you’re blaming him for being kidnapped! I know you gave up on him a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean I have to!”

“I don’t understand why you refuse to see what’s actually happening,” Eliza exclaimed. “He’s not the same man who disappeared while you were fourteen. I mourned that man, and I had to accept that he was never coming back. I had to pick up the pieces of my life and try my best to raise you and Kara by myself. That was never supposed to happen either. None of this was supposed to happen. But it  _ did,  _ and now we need to accept that things  _ are never  _ going to go back to the way they were. You expect to save his life, to get him back, and for all of us to go back to being a family again. That can’t happen, Alex! He’s not my husband anymore, I don’t know who he is, and he doesn’t know who I am any longer.  _ Fifteen years  _ have gone by, and while he was off doing who the hell knows what as a  _ terrorist,  _ I was doing my best to keep you girls  _ safe.  _ To raise you into people you could be proud of!”

“So what, you blame him then? For not being there?” Alex asked, not believing what she was hearing. Was this really what her mother kept locked away? How on earth could she blame Jeremiah for getting  _ kidnapped? _

“I DO!” Eliza shouted out. “I do. At some point, he clearly got enough freedom to move on his own power. And he never took that opportunity  _ to come home.  _ Instead he stayed with  _ them,  _ and left us to our own devices! And you know what, I know I didn’t do as well as I could have, taking care of you girls, but I did the best I damn well could. It wasn’t good enough, I was too hard on you for too long, and maybe that’s why you can’t seem to grasp what’s actually happening around you right now. But I also know that I can’t forgive Jeremiah. You’re right. He was kidnapped, he was probably tortured, and he was likely brainwashed. But none of those things erase what he’s done to help people who have gone out of their way to hurt  _ our daughters.  _ In my mind, that is what this all comes down to. I can forgive a lot of things, but I can’t forgive him hurting you. I don’t care what kind of hell they put him through, we both made promises as  _ your parents  _ to always protect you. He’s broken those promises, and I can’t look him the same way I used to because of it.”

There were times when Alex felt like she wanted to throw things. This was one of them. Hearing very explicitly that Eliza  _ blamed  _ her father for so many things was too much. She was here, trying to convince Alex of not seeing things clearly, when she was all but saying that she refused to accept that Jeremiah was  _ brainwashed.  _ For all they knew, he could be a completely different man  _ because  _ of Cadmus. It was  _ their fault  _ he was like this, and trying to blame him for that was just… beyond what Alex could accept.

But, before she could really tear into her mother, Alex felt a small pull at her jeans.

“Mommy? Yous and Gamma mad?” Elena’s small voice asked hesitantly from beside her.

Alex very nearly jumped out of her skin. How did… they were in a sealed lab, Elena should have never been able to walk in here on her own.

“How did you get in here?” She asked, as she lifted Elena up.

“I miss you,” Elena said and hugged herself into Alex’s neck.

Well, that answered  _ why,  _ but not how. Alex did feel guilty too. She didn’t know how long she’d been at this. She’d gotten back from the warehouse probably a few hours ago, and had been analyzing alien samples ever since.

“Mag mad, yous and Gamma mad. Why everyone mad?” Elena asked tearily.

Maggie was mad too? Alex didn’t want to deflate at the thought, but she did. She knew that no one was on her side here, but it was more than a little discouraging to basically have that confirmed. No one seemed to see Alex’s position in all this, and it was exhausting. She was the only person trying to put her family back together, and no one realized that it was  _ right in front of them.  _ They only needed to reach out and take it back. From Cadmus. If there was one thing her mother was right about,  _ Cadmus  _ had taken Jeremiah from them. And Alex was determined to take him back.

But Alex had a clearly upset toddler on her hands. She hated it. She just wanted her family safe and happy, but it seemed like everyone was miserable. If they’d only just  _ work  _ with her, then Alex could probably get this all put behind them. Instead, they were trying to convince her to  _ give up.  _ That wasn’t going to happen.

“We’re not mad, baby,” Alex tried to reassure her. “We’re just… loudly talking.”

The look her mother sent her let Alex know that this wasn’t the most creative way to explain their argument. Even Elena pulled back from her neck to look at her dubiously.

“Yous was shoutin,” Elena said with a frown.

Alex sighed. Elena was very smart for her age, and she didn’t want to lie to her. “We’re just upset about something. It’s fine, we’ll be okay.”

Elena didn’t seem like she believed this either, but at least didn’t press the issue.

“I want more hungy,” she announced instead.

It was about time for dinner. Alex was still perplexed about  _ how  _ Elena found herself in the lab. It was supposed to be sealed, and was probably the only reason why Maggie hadn’t found her yet to give Alex a piece of  _ her mind.  _ That was another conversation she wasn’t looking forward to. It wasn’t as though Maggie could make her position any more clear. She didn’t trust Alex’s father. Alex didn’t know how she was going to deal with that, but it was more than clear that she and Maggie were at odds here.

For the first time in a long time. The last time Alex could really remember was their very first meeting.

“Elena, how did you get in here?” Alex asked her, preferring to focus on what was in front of her.

“I wan to see you,” Elena told her.

Okay, but that still didn’t explain anything. The sudden appearance of her _very_ young daughter in an off-limits bio-lab was something she wanted to get to the bottom of, if only to figure out if the DEO had a serious security breach. Elena could easily hurt herself in here.

“I missed you too,” Alex said, and she did. Maybe Kara had been right, it was much harder to pull her marathon lab sessions now that she had Elena. There was this whole other person Alex had to think of, who wouldn’t understand why her mother was away from her for so long. Alright, so maybe that was something Alex could agree with. She needed to work on her work/life balance.

“But I just want to know how you  _ got in,”  _ Alex emphasized. “Did you open the door? Follow someone in?”

Elena seemed puzzled by the question, as if she didn’t understand what Alex was asking. “I wan you,” she repeated. “So I’s here.”

Whatever the case, it seemed Elena wasn’t going to be able to answer Alex’s question. Eliza held out her hands. “Here, I’ll get her something to eat while you figure out how she breached the security system.”

Her mother still didn’t seem to be happy with Alex, but if she was willing to drop this for now, Alex was more than happy letting her. She handed Elena over with a terse nod, fully conscious of the fact that Elena was watching them both inquisitively. The kid was like a little sponge.

“Yous come soon?” Elena asked hopefully.

Alex smiled at her. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a little bit. I just need to take care of something real quick.”

Elena pouted for a moment, but relented. Alex was going to make sure this was quick. Elena really had missed her, and Alex didn’t want to become one of those parents who put their job before their kids at every opportunity. There would be enough times where the DEO would have to take precedence during emergencies for Alex to do that on her own.

Eliza left with her daughter, and Alex got to work. She and Eliza had been the only two in the lab when Elena had interrupted them. However, there  _ had  _ been several lab techs who had been going in and out during their sample testing.

They were probably the breach. The techs could get complacent, just like any of the rookie agents in the DEO, and Alex was  _ more  _ than used to having to scare them into shape. It helped that her fears of Elena getting into something dangerous fueled her Agent Danvers persona.

Alex was more than aware of her effect on the younger agents.

“Carlson, Thompson!” Alex barked out to two techs who were chatting to each other. Both were hugging mugs of coffee to themselves.

Thompson had been on the end of Alex’s anger before, and so while she snapped to attention, she wasn’t particularly ruffled. Carlson on the other hand practically jumped out of his skin and spilled some of his coffee on his shirt.

“Ma’am!” Thompson responded.

“What the  _ hell  _ do you both think you’re doing not following proper lab procedures?” Alex growled out. “I just had a  _ toddler  _ get into the bio-hazard labs without tripping a single alarm! I want some answers  _ yesterday,  _ agents!”

Thompson seemed taken aback, while Carlson was still hissing at the heat from his coffee and wiping himself off.

“Ma’am? I… I don’t remember doing anything differently,” she said in confusion.

“Really,” Alex deadpanned, eyes narrowed and staring her techs down. They honestly looked like they were about to faint.

“Danvers!”

This time it was Alex’s turn to jump. Oh. The one person she’d been trying to avoid right now.

The techs took their chance and fled, leaving Alex to deal with one very angry Maggie Sawyer.

“Sawyer,” Alex answered, as coolly as she possibly could. There was no reason she needed to feel guilty. Alex hadn’t done anything wrong. Even if everyone else wasn’t able to see what she was doing, Alex’s mind and goals were clear. Maggie didn’t have to agree with her, Alex was going to do what she had to do regardless.

Maggie’s glare was cutting, and Alex had to keep herself from wincing instinctively. Really, she didn’t  _ enjoy  _ being on the other side of Maggie’s anger, but she wasn’t going to be intimidated either.

“What the hell, Danvers?” Maggie demanded. “We turn our backs on you for  _ one moment,  _ and you run off like a damn teenager sneaking out to her first party.”

“I’m not looking for a lecture, Maggie,” Alex ground out. “You and just about everyone else have tried to lay one on me. I’m not a kid, I can make my own decisions.”

Maggie looked like she wanted to argue that last point. She looked like she wanted to get into a fight that would rival their very last arguments about their wedding planning. Except this argument was hardly funny, and very real. But, interestingly, she took in a deep breath, and took a step back.

“Alex, I want to be honest with you.”

Alex could feel her brow crinkle. Honest? Wasn’t Maggie  _ already  _ being honest with her? Her disapproval couldn’t be more clear.

“Look. I know he’s your dad. I know you’re trying to save him. You might even be right, and he can’t control his actions. I don’t know. No one does,” Maggie started tiredly. “But what I do know is that he’s a  _ grown man.  _ And we have someone else we need to think about.”

“He’s not going to hurt her,” Alex said through gritted teeth. “I know that.”

“Maybe you’re right about that too!” Maggie said as she threw her hands up. “But what about Cadmus? You’re so caught up with doing right by your dad that you’re not thinking of  _ Elena.  _ They could find out about her at any time.  _ They  _ could be looking to hurt her. We don’t know. And with you running off and doing who knows what, that leaves Elena with one less person to look out for her. We need to  _ put her first.  _ She can’t defend herself the way your dad can.”

“I’m not ignoring her, Maggie!” Alex exclaimed.

“Sure seems like you are,” Maggie noted, almost casually, and that was what infuriated Alex.

“I’m her  _ mother.  _ I’m the one who took her in, no questions asked, I’m trying to make sure that her life is filled with a family who loves her, and I’m the one who has gone all in!”

Maggie’s entire demeanor hardened. “What are you trying to get at, Danvers?”

“You’re all acting like I have to choose,” Alex hissed out. “We can keep them both safe. There’s no reason why that can’t be the case. We’ve  _ saved the world  _ several times over. And yet you all think that my dad is hopeless. I’m the only one who hasn’t given up. And out of the two of us, I’m the one who’s been honest with Elena. I haven’t tried to hide who I really am to her.”

“And none of that means  _ anything  _ if you can’t put that honesty to good use!” Maggie shouted. “You can be her mother in name, that’s great and all. But you and I both know that it doesn’t have to mean  _ shit.  _ My parents can still be my parents. Doesn’t mean they aren’t terrible people who  _ failed  _ to do what was right. And that’s what you’re doing! You’re  _ failing  _ Elena with all of this bullshit you’re pulling. The kid might not call me ‘mom’ but she sure as hell knows she can come running to me when she’s upset that you’re gone. She practically  _ glues  _ herself to me! And that’s  _ great.  _ I don’t mind. If anything, I’m glad. She might not know I’m her mom, but I sure as hell  _ am  _ her mother!”

Alex felt her mind go blank for a moment. Wait. What was Maggie saying here? It sounded  _ so close  _ to the thing Alex wanted most. That she, Maggie, and Elena could all be a family together. Maggie would tell Elena who she really was, and they could all move on from this and be together like they were meant to be. She never thought she’d hear Maggie actually come close to that wish.

And Maggie jumped all over Alex’s surprise. “I’m gonna ignore you being an ass right now. I know you’re upset, and after this if you really want us to be together, you’re going to have to see a damn therapist, Danvers, because this is getting ridiculous. But what I  _ really  _ want is for you to get your head out of your ass and look at what’s actually going here. Your dad? We have no idea if he’s even on our side. But Elena and I? We’re  _ here,”  _ Maggie said forcefully. “We’re right in front of you!  _ I’m  _ here! I want to be here. For all of it. Ride or die, be the family we want to be, I want all of it. Elena doesn’t scare me anymore, she’s  _ my kid,  _ and it’s high time she knew that.”

“Maggie, you… you want to—“ Alex couldn’t even finish the thought. This wasn’t what she was expecting. She’d been expecting Maggie to tell her she was being stupid—which she kind of was—but this was… something else. Something more.

“I want to be  _ us  _ again. I’m not going to let you walk away this time. Not from this. From  _ her.  _ I asked you once if you really wanted to give up on us. What we had. We had something  _ real  _ together, and we can have that again. Something even  _ better  _ now that we have Elena. And chasing after a ghost, leaving the kid behind for who knows how long, risking your life, chancing getting captured just like he did? All of that is walking away in some form, Alex. Please don’t put yourself in that position. You have a  _ family  _ now.”

Maggie’s eyes were suspiciously wet, and Alex wasn’t doing much better. It was here. What Alex had been wanting with  _ every  _ part of her heart was being placed right in front of her. She couldn’t believe it was happening.

She… she also couldn’t believe that she could see that… maybe Maggie had a point. Alex still didn’t want to give up on her father. They could still save him. But… maybe there was a way to do it that didn’t involve chasing after him on her own, and risking making Elena suffer from the same loss Alex had when she was a kid.

“I’m sorry,” Alex finally said. “I know I haven’t been handling all this as well as I could have.”

Maggie’s brow rose.

“Okay,” Alex grumbled. “I’ve handled this terribly. I just… I’ve felt like I was alone in all this, so I just… did everything on my own. You were on my side last time, and losing you, Kara, J’onn, everyone else. I guess it all just… made me fly off the handle.”

“You didn’t lose anyone, Alex,” Maggie said and shook her head. “We’ve all been here the whole time. We’ve just been trying to tell you to take this  _ slowly.  _ And to be careful. Your dad went through something horrible, we all get that. And I’m sure Kara and your mom missed him just as much as you do. But… they both can admit that he might not be the same person they knew. It’s easy to change in fifteen years, and he’s probably been  _ forced to.  _ None of us are saying that he’d be doing anything on purpose. It’s just that no matter  _ why  _ he might do something… it doesn’t matter. Only that he  _ did.  _ We need to be careful.”

Alex sighed. That was… reasonable too. She hated to admit that she sort of went crazy over all of this. Elena flat out told her she missed Alex, and Alex barely even acknowledged that. She felt guilty over it too. How much had she missed her own father over the years? And here Alex was, trading the opportunity to parent Elena like she was supposed to in favor of… blindly chasing her father with zero leads and with a ton of risks.

It was official.

Alex was an idiot.

“I’m sorry for saying that you’ve been lying to Elena too,” Alex said, with more than a little shame filtering into her body. “I know this has been hard on you, and you went at your own pace. I—Maggie, you… you really want to do this? With me?” Alex asked hopefully.

Maggie words were  _ really  _ sinking in. They could be  _ together. With Elena.  _ That was more than Alex probably should have hoped for when she first found Elena, yet here they were.

“Ride or die,” Maggie said with a wide smile.

And Alex couldn’t stop herself. Hell, she didn’t want to.

She grabbed Maggie by her jacket lapels and pulled her right over. All of it, it felt as though nothing had ever stopped. As though Maggie had never walked out of Alex’s apartment with the intention of not coming back. Maggie’s lips were soft and gentle. Just like they’d been when she came to Alex’s apartment with that pizza, beer, and a speech to remember.

Maggie wound her arms around Alex’s neck and held her just as tightly. Slowly, the kiss ramped up in intensity, and it began to feel like Alex would burn up from the emotions running wild throughout her entire body. It all almost felt like a cliché, the sense of home and belonging running rampant through her mind.

But, Maggie was right.

This is what it felt like to be happy.

Which meant that the universe just  _ had  _ to overhear her.

Alarms and sirens ripped them apart from each other. Agents started to burst out of the woodwork to respond to the disturbance, J’onn’s voice over the DEO intercom ordering agents to respond to several breaches throughout the building.

Chaos descended upon them, but Alex had a horrible, bad feeling about this. And one traded look with Maggie told her that she felt the same.

They scarcely had any time take in the fact that their moment was gone. Instead, it seemed the hallway was collapsing around them as Cadmus agents breached through the wall beside them. There was only one black-ops, militaristic organization ballsy enough to attack the DEO in broad daylight. Alex instinctively tackled Maggie to the ground and covered her with her own body. Debris fell all around them, some of it painfully striking Alex’s body. Damn, she was going to be sore in the morning.

Voices shouted out all around them. Some of them, Alex recognized as fellow agents. The rest clearly didn’t belong. Maggie was already squirming from underneath her, and Alex rolled off of her. Quickly, much more quickly than Alex probably gave her credit for, Maggie was on her feet, and had unholstered her service pistol. Shots were fired from all around them, the chaos was nearly overwhelming.

But Alex had been in worse spots, and she wasn’t going to let Maggie face these invaders on her own. Painfully, Alex dragged herself up to her feet, and pulled her own weapon out. They made quick work of the Cadmus agents around them. Maggie’s pistol barking into the air, and Alex’s alien gun lighting the hallway up in neon blue lights with each shot she fired.

The cries of pain from Cadmus personnel and Alex’s fellow agents were almost as deafening as the alarm going off throughout the building. Maggie and Alex were the only people left standing, and the hallway grew eerily silent.

“What the hell was that?” Maggie asked breathlessly.

Alex didn’t know, but it couldn’t have been anything good. Why was Cadmus attacking? Were they trying to get the alien hybrid back?

But before she could begin to figure out what was going on, Alex felt something  _ smash  _ right into her. Again throwing her already sore body to the floor. A figure was standing above her, all clad in black and masked. It was humanoid, and it was pointing some kind of gun shaped object right at her.

“False match,” it rasped out.

Where the hell had this thing come from?

“Alex!” Maggie shouted, and fired at her attacker.

But the figure  _ vanished  _ before any of Maggie’s shots could land.

And then reappeared instantly at right next to Maggie. It ripped Maggie’s pistol right from her grasp and threw it down the hallway.

“Wrong. False match,” it said as it pointed the gun thing at Maggie in turn.

And then it promptly vanished all over again.

What the  _ hell? _

Alex got up all over again, with a groan. Forget about tomorrow. Her entire body was already protesting its treatment.

“Are you okay?” Maggie asked urgently. “We need to find the others. Find out if they’re okay. Where’s the kid?”

What was that… person looking for? Apparently, it could teleport, probably another of Cadmus’s alien hybrids. This one with a set mission, it seemed. The gun thing hadn’t been a weapon. It was  _ measuring  _ something. Something that triggered a false positive against  _ both  _ herself and Maggie. Why would that happen? What kind of parameters was it looking for?

There was only one thing that matched her  _ and  _ Maggie’s biometrics….

_ “Elena.  _ This way!” Alex shouted, and quickly lead them towards the cafeteria. Her mother had taken Elena to get something to eat. If that hybrid could find Alex and Maggie with that ray thing, then it could find Elena….

As they sprinted for the mess hall, even more signs of the Cadmus invasion presented themselves. There were several compromised walls, and unconscious or—even worse—bleeding agents on the floor. There was no time to administer aid. Alex should have been  _ with them. _

She skidded to a halt at the broken down cafeteria doors, her heart already shattering.

“Lizzy, Lizzy, are you okay?”

Her father was  _ here.  _ In the DEO. During the middle of a suspected Cadmus invasion.

Alex wanted to vomit.

Jeremiah was helping Eliza up from the floor, her forehead already bruised and bleeding.

“What? Jeremiah? Why are you—? What did you  _ do? Where is she?”  _ Eliza exclaimed.

Numbly, Alex entered, Maggie right behind her, but she barely registered that. The world around her almost didn’t seem real. Her worst fears coming to life straight out of a nightmare.

“I don’t know. They took her. I was trying to stop them,” her father was saying.

“You knew?” Alex asked, her voice seemed so far away, even to herself. “You knew they were coming. And… and you didn’t say anything.”

“Alex,” Jeremiah looked haggard and unkempt, but he also seemed dismayed that she was here. “I was trying to help. I wanted—“

“That’s why you appeared in the park, isn’t it?” Alex demanded. “Did you tell them about her?”

“No! I didn’t, this isn’t what it looks like,” Jeremiah argued. “Alex, honey, I was only trying to help.”

_ They took her. _

“But you  _ knew they were coming!”  _ Alex shouted, desperation already flooding into her system.

Where?  _ Where  _ did they take her?

“I was only trying to protect you. I didn’t want you caught up in all of this. I thought it would be better—“

There was no thought behind Alex’s actions. Her hand was throbbing, and Jeremiah was on the floor, completely laid out.

Maggie had already placed herself between them, hands on Alex’s shoulders, mouth moving, but Alex couldn’t hear what she was saying.

Because there was only one thing that made sense to her right now.

Elena was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Recorder starts playing*
> 
> Ahem. So. This chapter's AN.... Well, let's just start from the top. Lord knows a lot happened here.
> 
> I feel like Eliza and Alex's argument is a conversation they both need to have. Here, Eliza is actually using her parental disapproval for good, in my opinion. She's messed up a lot when it comes to being hard on Alex, but this time I'd say it's warranted. Our girl just needs tough love. As for Eliza's actual position, I think it's fair to say that she has some very conflicted feelings over her former husband. I've said before that I like to see Eliza and Jeremiah through a lens that portrays them as a real couple who went through the utmost tragedy when it comes to their relationship. I still like switching their roles with Alex and Maggie to try and get some real emotions from Eliza. The show likes to portray her as this... rather passive rider in the Jeremiah storyline. Which is weird as hell. But that is a rant I've written before. Her portrayal here is meant more to highlight just what would be the point where she wouldn't be able to forgive him for something? At what point would Alex or Maggie wouldn't be able to forgive something the other did? In Eliza's case, I can't see her being very forgiving of his actions towards Alex and Kara. No matter Jeremiah's reasoning, she views their daughters' safety as paramount, and no amount of brainwashing excuses the dangers he's put them both in, in her mind.
> 
> Alex, of course, does not see it this way. She's got a rather black and white view of the matter, and ironically does not see the nuance that is really there. Eliza doesn't really want *harm* to come to Jeremiah. She just can't be married to him any longer. She doesn't hate him, she's angry with him. And sometimes, relationships just can't be repaired. This is something the show is not able to really get into. Likely due to time constraints. But really, Eliza and Jeremiah's relationship has perhaps the most potential for drama and emotion in the entire show, simply because of their history.
> 
> And then there's Alex and Maggie. It happened. The scene. The one where Maggie just... she's here. She's Ride or Die, Love the Family She Wants to Love, in it to win it, she put all her cards on the table. And finally got through to her boneheaded... girlfriend? I don't know how they really want to define each other now. They didn't get a lot of time to process after all. In this part of the chapter, I've always pictured Alex as shellshocked. And then the Surprised Pikachu meme came out this past year and perfectly encapsulated Alex's reaction here. Finally, after thousands of words, these two get to be the relationship they want to be. They get to be a family with Elena, just like they both secretly wanted all along. Also, I did totally go for the cheesy title drop in that speech. Something Real is named after a paraphrased Maggie quote during their last night together, after all. Sanvers deserves its cheesy happy ending, dammit.
> 
> Oh, but that pesky universe. It just had to intervene. Don't worry, no harm will come to small toddlers in the making of this fic. Besides box juice deprivation, that is. If anything, perhaps we should pity Cadmus. They have no idea what kind of hell they've unleashed upon themselves....
> 
> *End of recording.*


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